I don't think you can say he "moved on without thinking of the consequences of getting Eva pregnant such as how she will survive without money", since Eric did steal (or "borrow"
from his father to give her money, which showed he cared or, at least, thought about the consequences.
Moving on, an introduction and conclusion would be good for every essay.
Also check you are writing quotes properly - it's "half shy, half assertive", not "half shy and assertive".
Your language is a bit too colloquial - e.g. "closed book" and "joined the dots" (and btw the common metaphor is supposed to be 'connect' the dots, not join lol)
Your second paragraph is honestly completely unneeded - you begin talking about he is 'immature' but the next 5 sentences had nothing to do with it, and the rest of the paragraph was loosely based on it. I don't really get the crux of the second paragraph since you leap around too much, even going to include an out of the blue Inspector quote and going into the "inspector's key role" when it's an essay about Eric (and btw Inspector should be capitalised xD). The only impression I got from reading this paragraph is that Eric is presented as immature to a) lift the tension of the readers, and b) "makes a readers laugh despite the troubling situation". Not overly important imo. You could've talked about a lot more interesting places with Eric in the play: his early quarrel with his dad when it is revealed that Mr. Birling knew Eva and fired her (which Eric disagreed with), Eric and his mother when Eric finds out that Mrs. Birling unwittingly threw him under the bus as she tells the Inspector that the father of Eva's child is to be blamed, and finally Eric and his parents near the end of the play as they revel in the supposed falsehood of the Inspector whilst Eric (and Sheila) attempt to convince their parents that there are still lessons to be learned, to name a few examples.
Your last paragraph is actually much better, but overall in the essay I don't feel you quoted well enough nor enough times, where a good quote would be a relevant one that you could actually talk about/analyse.
I know I only talked about the negatives, but there are good things too. The post above mine gave you some places you did well; but I don't necessarily think you have showed a 'thorough knowledge' of the play like Anika said, simply due to you claiming that Eric didn't think about the monetary consequences for Eva, when in fact he did, by giving her money so she could cope. You probs have a good knowledge of the play, therefore, not a 'thorough' one. Also I slightly disagree about your writing having structure, as you have neither an intro nor conclusion, and that middle paragraph is a bit too all over the place. Your writing certainly does have 'a flow' - which made it easy for you to get carried away sometimes and slip into a narrative, where you story-tell instead of essay-write!!!
One amazing thing you do, imo, is that you interweave quotes really well in your normal writing. So for example take this sentence you wrote: 'and told Eva to
“go and look for the father of the child”.' This sentence would make sense even if there were no quotation marks (i.e. 'and told Eva to go and look for the father of the child'
. This give your writing the good kind of flow. Your quotes are therefore well embedded and that's actually really difficult to do; a lot of people introduce quotes by saying something like this:
'this is shown by how Mrs Birling said this quote: "go and look for the father of the child."
As you can see the made up example above is quite clanky. It is good that you embed your quotes nicely!
Anywaysss that just some of my first impressions. Sorry if i'm a bit of a downer!! xD