My younger sister has a boyfriend and I've never been in a relationship

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi

I feel ridiculous for asking this question and for feeling this way in the first place. I'm nearly 22 years old and my sister is 18.
I know that she's not too young to have a boyfriend. It's quite normal. It's just all happened very quickly. And it makes me feel even more abnormal.

I keep feeling like there's something wrong with me. I just want to be loved. I don't want to feel jealous of my sister. I love her, she's like a best friend to me.

She's been with her boyfriend for a few months now. She still lives with our parents while I'm away at uni. He's always there. I noticed when I was home for Easter, he's always with her in her room.

I don't really know what I'm feeling about this. Is it jealousy because I want a relationship like hers? Am I jealous because she's not spending as much time with me anymore? (She was supposed to come visit me at my house before I have to move out in a month, but she said she didn't feel like it.)

I don't really know him very well, I've only seen him a couple of times. But don't get me wrong, he is in no way the type of guy I would go for. I just want her to be happy. I feel like I should get to know him better, I just don't know how. Whenever I see them together it just makes me realise how lonely I am.

How do I cope with this?

I want to show her that I support her but I don't know if I can. If that makes any sense at all. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
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Jack22031994
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi

I feel ridiculous for asking this question and for feeling this way in the first place. I'm nearly 22 years old and my sister is 18.
I know that she's not too young to have a boyfriend. It's quite normal. It's just all happened very quickly. And it makes me feel even more abnormal.

I keep feeling like there's something wrong with me. I just want to be loved. I don't want to feel jealous of my sister. I love her, she's like a best friend to me.

She's been with her boyfriend for a few months now. She still lives with our parents while I'm away at uni. He's always there. I noticed when I was home for Easter, he's always with her in her room.

I don't really know what I'm feeling about this. Is it jealousy because I want a relationship like hers? Am I jealous because she's not spending as much time with me anymore? (She was supposed to come visit me at my house before I have to move out in a month, but she said she didn't feel like it.)

I don't really know him very well, I've only seen him a couple of times. But don't get me wrong, he is in no way the type of guy I would go for. I just want her to be happy. I feel like I should get to know him better, I just don't know how. Whenever I see them together it just makes me realise how lonely I am.

How do I cope with this?

I want to show her that I support her but I don't know if I can. If that makes any sense at all. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
I know how you're feeling. Ive had one relationship and it was awful really. Didnt feel loved at all , yet two of my friends are married. My sister is in a good relationship. (Im 24)

But dont worry, you will find someone. Trust me, people tend to come out of the blue!

The reason your feeling jealous could be because, he consumes her time now and you arent anymore and it could be that you havent had a relationship before, which is understandable as Ive said.

Without telling your sister directly, as that could upset her. Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime - just you two or something?
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remiateaman
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#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Live.

If you live your life without worries, things will fall into place. Thinking about things like this and dwelling on unlikely possibilities such as spending your existence alone will only make you depressed and resentful towards those who have something you want. Focus on your studies and the advancement of your life; use every experience as a way in which to build and enrich your personal character. As long as you act on those who find interest in you, you will find that there is no need to feel jealous or resentful for those who have relationships as they were simply a product of both pure coincidence and luck.

I was diagnosed with Anti-social personality disorder when I was 6; meaning I'm technically a psycho/sociopath. I feel nothing, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. No love, no happiness, no emotion. I've been in psychodynamic therapy for over four years now in an organized intervention staged by my family members, and despite the tedious nature of speaking to another human being regarding emotions that I do not have, it has helped me to understand what is acceptable within modern-day society, and has enabled me to intergrate with a high degree of success. I was a horrible child. The event that led to my diagnosis at that age stemmed from my uncontrollable violent tendancies; a child in the older year sat on my favourite bench in the playground, so I subsequently stabbed him in the shoulder with a pen I had in my pocket. Obviously that led to a greater degree of concerned attention from educational figures at the time, leading to a CAHMS therapist referring me from CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) to Psychodynamic therapy focusing on why I am the way I am; with little prevail other than teaching me how to act compassionately within society and how to connect with people, which is apparently a necessary thing for a healthy human being to engage in.

My point is I have a girlfriend. I'm currently 18 years old and she is completely unaware of my diagnosis. We've been together for 6 months and I treat her the way you should treat a girl. She is the closest and most special person in my life, despite her accusations of me 'repressing my emotions' and of being a 'robot'. I enjoy being alone. Often I see a physical manifestation of myself who speaks to me and advises me on daily life, such as providing arguments for and against certain things within specific scenarios; the main argument me and him have being whether or not a factor of integration includes getting a girlfriend. I can say that after a period of time and extensive therapy focused on altering my actions, and it happened purely from luck and coincidence.

