Depression and anxiety
I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a few years now. This had led to low self esteem and a lack of confidence. Although I have periods of time where these affect me very little, I have other times where I feel utter despair. I am currently just finishing my first year at University, having taken a gap year previously due to anxiety. Although I have been completely fine with studying my course, I have had to live at home due to panic attacks when sharing with strangers. This has also meant residential trips have been a no-go for me. I live an hour and a half away from University and don’t drink alcohol (or like going out for that matter) meaning making friends has been difficult. I therefore have no friends and haven’t done so since I was in Year 10. I have also never dated anyone. Both these things (along with other factors) have led to me feeling inadequate and as if there’s something wrong with me. I am quite confident when it comes to talking to other people so that is not the issue and I do put myself out there when I can but have found that people tend to act negatively towards me. I was severely bullied as a child (for 8 years in fact) and this along with having no friends as an adult has made my depression worse. Another factor that hasn’t helped my depression is living at home. I have no issues when it comes to living away from my parents, just living with people I don’t know well. However, as I go to University in a city, I cannot afford to move out on my own. My parents and brother do not have much in common with me plus don’t understand anxiety and depression. They tell me that I ‘need to grow up’, am ‘a horrible person’ and I ‘need to stop being selfish’. I have tried getting help for my anxiety and depression from University and the NHS but neither have been able to help me and I can’t afford to go private. At this moment in time, it doesn’t affect my day to day life too much but it occasionally will stop my from going on certain trips or going to certain places. It also stops my from feeling content with my life. I don’t know how to help this and I feel alone as no one I know understands my anxiety. I’m sorry for such a long post and I do not expect anyone to respond. I just wanted to get my feeling out there. Thank you
Hi 
I have a lot of sympathy for where you're coming from.
I have quite a bad level of background anxiety and depression but one of the things that really escalates it for me are exams.
I don't know what it is about exam season but I get really stressed, probably better characterised as panic attacks in the day or two proceeding/on the exam date itself and on a few too many occasions - I've deferred exams for that reason.
Having given into that pressure a few times I, like you, have started to feel really badly about myself and disappointment that I wasn't able to 'suck it up' and press ahead with exams. I'm doing my best to manage this better now but in the past year or so I've decided to really embrace one aspect of depression/anxiety - the isolationism. I don't mean that I've gone out of my way to minimise social contact or anything like that, but with respect to my mental health and how it's holding me back in university, I've just opted to treat it as a matter for me and to not put any weight on how others perceive it. I've hardly ever had a negative remark about but I let the couple I have had impact me too much.
Don't really know how this helps you mind you...
Oh but one thing that might - Don't get too down about not having the university social life you've seen in movies. 99.99% of the time, it isn't like that. Some people have thriving social lives at uni, many don't. Just try to develop a little pocket of people you connect with and have some kind of social connection, minimal as it might be, with them. But even then, don't put pressure on yourself. It takes time and you'll figure it out.
Good luck
I have a lot of sympathy for where you're coming from.
I have quite a bad level of background anxiety and depression but one of the things that really escalates it for me are exams.
I don't know what it is about exam season but I get really stressed, probably better characterised as panic attacks in the day or two proceeding/on the exam date itself and on a few too many occasions - I've deferred exams for that reason.
Having given into that pressure a few times I, like you, have started to feel really badly about myself and disappointment that I wasn't able to 'suck it up' and press ahead with exams. I'm doing my best to manage this better now but in the past year or so I've decided to really embrace one aspect of depression/anxiety - the isolationism. I don't mean that I've gone out of my way to minimise social contact or anything like that, but with respect to my mental health and how it's holding me back in university, I've just opted to treat it as a matter for me and to not put any weight on how others perceive it. I've hardly ever had a negative remark about but I let the couple I have had impact me too much.
Don't really know how this helps you mind you...
Oh but one thing that might - Don't get too down about not having the university social life you've seen in movies. 99.99% of the time, it isn't like that. Some people have thriving social lives at uni, many don't. Just try to develop a little pocket of people you connect with and have some kind of social connection, minimal as it might be, with them. But even then, don't put pressure on yourself. It takes time and you'll figure it out.
Good luck
