The Student Room Group

Pathetic but still obsessing about Oxbridge

(Please keep anon or delete x)

Hello everyone,

Ok I am aware this is pathetic but here's my situation.

I am, and have always been, a straight A student, studied extremely hard and did exceptionally well in my GCSEs (12 A*s) , A-levels (5.5 As) , extra-curriculars (2 county sports teams, running debating society and maths society/ directed school plays/ head girl of school) etc. To put it bluntly, I never expected to go anywhere except Oxbridge. This may seem hugely arrogant but put yourself in my shoes - both my parents and most of my family went to Oxbridge/ my school sends 50% of its leavers to Oxbridge and as head-girl and one of the highest-scoring students most teachers expected me to go there. Teachers basically told me that I'd get in; friends and family friends thought I'd get in and my parents thought I'd get in.

But around December 2007 I fell ill and struggled with my Oxford interviews and exam and was subsequently rejected. (Note: I don't know if I'd have got in had I been in full health - I may well have been rejected, but this is obviously haunting me)

I was quite shocked and so was my school. They called up Oxford to ask why I'd been rejected but all they said was that they had stronger candidates.

I considered reapplying for a long time but eventually I decided to take up my place at Warwick studying maths. This was due to several reasons: Maths is a very bad subject to take a gap year. Warwick maths is absolutely excellent. I'd never planned to have a gap year.

Right now I've been at Warwick for almost two terms and Oxford has come back to haunt me. This is because of the following:

Another girl who was rejected for Oxford maths reapplied this year and got in. All my teachers considered me a stronger mathematician.

All my best friends are at Oxbridge. When I go home for the holidays all I here is 'varsity', 'bumps' , 'collections', 'formals', 'swaps', 'matriculation' and stories about being an undergrad at two of the best universities in the world in two of the most beautiful cities in the UK. Whereas I am at a good university in the middle of nowhere, getting frustrated by the campus and lack of social life. When we meet new people, my friends will get the 'wow, you're from oxbridge treatment' and i'll get 'warwick. is it boring living in coventry?'
I just feel so inferior and left out when I'm with them. Plus they all have this, 'Haha I'm at Oxbridge, we get a mental amount of work and complain but love that we're at the best university in the country' attitude and say things like 'But I thought you didn't get work?' to me if I join in moaning about workloads.

I know my parents are still disappointed in me. When people ask which university I'm at, my dad will say something like, 'She's at Warwick but she's doing maths which is their best subject. My son is at Cambridge...' and then he'll start talking about my brother as if I'm such an embarassment.

Even teachers seem to look down on me now. When I went back to school for leavers prizes, one teacher said to me 'So I hear you decided to reapply! I think that was the right decision.' I said that actually I didn't; I went to Warwick. She said, 'Oh...right...is that ok then?' Another said mournfully, 'I always thought you'd end up at Oxford.'

I just feel like I've failed everyone's expectations and I am being constantly reminded.

Also, I went to visit my friends in Oxford a few weeks ago and it was just perfect. It was just so beautiful and everything that I'd expected from a university. The people, the city, college life, punting down the river, etc

I just feel like all my life I'd been preparing myself for Oxbridge and now I've missed it.

I'm having an OK time at Warwick and the course is good but I can't help wondering what I've missed out. Should I have reapplied? Should I drop out and reapply? But then I'd have to take two gap years and there's no guarantee that I'd get in.

I thought I was making the right decision by coming to Warwick. I've made friends here and am basically enjoying myself. It just seems so mundane and average compared to Oxbridge.

Now I feel like I'm going to have a chip on my shoulder my whole life for not getting to Oxbridge. Already I feel slightly bitter towards everyone who got in, especially people I know are not better than me at their subject or more passionate or hard-working.

To be honest there's another thing I miss too. I used to go to one of the best schools in the Uk and I was head-girl. Whenever I talked to new people, they would have this 'wow - you must be so smart' look on their face and often said this much. I don't get that anymore!

I just need people to tell me if I'm being ridiculous and romanticising Oxbridge or it really is that great.

I just keep thinking of how much I'm missing out on.

Help?! Should I just get over it? I feel like it's holding me back from throwing myself fully into Warwick life.

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I think you should get over it. It's hard luck but it's no use wondering about the what-ifs. You're right, there's no guarantee you would've gotten in had you not been ill, just make the most of it and try not to be bitter towards who are at Oxbridge, but feel grateful and remember the ones like us who didn't quite make Warwick :smile:
You have really taken this too far. Oxbridge are just universities, not passports to Atlantis.

