Can someone Mark and Grade a paragraph from my Macbeth Ambition essay?

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Alexhantig28
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My Exams start in the next 2 weeks and it would be highly appreciated if this could be graded, as i am aiming for a 7/8 in English Literature this summer. please feel free to give me improvements as i am aware it is far from perfect. Thank you.
In the beginning of the play, Shakespeare presents Macbeth as noble and brave, his ambition makes him a dedicated warrior, therefore he is noticed by many and is the epitome of a hero. This is made evident in the quote, “his brandished steel which smoked with bloody execution.” These words literally show that he is so used to slaying the opposing team in battle that it almost becomes a hobby and second nature to Macbeth. The fact that he has adopted this murderous nature when he fights, highlights his dedication not only to king Duncan but to the whole of Scotland, as it is made to seem that people, especially the captain is dependable upon “Brave Macbeth.” The verb “smoked,” gives the implication that his sword is constantly being swung, it is like a recurring motion and so the metal itself begins to wear away. This echoes the determination within Macbeth, he will do anything to protect his nation, showing him to be ambitious. Commonly, “execution,” is associated with criminals and killings, which shows that Macbeth has a sense of immunity in regard to what he can do. He is above the rules and therefore he evades the conceptual faculties of a normal Jacobean soldier. This goes to show the difference in perception of what is good, killing would have been considered noble and right. Macbeths ability to kill is further exploited in the simile “like a lion,” which indicates that he has a primitive nature and so he lacks a moral compass causing him to fight unpredictably. Often “lions,” are seen as leaders which suggests that Macbeth has been born with a gift, something of his nature cannot be lectured It has to run through blood. The graphical imagery and violent tone when he “unseamed him from the nave to the chops,” is regarded with awe, which implores the readers sense that Macbeths ambitious drive to kill is what makes him known and respected. In other words, his reputation is built upon the ambitious aura he emits. Shakespeare has done this to make Macbeth a stand out citizen, his gift on the battle field causes him to rise above many other soldiers hoping to be “thanes,” one day. This goes to show how his ambition can make him recognised in the Elizabethan era for the noble and brave human he is.
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nadia23432554
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Very good! I got gcse aswell but my English teacher always tells me im excellent at marking as we peer assess.
Your paragraph is very good however you need to talk about the effect on the audience, modern and Shakespearean. And context! If do that you can easily get an 8!
Your paragraph is a grade 6
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CasterSugar
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I'd give it around a 5 due to lack of major context. To improve you should link to why it was wrote like that in regards to context (people poor so needed ambition to improve there life) and then embedd more of your quotes into the sentence and effect on both Shakespearean and modern audience and with lit talk about how it could mean something or you could argue it means something as this makes it seem like a sophisticated response since most literature can be interpreted differently by each individual and finally when mentioning the dark tone you could always say this is representative of the mood in early Jacobean England due to religious devision and the gun powder plot and finally you could always mention a similarity in tone to the play Hamlet (Also wrote in this time)
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Student12547
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I went from a Grade 4 and Grade 6 in my mocks to 2 Grade 8's in my real exams. My mum tutored me and gave me a crash course as she is an english teacher and my teacher was sh*t. Basically its really easy to get good grades in english, its a case of ticking boxes on the examiners paper. Your essay is ticking some. You have good analysis, although personally I would refrain from using phrases such as 'this literally shows that', replace with 'he is clearly expressing that', or something like that, just gives off a better tone IMO. Like others have said, you need context (specific to the play, I didnt do Macbeth but for example for my shakespeare play women were central and so learn about that) and effect on the audience, imagine what this would have been like on stage in shakespearean times, you need to link what you have said in one paragraph together in a sentence at the end, you need to try and break up your PEEL (Point Evidence Explain Link) structure a little if you can, PEEL is used for the lower ability to make sure you are certainly achieving a C and maybe B, top answers will have a more fluent structure, you can still keep a loose PEEL structure but breaking away from it a bit shows maturity and ability, but make sure you still include the componants. Just follow your gut when it comes to this, it shouldnt stress you out just write more from your brain than doing P then E then E then L if that makes sense. You should also know small things like the difference between 'you' and 'thou' represents the different status of the people they are talking too, and get to terms with repeated shakespearean terms used throughout Macbeth so when you read the passage in the exam you dont get the wrong end of the stick of whats going on, cos that would really suck and happens to a lot of people. Mainly you need context, be able to identify a range of linguistic and structural techniques, you can pretty much make up what they mean as long as you back it up, effect on audience and really strong analysis. Hope this helps x
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