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did i do something wrong? was it my fault? i feel like im the bad guy here

hello guys im new here and i have a little problem , im sorry for the long post
i met this girl that i like we started seeing eachother, texting alot everything is fine
i went to her place twice nothing happened i was massaging her back from under her shirt while she was on top of me while kissing her neck , when things got a little more physical than just touching she stopped me , i tried putting my hands in her panties but she took my hand away twice and said no , when i slept at her place she turned her back on me and said good night and i grabbed her from behind trying to escalate things a little but she didnt respond at all , i mean she would let me touch her until some point and thats it she wouldnt respond with a little touching herself when i tried to kiss her she didnt respond to the kiss she held her lips tense

thing is she also hangs out with another guy from our group of friends Alex i asked her about him she said that they are just friends and i shouldnt be jealous

whenever we hang out she notices guys checking her out alot , i dont see it to be honest , for example we were at a car wash and the guy with the car behind us told her that her front tier need more air which was true and she was like " did you see how he looked at me ? if we were staying any longer he would have offered to solve it himself " stuff like this

i was at her place once and she was texting with alex and i told her whats up with that and she told me that im too jealous like wtf? and she started ignoring his texts but he started calling her , she rejected 2 of his calls at the 3rd i told her to talk to him because he is starting to annoy me and she went to the bathroom to talk to him .

All my friend sayd that i should have just left when that happened and that she is nothing more than an attention ***** and that she is just teasing me and Alex . One of my friends even told me "You can try to be with her but you wont have sex with her she will let you touch her a little she will tease you but thats it nothing more " and that is exactly what happened 2 times in a row . I asked him how did he knew and he didnt wanna say im guessing he tried aswell Its funny cuz she even sent me a meme once that sayd "Me in a relationship : I need attention"

and the worst part is that i found out that she is in a long distance relationship . They have been toghether for 5 years now and her boyfriend has been out of town for almost 1 year and he might stay there for another year in worst case scenario . She even told him through text that she loves him while she was with me . But she said that she might break up with him because they dont get along anymore
I asked a friend for advice because it felt kinda weird to pursue a girl thats in a relationship even if she want to break up with her boyfriend and she got upset told me that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore but ofc she started initiating again sending me pictures and stuff
should i continue to hang out with her or should i just give up ? i want a serious relationship with her not just sex

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dude dip she's not interested in you, shes bored/lonely bc her bf isnt here
Reply 2
If you really want to be with her, at least be honourable and say to her you're not going to see her again unless she ends it with the long term guy, don't be the guy she cheats with...

Tbh, it doesn't sound like she's worth it though always looking for attention and knowingly cheating with at least one guy, how would you feel if you did get together and then she was cheating on you?

Your decision at the end of the day...
Reply 3
Original post by Stevo F
If you really want to be with her, at least be honourable and say to her you're not going to see her again unless she ends it with the long term guy, don't be the guy she cheats with...

Tbh, it doesn't sound like she's worth it though always looking for attention and knowingly cheating with at least one guy, how would you feel if you did get together and then she was cheating on you?

Your decision at the end of the day...


ofc i wouldnt like it but they might have been on a break i think
alex told one of our friends that he knows for sure that she broke up with her boyfriend but she says that they are still toghether and she still has a framed picture with the two of them in her apartment and alot of photos with him on her phone
i dont know what to think anymore
could it be like she said that there is nothing between her and Alex? they live close to eachother and they just go shopping , to eat and stuff like that
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
dude dip she's not interested in you, shes bored/lonely bc her bf isnt here


what about alex? do you she likes him ?
You did nothing wrong apart from trying to put your hand in her panties twice. Next time you're in this situation with a her or any other woman, try it once - at most. Never sexually assault the woman you're with.

With this Miss Tease, carry on as you have been doing and treat her as a good platonic friend for now.

For sure give her back massages if the opportunities allow. And then stop and make it clear that that's all that she's getting from you as last time she pushed you away. This is for the following reasons. First of all she's testing to you to see if she can trust you and to see if you are only after her for sex. Secondly you'd be using reverse psychology, which is a powerful gambit in these circumstances.


In the meantime keep your options open and be polite, friendly, talkative with every attractive woman you come across. If one of them develops into a relationship, great. If a relationship develops between you and Miss Tease, great too.

Also with Miss Tease and every other woman you get involved with, suppress your jealousy. Treat the women in your life as equally valid human beings and not as a puppet that you want to control.
There's no reason not to be her friend but I'd put a stop to all the physical stuff. If you're not dating exclusively then there's no reason why she can't see other guys but if she's cheated on her boyfriend with you, that's a warning sign - who's to say she wouldn't do exactly the same to you if you became a couple?

