Is my friend too controlling or am I just a bad friend?

I’ve noticed throughout the years that whenever I’m feeling some random emotion my friend would be quick to say “no that’s not true you’re definitely feeling something else” In some cases I would agree with her but most of time she doesn’t seem to understand that she’s not a mind reader and can’t tell how me how I’m feeling.

I haven’t told her this because I stutter too much when I’m nervous so I don’t wanna be a pain.

Besides that today we were just talking about random things and I said “Oh I’m a little socially awkward.” Straight away she replied with “No you definitely aren’t I know you just aren’t”
At that moment all the embarrassing awkward things that happens to me just filled my head and out of nervousness I was being defensive for no reason and replied with “every single day I’ve had those moments where I see someone who I’m aquainted with but I start to overthink how I should casually greet them or if I shouldn’t greet them just in case they ignore me and blah blah blah”
She responds with “So. That happens to everyone, trust me you are not socially awkward”

I thought about if I should share more things but started overthinking if I’m just forcing myself to be something I’m not or if it’s just my friend telling me how I feel again or if my friend thinks that I’m just trying to look for attention and the list goes on.

Tbh I just wanted to “vent” a little here and you guys probably think I’m a bad friend because of this post so I’m sorry.

It’s just that since I became friends with her it’s like I’m not allowed to be myself anymore I have to always change because she doesn’t want to be associated with someone weird as she said people always come up to her saying “why are you still friends with that person they’re weird.” I don’t blame her for thinking like this but at the same time I don’t understand why answering a questions in class is seen as being extra and weird or being eager to participate in lessons is embarrassing just because no one else in the class cares about the lesson and sometimes the teacher would look hurt.

When she pointed out some of my flaws and also told me to change bits of me that makes me unique to the rest in my class I just felt hurt and sad. Well I’m sure it’s just me being sensitive and butthurt. One day I thought let me try what you do to me every week and told her some of her flaws but then she gets so defensive that I end up dropping it feeling awkward and panicking if she is rethinking her friendship with me.

At the end of the day she’s all I’ve got now since EVERYONE in my Year thinks I’m the weird girl that’s a sidekick to my friend. At this point I’ve accepted the fact that I’m weird (I’m not even offended when someone else calls me weird, I say thanks or show the thumbs up) but when they call me a sidekick it hurts so bad. I have 5 other friends but they basically worship my friend so if her and I weren’t friends anymore they basically aren’t my friends too since she’s the more interesting one and I’m just the girl that stutters,clutters, speaks too fast and is just plain boring or “extra”.

Sorry again that this turned into a rant. I might delete this later just in case my friend finds this account or post. I’m really sorry for wasting anyone’s time, I just want an opinion on anything about this.

Babes, please don't apologise. I understand where you're coming from. I hate when other think they know: I told my two close friends that I suffer from anger issues and they both said no you don't, you're emotional which really pissed me off because they only saw one side of me and not when I was at home ygm.

You need to rise up on your own, you can't let petty people dictate your life. Currently, I'm pretty much a lone wolf and I always make it known that I'm my own person. You need to build on your confidence and start loving yourself because only then you'll be able to break the chain that society has put you in. I used to get called weird, annoying all the time and it used to really affect me but it's not something bad. It's not my fault that I'm more unique than some people or I'm more talented.

Talk to your friend and lay down the truth clear. You know that she isn't your true friend so leave her. Being alone is better than being poisoned by fakeness. You don't need people to validate you. Best of luck, wish you all the best

Thank you for your advice! I totally agree with you about them only seeing one side of me as it’s really frustrating. I’ve realised that throughout the years I’ve become too dependant on her because I always thought she knew what’s best for me. I guess it was that bad since even my parents noticed. I’ll try to become a more independent person towards the end of the year showing showing my friend that she doesn’t validate me (^~^ ) Thank you yet again! I feel so much better!