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Grieving - VERY DEPRESSING
Hey all,
I'm having a really hard time coping at uni at the moment. I had to go home early at Xmas, because I found out my Grandad had cancer, and had less than a year, and the weekend would have been his last birthday. I decided to go home immediately because we were very close.
When I got home I had to go straight to the hospital, because his kidneys had failed and they'd said he had about 2 hours left. He survived 5 more days - the first 2 we just stayed at the hospital, we didn't dare leave, but after that we took it in shifts - well my mum has 3 sisters (although one is ill) so we broke up the day into 3 slots, and I went every night to the hospital with my mum. It was only 2/3 days but it felt like a month.
I know it's a while later, and I have actually been feeling better, but yesterday I forgot for a second that he was dead - like I thought of doing something with him or something and it hit me again, just as hard like the first time. I went into uni yesterday after it happened, but it was very unproductive - I just spent the whole day trying to appear 'normal', because as much as people care, they think I should be over it by now and they really don't want to hear about it any more.
Since I had only a half day today I took the day off, and I'm wondering if it's worth going to the doctors, because just trying to be normal for everyone else is so physically draining that when I got home yesterday at half 3 I slept until 7, had a salad for dinner, and went back to bed. I slept through my alarm, and woke up crying...
I'm sick of feeling like this. Everytime I think it's going away it comes back, and it's affecting my health, mentally and physically. I'm sick and tired of crying, of feeling exhausted and feeling like nobody understands - because frankly they can't.
Nobody here has ever seen someone they love dead, they've never been as involved as I was, they weren't there for those last painful days because they were too young and it was too painful.
I just want help. I can't go on like this.
I can't seem to stop sleeping because as I said, pretending to be 'okay' is taking it all out of me.
I'm having a really hard time coping at uni at the moment. I had to go home early at Xmas, because I found out my Grandad had cancer, and had less than a year, and the weekend would have been his last birthday. I decided to go home immediately because we were very close.
When I got home I had to go straight to the hospital, because his kidneys had failed and they'd said he had about 2 hours left. He survived 5 more days - the first 2 we just stayed at the hospital, we didn't dare leave, but after that we took it in shifts - well my mum has 3 sisters (although one is ill) so we broke up the day into 3 slots, and I went every night to the hospital with my mum. It was only 2/3 days but it felt like a month.
I know it's a while later, and I have actually been feeling better, but yesterday I forgot for a second that he was dead - like I thought of doing something with him or something and it hit me again, just as hard like the first time. I went into uni yesterday after it happened, but it was very unproductive - I just spent the whole day trying to appear 'normal', because as much as people care, they think I should be over it by now and they really don't want to hear about it any more.
Since I had only a half day today I took the day off, and I'm wondering if it's worth going to the doctors, because just trying to be normal for everyone else is so physically draining that when I got home yesterday at half 3 I slept until 7, had a salad for dinner, and went back to bed. I slept through my alarm, and woke up crying...
I'm sick of feeling like this. Everytime I think it's going away it comes back, and it's affecting my health, mentally and physically. I'm sick and tired of crying, of feeling exhausted and feeling like nobody understands - because frankly they can't.
Nobody here has ever seen someone they love dead, they've never been as involved as I was, they weren't there for those last painful days because they were too young and it was too painful.
I just want help. I can't go on like this.
I can't seem to stop sleeping because as I said, pretending to be 'okay' is taking it all out of me.
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Anonymous
Nobody here has ever seen someone they love dead, they've never been as involved as I was, they weren't there for those last painful days because they were too young and it was too painful.
Nobody here has ever seen someone they love dead, they've never been as involved as I was, they weren't there for those last painful days because they were too young and it was too painful.
I have
PM me if you want to talk. I'm quite busy today, but I should be able to reply later.
Take care
Yeah I've done that before, about a month after my nana died someone asked what I was doing on sunday and I said 'Going to Nanas for tea' and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realised and broke down.
Maybe you just need some time off, go back and stay with your mum for a few days you need family at this time. And it as it was her Dad I'm sure she would like you to be there for her too.
Maybe you just need some time off, go back and stay with your mum for a few days you need family at this time. And it as it was her Dad I'm sure she would like you to be there for her too.
It hasn't been that long though.
Don't push yourself else it'll take longer for you to grieve.
Don't push yourself else it'll take longer for you to grieve.
That's the thing...I'm sort of on my year abroad.
I can't go home.
And my mum can't talk at the moment - because she took so much time off work and study (she's a teacher, but also a part time student) she's got about 4 essays in for next week - doesn't sound bad to me but she hasn't actually been to school/uni herself for 40 years, and she's very rusty. Essays like that take me 1/2 hour, but they take her a couple of days
I went home recently for my brothers 18th though - wanted to make it special because otherwise we'd have all been feeling the loss a little harder.
