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His Grandparents hate me as I'm jewish

please keep anon or delete as boyfriend posts on here and don't want him to know I got upset over this thanks.

I'm jewish (liberal practising, traditional big jewish family etc) and have a non-jewish boyfriend, who I have been going out with for 2 1/2 years.

I recently met his paternal grandparents for the first time (as he lives with his mum and isn't close to his dad)

he told me his dad's family is quite posh and racist so I decided to keep my heritage a secret, unless they outright asked me (unlikely) as I'd never lie about it.

however, over dinner my boyfriend's brother jokingly-derogatorily (? lol) called me a jew (i don't normally have a problem with this, I know he's just joking) but his grandad picked this up and shouted "your'e not really a jew are you?" in a sort of -trying-to-reassure-himself way.

now I'm proud of my heritage and so calmly answered yes. he made a poor attempt to make it out like he didn;t care, but didnt speak to me for the rest of the meal, nor did my boyfriends grandma or great aunt. i left two days later, and they did not speak to me once since the meal.

i feel victimised degraded, and although my boyfriend supported me and cheered me up after the meal (and my bf isn't remotely racist) i still like he should ahve spoke up during the meal? maybe I'm just trying to find someone to blame.

but has this ever happened to someone? i know its not a huge thing, but it keeps nagging me a little for some reaosn.

thanks for any replies!

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Reply 1

billyboymccoy

Not sure what you can do. Unless theres someway to bring em out of the 1930s somehow.

Reply 2

dh00001

its only his grandparents, hes not bothered about it, dont let it become an issue

Reply 3

Spring_Ryder

yeah but i just wanna shake em round a bit! I think it's just the whole transition. they were both - his granmama especially- really nice and warm when they first met me, seemed interested in my studies etc (albeit a bit too obsessed about status and material value of my college but oh well) and then suddenly going to ignoring me and not really trying too hard to hide this fact.

bah humbug lol

Reply 4

iGurpreet

Do not get worked up about it, its not like his family are Nazis.

Reply 5

Poica

Spring_Ryder

Failure to anon there?

Reply 6

22KT22

^ you're not anonymous

I dont think you can do much i know it hurts but if you bf isnt bothered thats all that matters. Im afraid the older generation are often stuck in their ways.. and its hard to change them. i think you bf should explain it upset you, and him and how he feels about you etc. They should at least acknowledge they are wrong.. doesnt mean they will change. as long as you love your bf and he loves you i dont think his grandparents are an issue (although i dont blame you for being offended)

Not sure how much help this is.

Reply 7

Mos Def

Spring_Ryder

whoops

Reply 8

M.A.H

You're sleeping/living/being with him not his grandparents sod what they think

Reply 9

Avalarch

Probably easy for me to say, but I'd say try to ignore it unless directly challenged. Show them that you're a person, not a religion. If I was you, I would make an attempt to engage them on the subject of studies as they seemed to be pretty supportive with that if that is possible.

:smile:

Reply 10

xximstrongerthanthatxx

I'm jewish, and i get where you're coming from..many older folk get weird about it with me when they find out, talking to black and asian friends i find i get more crap than they probably do lol

I wouldn't worry too much, think about it this way..they're old, and RICH, play your cards right, marry the guy..wait for them to die, and wait for the inheritence..mmmmwahahahhaaaa

Reply 11

Spring_Ryder

Mos Def

whoops

i am a moron.

tee :biggrin:

Sorry Mitch if you read this but your grandparents are meanies!

i bet they hate midgets too. prejudiced people :mad:

Reply 12

Spring_Ryder

xximstrongerthanthatxx

I wouldn't worry too much, think about it this way..they're old, and RICH, play your cards right, marry the guy..wait for them to die, and wait for the inheritence..mmmmwahahahhaaaa

That's why Mitch sees his grandparents lol :p:

Reply 13

xximstrongerthanthatxx

Spring_Ryder

That's why Mitch sees his grandparents lol :p:

mitch is your bf yes?? well see if this way, just be civil, your not the one in the wrong, they are. keep the mouth shut, and smile through the pain lol

Reply 14

Jayjayjay

xximstrongerthanthatxx

How about Asian, Black, Irish and Jewish...

Reply 15

Mos Def

Spring_Ryder

i am a moron.

tee :biggrin:

Sorry Mitch if you read this but your grandparents are meanies!

i bet they hate midgets too. prejudiced people :mad:

Well if mitch's grand parents wont accept you, M.A.H's will :wink:

Reply 16

afua12

Try not to let it get to you. I know it must be frustrating, but you're going to get people like this with unreasonable opinions everywhere. I guess it's just a matter of dealing with it, and slowly trying to win them round, thus showing them how their irrational prejudices hold no standing.
There was this guy in one of my old classes, who had a couple of fairly not so pc opinions, but they all seemed to be based on...nothing. He wasn't the nicest guy, shall we say, and so didn't have that much consideration for people he deemed unworthy of it, and yet, even though aware of my jewish heritage, he seemed to have some sort of respect for me... I would sometimes talk to him a bit in class, and he seemed to approve of my attitude and opinions, and so i guess this is where his respect came from. On one occassion, he actually approached me in front of his mates to apologise for a comment he made about "the jews" a while back, which he knew I had heard, but not commented on.
So I guess this could maybe be an approach you could use with his grandparents, if it bothered you? They obviously liked you before they knew this, so it shouldn't be difficult. Just let them see you for who you are, and hopefully you'll win them round eventually!
Oh, can i just sk, you said they didnt talk to you for the rest of the two days - what did they do if you approached them? I'm guessing/hoping they didn't just flat out ignore you...? If you didn't approach them, try it, see how they react. If they're cold, be extra warm. If they're downright rude (which I guess they won't be) tell them calmly, yet forcefully, that you think they are being rude, and you do not appreciate it, especially as you have been only polite and freindly towards them, which you would appreciate they returned.
I think i rambled a bit there, but i hope there's something in there which is useful! :smile:

Reply 17

Spring_Ryder

afua12

Oh, can i just sk, you said they didnt talk to you for the rest of the two days - what did they do if you approached them? I'm guessing/hoping they didn't just flat out ignore you...? If you didn't approach them, try it, see how they react. :smile:

well I didn't speak to either of them 1-2-1 to for the rest of the weekend, but when I joined in on grooup conversation they did not reply directly to me or respond to my comments in anyway (and it sounds quite silly here but it was quite obvious in reality).

so yeah, I maybe should have tried to directly spoke to them in a really nice way, but I didn't as I was offended and a little bit scared of how they would react.