I do think you need to respect her decisions regarding any sexual contact though, you've said you tried to put your hands down her pants twice and both times she said no. There shouldn't have been a second time. If she says no, you stop. You've also gotta realise that a lot of people will be fine with kissing and touching but don't necessarily want full sex straightaway and would rather wait till they feel more comfortable.
Reply 7
Original post by bones-mccoy
There's no reason not to be her friend but I'd put a stop to all the physical stuff. If you're not dating exclusively then there's no reason why she can't see other guys but if she's cheated on her boyfriend with you, that's a warning sign - who's to say she wouldn't do exactly the same to you if you became a couple?

I do think you need to respect her decisions regarding any sexual contact though, you've said you tried to put your hands down her pants twice and both times she said no. There shouldn't have been a second time. If she says no, you stop. You've also gotta realise that a lot of people will be fine with kissing and touching but don't necessarily want full sex straightaway and would rather wait till they feel more comfortable.

i kept meeting with her after and we always stayed in eachother's arms but considering she rejected my kiss first time im kinda worried i dont know if i should try again . We were in bed and i was holding her in my arms with my lips pressed to her neck and wanted so much to try to kiss her but it kinda discouraged me after the first time , this happened last night
Original post by justmee1990
i kept meeting with her after and we always stayed in eachother's arms but considering she rejected my kiss first time im kinda worried i dont know if i should try again . We were in bed and i was holding her in my arms with my lips pressed to her neck and wanted so much to try to kiss her but it kinda discouraged me after the first time , this happened last night


I'd wait for her to make the first move then if you're not sure

In fact I'd stay away from her completely but obviously you don't want to listen to reason
Reply 9
Original post by bones-mccoy
I'd wait for her to make the first move then if you're not sure

In fact I'd stay away from her completely but obviously you don't want to listen to reason


i will try to stay away but im afraid that she might chose the guy that insists more
a friend of mine told me that she might want to test me to see if its worth it to leave her boyfriend for me and if i stay away wont she think that i might not be that interested in her?
Original post by justmee1990
i will try to stay away but im afraid that she might chose the guy that insists more
a friend of mine told me that she might want to test me to see if its worth it to leave her boyfriend for me and if i stay away wont she think that i might not be that interested in her?


As I said before, she will treat you the way she treats her current boyfriend. What if she does exactly the same thing with you, should be become a couple? Why do you want to be with someone who's happy to play games and go behind her boyfriend's back? You deserve someone who's going to be honest and faithful, not a girl who messes you about and who you can never trust
She had to say no twice? Yes you are in the wrong
Original post by justmee1990
hello guys im new here and i have a little problem , im sorry for the long post
i met this girl that i like we started seeing eachother, texting alot everything is fine
i went to her place twice nothing happened i was massaging her back from under her shirt while she was on top of me while kissing her neck , when things got a little more physical than just touching she stopped me , i tried putting my hands in her panties but she took my hand away twice and said no , when i slept at her place she turned her back on me and said good night and i grabbed her from behind trying to escalate things a little but she didnt respond at all , i mean she would let me touch her until some point and thats it she wouldnt respond with a little touching herself when i tried to kiss her she didnt respond to the kiss she held her lips tense

thing is she also hangs out with another guy from our group of friends Alex i asked her about him she said that they are just friends and i shouldnt be jealous

whenever we hang out she notices guys checking her out alot , i dont see it to be honest , for example we were at a car wash and the guy with the car behind us told her that her front tier need more air which was true and she was like " did you see how he looked at me ? if we were staying any longer he would have offered to solve it himself " stuff like this

i was at her place once and she was texting with alex and i told her whats up with that and she told me that im too jealous like wtf? and she started ignoring his texts but he started calling her , she rejected 2 of his calls at the 3rd i told her to talk to him because he is starting to annoy me and she went to the bathroom to talk to him .

All my friend sayd that i should have just left when that happened and that she is nothing more than an attention ***** and that she is just teasing me and Alex . One of my friends even told me "You can try to be with her but you wont have sex with her she will let you touch her a little she will tease you but thats it nothing more " and that is exactly what happened 2 times in a row . I asked him how did he knew and he didnt wanna say im guessing he tried aswell Its funny cuz she even sent me a meme once that sayd "Me in a relationship : I need attention"

and the worst part is that i found out that she is in a long distance relationship . They have been toghether for 5 years now and her boyfriend has been out of town for almost 1 year and he might stay there for another year in worst case scenario . She even told him through text that she loves him while she was with me . But she said that she might break up with him because they dont get along anymore
I asked a friend for advice because it felt kinda weird to pursue a girl thats in a relationship even if she want to break up with her boyfriend and she got upset told me that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore but ofc she started initiating again sending me pictures and stuff
should i continue to hang out with her or should i just give up ? i want a serious relationship with her not just sex