I just don't want to be here anymore.
I can't go home.
And my mum can't talk at the moment - because she took so much time off work and study (she's a teacher, but also a part time student) she's got about 4 essays in for next week - doesn't sound bad to me but she hasn't actually been to school/uni herself for 40 years, and she's very rusty. Essays like that take me 1/2 hour, but they take her a couple of days
I went home recently for my brothers 18th though - wanted to make it special because otherwise we'd have all been feeling the loss a little harder.
I just don't want to be here anymore.
I agree ^
It hasn't been that long yet, it's okay to grieve. Don't bottle it all up inside, that'll be worse in the long run.
It hasn't been that long yet, it's okay to grieve. Don't bottle it all up inside, that'll be worse in the long run.
Bubblebee
Yeah I've done that before, about a month after my nana died someone asked what I was doing on sunday and I said 'Going to Nanas for tea' and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realised and broke down.
Maybe you just need some time off, go back and stay with your mum for a few days you need family at this time. And it as it was her Dad I'm sure she would like you to be there for her too.
Maybe you just need some time off, go back and stay with your mum for a few days you need family at this time. And it as it was her Dad I'm sure she would like you to be there for her too.
I did that with my Grandad...and "grandad's tin" had to be renamed for the first time ever...and other people sat in his chair when we went on Sundays...
Grieving is a difficult process, and for some people it takes longer than others. You may want to discuss having bereavement counselling if you want to try and do something active to sort youreslf out.
I have lost my mother, all my grandparents, an uncle and two friends in the last few years; trust me, it will be a battle, but you'll be alright in the end. There is absolutely nothing anyone can say at the moment that will change how you feel, unfortunately, but time will see you through.
It's completely normal to still be feeling this way, grief can come and go for months. I feel sorry for you that you can't be with your family at the moment, but do try to maintain that relationship even if you can't be physically there. Also, while those last few days must have been awful, you have the reassurance that he was not alone and that he was cared for right up until the end. Right now there probably feels like there's a huge gap, but try to fill it with good memories rather than wishing him back.
I'm still recovering from unexpected the loss of a very close relative,it went from constant grief,to now smiling whenever i see a picture of them.Though I still get slightly teary eyed sometimes when i reminisce.Just keep the best memories in your heart and remember them every day and most importantly keep their legacy alive and make them proud.They are all watching from above.
I lost 2 very close friends last year. It's hard...
Like everyones been saying though, it hasn't been very long. There are no miracle cures sadly, just time.
I found seeking comfort in my friends was helpful, talking to them about it and spending time with them trying to get back to normal. You don't have to be normal at all, if people know your situation they will understand so pretending isn't always the best thing.
Like everyones been saying though, it hasn't been very long. There are no miracle cures sadly, just time.
I found seeking comfort in my friends was helpful, talking to them about it and spending time with them trying to get back to normal. You don't have to be normal at all, if people know your situation they will understand so pretending isn't always the best thing.
this thread made me feel upset about the death of my granddad again, thankyou very much for not letting me sleep now 
. it might seem a bit evil but i think joking about deaths is the best way to overcome it, but i am a bit weird so i dunno. what i also try to do is think of when my granddad smiled and that relaxes me
. it might seem a bit evil but i think joking about deaths is the best way to overcome it, but i am a bit weird so i dunno. what i also try to do is think of when my granddad smiled and that relaxes me 
You are grieving. It is completely natural, and you are allowed to feel this way. Take as long as you need to recover. Remember that life will go on and you can honor him by doing your very best in life.
I think that grief can come in waves: you can go along being fine for ages and then something suddenly hits you. My great-grandmother died a few weeks ago and I still sometimes get upset for no apparent reason: remembering her makes me feel happy and talking about her has made me feel closer to my cousins, too - I think that talking about it to family will help (more than talking to friends). Perhaps email isn't quite the right medium, but you could ask your parents what they remember about your grandad and you could hold on to/talk about the things that made him have such a positive influence in your life.
OP! I don't know if you're aware but Macmillan have a Cancerline that offer different advice and support for anyone affected by cancer (because it obviously doesn't just affect one person it affects the whole family), they also offer advice and stuff on bereavement. It's freephone, open Monday to Friday 9 am - 10 pm.
Number is 0808 808 2020.
Please please call it, hopefully they might be able to help.
