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Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
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absolutelysprout
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this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
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Kim.023
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(Original post by entertainmyfaith)
this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
Thanks for that I'll submit my final two paragraphs as soon as I get them done. x
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riannon2001
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
Thanks for that I'll submit my final two paragraphs as soon as I get them done. x
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far
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Kim.023
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(Original post by riannon2001)
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far

Thanks, I'll get my last 2 paragraphs up soon.
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Kim.023
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(Original post by entertainmyfaith)
this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
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Kim.023
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(Original post by riannon2001)
You could also talk about alternative interpretations?
Also, you haven't mentioned form at all either, and remember that Remains isn't about Armitage himself, it's about Guardsman Tromans, a real person. But it's a good essay so far
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
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nightlion
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
If you are on AQA there is no need for an introduction. I have read essays that are grade 9 and have no introductions. Anyways great essay!
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absolutelysprout
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(Original post by Kimran.02)
I have added a structure paragraph, go ahead and check it out
your structure paragraph is very good:yep:
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Kim.023
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(Original post by hamzahabdulhamid)
If you are on AQA there is no need for an introduction. I have read essays that are grade 9 and have no introductions. Anyways great essay!
Thanks
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dabmonster
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wierd flex but ok ..
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terisha
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really good better than what i would have thought of
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Blani1453
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(Original post by Kim.023)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
Wow. I'm speechless. If I could do that I'd be nailing a 9 no problem
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charzateafly
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thank you so much for posting this, I have an essay tomorrow on the exact same question and I was going to use Remains but didn't know what to write. now that I've read yours I'm really grateful and hopefully my writing will be a lot better. your essay is fantastic by the way!
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Bangladesh31T20
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(Original post by Kim.023)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.





I would give you 28/30 for this amazing essay maybe not 29 or 30 because you have not written a conclusion to back up your points and refer back to the original question, but it's an amazing essay though I got to admit
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Lee122332
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Kim.023 I believe this would be pushing a grade 7. In order to reach the top brackets you MUST identify the quotations used with their language device- you must be specific. Describing
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duffybb
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(Original post by charzateafly)
thank you so much for posting this, I have an essay tomorrow on the exact same question and I was going to use Remains but didn't know what to write. now that I've read yours I'm really grateful and hopefully my writing will be a lot better. your essay is fantastic by the way!
same!!
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Bc23
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(Original post by absolutelysprout)
this is a really good essay! (so far??)
your analysis is good, and you explore the techniques well. you could also link 'nothing happens' in exposure to some context here, for example war propaganda made war seem like a really noble thing to partake in when really for some soldiers the constant waiting built up to nothing- owens is likely criticising war and the futility of it.
i noticed you haven't talked about structure here, maybe considering adding a paragraph or two about structural features if you haven't yet.
Could you please mark my work and tell me what I should improve. What grade would you give my work?
I chose Kamikaze as my second poem.

Compare how poets present the ways people are affected by difficult experiences in "Remains" and one other poem.


Both Remains and Kamikaze explores the reality of conflict and the long term impact this has on a person through the ways in which war strips away people's humanity, dehumanising them in order to turn them into weapons of war.

Both poems emphasise the reality of war through the soldier's challenging experiences.In the poem, Kamikaze, Garland examines the effect social pressures has on a person. When setting off on his mission the Kamikaze pilot is shown to have a "flask of water,a samurai sword…, a head full of incantations". The fact that the pilot had a "samurai sword" and a "shaven head" is used to indicate how deeply engraved samurai culture is with in the military which shows how he was expected to give up his life in order to fulfill his mission. The use of the word "incantations" suggests that the Kamikaze pilot is under a spell, which in this instance the "spell" that the pilot is under is the effects of psychological conditioning from patriotism and Japanese culture, this shows how the pilot is unable to make his own decisions. Garland uses the long listing sentence to reflect how immense social pressures were for the soldiers.Moreover, the listing sentence is presented in a matter of fact tone which shows the pilot's indifference to the assortment of cultural items. This implies that the pilot felt unwilling, and therefore was pressured, to join the military as the pilot doesn't seem to have a strong sense of patriotic duty for his country. The poet begins to expose the way in which people were coerced into joining the military and were expected to give up their identity and lives for the sake of their country. In a similar way, Remains demonstrates the effect of military expectations through the way soldiers lose their individuality. Armatige uses the image of the three soldiers to present the loss of soldiers individuality. The soldiers are never mentioned by name but are referred to as "three of a kind", this makes clear their loss of individuality and humanity as they have been stripped of the aspect of what makes them human - their names. Perhaps, Armatige could have also not given the soldiers a name to highlight how this one soldier affected by this but a collection of soldiers, especially as the poem was based on the experiences of real service men.The poet shows how war has made all soldiers to think the same way, suggesting that they become emotionless beings that suspect everyone being the enemy. Both poets expose the way in which soldiers are conditioned to serve the military with blind obedience and are treated as tools of war instead of human beings.

