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Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
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absolutelysprout
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this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
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Kim.023
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(Original post by entertainmyfaith)
this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
Thanks for that I'll submit my final two paragraphs as soon as I get them done. x
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riannon2001
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
Thanks for that I'll submit my final two paragraphs as soon as I get them done. x
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far
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Kim.023
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(Original post by riannon2001)
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far

Thanks, I'll get my last 2 paragraphs up soon.
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Kim.023
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(Original post by entertainmyfaith)
this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
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Kim.023
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(Original post by riannon2001)
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
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nightlion
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
If you are on AQA there is no need for an introduction. I have read essays that are grade 9 and have no introductions. Anyways great essay!
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absolutelysprout
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
your structure paragraph is very good:yep:
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Kim.023
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(Original post by hamzahabdulhamid)
If you are on AQA there is no need for an introduction. I have read essays that are grade 9 and have no introductions. Anyways great essay!
Thanks
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dabmonster
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wierd flex but ok ..
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terisha
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really good better than what i would have thought of
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Blani1453
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(Original post by Kim.023)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
Wow. I'm speechless. If I could do that I'd be nailing a 9 no problem
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charzateafly
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thank you so much for posting this, I have an essay tomorrow on the exact same question and I was going to use Remains but didn't know what to write. now that I've read yours I'm really grateful and hopefully my writing will be a lot better. your essay is fantastic by the way!
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Bangladesh31T20
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#15
(Original post by Kim.023)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.





I would give you 28/30 for this amazing essay maybe not 29 or 30 because you have not written a conclusion to back up your points and refer back to the original question, but it's an amazing essay though I got to admit
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