As the title states, really. I’m not exactly looking for advice, just need to get this stuff off my chest and TSR is the only place (besides my counsellor who I see once a week) that I can tell it to.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re good people and my parents are very laid-back these days and help me out, but we just don’t have a ‘normal’ family relationship. I probably get on best with my mum because I can tell her a lot of things, but I feel guilty saying this - I’ve always seen her as quite a weak person and ever since childhood I’ve been encouraged by both my dad and her not to ‘be like her’ in any way; I was often harshly criticised for doing things that she does eg. not listening, forgetting things, being disorganised/messy. Not exactly great for your self esteem, being basically told that half of you and your genetics are flawed and something to be ashamed of, lol. To this day, I feel terrible if I do/say anything that reminds me of her.
I feel that I can’t be myself around my family; there’s this real tension of awkwardness and being emotional/having mental illnesses is looked down upon. My mum urges me not to end up depressed like her and to be ‘on an even keel’ like my ‘perfect’ aunties and grandparents on my dad’s side, as if that’s something can be controlled.
I also have a younger sister who I don’t talk to because we have nothing in common.
On the contrast my ex-boyfriend could completely be himself around his family and was accepted for who he was; he could even walk about naked around his parents and no one batted an eyelid. They have a family group chat on WhatsApp which I found really cute. So yeah.
I’ve got to say, writing it all down has made me feel better.
TL/DR: don’t feel as though I can be myself around my family, lots of tension and awkwardness.
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