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I may have to quit uni or repeat year
Hey guys,
I've got another account on this forum but since people in real life know who I am I'd rather keep this anonymous, so I made another account.
Anyways I guess I'd just like some support and reassurance that I'm going to do the right thing. It's a long post but I'll be super grateful if you get through it all and throw in your two cents.
The summary is that I am currently in my first year of an academic science degree at a London university. I haven't made any friends, got into any friendship groups or had any fun normally associated with London uni experience. I live in London anyway, so I didn't move out for uni. The main problem I had was being very shy and had very low self-discipline. I missed a few weeks of uni initially due to an illness (more like a month and a half).
I was severely behind, and this coupled with a few lecturers who liked to put people on the spot (as in, ask questions in the class in front of everyone) and me not knowing the answers and my shyness and "public speaking anxiety" caused me to miss some more. I thought I'll start coming back when I catch up, and initially I sort of did, but I slipped back again. I thought I'll catch up after christmas, but everything went really fast. I missed more lectures, tutorials and stuff. I managed to keep up with most deadlines for coursework that counted for something, but now I feel it slipping.
As minor exams and more coursework is coming up, I know 100% that I won't be able to handle it. The fact that I don't have friends at uni, and that I'm not terribly happy with the course is making me feel very frustrated, anxious, depressed, hopeless but also inadequate and failing. I have insomnia for 2 or 3 weeks and I get 3/4 hours of sleep, then the next month or two I sleep for 10/11 hours a day. Half the time, I missed lectures because I overslept or was worn out. I'm not sure though what is the cause and what's the effect here. The bottom line is I feel unhappy and want to quit, and start over again. But the main problems are lack of friends and lack of interest/passion for the course. I heard the lecturers talking to some PhDs the other day. I just felt that they were "pawns" - not very nice, cos some of them are really nice people, but they have some minor part in a random area of science that has millions of areas like that. And they get paid as much as a Subway "Sandwich Artist". That's not something I want to do, I want my work to matter.
The problem is with what will others think? What should I tell my friends? I already missed a year because I failed to get into uni the first time round (didn't meet the offer) so most are a year ahead of me already. What do I say to my mum (who has contributed to my unhappiness partially, pushing me into doing a different degree to what I wanted to do, and into staying at home rather than moving out). That's the hardest part. But also very hard is the feeling of failure. If I withdraw, I'll be a drop out. We used to take the mick out of a teacher who dropped out of oxbridge at our school (he was horrible to everyone though), and now I'll be the drop out.
If I gave myself a break, figured out what I wanted to do (I sort of never got the chance at A-levels) and then reapplied, I might have a better outlook on things. I started studying Further Maths in January, and I think I can do the full A-level before May/June. With a good grade in that I can get myself a hopefully better uni place.
But it's something I'll have to do. Maybe I'll repeat the year. Maybe I'll reapply next year. But I can't face 2.5 more years of this.
Am I right in withdrawing from uni? Or is it just a case of quitting when the going gets tough?
How should I handle everyone else? People will ask unnecessary questions. They will try to urge me on and stick at it which will make me feel worse (other people believe in me, and I'm failing them).
Am I a quitter?
Did I fail?
Please help me out somehow... I mean, I've had a string of failures last year and the year before, but I've been so unhappy for the last few years, but I'm not a complete waste. And this will be another failure. I don't know... I guess I just want some advice and outside opinions.
The worst part is that it was not just the university that's been getting me down, but other matters in my life, just various personal things. But I worked hard and systematically and I am slowly turning things around on all fronts, even if very slowly, but I am starting to feel better inside (I was depressed and had CBT and NLP training and it sort of worked for me). I lost 15 kg of weight, learned various skills etc, but university is getting me down, back into feeling bad. Should I "withdraw and regroup" or am I making the wrong choice?
Anyway, sorry for being long-winded, and thank you for reading it, even if you only read a part... I'd greatly appreciate your two cents.
Michael
I've got another account on this forum but since people in real life know who I am I'd rather keep this anonymous, so I made another account.
Anyways I guess I'd just like some support and reassurance that I'm going to do the right thing. It's a long post but I'll be super grateful if you get through it all and throw in your two cents.
The summary is that I am currently in my first year of an academic science degree at a London university. I haven't made any friends, got into any friendship groups or had any fun normally associated with London uni experience. I live in London anyway, so I didn't move out for uni. The main problem I had was being very shy and had very low self-discipline. I missed a few weeks of uni initially due to an illness (more like a month and a half).
