[21M] I'm the best I can be...but no one has every found me attractive. feeling low. Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hi guys, I just feel like I need some advice. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression due to self image issues.

Since then, I sort of worked on myself, been doing a lot of reading, gym, volunteering.....Everything seems fine, but I've felt so empty by the fact that no one has ever found me attractive....I've been having some self esteem issues due to this recurring cycle.

I'm telling myself I'm good enough yet another voice is telling me that I'm a piece of **** because I'm 21 and no one has ever gave me any sign of attraction. I don't get it.

I really don't mean to boast. I've hit the gym consistently, have a muscular, low fat body...as my friends and family keep complimenting. Breezing through a top tier university at a competitive course. I'm starting to think I'm extremely ugly, and I've been feeling so low that horrible thoughts. I have high aspirations...I'm scared by the fact that someone is only going to be with me because of my status etc.

I've been ruminating so much, finding out what's wrong with me, my height, face etc....I feel so emotionally exhausted
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Hirsty97
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Pics or we can't help.

Honestly I can give you my objective opinion. Whether it's your looks or in your head.
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Bulletzone
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I really don't mean to boast. I've hit the gym consistently, have a muscular, low fat body...as my friends and family keep complimenting.
What's your s/b/d stats?
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GUMI
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Either you are ugly or you have the personality/confidence of a potato
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shameful_burrito
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How do you know no one finds you attractive? To me it sounds like you don’t talk to people enough. Plus some people won’t tell you you’re attractive straight to your face, some girls are shy. Don’t worry dude I’m sure you look good(no homo). Just get out there and chat up the ladies. Good luck
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shameful_burrito)
How do you know no one finds you attractive? To me it sounds like you don’t talk to people enough. Plus some people won’t tell you you’re attractive straight to your face, some girls are shy. Don’t worry dude I’m sure you look good(no homo). Just get out there and chat up the ladies. Good luck
thanks man, your reply means a lot
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Afforestation
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, I just feel like I need some advice. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression due to self image issues.

Since then, I sort of worked on myself, been doing a lot of reading, gym, volunteering.....Everything seems fine, but I've felt so empty by the fact that no one has ever found me attractive....I've been having some self esteem issues due to this recurring cycle.

I'm telling myself I'm good enough yet another voice is telling me that I'm a piece of **** because I'm 21 and no one has ever gave me any sign of attraction. I don't get it.

I really don't mean to boast. I've hit the gym consistently, have a muscular, low fat body...as my friends and family keep complimenting. Breezing through a top tier university at a competitive course. I'm starting to think I'm extremely ugly, and I've been feeling so low that horrible thoughts. I have high aspirations...I'm scared by the fact that someone is only going to be with me because of my status etc.

I've been ruminating so much, finding out what's wrong with me, my height, face etc....I feel so emotionally exhausted
Do you want us to give you some stupid, pitying advice or do you want us to help? if you want us to help we need to see your face
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Joel 96
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Yeah, OP, you need to show your face. If you're desperate for advice, then you shouldn't mind people giving you constructive criticism.
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BitMel
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Picture please??
Also girls are attracted to other things like humour, ambition and money (promise im not a gold digger lol) Looks are'nt everything
When you say 'no one has ever given you a sign of attraction ' have you tried hitting on girls in bars etc or making the first move. You don't wait for them to come to you right. (Just checking)
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G_Singh145
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, I just feel like I need some advice. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression due to self image issues.

Since then, I sort of worked on myself, been doing a lot of reading, gym, volunteering.....Everything seems fine, but I've felt so empty by the fact that no one has ever found me attractive....I've been having some self esteem issues due to this recurring cycle.

I'm telling myself I'm good enough yet another voice is telling me that I'm a piece of **** because I'm 21 and no one has ever gave me any sign of attraction. I don't get it.

I really don't mean to boast. I've hit the gym consistently, have a muscular, low fat body...as my friends and family keep complimenting. Breezing through a top tier university at a competitive course. I'm starting to think I'm extremely ugly, and I've been feeling so low that horrible thoughts. I have high aspirations...I'm scared by the fact that someone is only going to be with me because of my status etc.