All in all, don't worry. Having a girlfriend is glorified within society as part of a healthy and happy life, but there is no rush. Things will fall into place for you especially. Embrace emotion; and good luck.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
Thanks for your advice!
I guess I've always had problems with self-confidence. I've never really been able to say "I love myself". I always thought, if I knew that somebody else could love me, maybe I could learn to love myself as well. But I don't think it works that way.

I always read that you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. It just seems like a vicious circle to me.

I do get love from my family and friends, although they are not really the people who show it a lot. But I know that they are there.

But I just want the love you only get in a relationship. And nobody has ever loved me that way before. I get really attached to people, so whenever I made out with a guy at a club or something (which honestly doesn't happen often because I'm really shy) I'm always hoping for a relationship. And nobody's ever wanted that from me. Once a guy took me out on dates only to never talk to me again after I lost my virginity to him. That really hurt because I was sure he actually liked me.

But I'm still naive, I trust people almost instantly. I always believe in the best in people. It's really bad.

What I'm trying to say is.. Nobody has ever been in love with me. This just makes me feel so worthless. And I'm tired of waiting but I know there's nothing else I can do.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#5
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I'd appreciate any advice.. By the way, I'm sorry if there are errors in my text, I'm not a native speaker..
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jhayes413
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#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
I know this is an old post, but this exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm 23 and have never been on a date. I admit, I'm a little scared, but I also feel like a boyfriend is not exactly what I need right now. And my sister gets lucky by dating the guy she had a crush on in high school. My high school experience was a **** storm and I have absolutely no friends from those 4 years. I was pretty quiet, but in college I made tons of friends right away. Also, my other sister is also in a relationship and I have felt completely isolated from them because my older one just moved out and my younger one is hanging out with him or her friends every freaking day.I don't hate her guy friend (look at me, I can't even refer to him properly) but I never ask her about him. I think because it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I'm jealous or just upset that she is seeming more mature and grown up than I am, doing this thing that adults do before I've even come close. I usually walk out of the room when anyone talks about them. I don't want to feel this way, either. But I can't help it much. She has also cancelled plans with me before just to hang out with him, even though she had seen him multiple days in a row.It could just be that I am lonely and miss the days when the 3 sisters would hang out all the time. I am home after graduating college, trying to discover what I want to do for a career, and have no idea where to find great friends. And compared to my sisters, I feel like the least interesting one. I am not going to college soon like the younger one, with a glimpse of what my future looks like ahead of me, and I'm not in grad school like the older one, with a foreseeable plan for my life. And because they're both dating guys and have lots of friends, I feel less pretty, funny, and likeable overall.I have plans to join a young adults club in my area and look into some more activities, but I'm hesitant for some reason. My parents think that that will somehow make me happier, and I believe it will help with the loneliness part, but I don't think it will fill the void of those diminished relationships that I have valued for so long. I know family is forever and we'll always be happy to spend time together, but I sense they've changed a lot and I don't like how our relationships may never be the same again. I know I hate change in my life, but this is something I don't think I could get over.Not to mention my old best friend has done the same thing where she effectively quit our relationship ever since she met her guy at the beginning of college, cutting our time short when we were hanging out to be with him, not texting me back, and never following up with plans anymore. I also reached out to some college friends who I thought were going to be living in the area, but it turns out that they're not. So there's loneliness all around!Sorry for that. Basically I'm saying, yes, I know how you feel. Just know that you are still loved by your sister, and hopefully she starts to see how you're feeling. We possess great skills and personal qualities that make us special and people just need to notice them! Plus, one day we will meet men that make us feel beautiful, loved, and like the most important people in the world. You could tell your sister these thoughts and she might try to make more time for you. Mine hasn't really done that yet, but she said she knows my feelings are valid, so at least it seems like she wants to help. Maybe we're supposed to be learning something from this or gaining a new personal skill or lookout on life. Also know that independence and knowing how to be alone with yourself is a important and mature quality to posses going into adulthood. I truly believe becoming more secure with ourselves will make it easier to make new friends and meet the loves of our lives one day. But, there's still more growing and persevering to do!Good luck to you and remember your worth!
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