I graduated from Cambridge and had I not got in, I would have felt the same way you are feeling now. In hindsight, I wish I had taken my Warwick offer instead (Warwick had the better course in my opinion).

Chill out and enjoy your time. Also, no offence, but you aren't too good for Warwick, their maths course is excellent.
I really sympathise for you for feeling this way, but there is nothing to be done about it. Do get over it and Warwick is known for an excellent maths department. There are many, many excellent candidates who are rejected each year, its just the way it is and people have to move on, and not think what if.

If you are still obsessing why not try for a course change to Oxford? And you can always apply for masters and post grads there and then you will get back all that you have longed for. Enjoy your time at Warwick and try to have a normal uni life.
Reply 4
I do not understand much about universities at the moment but i know that everyone has a weakness and it sounds like you have it in interviews.

My suggestion phone them up and ask for another interview saying you was not well prepared. Then the time leading up to the meeting work on your one to one skills.
Reply 5
get over it, you snob.

I know my parents are still disappointed in me. When people ask which university I'm at, my dad will say something like, 'She's at Warwick but she's doing maths which is their best subject. My son is at Cambridge...' and then he'll start talking about my brother as if I'm such an embarassment.


Jesus Christ. You and your family sound like horrible people.
Reply 7
v2006
get over it, you snob.


Despite what one's level of ambition is despite their background there was no need for that comment!
There's always post grad.....i understand what situation you're in (straight As and awhole bunch of ECs from primary school), my teachers, my parents, expected me to get in but again, i'm not in the same situation because i didn't have a long legacy of oxbridges in my family so it was kind of a reach. Still, i don't think it's your fault, more the fault of your family/friends/ and teachers who don't seem to be very considerate of the way you feel. I mean, you did get an interview, and that's an achievement, it's their loss to be rejecting you.

It is not your fault that they're in the little closed world where only oxbridge exist, and it is your duty to inform them that there are other good unis out there. If you can change their views on those other unis, they'll change their views of you. If they keep looking down on you, you're just helping them by thinking so yourself.
Reply 9
Why do a few A's and EC's entitle you to get into Oxbrige?
All my best friends are at Oxbridge.


What the hell is Oxbridge anyways? You make it sound like this utopian place of learning. I'm at Oxford and things are not as perfect as you make it sound.
v2006
Why do a few A's and EC's entitle you to get into Oxbrige?

It's called stereotyping...people with perfect grades who are good at everything get to top universities i.e. Oxbridge.
Reply 12
You could always go to Cambridge for Masters degree. :top:
Your oxbridge friends probably are going to tell you about all the bad things, are they? Of course they are painting the picture of this brilliant university, but I'm sure there are some negative aspects!

All those people who you think are disappointed with you e.g. parents/teachers, forget what they think. Warwick is a top uni! Try and have fun and enjoy your studies and your social time.

I don't know much about post grad at oxbridge but I'm assuming you could perhaps apply for a postgrad in maths if you really want to attend Oxbridge in future? Is this something you have considered?
Reply 14
You will not start to get over your disappointment unless you determine to make the best of your experience at Warwick. It is a very good university, there are hundreds of students who would like to be there but were rejected. You seem determined to be bored and frustrated there, preferring this imagined wonderful time at Oxford. A brief glance oer this site will tell you that there are also many unhappy Oxbridge students.
Look around you, be positive, get out more, make good friends and get yourself a life. Then when your snobby father wants to boast about your brother, you can honestly tell him that you are doing perfectly well too, thank you very much.
Get into post-grad at Harvard or something and come back to point at your friends and laugh "Me no1 uni in the WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHA! and my uni got more funds than both Oxford AND Cambridge put together, beat that!"
talespirit
Get into post-grad at Harvard or something and come back to point at your friends and laugh "Me no1 uni in the WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHA! and my uni got more funds than both Oxford AND Cambridge put together, beat that!"


You people are horrible.
Reply 17
talespirit
It's called stereotyping...people with perfect grades who are good at everything get to top universities i.e. Oxbridge.


Err, what? Plenty of people with a zillion A's get rejected by Oxbridge.
Reply 18
I think you should talk to your parents about your belief that they are disappointed with you, otherwise it will be more difficult to get over not going to Oxbridge if your parents keep making it a big deal. You need to forget about Oxbridge so that you can do your best at Warwick
I think people are being a bit harsh on the OP. If someone is constantly told by people supposedly in authority, then I don't really think it's their fault for expecting to get in.

Personally, I think you'll find it difficult to put this behind you for a while, so I'd certainly consider doing a postgrad at Oxbridge. Either to i) Enable you to have 'lived your dream' or whatever or ii) Prove to you that's it not all it's cracked up to be.