I've been ruminating so much, finding out what's wrong with me, my height, face etc....I feel so emotionally exhausted
Yeah, I got the same problem. But I just try to make up for it by being funny, it pretty much science, if her eyes are closed laughing she won’t be looking at me.
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Nabber
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Hey, I was in a really similar situation so I think I can help you. I am tall and muscular and smart enough to study maths at a Russell group uni but i'm also painfully shy, quiet and a bit of a shut in to be honest. I used to think girls didn't think much of me or notice me but then I got very drunk during freshers and went clubbing with new flatmates. First 2 nights I was wearing glasses that make me look nerdy and made me self conscious. The next night I went out clubbing without glasses on I had 3+ girls make out/ dance dirty with me and ended the night at a girls flat with her wanting to start a relationship with me in the morning. She was attracted to me because I looked like I was having a good time (having fun/being confident) which I attribute to taking the glasses off, getting drunk and trying to have fun. Anyways that fling ended after she found out how awkward I am. It was uphill from there; a girl on my course said "I could have any 'lass' I wanted" and I got lots of compliments about my appearance from girls (after or in the process of getting lucky).

I know I sound like I'm bragging but I'm trying to illustrate how low-self esteem can be unfounded and inaccurate. Even now despite all this positive attention I received I'm very shy and don't approach women often (just once since last November) and won't be getting laid anytime soon because I have no friends. You are probably attractive but I bet you don't approach girls and you wait for them to make a move. It's just unlikely to happen because guys hit on girls and they don't have to do much to get satisfied. An attractive girl will be complimented and hit on often and a girl within your league has probably been hit on a lot more than you so she'll think she doesn't have to take initiative to be happy.

In conclusion, I advise you to make friends/acquaintances, get drunk with them and go clubbing and focus on having fun instead of getting laid. Wow i rambled a lot there but I relate to your post deeply and thought this might help you or others in a situation like yours.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nabber)
Hey, I was in a really similar situation so I think I can help you. I am tall and muscular and smart enough to study maths at a Russell group uni but i'm also painfully shy, quiet and a bit of a shut in to be honest. I used to think girls didn't think much of me or notice me but then I got very drunk during freshers and went clubbing with new flatmates. First 2 nights I was wearing glasses that make me look nerdy and made me self conscious. The next night I went out clubbing without glasses on I had 3+ girls make out/ dance dirty with me and ended the night at a girls flat with her wanting to start a relationship with me in the morning. She was attracted to me because I looked like I was having a good time (having fun/being confident) which I attribute to taking the glasses off, getting drunk and trying to have fun. Anyways that fling ended after she found out how awkward I am. It was uphill from there; a girl on my course said "I could have any 'lass' I wanted" and I got lots of compliments about my appearance from girls (after or in the process of getting lucky).

I know I sound like I'm bragging but I'm trying to illustrate how low-self esteem can be unfounded and inaccurate. Even now despite all this positive attention I received I'm very shy and don't approach women often (just once since last November) and won't be getting laid anytime soon because I have no friends. You are probably attractive but I bet you don't approach girls and you wait for them to make a move. It's just unlikely to happen because guys hit on girls and they don't have to do much to get satisfied. An attractive girl will be complimented and hit on often and a girl within your league has probably been hit on a lot more than you so she'll think she doesn't have to take initiative to be happy.

In conclusion, I advise you to make friends/acquaintances, get drunk with them and go clubbing and focus on having fun instead of getting laid. Wow i rambled a lot there but I relate to your post deeply and thought this might help you or others in a situation like yours.
thanks for this man. You're probably right, The only girl I took initiative in was my best friend along time ago. It's really hard to take initiative When my self esteem is so low. I guess I have to take small steps.

I was in the math olympiad when I was younger, since then I've kind of just took comfort in an area I was good in....and didn't develop myself socially because I was teased a lot as a child...so it's molded me now. I guess what I'm feeling is just internal. Thank you again.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mel_i)
Picture please??
Also girls are attracted to other things like humour, ambition and money (promise im not a gold digger lol) Looks are'nt everything
When you say 'no one has ever given you a sign of attraction ' have you tried hitting on girls in bars etc or making the first move. You don't wait for them to come to you right. (Just checking)
Nope I haven't, my self esteem is too low, i guess that's where my problem is. I just can't help feeling like ****ing trash and a vermin
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username3301482
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks man, your reply means a lot
That’s why burrito is one of my best friends he’s the best
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anonymous4445
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Like nabber. I once thought I was one of the ugliest *******s on earth. I thought no girls so much as looked my way. I thought I was definitely going to be alone for the rest of my life. I had such low self-esteem that I was totally paranoid. A lot of times when girls would come talk to me or obviously flirt with me, I had no idea whatsoever so I thought they were just screwing with me for a laugh, like, 'i'm going to go talk to the weird kid and see what he does.' Funny how an attractive girl giggling/smiling at you can seem so predatory when your self-esteem is really low. One time in 8th grade, I moved to a new school and this pretty girl had another girl hand me a slip of paper with her phone number, I was so paranoid that I thought it was a prank and I threw it away. I didn't make the connection as to why she and her friend kept coming to talk to me at lunch until years had passed and I had moved to a new town. WHOOPS.