You're not alone in feeling like you do, if it makes any difference in the work that I do I've spoken to a lot of people recently who either have cancer or someone they know has. People are affected by death in different ways. I spoke to a lady the other day who's husband died three years ago from cancer, she was crying and telling me that no one "got it" and that everyone said she should be "over it" by now. You're really not alone in feeling how you do. As I say, please try giving that number a call, they might be able to help.
Number is 0808 808 2020.
Please please call it, hopefully they might be able to help.
You're not alone in feeling like you do, if it makes any difference in the work that I do I've spoken to a lot of people recently who either have cancer or someone they know has. People are affected by death in different ways. I spoke to a lady the other day who's husband died three years ago from cancer, she was crying and telling me that no one "got it" and that everyone said she should be "over it" by now. You're really not alone in feeling how you do. As I say, please try giving that number a call, they might be able to help.
Hey, I know how you feel.
My granddad also died from cancer, new years eve.
Useless post, but PM if you want to talk.
My granddad also died from cancer, new years eve.
Useless post, but PM if you want to talk.
Also, if you're under 21 they also have a Youthline on - 0808 808 0800. Freephone, but 9 am to 9 pm.
Unfortunately people won't get it. I found that when my cousin died at 36, uni classmates and actually the staff were quite unsympathetic. 'It's only your cousin, it's not as though it's your mother...' My French teacher actually notified the dean, saying I'd taken a lesson off without valid reason... GOD.
I've learnt to realise that lots of families aren't so close as mine (and by the sound of it yours) and I learnt to just forgive them for their ignorance and be grateful we cared enough for each other that her loss hit us so badly.
Cancer is an utter b***ard. It leaves the sufferer and their loved ones hanging around for the inevitable and all you want to do is just put an end to it for them.
I saw my cousin's body too, went to see her the day it happened and the hardest thing for me was waiting for a breath - why isn't she breathing? You see it all the time on the tv but it doesn't prepare you for seeing someone so still.
You just have to keep going. It does get better, everyone told me that at the time and I refused to believe it, how could this EVER get better? It just does. It stops ruling your life, you start saying their name and it doesn't hurt, pictures are pictures, life does go on. But a year, two years later when you go see their grave you still cry like it only just happened. Means you're a normal healthy caring person
Keep your chin up. Un fortunately it all has to end at some point, just make the parts until then the best you can possibly manage!
I've learnt to realise that lots of families aren't so close as mine (and by the sound of it yours) and I learnt to just forgive them for their ignorance and be grateful we cared enough for each other that her loss hit us so badly.
Cancer is an utter b***ard. It leaves the sufferer and their loved ones hanging around for the inevitable and all you want to do is just put an end to it for them.
I saw my cousin's body too, went to see her the day it happened and the hardest thing for me was waiting for a breath - why isn't she breathing? You see it all the time on the tv but it doesn't prepare you for seeing someone so still.
You just have to keep going. It does get better, everyone told me that at the time and I refused to believe it, how could this EVER get better? It just does. It stops ruling your life, you start saying their name and it doesn't hurt, pictures are pictures, life does go on. But a year, two years later when you go see their grave you still cry like it only just happened. Means you're a normal healthy caring person
Keep your chin up. Un fortunately it all has to end at some point, just make the parts until then the best you can possibly manage!
Thank you for all your stories and advice. It means a lot to know I'm not alone in this, that I'm not the only one it's happened too...and that I'm not going insane (well that's still a possibility, but possibly unrelated.)
I think the big kicker is, yes, people don't always have close relationships with their family, but my family has always been very close.
I feel like sometimes family are the people you have no choice over, but I always say mine are also my best friends. It's hard being away from them at the moment.
When I was at home, I could talk about Grandad and be a bit happier - like remembering silly things he did, or wore, or the fact that everytime I saw him he'd always have a huge bag of mini chedders for me (they're my favourite), and he always fed people masses of chicken, and he was like this little Indian man who'd tell us stories about India...I just miss him and having people to share him with.
I think the big kicker is, yes, people don't always have close relationships with their family, but my family has always been very close.
I feel like sometimes family are the people you have no choice over, but I always say mine are also my best friends. It's hard being away from them at the moment.
When I was at home, I could talk about Grandad and be a bit happier - like remembering silly things he did, or wore, or the fact that everytime I saw him he'd always have a huge bag of mini chedders for me (they're my favourite), and he always fed people masses of chicken, and he was like this little Indian man who'd tell us stories about India...I just miss him and having people to share him with.
Might sound not very helpful, but I lost my mother suddenly when I was 18 and I still have the occasional bout of sadness even now I'm 21. If someone feels close to another and they're taken away, it's hard to get through the upset. But if you need any advice or help, please don't hesitate to PM me
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