I was severely behind, and this coupled with a few lecturers who liked to put people on the spot (as in, ask questions in the class in front of everyone) and me not knowing the answers and my shyness and "public speaking anxiety" caused me to miss some more. I thought I'll start coming back when I catch up, and initially I sort of did, but I slipped back again. I thought I'll catch up after christmas, but everything went really fast. I missed more lectures, tutorials and stuff. I managed to keep up with most deadlines for coursework that counted for something, but now I feel it slipping.
As minor exams and more coursework is coming up, I know 100% that I won't be able to handle it. The fact that I don't have friends at uni, and that I'm not terribly happy with the course is making me feel very frustrated, anxious, depressed, hopeless but also inadequate and failing. I have insomnia for 2 or 3 weeks and I get 3/4 hours of sleep, then the next month or two I sleep for 10/11 hours a day. Half the time, I missed lectures because I overslept or was worn out. I'm not sure though what is the cause and what's the effect here. The bottom line is I feel unhappy and want to quit, and start over again. But the main problems are lack of friends and lack of interest/passion for the course. I heard the lecturers talking to some PhDs the other day. I just felt that they were "pawns" - not very nice, cos some of them are really nice people, but they have some minor part in a random area of science that has millions of areas like that. And they get paid as much as a Subway "Sandwich Artist". That's not something I want to do, I want my work to matter.
The problem is with what will others think? What should I tell my friends? I already missed a year because I failed to get into uni the first time round (didn't meet the offer) so most are a year ahead of me already. What do I say to my mum (who has contributed to my unhappiness partially, pushing me into doing a different degree to what I wanted to do, and into staying at home rather than moving out). That's the hardest part. But also very hard is the feeling of failure. If I withdraw, I'll be a drop out. We used to take the mick out of a teacher who dropped out of oxbridge at our school (he was horrible to everyone though), and now I'll be the drop out.
If I gave myself a break, figured out what I wanted to do (I sort of never got the chance at A-levels) and then reapplied, I might have a better outlook on things. I started studying Further Maths in January, and I think I can do the full A-level before May/June. With a good grade in that I can get myself a hopefully better uni place.
But it's something I'll have to do. Maybe I'll repeat the year. Maybe I'll reapply next year. But I can't face 2.5 more years of this.
Am I right in withdrawing from uni? Or is it just a case of quitting when the going gets tough?
How should I handle everyone else? People will ask unnecessary questions. They will try to urge me on and stick at it which will make me feel worse (other people believe in me, and I'm failing them).
Am I a quitter?
Did I fail?
Please help me out somehow... I mean, I've had a string of failures last year and the year before, but I've been so unhappy for the last few years, but I'm not a complete waste. And this will be another failure. I don't know... I guess I just want some advice and outside opinions.
The worst part is that it was not just the university that's been getting me down, but other matters in my life, just various personal things. But I worked hard and systematically and I am slowly turning things around on all fronts, even if very slowly, but I am starting to feel better inside (I was depressed and had CBT and NLP training and it sort of worked for me). I lost 15 kg of weight, learned various skills etc, but university is getting me down, back into feeling bad. Should I "withdraw and regroup" or am I making the wrong choice?
Anyway, sorry for being long-winded, and thank you for reading it, even if you only read a part... I'd greatly appreciate your two cents.
Michael
well, it would be hard to continue if your having problems... Kinda similar to me first year, i didn't really fit in and such and kinda plodded along failing everything along the way. I only really started getting into it halfway through this year's semester 1..
It is your decision to make really.. we cant say whether or not it will be for the best if you drop out. If you think you need a break to get things sorted then take one.
But if theres any chance of you getting through this year with a pass (in my uni marks from 1st year dont count toward the final degree - but i dont know if thats the same for you...) then you have nothing to lose in trying, and then taking a gap year.
It is your decision to make really.. we cant say whether or not it will be for the best if you drop out. If you think you need a break to get things sorted then take one.
But if theres any chance of you getting through this year with a pass (in my uni marks from 1st year dont count toward the final degree - but i dont know if thats the same for you...) then you have nothing to lose in trying, and then taking a gap year.
I mean that I underachieved a lot in the past few years. I've actually got a B in physics and chemistry, A in maths and french, but nothing in further maths. If I was to give myself a break, I reckon I could get an A in further maths and an A in physics. I missed my preferred offer by one A, but maybe I could get a better offer and a better place than the clearing-obtained place I am currently at.
I'm honestly not trying anything here... but I could see how forum people could think I was trolling so I'll take that out.
Michael
I'm honestly not trying anything here... but I could see how forum people could think I was trolling so I'll take that out.
