MHAW - Oxford made me psychotic - AMA!

It's definitely brought my nuclear family (parents and sisters) much closer together. My dad screams and shouts way less than he did, and my two sisters (older sister in particular) have softened over the years and become more family-oriented.

In terms of me personally, I like to think it's made me a better person, in that I'm kinder and more sympathetic to others. I take things for granted far less than I used to.

I feel having these mental health problems have made me realise I have strength I didn't even know about. It's also deepened and strengthened my faith and caused me to delve deeper into what I believe and why/how I believe. This is especially true as I often can't attend church anymore, so I've had to try and live out my faith in other ways :jebus:

Had I not developed mental health issues, there are certain wonderful supportive people I would have never met too

Thanks for your question! Important to focus on the good things as well as the challenges

Thank you

Great question! I know quite a few people who experience psychosis (mainly through the Mental Health Support Society on here) but have only ever met one person IRL who has schizoaffective disorder: the mental health campaigner, Jonny Benjamin ( http://jonnybenjamin.co.uk/ ). He's a similar age to me too, slightly older if I remember right. He is a friend of a friend, and he was so lovely and spent ages talking to me even though he didn't have to It was actually really inspirational hearing his talk and then meeting him afterwards because up to that point, I'd not met anyone IRL with schizoaffective disorder. In a warped way, it was comforting hearing everything he'd been through because it resonated a lot with me (e.g. he heard voices as a child too, and spoke about how his mental health interacted with his Jewish upbringing, and how those two things impacted on his ability to talk openly about his sexuality).

For six months last year, I worked for a mental health charity, on a project for young voice hearers (so people aged 19 and under who hear voices, see things, or have other "unusual" experiences that others don't). Part of that was running an email service and responding to young people who emailed. Beforehand, I was very worried about getting triggered by reading these emails (which could be quite graphic and explicit in nature) but I only got triggered once the whole six months. So I was pleasantly surprised and proud of how well I coped with that side of the job

All this said, when talking to friends who have psychosis themselves, we (both myself and the other person) have to be careful not to say things that might upset or trigger the other. So there's definitely a balancing act to be had! I've had to hide certain stuff from friends so as not to trigger them badly Also whilst I've facilitated groups for people who hear voices, I've never attended one as a voice hearer myself, because I worry that others will trigger me

You met Johnny! So jealous. He seems like such a nice guy, would love to talk to him in real person too

Did the clickbait title make you read this OP? If so, good – that’s what it was intended to do!

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week, the theme of which is stress. With that in mind and inspired by the brave and lovely @laurawatt , I thought I would do a new “AMA about my mental health"

I have a condition called schizoaffective disorder, which affects 0.5% (1 in 200) of the British population. Put crudely, it’s like a delightful mixture of schizophrenia and bipolar I developed this condition after having a massive psychotic breakdown whilst studying at the University of Oxford, in January 2010

My main symptoms are hearing voices, paranoia/delusional thinking, and moderate-severe depression, with bouts of mania and tactile/visual hallucinations. Don’t know what those words mean? Just ask

In addition to my schizoaffective disorder, I identify as multiple; this means I view myself as fragmented parts/multiple people (in my case, I identify as 5 parts) of a person, rather than one singular/whole person EDIT: For clarity's sake, I am editing this post to mention that I do not have a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder), nor am I seeking one, since I clearly do not meet the DSM V criteria for diagnosis

I have an old AMA about my mental health ( https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2911631 ) but that is from quite a few years ago (2014 and 2015), so I figure I may as well start over again!

So, AMA about my mental health conditions/symptoms! Troll or offensive posts will be reported

If you were to somehow know before hand that all this would happen at Oxford, would you have still chosen to attend?

You said the 4 fragments developed around the same time, in spring 2010- what was life like before this? Did the Real TLG exist/talk to people or do you feel it was Real World TLG? (I'm not sure I'm making sense here)

You're making perfect sense, dw Thanks for this question! I think tbh it was Real World TLG even before spring 2010, rather than the Real TLG, but not entirely sure tbh! As far as I'm aware, the Real TLG has only ever spoken to three people and that's from spring 2010 onwards. So I assume she was dormant before then, not really interacting or doing anything. I think Angry TLG probably existed before spring 2010 too, come to think of it... As in, I can identify times in my life that would probably belong to her.

I think until spring 2010, these different aspects of me existed but felt part of a whole, rather than feeling very disjunct and separate from one another. I think Infant TLG only properly formed/developed in spring 2010 and the fall-out from what I was experiencing led me to experience what would normally just be different personality traits or aspects, as separate entities.

