The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

Coming Out?

thread deleted
(edited 2 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

What they don't know won't hurt them
Reply 2
Avatar for hajarM
hajarM
1
From what you described, yes.
Listen, you do what's right for you x

If it feels too soon then it may be, however, living a "lie" isn't the case at all. I would just sit your parents down and state it, if you leave it it will feel a lot worse for you and you will be stressed. University is unimaginably stressful, so adding something like this to the mix would make it a lot worse.

It is your decision at the end of the day. If your dad doesn't like it then leave to live with your mum, also explain separately, if one overreacts the other may too (maybe tell your mum first and then bring her along when you tell you dad as a voice of reason).

Good luck! x
Hey
I was in a similar situation (my father is very conservative and one of those 'keep it behind close doors' types and went to an all girls school)
Honestly it just kind of came out in conversation, my parent (my mum) was like 'would you like to be with girls romantically' or something i cant remember the exact words and i was like yeh cos couldnt be arsed hiding it anymore. I thought she would think it was cos i went to an all girls school like you and to an extent i think she may have done a little (as in i think she was thinking, not hoping as such cos she doesnt mind who im with, that i would find some boy at uni or something)
Although you have dropped hints it might be worth 'coming out' again at uni after a couple months to 'prove' (sucks that we have to sort of prove it) that it's not just a phase or the result of being at an all girls school ( i really dont know why people think that cos out of a year group of 180 like 4 people were openly gay..)
But yeh good luck :hugs: was lucky that my mum is liberal and supportive, to this day i've never come out properly to my father, have just left him to draw his own conclusions from my attending pride with my parent and my massive pride flag :tongue: dont really care what he thinks either
:hugs:
it's a tough decision but my view is that if you think you can hide it from your dad (without it compromising your happiness) then i would wait til university when you're more independent and can have the barrier of distance while your dad comes to term with it for your own safety and wellbeing.

having said that, i have no clue as to what toll it takes to hide something like that for 2 years. if you did live with your mum i guess you would have to give him an explanation which definitely won't make him any happier but if that keeps you safe then so be it.

overall though, purely out of a safety and not-making-your-life-difficult at a-crucial-age-of-your life-which-may-affect-your-future
-perspective, id say if you are able to, then lie low for 2 years then once you're at uni do what you like 😊 id do the hug emote but no idea how so im sending hugs anyway!
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
This is an example of why people don't like lgbt people, instead of minding their own business they feel the need to shove their lifestyle in everyone elses faces and force their acceptance, makes one question whether they even really are lgbt or are just attention seeking.
Hey, there's nothing attention-seeking about struggling with your sexuality. I don't know what "people" don't like LGBT+ folks, but they aren't any of my associates. As far as I'm concerned, OP was "minding their own business" and asking a harmless question on an internet forum about their difficult family situation. It's you who's not minding their own business by posting in the thread in this way (which you didn't have to do). Please respect people.
Original post by CoolCavy
Hey
I was in a similar situation (my father is very conservative and one of those 'keep it behind close doors' types and went to an all girls school)
Honestly it just kind of came out in conversation, my parent (my mum) was like 'would you like to be with girls romantically' or something i cant remember the exact words and i was like yeh cos couldnt be arsed hiding it anymore. I thought she would think it was cos i went to an all girls school like you and to an extent i think she may have done a little (as in i think she was thinking, not hoping as such cos she doesnt mind who im with, that i would find some boy at uni or something)
Although you have dropped hints it might be worth 'coming out' again at uni after a couple months to 'prove' (sucks that we have to sort of prove it) that it's not just a phase or the result of being at an all girls school ( i really dont know why people think that cos out of a year group of 180 like 4 people were openly gay..)
But yeh good luck :hugs: was lucky that my mum is liberal and supportive, to this day i've never come out properly to my father, have just left him to draw his own conclusions from my attending pride with my parent and my massive pride flag :tongue: dont really care what he thinks either
:hugs:


Thank you! Nice to hear that you had a successful outcome :hugs:
Original post by Dooliaa
Thank you! Nice to hear that you had a successful outcome :hugs:


Thank you :hugs: hope you can have one as well :pride:
lovely avatar btw :run:

Original post by 04MR17
Hey, there's nothing attention-seeking about struggling with your sexuality. I don't know what "people" don't like LGBT+ folks, but they aren't any of my associates. As far as I'm concerned, OP was "minding their own business" and asking a harmless question on an internet forum about their difficult family situation. It's you who's not minding their own business by posting in the thread in this way (which you didn't have to do). Please respect people.


:ditto:
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
This is an example of why people don't like lgbt people, instead of minding their own business they feel the need to shove their lifestyle in everyone elses faces and force their acceptance, makes one question whether they even really are lgbt or are just attention seeking.


I'm sorry that you feel that way.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by 04MR17
Hey, there's nothing attention-seeking about struggling with your sexuality. I don't know what "people" don't like LGBT+ folks, but they aren't any of my associates. As far as I'm concerned, OP was "minding their own business" and asking a harmless question on an internet forum about their difficult family situation. It's you who's not minding their own business by posting in the thread in this way (which you didn't have to do). Please respect people.


Thank you :hugs:
Original post by Dooliaa
I'm sorry that you feel that way, I don't expect you to understand that people like you are the reason we are so scared to be ourselves and exist in society.


"People like you"

Meaning?
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz


"I tried to come out to my mum" - Doesn't sound like minding ones own business.



Yeh i mean who would want to be honest and open with their own mum, what a silly idea :rolleyes:
Original post by CoolCavy
Yeh i mean who would want to be honest and open with their own mum, what a silly idea :rolleyes:


I'm not aware of straight people doing this?
Original post by CoolCavy
Yeh i mean who would want to be honest and open with their own mum, what a silly idea :rolleyes:
ikr? Parents caring about their children. Such lunacy.

Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
What struggle?

The OP seems to suggest her dad does.

"I tried to come out to my mum" - Doesn't sound like minding ones own business.

This is an open forum and respect is earned not bestowed.

Respect is bestowed.:wink:

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/content.php?r=2707-community-guidelines
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
I'm not aware of straight people doing this?


Because they have no need, everyone assumes you are straight unless otherwise stated.
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
I'm not aware of straight people doing this?
I am heterosexual, and I am honest with my Mum.:yes:
Original post by CoolCavy
Because they have no need, everyone assumes you are straight unless otherwise stated.


So you're implying LGBT is abnormal?
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
So you're implying LGBT is abnormal?


How did you come to that conclusion?
Im stating the reality as an actual LGBT person, which with respect you clearly know nothing about being. People assume you are straight, in an ideal world noone would assume that but people do, therefore people need to come out, whether people like you approve of that or not is irrelevant.
Original post by DrMikeHuntHertz
I'm not aware of straight people doing this?


We have no choice as we live in a 'straight' society, without stating otherwise our sexuality is usually assumed as straight.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you