TLDR :frown: soz boss
Hey hi , I think that you have done almost nothing wrong except when you put your hands in her panties . I think that maybe she does not feel rather comfortable with you doing that , that’s why she say stop .
Original post by bones-mccoy
As I said before, she will treat you the way she treats her current boyfriend. What if she does exactly the same thing with you, should be become a couple? Why do you want to be with someone who's happy to play games and go behind her boyfriend's back? You deserve someone who's going to be honest and faithful, not a girl who messes you about and who you can never trust


well i was thinking that maybe she does this to him because she is in a long distance relationship with him and he treats her like crap sometimes and if lets say she would be in a relationship with me things would be diffrent because i will treat her good
Original post by justmee1990
well i was thinking that maybe she does this to him because she is in a long distance relationship with him and he treats her like crap sometimes and if lets say she would be in a relationship with me things would be diffrent because i will treat her good


How do you know he treats her badly? If you've only got her word for it then I'd take it with a pinch of salt. People delude themselves into thinking they can change people and that things will be so much better if they were with them rather than someone else. If she's that unhappy with her current relationship, she can easily dump him. If she really did like you in that way and was serious about starting a relationship with you, she'd have cut off ties with him already.
Reply 16
Original post by justmee1990
hello guys im new here and i have a little problem , im sorry for the long post
i met this girl that i like we started seeing eachother, texting alot everything is fine
i went to her place twice nothing happened i was massaging her back from under her shirt while she was on top of me while kissing her neck , when things got a little more physical than just touching she stopped me , i tried putting my hands in her panties but she took my hand away twice and said no , when i slept at her place she turned her back on me and said good night and i grabbed her from behind trying to escalate things a little but she didnt respond at all , i mean she would let me touch her until some point and thats it she wouldnt respond with a little touching herself when i tried to kiss her she didnt respond to the kiss she held her lips tense

thing is she also hangs out with another guy from our group of friends Alex i asked her about him she said that they are just friends and i shouldnt be jealous

whenever we hang out she notices guys checking her out alot , i dont see it to be honest , for example we were at a car wash and the guy with the car behind us told her that her front tier need more air which was true and she was like " did you see how he looked at me ? if we were staying any longer he would have offered to solve it himself " stuff like this

i was at her place once and she was texting with alex and i told her whats up with that and she told me that im too jealous like wtf? and she started ignoring his texts but he started calling her , she rejected 2 of his calls at the 3rd i told her to talk to him because he is starting to annoy me and she went to the bathroom to talk to him .

All my friend sayd that i should have just left when that happened and that she is nothing more than an attention ***** and that she is just teasing me and Alex . One of my friends even told me "You can try to be with her but you wont have sex with her she will let you touch her a little she will tease you but thats it nothing more " and that is exactly what happened 2 times in a row . I asked him how did he knew and he didnt wanna say im guessing he tried aswell Its funny cuz she even sent me a meme once that sayd "Me in a relationship : I need attention"

and the worst part is that i found out that she is in a long distance relationship . They have been toghether for 5 years now and her boyfriend has been out of town for almost 1 year and he might stay there for another year in worst case scenario . She even told him through text that she loves him while she was with me . But she said that she might break up with him because they dont get along anymore
I asked a friend for advice because it felt kinda weird to pursue a girl thats in a relationship even if she want to break up with her boyfriend and she got upset told me that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore but ofc she started initiating again sending me pictures and stuff
should i continue to hang out with her or should i just give up ? i want a serious relationship with her not just sex


these h0es ain't loyal.

Move the f on bro, she ain't worth your good. You can do better
Original post by WhiteBunny
Hey hi , I think that you have done almost nothing wrong except when you put your hands in her panties . I think that maybe she does not feel rather comfortable with you doing that , that’s why she say stop .


yeah but she kept letting me massage her after she took my hand away so it was no problem and we kept hanging out after but now thing got cold
last time we met she had tears is her eyes because of her boyfriend
some of my friends told me that because i didnt know how to handle the situation in bed she didnt wanna have sex with me and now she sees me as a weak person and she will after she will break up with her boyfriend she will choose the other guy but i asked her about it and she said that it was ok and she felt good but she could have just lied
i asked her about having a relationship with me and everytime she would give me evasive reponds like "i dont know yet , maybe , im not sure " sometimes even a simple no but we keep our distance for about 1 month and she starts talking to me again its like she cant help it but initiate something with me i dont know if its just for attention or something like that
Original post by Jack22031994
She had to say no twice? Yes you are in the wrong


that didnt bother her too much i kept massaging her after and she was feeling good
Original post by bones-mccoy
How do you know he treats her badly? If you've only got her word for it then I'd take it with a pinch of salt. People delude themselves into thinking they can change people and that things will be so much better if they were with them rather than someone else. If she's that unhappy with her current relationship, she can easily dump him. If she really did like you in that way and was serious about starting a relationship with you, she'd have cut off ties with him already.


she showed me her texts with him and he was talking like crap with her
he was suposed to come visit her once but he could only come for 1 day and he asked her if she thinks that he should come and in the end he canceled to wait until he can come for more days and she got upset at him saying "why are u asking me you should be figuring this by yourself if you really love me you dont want to be with me you wanted to cancel from the beginning " and they continued arguing on the phone until he hung up on her
she says that its hard because they have been toghether for a long time and they have good memories
(edited 5 years ago)

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