Both poems explore struggle through soldiers' life after conflict. Armatige portrays the way trauma affects an individual after war. In Remains the speaker states that "his blood-shadow stays on the street", after he returns home from war. The long vowel sounds in this line contrasts the short vowel sounds at the begin of the poem, which is used by the poet to reflect the way the imprint of the dead body lingers in the soldier's mind. The word "shadow" suggests that his experience at war is haunting, despite leaving Iraq and cleaning the literal blood shadow, the memory of him killing the dead looter has stayed with him. The word "shadow" could also be used to reference the darker part of the human psyche which suggests that the soldier has been completely changed by his experience. This idea is reinforced by the matter of fact tone which shows the speaker's lack of emotion and highlights how the soldier has been completely desensitised to the horrors of war. Armatige shows us how only after war, soldiers begin to consider the implications of their actions and the way soldiers are altered by PTSD they have suffered as a consequence of the conflict they fought in. This allows the reader to be aware of the impact of PTSD and allows the reader to begin to question the treatment of soldiers. Contrastingly to Remains, in which an individual is affected, in Kamikaze the poet presents the ways in which a family is affected by conflict.Garland presents this through the impact the Kamikaze pilot, by not completing his mission, had on the pilot's family as well as himself. Garland states that his family treated him as though he no longer existed". This quotation is used to highlight the theme of shame, the pilot brought shame and dishonour to him and his family as he didn't complete his mission. Garland shows us how the pilot's family has been completely destroyed by conflict as although the father is alive they can never acknowledge him. Garland has included four generations in the poem to emphasise the way this conflict will keep on affecting the family. The poet also demonstrates the impact of conflict has had on the pilot through the structure of the poem. Garland uses the third person omniscient narrator to emphasise how the pilot has been completely shunned by his family and society as the reader never gets to hear the story of the pilot through his own voice. Both poets explore the theme of shame-in Remains the soldier is seen as losing his sense of self and in Kamikaze the pilot has lost his family and place in society- to highlight that conflict has long lasting impacts on people, even through the initial conflict has passed it is still very difficult, and even impossible, for soldiers to adapt to normal life.

Both Remains and Kamikaze explore the intensity of guilt. Armatige clearly presents the soldier's guilt in the last line which states "his bloody life in my bloody hands". In this quotation, Armatige alludes to Shakespeare's character, Lady Macbeth. Lady Macbeth demonstrates guilt through the way she constantly sees blood on her hands. This image of Lady Macbeth is used to clearly convey the soldier's endless guilt as he too feels as though the possibly innocent looter's blood is constantly on his hands. The use of the possessive pronoun "my" is used to emphasise how the soldier feels completely responsible for the looter's death.This contrasts to the beginning of the poem where the collective noun "all" is used which suggests that the speaker is trying to shift the blame onto the other soldiers in order to reduce guilt and the painful memories that come with it.Armitage also uses the plosive "B" sound in "bloody", which functions almost like a physical punch to these painful memories as they pierce the conscience of the soldier and disrupt his every aspect of his life. This idea further alludes to the serious reality of soldiers suffering from PTSD and the huge impact this has on their life.This quotation coupled with the blood motif is used by the poet to demonstrate how the soldier can not remove the image of blood from his mind, and how the soldier's guilt will stain his soul forever; nothing, including substance abuse, can get rid of the metaphorical stain. Likewise, in Kamikaze, Garland clearly demonstrates the pilot's guilt in the last lines of the poem which states, "he must have wondered which had been the better way to die. ". By ending the poem with this quotation, Garland emphasises how the guilt from not carrying out his mission and dishonoring his family had an immense impact on the soldier. The use of the cesura at the end of the line could highlight the way in which the pilot feels trapped by his own guilt, as there isn't any enjambment which is sometimes used to signify freedom.The poet clearly demonstrates the way in which the pilot has been severely affected by guilt through how the pilot's guilt torments the pilot as he is left wishing that he had died as a Kamikaze instead of metaphorically dying.Both poems clearly highlight how guilt consumes a soldier as they are left to deal with conflicting emotions that haunt soldiers for the rest of their lives.