I had a screwed up childhood where I had to move from one town to the next, sometimes multiple times in a year, as a result, I didn't exactly feel like a social butterfly and my self-esteem was quite poor. Then at some point in high school, I decided to do some self-improvement and work out a bit and make an effort to socialize more with everybody and speak in class more. I made more effort to hang out with my male friends more and eventually I was dragged out to a party. I had some alcohol and within that first night, I had inadvertently stolen the girlfriend of the tall, handsome 'alpha male' that I thought I could never compete with. Within a week, she was my girlfriend.

Since then I've been chased by something like six separate women who I considered so smoking hot that prior to meeting them I had deemed them my 'dream girl'. One of them even took me to bed the first night we met. That's right, six women, so attractive that I elevated them to fantasy level, all had a thing for me, and my total success has been much higher than that. As I said, I thought I was so ugly that I'd be alone for the rest of my life and yet here I was scoring my dream girls. Really a lot of it comes down to the environment, if women have a reason to talk to you like work, or because they've had a bit to drink and feel brave enough to start speaking to you, you'll find things change completely. I still have some self-esteem issues and body dysmorphia, but I've had the experiences to know that it's all ******** in my head.

You've really got to put yourself in the right environment where women are a bit more relaxed as most of the time women will never approach while sober and in their daily lives, and in the rare occasion they do it's generally quite subtle. And since you have self-esteem issues, well, I'm not recommending you become a booze hound but you should really consider having a bit to drink to loosen up from all that baggage.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anonymous4445)
Like nabber. I once thought I was one of the ugliest *******s on earth. I thought no girls so much as looked my way. I thought I was definitely going to be alone for the rest of my life. I had such low self-esteem that I was totally paranoid. A lot of times when girls would come talk to me or obviously flirt with me, I had no idea whatsoever so I thought they were just screwing with me for a laugh, like, 'i'm going to go talk to the weird kid and see what he does.' Funny how an attractive girl giggling/smiling at you can seem so predatory when your self-esteem is really low. One time in 8th grade, I moved to a new school and this pretty girl had another girl hand me a slip of paper with her phone number, I was so paranoid that I thought it was a prank and I threw it away. I didn't make the connection as to why she and her friend kept coming to talk to me at lunch until years had passed and I had moved to a new town. WHOOPS.

I had a screwed up childhood where I had to move from one town to the next, sometimes multiple times in a year, as a result, I didn't exactly feel like a social butterfly and my self-esteem was quite poor. Then at some point in high school, I decided to do some self-improvement and work out a bit and make an effort to socialize more with everybody and speak in class more. I made more effort to hang out with my male friends more and eventually I was dragged out to a party. I had some alcohol and within that first night, I had inadvertently stolen the girlfriend of the tall, handsome 'alpha male' that I thought I could never compete with. Within a week, she was my girlfriend.

Since then I've been chased by something like six separate women who I considered so smoking hot that prior to meeting them I had deemed them my 'dream girl'. One of them even took me to bed the first night we met. That's right, six women, so attractive that I elevated them to fantasy level, all had a thing for me, and my total success has been much higher than that. As I said, I thought I was so ugly that I'd be alone for the rest of my life and yet here I was scoring my dream girls. Really a lot of it comes down to the environment, if women have a reason to talk to you like work, or because they've had a bit to drink and feel brave enough to start speaking to you, you'll find things change completely. I still have some self-esteem issues and body dysmorphia, but I've had the experiences to know that it's all ******** in my head.

