A while ago I met a girl who I became friends with. Not amazing friends but friends. I would see her almost every saturday and liked her a lot. Now, me being me I never acted on this "crush" because I get scared about being rejected etc. After a while we stopped meeting up and just gradually stopped talking. We didnt talk for about 2 years and although it did make me sad at times when i thought about her i thought it was just because I had lost a friend.
During the 2 years of not talking I met another girl and we started dating (my fear of rejection went away). Things were going really well and she had told me that she loved me after about 7 months and I honestly thought I loved her too. After we had been going out for about 9 months I saw the first girl in town while I was with my girlfriend. We only said hi to each other and hugged but when I saw her all these feelings just rushed through me like a wave and I was so happy. I never felt anything like it before and it really confused me.
After that she was all I could think about and we eventually started texting each other again. I was still with my girlfriend of about 11 months by this time and I just felt awful because she would tell me she loved me every day and I had to say it back even though I knew my feelings for the other girl were a lot stronger. Now I had to break up with my girlfriend because I couldn't leave it any longer so she wouldn't get hurt more. I felt so awful when it happened but I didnt feel bad at all (I know that doesnt really make sense but it does in my head).
Now I started to go to the cinema with the first girl occasionally and they were the highlights of my week. Just seeing her made me so happy. However, we have stopped talking as much now and I did get told off her best friend that she does just want to be friends. When I found this out I was so crushed, it was just awful.
The thing is, my ex wants to get back together with me but I know that I will never feel the same way about her as I do the first girl. I just don't think it would be right because I can't see myself being with her forever and I know thats what she wants.
The whole situation just tears me apart because my ex gets so upset about me not loving her anymore and doesn't want to stop contact for a while or "take a break" from our friendship. And I can't stop thinking about the first girl and it makes me so upset that we can't be more than just friends. I really don't know what to do...
I guess i'm just looking for support because I really have no-one impartial to talk to about this. I think I just need to know that what I've done is the right thing and if it is, why I feel so bad about the whole situation.
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- Thread Starter
- 05-03-2008 06:06
- 05-03-2008 06:10
Once you're in the friends box, that's it with girls. Whereas most guys would probably shag at least some of their female friends.
- 05-03-2008 08:50
The situation that you're in, whilst it feels pretty horrible, I think that truly you did the right thing - particularly by your ex. To prolong the relationship would only serve to ultimately make the break up worse, and also you would be lying to her everyday. Emotions can really screw you around like that, but by not going behind your ex's back you did a decent thing, even if she's left feeling jaded.
With this new girl, what can I say, you're just going to have to wait it out.
But good luck. x
- 05-03-2008 13:13
Hmm it's a very difficult situation, but I may say it sounds like you are handling it well.
As the above says, I also think you definitiely did the right thing by ending it with your ex girlfriend. Of course she's going to be upset, and want you back, but you know that you don't feel the same way about her so a relationship with her isn't an option. Have you told this to her? Really made it clear (obviously without being unkind)? You sound like a very nice guy, so maybe you're being "too nice" to her if you know what I mean, perhaps a better use of words is to say perhaps you're not being firm enough with her. I know you don't want to hurt her, but believe me, in time she will get over this, and she'll do it a lot quicker if she knows there really is no hope for the two of you.
Now about the other girl, so you say you heard from her friend that she only likes you as a friend? Is this friend a reliable source? Would it be something she would know for sure? Did it feel like this girl had got her friend to tell you that? Regardless, if you feel that strongly about her, then its up to you to pursue it. If she doesn't feel the same way, I'm sure she'll tell you (which I understand will be devestating, especially considering you're histroy of rejection fear), but at least you know you gave it a go! Otherwise you will deeply regret not trying.
Best of luck with everything