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Every guy always goes for her instead of me!
I'm a girl and I have a close friend who's fantastic but recently I've been feeling self conscious about being around her because every guy seems to fancy her instead of me. This is making me really upset because it's not just random guys who flirt with her instead of me, it's also the guys I really fancy that prefer her instead. I've never had much success with guys and although she doesn't make a big deal about all the attention and just brushes it off, any advice would be really appreciated as this is getting me down quite a lot and I'm really losing my self confidence 
Why do you think it is that they like her more? Is it because she is more outgoing? Maybe because you are feeling the way that you do you could be withdrawing and thats why the guys aren't noticing you.
The only advice that I can really give is to try and be yourself and be confident, talk to the guys that you fancy and make sure that they know that you are interested. Hopefully when these guys get to know you they will start to like you as well. Just have a little bit of faith and keep trying and it will happen in the end.
The only advice that I can really give is to try and be yourself and be confident, talk to the guys that you fancy and make sure that they know that you are interested. Hopefully when these guys get to know you they will start to like you as well. Just have a little bit of faith and keep trying and it will happen in the end.
I would say that the two of you are giving out two different personalities and therefore receiving two different types of attention.
The more outgoing and flirtacious guys will be more attracted to her (or will appear like that) because their personalities are similar and she shows off that they can be flirty.
Whereas if you are quieter then you are likely to get more attention from similar guys to you (who aren't going to show that they like you ... but it is still attention). In fact, if you are quieter then the shy side of the more 'social' guys will be more noticable to you ... which will appear as those they aren't giving you any attention.
Basically what I am trying to say is that guys can be just as socially nervous (if not more, just that it gets covered by ladish behaviour) and therefore they are only going to be as comfortable around you as you show you are around them.
The more outgoing and flirtacious guys will be more attracted to her (or will appear like that) because their personalities are similar and she shows off that they can be flirty.
Whereas if you are quieter then you are likely to get more attention from similar guys to you (who aren't going to show that they like you ... but it is still attention). In fact, if you are quieter then the shy side of the more 'social' guys will be more noticable to you ... which will appear as those they aren't giving you any attention.
Basically what I am trying to say is that guys can be just as socially nervous (if not more, just that it gets covered by ladish behaviour) and therefore they are only going to be as comfortable around you as you show you are around them.
I've been in such a situation. If it's chronic, just go out without her once in a while. And most of all, not everyone has the same tastes or attractions so know that there are guys who, if forced to choose would always go for you instead.
I know it sucks. But also just enjoy being her friend, there is much more to life than "who's hotter"... If it's constant and unavoidable then do go out without her every once and then and try to be more outgoing and build your own confidence up independently, you'd be surprised how well that works.
I know it sucks. But also just enjoy being her friend, there is much more to life than "who's hotter"... If it's constant and unavoidable then do go out without her every once and then and try to be more outgoing and build your own confidence up independently, you'd be surprised how well that works.
Diversify.
I also had a similar situation in my teens where I and a friend of mine were the "top bananas" of the school but my friend was somehow the first person others approached or listened to whenever we were together
I discovered that we were too similar but he had the upper hand with certain kinds of people. If two people are the same, people will take the "more competitive" person as a point of reference.
My solution was independence, i.e. to act regardless of what my friend does, especially also by approaching different people than my friend.
At that time I didn't study game theory yet, but it was a similar reasoning.
(well, almost :P )
If there are 10 people in a room (bar) and 5 of them seem to give full attention to your friend, don't worry about them and proceed to approach the other remaining 5 guys.
If for some reason all 10 people give full attention to her, change the bar :P
Another solution may be to approach guys individually rather than in groups.
Just my two euro-cents
I also had a similar situation in my teens where I and a friend of mine were the "top bananas" of the school but my friend was somehow the first person others approached or listened to whenever we were together
I discovered that we were too similar but he had the upper hand with certain kinds of people. If two people are the same, people will take the "more competitive" person as a point of reference.
My solution was independence, i.e. to act regardless of what my friend does, especially also by approaching different people than my friend.
