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What is WRONG with meee
For goodnessake, this is getting beyond a joke now, I dont know what my problem is. Well i do actually. I am 21, have never been in a relationship and have only ever had drunken one night stands. Ive recently been getting close to this guy but every time he rings me I just cant answer it im too nervous. when i think about it, im not even that shy...i mean i am not what you would call quiet around my friends, and ever around him sometimes. i just have this MASSIVE fear that people find me boring, even though i know that im not, i dont want people to think i am.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
stop thinking about it, its easy to say but it sounds like if you do that youl be fine. the guys shown an interest its just you talking yourself out of it.
if people found you boring they would fall asleep around you and wouldnt be trying to speak to you.
silences are normal, stop overthinking things and talk to him! if a silence becomes exteded or awkward find an excuse to leave/do something else
if people found you boring they would fall asleep around you and wouldnt be trying to speak to you.
silences are normal, stop overthinking things and talk to him! if a silence becomes exteded or awkward find an excuse to leave/do something else
Why don't you try and arrange a double-date or something? That way you can see this guy in a romantic context, but you'll have another couple there so you don't feel too awkward and you wont have to worry that the conversation will dry up. Then you can hopefully get more comfortable with this guy, and work up to one-on-one situations.
It sounds like he likes you, if he texts and calls you a lot, so he obviously doesn't find you boring! Try and challenge yourself to phone him, regardless of how nervous you feel - once you're talking the conversation will flow, and you'll wonder what you were worrying about! It'll get easier the more you do it.
Good luck.
It sounds like he likes you, if he texts and calls you a lot, so he obviously doesn't find you boring! Try and challenge yourself to phone him, regardless of how nervous you feel - once you're talking the conversation will flow, and you'll wonder what you were worrying about! It'll get easier the more you do it.
Good luck.
Maybe you really are boring. Maybe you should take up some boredom-version of this rule. I'm boring too, most people are.
i'm EXACTLY the same- even if i really like the guy, i still say no if he asks me on a date- because i'm so scared of the silent/awkward moments. i try and get over it but i really can't, gets me down. so atleas you know you're not the only one!
I'm like this with certain friends, depends who it is. With close friends I normally talk so much there's no room left for awkward silences. Anyway, say yes and pick up the phone! If a huge silence comes on then just make an excuse and say you'll speak to him later. And if you meet up in person just think of them more as comfortable silences...not awkward ones! And if they are just awkward ones and you end up not liking the guy, then ditch him and move on to another one. Plus, it's not just you who'll be talking on a date, he'll have to talk too!
Problem is that you're making them feel nervous too by not picking up the call - imagine how you'd feel if somebody you were genuinely interested in didn't pick up on several occaisions? Put me right off, it would. They're bound to happen, accept it. Talking all the time constantly with your partner is never going to happen. Ever.
If you want another angle on awkward silences, Here's one from Pulp Fiction:
Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
If you want another angle on awkward silences, Here's one from Pulp Fiction:
Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
Lack Of Self Esteem/confidence.
Wow OP, reading that I felt I could have written it myself, almost everything you said also applies to me except Im not 21 and havent had any one night stands (although have been very close, lol). Im just the same, a constant fear of being boring, and only on a one-on-one situation. I always feel its my responsibilty to cover up any awkward silences...but then again, why should it be? The other person probably feels the same, at least thats what I tell myself.
I too also have a phobia of picking up the phone from a guy I like, its now cost me 2 potential relationships because I'd always make an excuse about not picking up the phone and text instead . My advice is just confront it and answer your phone/ring him cos its not nearly as bad as you make out.
My other paranoia is that Im just generally an awkward person or that I seem to have some kind of aura where people cant talk to me freely or easily the way they can to other people. I dont know why I give off this kind of vibe I mean its not as hough I sit in a corner scowling all day, I often actively make an effort to smile and seem approachable
Aaaargh!
Edit: Oh by the way, alcohol does help, but usually in my case it ends up in million repercussions of stupid things I did/said the night before!
I too also have a phobia of picking up the phone from a guy I like, its now cost me 2 potential relationships because I'd always make an excuse about not picking up the phone and text instead
. My advice is just confront it and answer your phone/ring him cos its not nearly as bad as you make out.My other paranoia is that Im just generally an awkward person or that I seem to have some kind of aura where people cant talk to me freely or easily the way they can to other people. I dont know why I give off this kind of vibe I mean its not as hough I sit in a corner scowling all day, I often actively make an effort to smile and seem approachable
Aaaargh!Edit: Oh by the way, alcohol does help, but usually in my case it ends up in million repercussions of stupid things I did/said the night before!
WEll I did it! lol I picked up the phone, he rang again and i forced myself...it wasnt even bad!! i mean there were parts where i felt a little like 'omg dont go quiet' but thankfully he talked as much as me anyway. phewwwph.
Penny_lane 89 I think just like that too!....about giving off a vibe that people feel awkward around me...Im sure it is all in our heads but I duno, i feel totally the same. and alchohol ALWAYS ends up with me going too far, having too much and doing something totally stupid...ie last time i was drunk i burst out crying saying how much i liked this guy who didnt like me...in front of him...arghh! the shaaame. oh well!
at least i answered the call woo!
