Please can you rate this short creative story

This story is based on an paper 1 exam Q5 which wants a narrative based on the setting of a beach. Please be honest about the quality of my work.

From a dogs perspective

I looked up at the sky to find*the sun bright and luminous fighting against the callous, dark,*gloomy clouds contending for the sky. The tall trees spectated* the match like referees at a football pitch, SWIRL, BANG, CRASH ... ultimately the battle ended with neither winner nor loser.
*
Switching my attention I gazed into the crystal clear water and noticed*my long-lost brother whom I*yearned to embrace but every time I got near he seemed to distort & disappear like a shadow at night. I barked at my master trying to convey my frustrations only to receive a cruel dismissive laugh as if my exasperation meant nothing to him. To make matters worse, a rich smell of pungent sea water pierced at my nostrils causing my soul distress and adding salt to injury.

Tired and agitated I ventured further down*the coast of the vast island whilst being guided by the subtle whispers of the wind.

"Go North there you shall find peace " it gushed propelling me through the pencil-thin air.

After about fifteen minutes of tracking, I arrived at a magnificent lodge encrusted with silver round marbles; just before the door was a brown basket with a cushion at the bottom. Full of excitement I rushed to rest down upon it; instantaneously my muscle relaxed and my heart rate declined. I glanced up to discover that the clouds had calmed down, and the sun was out and shining. Peace at last.*

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