Both Armatige and Garland use structure to reflect an attempt to control conflicting emotions. In Kamikaze, Garland deliberately shifts from third person to first person in order to reflect the way the pilot's daughter tries to deal with her conflicting emotions about her father. This shift in narration from third person to first person acts as a volta and signifies a dramatic shift from external to internal, which shows how this is a personal memory for her.This suggests that the daughter is trying to empathise with her father, which allows some of the daughter's inner conflict to be eased.Where as, in Remains the soldier is less successful in controlling his conflicting emotions, this is shown by the couplet at the end of the poem.Armatige uses this irregular stanza at the end of the poem to perhaps reflect how the soldier is unable to control his PTSD, which suggests that the soldier has been permanently affected by his traumatic memories- he is unable to subdue his internal conflict and will continue to be tortured by his painful memories of war.

Overall, both poems clearly highlight guilt from war and the devastating ways in which people are affected by war.Kamikaze acts as a mouthpiece to ventriloquise and expose the reality for the Japanese soldiers through the consequences, on the individual as well as the community, behind not obliging to Japanese culture and expectations. While in Remains, Armatige warns society about the impact of war on the human psyche and the lasting effect it has on soldiers- as soon as the soldiers have finished serving their country they are discarded and left to deal with the devastating impacts on their own.
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warmsponge
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(Original post by Kim.023)
Does anyone mind just taking about 5 mins to read over my essay and critique it? My target grade is 8 but I really need to work on my essay writing technique.

Compare how the poets present the effects of conflict in Exposure and one other poem.

Both Armitage’s ‘Remains’ and Owen’s ‘Exposure’ explore the physical and mental effects of fighting in war. Through a first-person perspective, both poems depict the true horrors of war that are hidden by propaganda. Both highlight the devastating effects of PTSD, an illness from which Owen himself experienced as a result of his time on the battlefield.

In ‘Remains’, Armitage’s choice of title is quite ambiguous and ironic, literally referring to the corpse of the dead looter, but also reflecting the persistent memories that haunt Armitage. The image of the man’s body physically ‘remains’ dead and is always in his killer’s mind. Armitage shows how these experiences can change your life completely, constantly living in fear and doubting yourself. Also, in ‘Exposure’ Owen’s pick of title shows ambiguity as it could explore the ‘exposure’ to the harsh weather, or the revelation of the true horrors of war. Owen’s poem suggests that through war men become vulnerable and the experiences they had in the trenches left them constantly on edge. The men were continually unprotected from the weather and enemy fire, leaving them in misery. Owen’s intentions may have been to give readers a sense of war that is truly unimaginable.

Furthermore, in ‘Remains’ Armitage uses the confusion the soldiers had and reflects it within his poem; ‘Probably armed, possibly not.’ This unveils how the soldiers were let conflicted even after the war had ended. Armitage repeats this within the poem reminding the reader of a stutter, from which could have been caused by the trauma of war. Armitage explores how the conflict has affected the soldiers in a mental form for the rest of their lives, leaving them forever conflicted. However, Owen gives the impression that although so much was promised for the soldiers the government never did fulfil their pledges, leaving soldiers alone during the war. At the end of every other stanza, Owen uses ‘but nothing happens’ to constantly remind the reader that these soldiers were uneasy about their safety and wellbeing. The repetition reflects the way that the soldiers themselves felt during the conflict and how it has impacted their way of thinking even after it has ended. The word ‘nothing’ implies the feeling the soldiers felt once they’d returned home and is ironic as although the soldiers may have felt nothing was happening, they were slowly but surely dying.

In addition, both poems convey the terrible effect war has had on the soldiers, although they went into the war with high hopes and left traumatised. Armitage uses the idea of guilt and how that has affected the lives of so many because of the pressure of killing someone. ‘His blood life in my bloody hands’, this further emphasises the scar that has been left with the men. The use of ‘my’ shows how the narrator has taken the responsibility for the murder of the looter and there is no collective to end the poem, suggesting in the end he will always be alone to blame himself. The colloquialism of the poem reminds the reader of the realism of these events, and how it truly affected those involved. Also, Armitage leaves the reader with only a brief glimpse into the life of the haunted veteran. Yet, in ‘Exposure’ Owen uses a metaphor to present the memories left with the soldier; ‘all their eyes are ice.’ This implies that the even when they close their eyes, it reminds the soldiers of the dead and those they left behind in the cold. The metaphor suggests that they are somewhat frozen in time and cannot escape the suffering whether they are alive or dead. Owen uses this to show the reader that the soldiers never truly leave the conflict because it comes home with them, in their minds.


