Original post by TheWrongProphetAfter pretty much bottling up for months on end, feeling trapped, anxious and borderline depressed at times (Not to say I've not experienced happiness or enjoyed aspects of the past year) I've resorted to posting to TSR to obtain outside perspectives on everything, in addition to feedback from those close to me. Just to make a collective/informed decision which is still ultimately determined by myself.
Breakdown:
- University undergraduate at a respectable Russell group University studying Business and Management approaching end of first year (An amazing opportunity for which I'm forever thankful)
- Currently, course performance has exhibited adequate summative and formative assignment results I guess (Excluding a slight hiccup with one particular assignment)
- Thought my research for Universities was organized, cohesive and greatly informed with assistance from sixth-form (However, limited due to living in Hong Kong, therefore missing open days due to sixth-form attendance and expensiveness of flights). I don't know if any amount of online research can form the best framework for decision-making upon reflection.
- First end of year exams approaching
- Achieved acceptable international A-level grades (Studied English, Maths, D&T, EPQ, AS Chemistry) in Hong Kong
- UK nationality (Male, 18), went from public school at primary to living in Hong Kong for high-school & A-Level education. Family since emigrated again to Australia. Honored and humbled to have had such a privileged lifestyle, especially with respect to those much less fortunate.
- Previously fairly motivated and hard-working student, now struggling on both fronts and just constantly feeling isolated, a bit useless, aimless and unfulfilled with my accomplishments and current life. Ultimately, an inferiority complex stemming from pressure of achieving status, economical security and deteriorating self-worth. Obviously a universal issue to a certain degree, however, I've come to realize a pursuit of happiness is central to my life. Just think I allowed a materialistic and elitist mindset brainwash my outlook.
- Subsequently, although elements of my course are interesting (There's no significant connection or aspiration to succeed, only a fear of avoiding failure) , upon reflection there's a distinct pattern linking to dimensions I loved about English literature and my heart belongs in Australia with my family (Not saying the independence of University and social life have been bad at all - I've actually enjoyed both most of the time)
- I understand the consequences of the magnitude of such a decision (Perhaps deemed a bit ill-advised and nonsensical by some) regarding a potentially wasted year (Nonetheless, the amount I've learnt is surreal), the wasted money on a year of domestic study (A burden for myself to bare) and international fees, in addition to the big fear of "What If?" (Maybe It'd be a massive mistake regretted in the future).
- There's only really one place I'd really dream of going to at the moment for a course for English/Psychology in South Australia (Closer to my parents and much younger siblings)
There's probably a lot of details I've missed so feel free to give any insight or perspective and ask any questions. I know I won't find the ultimate answer to my problems here, but respect and appreciate any feedback nonetheless. I am who I am. Cheers folks.