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Who's in the wrong here? watch

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    Basically I was with my boyfriend on Saturday, he went out with his mates in the evening then came back to stay at mine for the night, and accidentally left his mobile at mine. Now I stayed in because I was ill and had been at work all day, and when he was gone looked at his texts (which maybe I shouldn't have done, but we've been together almost two years and he always plays around on my phone - it's not a trust thing, I'm just nosey )

    So there's this text on his phone from a girl he dated for three years before me saying something like, "when are we going to hang out again? were so good together xxx" I didn't think much of it, but mentioned it to him the next day saying something like "So have you been hanging out with Katie again?" and he COMPLETELY flipped at me for looking at his phone, and was really quite nasty. He then left my house and hasn't spoken to me since, apart from a text today to see how I did in my results

    I trust him completely, but does anyone else think he may have overreacted slightly at this? I didn't insinuate anything about him and his ex, I literally asked out of interest! Opinions on whether I should apologize or what I should do would be nice as I'm completely confused right now :confused:
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    You're in the wrong. Let him have a little bit of privacy at least.
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    I highly doubt looking through his texts and then questioning him about them the day after sends out vibes of complete trust. If you trusted him but were still curious, you would have read the text and thought nothing else of it, but you didn't. If somebody i was in a solid relationship with did that, i'd feel like my trust is getting questioned

    So to answer the question, that'd be you in the wrong
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    (Original post by explosiive)
    You're in the wrong. Let him have a little bit of privacy at least.
    But it's okay for him to look at my phone? Not that I care when he does, but if he found a text like that I know he'd go mad. Or at least want to know what it's about...:rolleyes:
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    hmmm

    personally, i would apologise to him for looking through his phone.

    But i do think that it sounds like he over-reacted way too much!

    Why did he flip at you, is it just because you looked through his phone, or is it because you found something he didn't want you too? I know you said you trust him completley...
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    You shouldn't have been looking at his phone, but then it asks the question as to why he was so touchy about it...
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    Well, how do you know he's been text-ing this girl back?? Do you have any evidence to suggest he began text-ing her rather than her sending a random text out of the blue?

    I think you were wrong to look through his phone and instantly assume that text meant something.
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    Let him have a little bit of privacy at least
    yes let him have privacy but he clearly doesnt deserve that if hes seeing someone behind her back!!!


    OP: his over reaction may be a sign that hes upto more than you think, if hes on the defensive i'd be reading into it, but maybe thats just me. i'd have been a bit devious about it if im honest because i'd have said i've heard you've been seeing your ex etc and see how he reacted to that
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    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    I highly doubt looking through his texts and then questioning him about them the day after sends out vibes of complete trust. If you trusted him but were still curious, you would have read the text and thought nothing else of it, but you didn't. If somebody i was in a solid relationship with did that, i'd feel like my trust is getting questioned

    So to answer the question, that'd be you in the wrong
    it depends how she asked. if she generally just sounded interested i wouldn't see there's a problem.
    my boyfriend reads my texts sometimes when he gets bored and talks to me about things i've said to other people and stuff. doesn't make me feel like he doesn't trust me.

    (Original post by Captain Biggles)
    Well, how do you know he's been text-ing this girl back?? Do you have any evidence to suggest he began text-ing her rather than her sending a random text out of the blue?

    I think you were wrong to look through his phone and instantly assume that text meant something.
    she didn't assume anything. she just asked if he was seeing her again.



    OP, I see why he felt annoyed but if you genuinely just sounded interested and not like you were quizzing him then his reaction is a little worrying. I don't get why he would flip out like that if he had nothing to hide.
    is that just the kind of person he is or was it out of character?
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    it depends how she asked. if she generally just sounded interested i wouldn't see there's a problem.
    my boyfriend reads my texts sometimes when he gets bored and talks to me about things i've said to other people and stuff. doesn't make me feel like he doesn't trust me.