You've really got to put yourself in the right environment where women are a bit more relaxed as most of the time women will never approach while sober and in their daily lives, and in the rare occasion they do it's generally quite subtle. And since you have self-esteem issues, well, I'm not recommending you become a booze hound but you should really consider having a bit to drink to loosen up from all that baggage.
man I relate to you so bad. my thoughts are clouded by my self esteem. I once had a girl flirt with me, But her remarks thought it was a viscous attack on myself, rather than just playing around lol. I'm just slowly working on my self esteem right now....I laugh at that a lot

I hope things are going well for you bro.
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asif007
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I can sympathise with not getting anywhere with girls. What we need to talk about is your self-confidence. Forgive me for saying, but I don't understand how you think you can be the best you can be when you're still having issues with self-esteem. Respect to you for all the improvements you've made in your life, but it's not doing a lot for your confidence. Also, you're only 21 - there's no way you're at the absolute best you can be when you haven't even hit 30 yet. You know the concept - men age gracefully if we look after ourselves properly. Men can look and feel their best well into their 40's whereas women only go downhill with age.

This is more than just an issue with your self-image. I suggest you change your mindset about girls because right now you sound like you're doing everything in your life to get validation from girls. Girls should be at the absolute bottom of your priorities and you should be living your life for yourself only. Be ruthless and don't take any BS from anyone who says otherwise. When you're living your life to the max and focusing on everything else that's important (career, family, friends etc) , girls won't even be on your radar. They should have absolutely no importance in your life. Let me tell you something - girls don't care about anything until you're a self-made man with money, power, property, status, influence and luxury. If it matters that much to you to get girls to notice you, the only thing you should be doing is working towards is attaining all of those things. Don't bother trying to impress girls when you aren't fully living life independently on your own terms. Girls are superficial and full of BS anyway - there are so many boxes you have to tick just to get a girl to notice you and confidence isn't the only thing they look at. First and foremost, work on developing a thicker skin and placing less importance on girls - it will do wonders for your health!
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Anonymous #1
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Oh trust me girls aren't my priority. I work so hard doing acdemic work outside school. But people tell me I'm missing out, i feel like i am. I don't want to be the dude that works so hard and marries one person out of loneliness i want to get out there and experience a different area of life.

With regards to my self esteem, yeah i didn't have much of an understanding of it.

I thought that if I was good at guitar, ripped and smart my self esteem would be high. I had a dude with his wife in the car shout to me "holy **** that guy is fit" as i walked home from the gym...yet i still think im a piece of ****. All of these external validations have done nothing to me. You're right, i need to work on my core... Its hard though
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by asif007)
I can sympathise with not getting anywhere with girls. What we need to talk about is your self-confidence. Forgive me for saying, but I don't understand how you think you can be the best you can be when you're still having issues with self-esteem. Respect to you for all the improvements you've made in your life, but it's not doing a lot for your confidence. Also, you're only 21 - there's no way you're at the absolute best you can be when you haven't even hit 30 yet. You know the concept - men age gracefully if we look after ourselves properly. Men can look and feel their best well into their 40's whereas women only go downhill with age.

This is more than just an issue with your self-image. I suggest you change your mindset about girls because right now you sound like you're doing everything in your life to get validation from girls. Girls should be at the absolute bottom of your priorities and you should be living your life for yourself only. Be ruthless and don't take any BS from anyone who says otherwise. When you're living your life to the max and focusing on everything else that's important (career, family, friends etc) , girls won't even be on your radar. They should have absolutely no importance in your life. Let me tell you something - girls don't care about anything until you're a self-made man with money, power, property, status, influence and luxury. If it matters that much to you to get girls to notice you, the only thing you should be doing is working towards is attaining all of those things. Don't bother trying to impress girls when you aren't fully living life independently on your own terms. Girls are superficial and full of BS anyway - there are so many boxes you have to tick just to get a girl to notice you and confidence isn't the only thing they look at. First and foremost, work on developing a thicker skin and placing less importance on girls - it will do wonders for your health!
Oh trust me girls aren't my priority. I work so hard doing acdemic work outside school. But people tell me I'm missing out, i feel like i am. I don't want to be the dude that works so hard and marries one person out of loneliness i want to get out there and experience a different area of life.

With regards to my self esteem, yeah i didn't have much of an understanding of it.

I thought that if I was good at guitar, ripped and smart my self esteem would be high. I had a dude with his wife in the car shout to me "holy **** that guy is fit" as i walked home from the gym...yet i still think im a piece of ****. All of these external validations have done nothing to me. You're right, i need to work on my core... Its hard though

Thanks for your comment man
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