I have no friends at University

Watch this thread
Lexus1
Badges: 3
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hello Everyone,

So as the title suggests, I am a bit of a loser and do not really have any friends at university or at home. I am currently in my second year. Over the last few weeks, I have come to accept that I actually have no friends and really want to change this.

During my school years, I pretty much moved schools all of the time - sometimes even to different countries. After I completed my GCSE`s, I enrolled into sixth form where I finished my AS but moved again and completed my A2 exams.

During school, I never really made any friends, I was always the weird new kid that just sort of kept himself to himself. In sixth form, I made a few friends but after I moved the friendships fizzled out. I did not really mind as most people make all new friends at university so I was really excited.

I got into university and really got into my own during Freshers. I was really sociable and was constantly involved in something during the Freshers week. My university is about 3/4 hours from where I live so it is quite a distance, so I usually go home like every four weeks.

After Freshers week finished, I found that I lost the friends I had made as everyone sort of had their own courses and after a few weeks all of my new friends got into new friendship groups and I have not actually been able to adapt to university since.

I had a fairly large flat - 7 people, but non of us really every got on. We were all too different and everyone made their own friends and found new flat mates for second year. Now, I struggled with making friends as everyone already had their groups and I was often sat alone in lectures and just did not want to talk to anyone in case they thought I was weird.

I managed to get through first year and although I got to know people on my course we were only friends when lectures were on and after no one really wanted to do anything. I often tried to ask if anyone fancied going for food or have a kick around but everyone was busy and after a few attempts I just stopped asking as it was clear they were not interested.

Now I am in my second year and I live on my own (private student halls) there are other students but they are all mature students and international students and we all do not really have much in common (much like first year), so I am usually just sat in my room doing my work or watching netflix.

Since the weather got better and I saw people out in the park, having BBQs, having summer nights and just overall enjoying themselves, I started feeling more and more like a complete loser. I am literally 20 years old with no friends, never had a girlfriend, and to be honest my degree is not exactly going great as I tend to avoid lectures and seminars/tutorials to avoid people knowing that I have no friends.

University is the time where people make life-long friends, but I cant even seem to make A friend, and I dont know what I am doing wrong. Throughout school I was pretty badly bullied but I have changed a lot since then. I try to be nice and approachable but realistically no one is going to randomly ask to be your friend.

I want to know how do I make friends in my third year, second year is basically finished and I really do not want to be like this in my third year and I really want to get out and enjoy myself. I feel university is my only way of making friends because at home I feel it is too hard.

I have tried joining societies but do not go to the events just because I do not want to go on my own when people all come with their friends, at home I cannot just go out to places on my own as its just going to look weird.

Someone please give me some advice on how I can change?
9
reply
Pete84
Badges: 2
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
Sorry to hear that. I would suggest possibly taking to a doctor or uni counselling as the better you feel about yourself the easier it is to make friends. I would also try to make very thing you do more sociable. So if you perhaps you go to the gym, go to a fitness class or join a club instead. Exercise is very good for endorphins and feeling happier. Volunteering is another good way to meet people. Also, what are your hobbies? I'm sure if you look up on meetup or around your uni there will be other people with shared interests. Ultimately though there are times where you just need to bite the bullet and talk to people at these events would be a good idea.
0
reply
Sataris
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Join societies. Can't spell society without social... sort of

And don't neglect uni stuff because of this, plenty of people prefer to sit alone in lectures anyway
0
reply
Lexus1
Badges: 3
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by Sataris)
Join societies. Can't spell society without social... sort of

And don't neglect uni stuff because of this, plenty of people prefer to sit alone in lectures anyway
I tried this year, I just felt like such a saddo walking into socials by myself, I tried to talk to people but most socials have people who have friendships and mingle with other groups - so if you are on your own you just end up looking weird.

(Original post by Pete84)
Sorry to hear that. I would suggest possibly taking to a doctor or uni counselling as the better you feel about yourself the easier it is to make friends. I would also try to make very thing you do more sociable. So if you perhaps you go to the gym, go to a fitness class or join a club instead. Exercise is very good for endorphins and feeling happier. Volunteering is another good way to meet people. Also, what are your hobbies? I'm sure if you look up on meetup or around your uni there will be other people with shared interests. Ultimately though there are times where you just need to bite the bullet and talk to people at these events would be a good idea.
I go to the gym currently (it is the only "activity" or hobby I have) I train 4-5 times a week but this has usually been 1-2 recently due to exams. I did used to go to the uni gym but now I go to a gym a little closer to my flat just for convenience.