    OP, I see why he felt annoyed but if you genuinely just sounded interested and not like you were quizzing him then his reaction is a little worrying. I don't get why he would flip out like that if he had nothing to hide.
    is that just the kind of person he is or was it out of character?
    True, but in all fairness, she mentions she completely trusts him. Surely if that was the case, the text would have been not worth asking about?
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    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    True, but in all fairness, she mentions she completely trusts him. Surely if that was the case, the text would have been not worth asking about?
    but as far as I gather, it's not a trust thing. it's just being interested in his life. i'm interested when my boyfriend sees someone he hasn't seen in a while. ex or not.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    it depends how she asked. if she generally just sounded interested i wouldn't see there's a problem.
    my boyfriend reads my texts sometimes when he gets bored and talks to me about things i've said to other people and stuff. doesn't make me feel like he doesn't trust me.

    OP, I see why he felt annoyed but if you genuinely just sounded interested and not like you were quizzing him then his reaction is a little worrying. I don't get why he would flip out like that if he had nothing to hide.
    is that just the kind of person he is or was it out of character?
    I just asked about it, not in an accusing way. I can understand why he got mad about me reading his texts (which is in his character, but this time he was a lot more angry.) Plus he knows I'm not a protective girlfriend at all so I don't really see why he's now not talking to me over something that petty. (Sulking isn't usually in his character at all )
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    but as far as I gather, it's not a trust thing. it's just being interested in his life. i'm interested when my boyfriend sees someone he hasn't seen in a while. ex or not.
    I guess it's just me being cynical and seeing that if somebody from the past texts with the phrase "we're so good together", it's hardly going to be treated as harmless.
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    I wonder why he over-reacted so badly, and you can tell him that "you always look through mine, I thought I would have a look through yours". Nothing might be going on btw, don't take it too badly.
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    It was wrong for you to look through his phone (even if he looks through yours). I guess you were just curious instead of not trusting him and it went bad.

    But him over reacting like that sounds a bit dodgy. However if you trust him completely I would tell him your sorry, say it wasn't cos you were checking up on him, merely bored. I'd tell you completely trust him and you weren't trying to accuse him, just making conversation.

    I agree with kelze15, maybe he over reacted because he is doing something he shouldn't of been.
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    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    I guess it's just me being cynical and seeing that if somebody from the past texts with the phrase "we're so good together", it's hardly going to be treated as harmless.
    I do see what you mean. the text itself doesn't sound harmless (though it could well be). The point is the OPs reaction (from her account) doesn't sound like she was being distrusting.

    OP; while the text does sound a little odd if it meant anything he probably would have made sure he deleted any evidence.
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    I agree with death.drop. The text and the reaction are both enough to send alarm bells going off, well with me it would anyway. But if the text meant anything he would have deleted it and if he were in regular contact with someone he wouldn't want you to know about he would have been much, much more careful with his phone. Hope he stops sulking soon, OP, you should probably have a chat with him about it.
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    (Original post by amy.dd)
    It was wrong for you to look through his phone (even if he looks through yours).
    Isn't that a bit hypocritical though?


    If I were you, OP - I'd apologise for looking through his phone, but then add something like "I assumed that since you look at mine all the time, it was ok to look at yours". Then say that you weren't accusing him, you were just genuinely interested. Then leave him to get his knickers untwisted

    Edit: forgot to mention - I don't blame you for asking, because that text sounds bad. Well, the "we were so good together" does. It implies that his ex wants to get back on the scene, in my opinion, although that doesn't mean anything has happened between them. If I were you, after my half hearted apology, I'd expect a pretty good explanation from his as to why his ex has started sending texts like that, and why he overreacted so badly..
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    Yeah, it was wrong to look but you must have had doubts. He sounds guilty to me and someone who turns nasty isn't worth being with. Let him get it on with his floozy ex and find someone who isn't the type to turn nasty and mess about.
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    (Original post by qubog)
    I agree with death.drop. The text and the reaction are both enough to send alarm bells going off, well with me it would anyway. But if the text meant anything he would have deleted it and if he were in regular contact with someone he wouldn't want you to know about he would have been much, much more careful with his phone. Hope he stops sulking soon, OP, you should probably have a chat with him about it.
    thanks for the advice
    I told him when he grows up and talks to me, I'll explain etc. Sometimes I worry I'm more like his mum than his girlfriend
 
 
 
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