Michael
well firstly, you haven't got insomnia. i had insomnia 2 years ago, and more often than not, it is caused by pressure and stress. insomnia is where you can't sleep no matter how tired you are - i could have been having 3 hours a night, and despite being tired, the next night i could only have 3 hours sleep and so on. so i doubt you have insomnia, but i think you are overstressed which is causing you to not relax proparly, and so your body can't fall asleep. don't rely on sleeping pills to sort this problem out, plenty of excersise will usually help you out.
next, personally, it sounds to me like you've been pushed into a course that you don't like. so why do it?
i think you should quit and take you time to concentrate on a-levels that will get you into a course that you will enjoy. sure, some people will call you a drop out, but isn't that better than studying a course for 3/4 years and then having to do a job on the subject for the rest of your life?
next, personally, it sounds to me like you've been pushed into a course that you don't like. so why do it?
i think you should quit and take you time to concentrate on a-levels that will get you into a course that you will enjoy. sure, some people will call you a drop out, but isn't that better than studying a course for 3/4 years and then having to do a job on the subject for the rest of your life?
you won't be a quitter or a failure if you decide to drop out this year and re-apply, its really not that big a deal anymore, hell, i've done it twice! If you do decide that this really isn't for you, then you've got every strength in re-applying: you already have your grades and you've already tried uni (many admissions tutors see this as 'aha! they can't afford to drop out again, they're a safe bet). But as SilverEagle said, you might still be able to salvage this year, if all you need is a 30% pass... In the end, no one on here can help you with what you think though, dude- you're the only one who knows how you feel.
Good Luck though.
Good Luck though.
ProgressDesired
Hey guys,
<<I heard the lecturers talking to some PhDs the other day. I just felt that they were "pawns" - not very nice, cos some of them are really nice people, but they have some minor part in a random area of science that has millions of areas like that. And they get paid as much as a Subway "Sandwich Artist". That's not something I want to do, I want my work to matter.
<<I heard the lecturers talking to some PhDs the other day. I just felt that they were "pawns" - not very nice, cos some of them are really nice people, but they have some minor part in a random area of science that has millions of areas like that. And they get paid as much as a Subway "Sandwich Artist". That's not something I want to do, I want my work to matter.
LoL, what? Oh well, nevermind there.
ProgressDesired
Am I right in withdrawing from uni? Or is it just a case of quitting when the going gets tough?
Did I fail?
Am I right in withdrawing from uni? Or is it just a case of quitting when the going gets tough?
Did I fail?
Wow, it took me 5 hours to read your whole post. But, anyway I think you shouldn't give up uni and try to come out of your depression and make friends and have fun, if you can. I know it's easier to be said than done. We all have ups and downs in life, and feel like giving up everything. But, you see you sounded really, really intelligent and thought about your matters so much in details and know what's been bothering you. You can express so well and much here by writing, so I don't think you have any problem to make real friends at uni, if I may say.
My life isn't that easy either atm. Feeling like giving up everything and things are not going well with some friends either. But, I'm trying to hang in there and not become in pieces every single waking moment.
I'm sure you're in (emotional) pains and concerns, but giving up the uni is a terrible idea, if I may say.
im kind of int he same situation. although i really enjoy my course and i passed all the first semesters work. but due to things like my parents emigrating and me not making any friends im really not enjoying being at uni. and iv missed a lot of lectures in the second semester because i was getting no sleep in halls. but now iv moved out. im thinking about retaking this year too just so i can enjoy my time at uni a bit more....theres not a lot ofpoint struggling and being misserable if you can take the time and have a good time and probably do better because you actually want to go to class
If you're not enjoying yourself, then you shouldn't do it. Not for your friends, or your Mum, or anyone. Degrees are serious stuff, and it's important that you do one that you enjoy, seen as it could have an impact on the career you end up in.
You could do with talking to your lecturers/tutors on their own & see what advice they'd give you in your situation. I know it might seem a bit embarassing to do that, but they'll have seen things like this before, and will be able to give you help. Honestly.
As for the insomnia, go to your doctor & ask them to prescribe some sleeping pills for the nights when you can't get to sleep. They will help you to at least get the rest you need so that you can face things with a clear head at least.
You could do with talking to your lecturers/tutors on their own & see what advice they'd give you in your situation. I know it might seem a bit embarassing to do that, but they'll have seen things like this before, and will be able to give you help. Honestly.
As for the insomnia, go to your doctor & ask them to prescribe some sleeping pills for the nights when you can't get to sleep. They will help you to at least get the rest you need so that you can face things with a clear head at least.
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