Pregnant- don’t want my baby.

You should really question whether you want to stay with someone who would give you such an awful ultimatum. You are so young. You do not want the child. For him to expect you to have it regardless of how you feel even after you've told him how you feel is point blank a terrible thing to do. Also ignore all the nuts on here saying abortion is terrible etc. Abortion is a perfectly acceptable choice if you do not want the baby and are early on enough in your pregnancy. I would consult a doctor about whether you are or not as I don't have that information. I understand your worries about being kicked out etc. That is just terrible. Do you have somewhere you can live if, worst came to worst, you did break up?

You need to think about whether someone who loved and cared about you would put you through that. There are better men out there!

Obviously this is a very personal and difficult situation.

You need to consider both sides of the argument and your situation right now. If you were to have the baby, would you be able to cope? Could you put your education aside for a couple of years until the child can be looked after by someone else? Could family or friends help you look after a child?
In some cases, grandparents can care for the child most of the time to take the pressure off parents.

There are also options other than abortion or keeping the child; would you consider giving birth but giving them up for adoption? There are more couples looking for babies to adopt than children of other ages. The problem I would have is giving up a child grown in my own womb, but this might be easier for some people than others.

Another option would be to make this man a father but separate if you’re really not ready. Could he have more time with the child than you? Perhaps he could become a “housewife” as it were and take on more of the responsibility. Something you’d need to make sure he agrees with, obviously, so you don’t have to put more time into it than you expect. Of course this would also end up in the child being closer to the father than you; something that may be negative as it grows up.

I understand there are so many things to think about. I have to say though that I think it’s unreasonable for your partner to threaten to leave you if you don’t give him a child. Is he specifically against abortion, or is it just the child he’s after? If it’s a child then he should be more supportive of the impact it will have on your life and your education and I’d be questioning whether he is worth staying with no matter the outcome.

The final problem will be reasoning behind an abortion. I believe the most common claim is lack of welfare of the baby or mother, but you need to prove this somehow. There are still requirements to be met before an abortion can take place.

I really hope you come to a happy conclusion! Best of luck, and feel free to message me if you just want someone to talk to or hear you out.

I’m almost 20, my boyfriend is 28 and we have been dating for two years now. We live together in a house in London near his parents (where I attend uni) and we are lucky enough to be very financially stable. Around a month ago, I found out that I was pregnant with our baby, and it felt like the worst possible news to receive. He has wanted a baby for ages, so he was completely overjoyed. We had a long talk about it and I spoke of how I don’t want to be a mother so young and that I wanted to get rid of it. He was furious and left to stay with his parents. He came back the next day but we still could not agree with one another. He told me that if I got rid of it that we would not be together anymore and that I can go find somewhere else to live. I just don’t know what to do. I am still so young and I do not want to be a mother yet and I want to get an abortion. But I absolutely adore my boyfriend and I don’t want him to hate me. Please leave advice

Right now do you feel more towards abortion?

80% of me wants to abort it, but the love and consideration I feel for my boyfriend makes me want to give him what he wants, even if to me it is everything that I don’t want right now. So 20% of me wants to keep the baby for his sake, which I know is wrong, but I care about how my boyfriend feels so I cannot help it.

Have you not told him you can try for a baby in a couple years or so? With him, of course

Whilst his opinion is valid and does hold some significance, ultimately it's your body and therefore your choice. Pregnancy and motherhood are so complex and a lot of people, especially men, don't seem to realise that. It can be an enormous strain both physically and psychologically. Have you spoken about having children before - does he know your stance towards it? 28 is young, there is plenty of time to have a baby when you both feel ready for it, not just him.

The fact that he's giving you an ultimatum over such an emotional and stressful situation shows his true colours and is a warning sign - if he's willing to force you to make a decision that caters to him and him only, he can easily do it again in the future. At the moment he's threatening you with homelessness if you don't drastically alter your life for him. It's not buying a new car or deciding what colour to paint the kitchen, it's a baby. You can't just walk into pregnancy willy nilly, you have to be 100% committed.

If he's so desperate to have a baby, he can go and find a woman who actually wants to have one at this specific moment in time. I'm not telling you to break up with him over this, that will always be your choice and yours alone, but he's being incredibly selfish in one of the worst ways possible. You've got a great, strong attitude about the whole situation and it's admirable. I hope everything works out for you.

Hi, thank you for taking time to write your response, I am very appreciative of it. We have spoken about having children before, but it was very brief so I’m not sure if he’s against abortions or not. But I know that he is extremely against me getting rid of this baby. My boyfriend is 28, so therefore he feels he’s at a “perfect” age to have a child. But I am only almost 20, I feel far too young to be a mother to a baby. He works away an awful lot and works full time 6 days of the week. I up rooted my life to live in London with him; my parents live down in Bath which is around three hours away so I would not have their help. His parents live very close though. Abortion is a very scary and daunting experience and I understand that you have to be granted it through your circumstances. But it’s what I need to do. I hope everything works out in the end.

I told him that I wanted to graduate from university and get a stable well paid job before I even thought about having a baby. And he said that I’m being selfish, because I’m pregnant now.

BEING SELFISH! OMG IS HE OKAY IN THE MIND!
He's the one who got you pregnant, its partially his fault!
You do the best thing for you!

I know! Thank you, I will do

80% of me wants to abort it, but the love and consideration I feel for my boyfriend makes me want to give him what he wants, even if to me it is everything that I don’t want right now. So 20% of me wants to keep the baby for his sake, which I know is wrong, but I care about how my boyfriend feels so I cannot help it.

Ignore those telling you not to abort and do what feels right for you.

You really need to sit down and discuss this with your boyfriend. If he refuses to listen to you and your point of view then irrelevant of the baby you need to consider whether someone so shortsighted about you and your feelings is someone you would want to keep up a relationship with. It might be easier to split up now than further on in the relationship.

Very difficult situation. I would say that if you don’t want this child, you must not have it. Yes you and your boyfriend may stay together when it’s born, but it’s likely that you may grow to resent your boyfriend for pushing such a huge obligation onto you and split up anyway.

I’m only 20 myself so I know that having a kid when we’re this young isn’t the best idea, especially when we have so much we can do ahead of us. You wouldn’t want to start resenting your child because you weren’t able to have the life you wanted due to its birth.

You two both obviously want very different things so if you do have an abortion, yes you may split up, but that’s a lesser evil than ending up with a child you don’t want just to stay with your boyfriend.

Spot on tbf. It's not like you are saying 'never' to your boyfriend and if you are both in it for the long run there is nothing stopping you from having a child in 5, 10 years time

Thank you. Although he doesn’t seem like longterm relationship material to me if he’s trying to blackmail her into making a huge irreversible change that she doesn’t want to make.

We have had numerous discussions about it, but he just won’t listen. I’m going to leave our house later and drive back down to my parents for the rest of the week and the weekend. I think a break from each other may make him take my feelings into consideration more and show him exactly how I feel about this situation. For me, an abortion is what I want to do. And this is one of those situations where I am allowed to be selfish for once. Thank you for your kind words