Hope this makes some sense

Thank you for your answer, it's very interesting

How is Real TLG different from Real World TLG, if you don't mind me asking?

What are your hopes for the future, in terms of mental health?

When you hear voices are they always the same people? Do you hear male or female or a mixture of both voices?

It tends to be the same voices, yeah. I'd say most of them are male... Well they have a neutral sound, I guess, but I associate/identify them as male. I've heard female religious voices/felt female religious presences in the past, but I don't tend to hear female voices these days. For years I thought that the Elisabeth part/fragment/personality was an internalised voice, but now I attribute those to a part/fragment/personality, rather than a voice

Thanks for your question

Thanks for the answer

Do you think that you've ever heard God? Sorry if that question is too close to the bone, feel free to ignore.

Great question! I know quite a few people who experience psychosis (mainly through the Mental Health Support Society on here) but have only ever met one person IRL who has schizoaffective disorder: the mental health campaigner, Jonny Benjamin ( http://jonnybenjamin.co.uk/ ). He's a similar age to me too, slightly older if I remember right. He is a friend of a friend, and he was so lovely and spent ages talking to me even though he didn't have to It was actually really inspirational hearing his talk and then meeting him afterwards because up to that point, I'd not met anyone IRL with schizoaffective disorder. In a warped way, it was comforting hearing everything he'd been through because it resonated a lot with me (e.g. he heard voices as a child too, and spoke about how his mental health interacted with his Jewish upbringing, and how those two things impacted on his ability to talk openly about his sexuality).

For six months last year, I worked for a mental health charity, on a project for young voice hearers (so people aged 19 and under who hear voices, see things, or have other "unusual" experiences that others don't). Part of that was running an email service and responding to young people who emailed. Beforehand, I was very worried about getting triggered by reading these emails (which could be quite graphic and explicit in nature) but I only got triggered once the whole six months. So I was pleasantly surprised and proud of how well I coped with that side of the job

All this said, when talking to friends who have psychosis themselves, we (both myself and the other person) have to be careful not to say things that might upset or trigger the other. So there's definitely a balancing act to be had! I've had to hide certain stuff from friends so as not to trigger them badly Also whilst I've facilitated groups for people who hear voices, I've never attended one as a voice hearer myself, because I worry that others will trigger me

No problem - thanks for your thought-provoking questions

The Real TLG is a bit of a hidden entity tbh but what I do know about her is that she's extremely strong and extremely serene. Nothing really fazes her or is too much for her. She's the bit that is totally unaffected by the mental illness, I guess you could say! Whereas Real World TLG does lots of things: all the day-to-day functioning and going to places and talking to people... but she is far more fragile and vulnerable and easily gets sidetracked or into a state over small things. So she is def affected by the mental illness... dominated by it, I guess you could even say

My main hope for my mental health is that one day, I'll be able to have a part-time job that my mental health won't cause me to quit It would be nice to have more financial stability and independence and to not rely on government benefits In an ideal world, I'd like to live meds-free but I think that's quite unrealistic tbh

Thank you again for your answers!

That's so interesting. I don't know if souls exist in Roman Catholicism, but does the "soul" analogy fit with how you view Real TLG as she is very serene/strong but hidden a lot of the time?

I hope you are able to achieve that in the near future I can understand not wanting to rely on gov benefits, there is too much uncertainty with them and therefore stress, even though there shouldn't be I've come across that a lot (wanting to live without meds), my mum who has schizophrenia is also on meds for life and sometimes tries dodging them I think she feels more free and unburdened without them

A final question(s)! Do the different fragments interact? In other words, do they e.g. have the same relationship with other people (so does one fragment view your best friends in the same way as the others) or have access to the same memories/view these memories the same way etc.? You don't have to answer/go into detail if you don't want to

Thank you



Yes, souls exist in Roman Catholicism and I'd definitely regard the Real TLG as my soul

I have to confess, I do go months at a time without taking my meds because I get frustrated with them and think they're doing no good One of my new year's resolutions for 2018 is to take them every day. Only missed about 12 days so far, so not doing too bad

I sometimes do letter writing between fragments, so like I'll try and summon the Real TLG (though in all honesty, though I hate to admit it, it's really the Real World TLG attempting to channel Real TLG) and get her to write to Infant TLG For the most part my fragments agree on how we all feel about various people, but there are some people in my life where there are differing opinions. We for the most part share the same memories but tend to view them in radically different ways. We tend to have differing reactions to religion too