At that time I didn't study game theory yet, but it was a similar reasoning.
(well, almost :P )
If there are 10 people in a room (bar) and 5 of them seem to give full attention to your friend, don't worry about them and proceed to approach the other remaining 5 guys.
If for some reason all 10 people give full attention to her, change the bar :P
Another solution may be to approach guys individually rather than in groups.
Just my two euro-cents
Don't try to be like her, but do try to be more outgoing. That's definitely the key to flirting, and getting to know people in general. Attraction isn't all about looks, either. One of my best friends is really pretty, a lot prettier than me (okay, so it's subjective but to almost anyone), but we still get almost equal male attention just because our personalities are so different. I'm sure you have lots to offer. Play up your strengths and focus on having fun, rather than on your insecurities.
A lot of people are saying "oh yeah maybe she gives off a more vibrant personality" and junk like that, while this all may be true, it could boil down to guys just finding her more attractive and if that is the case, try and spend a couple nights out without her, you'll build up your confidence and she wont be around to divert attention from you.
Rouge
ugh, sorry for pointing out the obvious, but maybe she's just very good looking?
That's what i was thinking too, I'm suprised no one else had said it
. Confidence isn't everything. Some boys are just shallow.
I had the same problem at school. But my friend was just really naturally flirty where as Im more laid back, when I meet guys I'd rather have a laugh and a joke with them than size them up and decide if they are boyfriend material. Sad thing is I would get close to a guy and along she'd come and flirt them off their feet, dropping them a little later. But now Im the one with an amazing boyfriend and she's never had a long term relationship, HA to her.
Just be yourself, the right guy will come along, just be a bit more confident and don't be afraid to be a bit pushy with her for the attention. I found I'd lurk in my friends shadows just because I couldn't be bothered to fight for the attention. Don't let her make you lose your self confidence, that will not help you in anyway, boost yourself up, go out and be confident. Take the attention away from her. Girls like this are fuelled by male attention, if she wasn't getting the attention she'd be less confident.
Just be yourself, the right guy will come along, just be a bit more confident and don't be afraid to be a bit pushy with her for the attention. I found I'd lurk in my friends shadows just because I couldn't be bothered to fight for the attention. Don't let her make you lose your self confidence, that will not help you in anyway, boost yourself up, go out and be confident. Take the attention away from her. Girls like this are fuelled by male attention, if she wasn't getting the attention she'd be less confident.
amy.dd
Just be yourself, the right guy will come along, just be a bit more confident and don't be afraid to be a bit pushy with her for the attention. I found I'd lurk in my friends shadows just because I couldn't be bothered to fight for the attention. Don't let her make you lose your self confidence, that will not help you in anyway, boost yourself up, go out and be confident. Take the attention away from her. Girls like this are fuelled by male attention, if she wasn't getting the attention she'd be less confident.
I am in the same position as the OP. And It does get me down, I just happened to get really drunk when we go out to compensate and that's scares the men away.
And I happened to believe exactly that. Especially as she seems happier speaks to two of my male friends that showed interest in me through the internet seem to now talk to her and lost interest in me! Aswell as two guys I liked from uni last year she inadvertertly 'sabotaged', to whichy they don't speak to me anymore and one now messages her.
Truth: Shes better looking? By far?
If not, then I reckon its what other people have been saying shes more confidant, looks up for it (you can imagine anything you want for it). If you want what she has, be better at what she does that attracts people? Or don't worry about it. Tbh if shes any kind of friend she wouldn't flirt with guys you pointed out you wanted. I know I wouldn't / have deliberatly brushed someone off cause my friend wanted him but he didn't seem to want her, well then what kind of friend would want him, ha i make sense ish.
If not, then I reckon its what other people have been saying shes more confidant, looks up for it (you can imagine anything you want for it). If you want what she has, be better at what she does that attracts people? Or don't worry about it. Tbh if shes any kind of friend she wouldn't flirt with guys you pointed out you wanted. I know I wouldn't / have deliberatly brushed someone off cause my friend wanted him but he didn't seem to want her, well then what kind of friend would want him, ha i make sense ish.
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