Regarding structure in Exposure, the reader is constantly feeling unsteady like the soldier himself; ‘knive us/ nervous.’ The Para-rhyme in the poem gives a sense of permanently being on edge and anxious. As Owen himself experienced war, this gives the reader an insight to the constant belief that eventually the war would kick off; however this was not the case during 1918. Throughout the war, soldiers just like Owen, expected the war to be amazing because of the way propaganda presented it. The repetition of ‘but nothing happens’ is used four times, implying the end to each year of the war was the same and simple. Owen uses this anticlimactic end to each stanza suggesting that inevitably war was presented in a false light. The repetition reiterates the constant feeling of disappoint the soldiers had because of the way they’d been treated by the nations. Owen suggests that because of the war the stability of the soldiers had decreased and they weren’t as strong as they were going in. Yet, In Remains, Armitage continually deviates the blame to the fellow soldiers at the war, ‘Somebody else.’ The repetition suggests that Guardsman Tromans was suffering from the early signs of PTSD, as an effect of the trauma. There is a persistent reminder of the events that took place, which Armitage makes clear of throughout the poem because the soldier is reminding the reader in every stanza of the pain they went through. Towards the end of the poem Armitage begins using the word ‘my’ implying that Tromans began taking responsibility once he was home because there were no men left to blame but himself.
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absolutelysprout
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(Original post by Bc23)
Could you please mark my work and tell me what I should improve. What grade would you give my work?
I chose Kamikaze as my second poem.

Compare how poets present the ways people are affected by difficult experiences in "Remains" and one other poem.


Both Remains and Kamikaze explores the reality of conflict and the long term impact this has on a person through the ways in which war strips away people's humanity, dehumanising them in order to turn them into weapons of war.

Both poems emphasise the reality of war through the soldier's challenging experiences.In the poem, Kamikaze, Garland examines the effect social pressures has on a person. When setting off on his mission the Kamikaze pilot is shown to have a "flask of water,a samurai sword…, a head full of incantations". The fact that the pilot had a "samurai sword" and a "shaven head" is used to indicate how deeply engraved samurai culture is with in the military which shows how he was expected to give up his life in order to fulfill his mission. The use of the word "incantations" suggests that the Kamikaze pilot is under a spell, which in this instance the "spell" that the pilot is under is the effects of psychological conditioning from patriotism and Japanese culture, this shows how the pilot is unable to make his own decisions. Garland uses the long listing sentence to reflect how immense social pressures were for the soldiers.Moreover, the listing sentence is presented in a matter of fact tone which shows the pilot's indifference to the assortment of cultural items. This implies that the pilot felt unwilling, and therefore was pressured, to join the military as the pilot doesn't seem to have a strong sense of patriotic duty for his country. The poet begins to expose the way in which people were coerced into joining the military and were expected to give up their identity and lives for the sake of their country. In a similar way, Remains demonstrates the effect of military expectations through the way soldiers lose their individuality. Armatige uses the image of the three soldiers to present the loss of soldiers individuality. The soldiers are never mentioned by name but are referred to as "three of a kind", this makes clear their loss of individuality and humanity as they have been stripped of the aspect of what makes them human - their names. Perhaps, Armatige could have also not given the soldiers a name to highlight how this one soldier affected by this but a collection of soldiers, especially as the poem was based on the experiences of real service men.The poet shows how war has made all soldiers to think the same way, suggesting that they become emotionless beings that suspect everyone being the enemy. Both poets expose the way in which soldiers are conditioned to serve the military with blind obedience and are treated as tools of war instead of human beings.