Gym is my main hobby, I play football too but again cant play by yourself I have tried talking to people at most events but I just find that people often have their own friends to get back to after the event. I do of course do something to stop myself developing friendships but I really want to change that.
0
reply
ryanpro
Badges: 9
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
Isolation is the worst, especially when exacerbated by self infliction. So first things first; make sure you make the effort to go to your lectures. Your future is important. Locking yourself away so you can avoid people is the opposite to what you should be doing. So even when you feel like you can't be bothered, make the effort!

When I started my further education, I knew nobody. I went to college 4000 miles away. Societies, volunteering, working, going out and interacting are all ways to gain friends and bolster your social skills. It might be awkward at first, but who cares. That'll pass after the first meeting, or few. You just gotta keep it up.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was a teen. I remedied it by a mixture of medication and a technique most people actually use subconsciously - have you ever heard the saying 'putting on a brave face'? Try to act like the person you want to be. I faked it until social interactions became second nature. Give it a try.

Seeking professional help is really important too, especially if your life is being affected by your mental well-being. There are people to talk to, medication that can be prescribed and coping techniques that can be adopted. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/ https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhe...ealthhome.aspx

I know all that is easier said than done, I've been there. It will get better for you! If you need a friend or someone to chat to privately, send us a message!
4
reply
fefssdf
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
Hi if it's any help I am in a very similar position to yourself. I also feel. As if I have no friends at university. My social life was pretty good up until. The start of 2018 and then everything came. Crashing down and so now I basically. Don't speak to anyone and I feel the same way when you say about people making lifelong friends at uni since I look around and see so many happy sociable people with their friendship groups and yet I'm just there on my. Own bored and friendless. I would love people to do stuff with like go clubbing or even just people to study with and have conservation with. Loneliness is a horrible. Experience and I think uni reminds you of it much more since you don't have scheduled things like say lessons everyone goes to. Like you really have to kinda make. Your own schedule
1
reply
Dija51
Badges: 13
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
I've taken a gap year and kinda regret it coz I feel so isolated it's the worst and it's weird hearing that you are in the same position
0
reply
Sataris
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by Lexus1)
I tried this year, I just felt like such a saddo walking into socials by myself, I tried to talk to people but most socials have people who have friendships and mingle with other groups - so if you are on your own you just end up looking weird.
I actually know exactly what you mean - did you go at the start of the year or part way through?
0
reply
sloths
Badges: 12
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
(Original post by ryanpro)
Isolation is the worst, especially when exacerbated by self infliction. So first things first; make sure you make the effort to go to your lectures. Your future is important. Locking yourself away so you can avoid people is the opposite to what you should be doing. So even when you feel like you can't be bothered, make the effort!

When I started my further education, I knew nobody. I went to college 4000 miles away. Societies, volunteering, working, going out and interacting are all ways to gain friends and bolster your social skills. It might be awkward at first, but who cares. That'll pass after the first meeting, or few. You just gotta keep it up.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was a teen. I remedied it by a mixture of medication and a technique most people actually use subconsciously - have you ever heard the saying 'putting on a brave face'? Try to act like the person you want to be. I faked it until social interactions became second nature. Give it a try.

Seeking professional help is really important too, especially if your life is being affected by your mental well-being. There are people to talk to, medication that can be prescribed and coping techniques that can be adopted. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/ https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhe...ealthhome.aspx

I know all that is easier said than done, I've been there. It will get better for you! If you need a friend or someone to chat to privately, send us a message!

^^ this says what i wanted to say really well

Don't isolate yourself further and try hard for the last year of your degree. I'm sorry that uni isn't going very well for you.

Just a few ideas of things that made me sociable at uni, I worked as an ambassador (tour guide) for my uni which was a job, but a very sociable one. You meet lots of students of all ages who are naturally very sociable people if your uni has this type of job available then apply for it. Likewise i think any job or volunteering role would help you. As much as It's important to spend time on your studies, getting yourself out there in volunteering or working will naturally put you around people and you might make friends from that.