Penny_lane 89 I think just like that too!....about giving off a vibe that people feel awkward around me...Im sure it is all in our heads but I duno, i feel totally the same. and alchohol ALWAYS ends up with me going too far, having too much and doing something totally stupid...ie last time i was drunk i burst out crying saying how much i liked this guy who didnt like me...in front of him...arghh! the shaaame. oh well!
at least i answered the call woo!
Anonymous
For goodnessake, this is getting beyond a joke now, I dont know what my problem is. Well i do actually. I am 21, have never been in a relationship and have only ever had drunken one night stands. Ive recently been getting close to this guy but every time he rings me I just cant answer it im too nervous. when i think about it, im not even that shy...i mean i am not what you would call quiet around my friends, and ever around him sometimes. i just have this MASSIVE fear that people find me boring, even though i know that im not, i dont want people to think i am.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
I empathise entirely; however, it is perhaps instructive in such situations to realise that you are no more necessarily to blame for 'awkward silences' than is the other person. Even where friendships have been cultivated on the foremost premise that you are intelligent, engaging, humorous, et cetera (which mine typically are, as making people laugh happens to be a principal source of gratification for me), you have to learn to relax: because it simply isn't feasible for any but the most prodigious of individuals to be constantly perceptive and entertaining throughout the usual duration of such encounters, nevermind the fact that everyone suffers from 'off days' or that your friend will likely be every bit as apt to chide themselves for failing to provide you with adequate 'material'.
If your personality and acquaintances feel defined by conversational proficiency/excellence to the extent that this attribute almost solely affirms your sense of self-worth or esteem (and 'awkward silences' thus seem to imply personal failure), you will find that you hold yourself to ludicrously high standards during even the most casual and mundane of interactions; moreover, your compulsion towards being 'funny' or 'intelligent' all of the time will mean that the impression others form of you is seldom a complete one. Speaking as such a person, I know that my predicament has been assuaged of late by the recognition of other (sometimes, latent) merits: that I've been thought of as good-looking, for instance; or admired for certain artistic endeavours; or dispensed particularly good advice; or cooked a good chilli. However, these don't impinge on my social reality to nearly the same extent as has appearing to retain others' interest even when being ostensibly uninteresting; and, indeed, the good majority of people probably aren't nearly so fickle or exacting as you suspect them of being - not least because, were they to practise such exacting standards as you impose upon yourself, they'd come across as pretty 'boring' themselves.
Anonymous
For goodnessake, this is getting beyond a joke now, I dont know what my problem is. Well i do actually. I am 21, have never been in a relationship and have only ever had drunken one night stands. Ive recently been getting close to this guy but every time he rings me I just cant answer it im too nervous. when i think about it, im not even that shy...i mean i am not what you would call quiet around my friends, and ever around him sometimes. i just have this MASSIVE fear that people find me boring, even though i know that im not, i dont want people to think i am.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
i dont even know why im writing this as i dont know what im asking really. i just dont understand why i have this problem. i never pursue anything with guys because i worry that they will find me boring. i wouldnt dream of meeting up for a drink incase there were awkward silences, even though i know im quite a chatty person. im fine when there are 2 or more people its just when its one on one (im like this with friends when one on one as well) i just get sooo nervous that the other person would think im boring. and yet if there are say 2 others, im perfectly happy with there being silence and i never worry at all if im boring. arghh i just dont know what to do. but yea this new guy is just guna think im weird cus im happy to text but never answer his calls and end up making some poxy lame excuse grrrrrrr
does anyone else worry about awkward silences or that the other person finds them boring?? im sure ive never met neone with quite the same problem. its really ruining all my oppertunities when i think about it.
I am in EXACTLY the same position. Am 22 and never had a boyfriend either. In my case I hate calling people because I don't think I'll have anything interesting to say and when people call me I get nervous. I just think to myself 'God I'm boring why would anyone want to hear anything I have to say. Better not speak at all'. I'm trying to get over it and it will take a while but I can't help but feel that I'm getting on and should really have conquered this by now, at least to the point where I feel comfortable with myself.
Anonymous
Penny_lane 89 I think just like that too!....about giving off a vibe that people feel awkward around me...Im sure it is all in our heads but I duno, i feel totally the same. and alchohol ALWAYS ends up with me going too far, having too much and doing something totally stupid...ie last time i was drunk i burst out crying saying how much i liked this guy who didnt like me...in front of him...arghh! the shaaame. oh well!
at least i answered the call woo!
Penny_lane 89 I think just like that too!....about giving off a vibe that people feel awkward around me...Im sure it is all in our heads but I duno, i feel totally the same. and alchohol ALWAYS ends up with me going too far, having too much and doing something totally stupid...ie last time i was drunk i burst out crying saying how much i liked this guy who didnt like me...in front of him...arghh! the shaaame. oh well!
at least i answered the call woo!
Wow we are so alike its scary, I also end up going waaaay too far with alcohol usually resulting in me being an emotional mess and blurting out my innermost feelings...and ive been in exactly the situation you've just mentioned as well! Well done for calling back I told you it wouldnt be that bad. I agree its probably mostly in our heads but how do I stop feeling like this?! Arf=gfjdgfjdhh! PM if you want
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