Both poems explore struggle through soldiers' life after conflict. Armatige portrays the way trauma affects an individual after war. In Remains the speaker states that "his blood-shadow stays on the street", after he returns home from war. The long vowel sounds in this line contrasts the short vowel sounds at the begin of the poem, which is used by the poet to reflect the way the imprint of the dead body lingers in the soldier's mind. The word "shadow" suggests that his experience at war is haunting, despite leaving Iraq and cleaning the literal blood shadow, the memory of him killing the dead looter has stayed with him. The word "shadow" could also be used to reference the darker part of the human psyche which suggests that the soldier has been completely changed by his experience. This idea is reinforced by the matter of fact tone which shows the speaker's lack of emotion and highlights how the soldier has been completely desensitised to the horrors of war. Armatige shows us how only after war, soldiers begin to consider the implications of their actions and the way soldiers are altered by PTSD they have suffered as a consequence of the conflict they fought in. This allows the reader to be aware of the impact of PTSD and allows the reader to begin to question the treatment of soldiers. Contrastingly to Remains, in which an individual is affected, in Kamikaze the poet presents the ways in which a family is affected by conflict.Garland presents this through the impact the Kamikaze pilot, by not completing his mission, had on the pilot's family as well as himself. Garland states that his family treated him as though he no longer existed". This quotation is used to highlight the theme of shame, the pilot brought shame and dishonour to him and his family as he didn't complete his mission. Garland shows us how the pilot's family has been completely destroyed by conflict as although the father is alive they can never acknowledge him. Garland has included four generations in the poem to emphasise the way this conflict will keep on affecting the family. The poet also demonstrates the impact of conflict has had on the pilot through the structure of the poem. Garland uses the third person omniscient narrator to emphasise how the pilot has been completely shunned by his family and society as the reader never gets to hear the story of the pilot through his own voice. Both poets explore the theme of shame-in Remains the soldier is seen as losing his sense of self and in Kamikaze the pilot has lost his family and place in society- to highlight that conflict has long lasting impacts on people, even through the initial conflict has passed it is still very difficult, and even impossible, for soldiers to adapt to normal life.

Both Remains and Kamikaze explore the intensity of guilt. Armatige clearly presents the soldier's guilt in the last line which states "his bloody life in my bloody hands". In this quotation, Armatige alludes to Shakespeare's character, Lady Macbeth. Lady Macbeth demonstrates guilt through the way she constantly sees blood on her hands. This image of Lady Macbeth is used to clearly convey the soldier's endless guilt as he too feels as though the possibly innocent looter's blood is constantly on his hands. The use of the possessive pronoun "my" is used to emphasise how the soldier feels completely responsible for the looter's death.This contrasts to the beginning of the poem where the collective noun "all" is used which suggests that the speaker is trying to shift the blame onto the other soldiers in order to reduce guilt and the painful memories that come with it.Armitage also uses the plosive "B" sound in "bloody", which functions almost like a physical punch to these painful memories as they pierce the conscience of the soldier and disrupt his every aspect of his life. This idea further alludes to the serious reality of soldiers suffering from PTSD and the huge impact this has on their life.This quotation coupled with the blood motif is used by the poet to demonstrate how the soldier can not remove the image of blood from his mind, and how the soldier's guilt will stain his soul forever; nothing, including substance abuse, can get rid of the metaphorical stain. Likewise, in Kamikaze, Garland clearly demonstrates the pilot's guilt in the last lines of the poem which states, "he must have wondered which had been the better way to die. ". By ending the poem with this quotation, Garland emphasises how the guilt from not carrying out his mission and dishonoring his family had an immense impact on the soldier. The use of the cesura at the end of the line could highlight the way in which the pilot feels trapped by his own guilt, as there isn't any enjambment which is sometimes used to signify freedom.The poet clearly demonstrates the way in which the pilot has been severely affected by guilt through how the pilot's guilt torments the pilot as he is left wishing that he had died as a Kamikaze instead of metaphorically dying.Both poems clearly highlight how guilt consumes a soldier as they are left to deal with conflicting emotions that haunt soldiers for the rest of their lives.

Both Armatige and Garland use structure to reflect an attempt to control conflicting emotions. In Kamikaze, Garland deliberately shifts from third person to first person in order to reflect the way the pilot's daughter tries to deal with her conflicting emotions about her father. This shift in narration from third person to first person acts as a volta and signifies a dramatic shift from external to internal, which shows how this is a personal memory for her.This suggests that the daughter is trying to empathise with her father, which allows some of the daughter's inner conflict to be eased.Where as, in Remains the soldier is less successful in controlling his conflicting emotions, this is shown by the couplet at the end of the poem.Armatige uses this irregular stanza at the end of the poem to perhaps reflect how the soldier is unable to control his PTSD, which suggests that the soldier has been permanently affected by his traumatic memories- he is unable to subdue his internal conflict and will continue to be tortured by his painful memories of war.

Overall, both poems clearly highlight guilt from war and the devastating ways in which people are affected by war.Kamikaze acts as a mouthpiece to ventriloquise and expose the reality for the Japanese soldiers through the consequences, on the individual as well as the community, behind not obliging to Japanese culture and expectations. While in Remains, Armatige warns society about the impact of war on the human psyche and the lasting effect it has on soldiers- as soon as the soldiers have finished serving their country they are discarded and left to deal with the devastating impacts on their own.
check your spelling of simon armitage's surname
i won't give a mark or grade as i'm just a uni student but this essay's really good! can't find much to critique about it
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