You could try to join 1 or 2 societies next year and make yourself go to the events. I know you feel silly being on your own but please take it from someone that ran a society, i thought that people who came alone to events were brilliant and everyone accepts you for taking the plunge by yourself, don't be embarrassed about it at all
3
reply
Yasuda
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report 4 years ago
#10
This has been me literally all my life
I've never had a genuine friendship where me and the other party both genuinely liked each other
7
reply
Random90sGuy
Badges: 3
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
I'm in the same situation. I'm an international first year student in London and it's been a struggle making friends (so much so that I'd say I also have 0 friends here). I really wish that I had chosen to live in one of the university halls. My flatmates are all around my age but we really don't connect. We would chat whenever we meet each other in the kitchen or elsewhere but in between those encounters are weeks spent without talking to each other.

I also don't go to lectures but only because I learn better on my own but had I gone I think I would have found out about where my classmates (or lecturemates ....) usually hang out and it would have been so much different. In fact I decided to pop into a maths seminar one day and was able to connect with so many people at once. I regret not going to them sooner and more regularly.

That said, in my second year I am 100% going to make more of an effort to make friends and suggest you do too. Go to lectures. go to course support sessions if your uni has them and go to societies you're interested in and I think eventually the people you meet there will make plans to go out and you'll be a part of it.

Personally, I'm not a party guy but have no problem going out if asked. Also don't be afraid to strike up conversations with people you're interested in talking to. They're your age so don't give a **** about them potentially judging you or whatever. Also they are probably in the same boat as you.
2
reply
Pete84
Badges: 2
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report 4 years ago
#12
If you play football I'd imagine that is ideal for meeting people - join your uni footy club, go to football games etc.

I know nothing about football - it's a quick way to get talking to people
1
reply
Other_Owl
Badges: 22
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
Report 4 years ago
#13
Have you tried joining a society out of your interest? I joined the anime and manga society. I made friends that way.
0
reply
l_nleya
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 4 years ago
#14
..
0
reply
nothing_illegal
Badges: 12
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#15
Report 4 years ago
#15
(Original post by l_nleya)
get your self a black friend
(Original post by l_nleya)
get your self a black friend
What is that suppossed to mean? Are black people commodities that you can just "get"?
0
reply
Sataris
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#16
Report 4 years ago
#16
(Original post by nothing_illegal)
What is that suppossed to mean? Are black people commodities that you can just "get"?
Ah, not for a long time now
0
reply
Sataris
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#17
Report 4 years ago
#17
(Original post by nothing_illegal)
What is that suppossed to mean? Are black people commodities that you can just "get"?
But I'm sure you know what they meant, even if it was a strange thing to say
0
reply
nothing_illegal
Badges: 12
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#18
Report 4 years ago
#18
(Original post by Sataris)
Ah, not for a long time now
I guess you'll just have to wait a lot longer because it's not going to happen. Or, maybe you should get yourself an 'unseasoned' friend.
0
reply
RandomTennisfan
Badges: 15
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#19
Report 4 years ago
#19
Mate I feel exactly the same way, but I'm planning on changing this next year(currently in year 1). I don't really feel any connect with any of my flatmates; saying this I do get on with my coursemates, but haven't found a close group to hang round with so that in turn leaves me being the odd one out. I've tried going to watch football with some people in halls but never really felt part of their group-often thought I was a nuisance to them tagging along. I'd say keep trying though as you have only got one year left. Personal development can go a long way, through going to the gym or playing for a football team, I play tennis a few times a week and go to the gym, it helps when dealing with social anxiety.
0
reply
lois_____
Badges: 7
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#20
Report 4 years ago
#20
that would be my advice as well, i suffer with social anxiety too and by acting like the person you want to be helps so much
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

How confident are you that you'll achieve the grades you need to get into your firm uni?

I think I've exceeded the grades for my university offer (29)
17.68%
I think I've met the grades for my university offer (41)
25%
I think I've missed the grades for my university offer (85)
51.83%
Something else (tell us in the thread) (9)
5.49%

Watched Threads

View All