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Not sure if I'm bi or straight watch

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    So I'm a girl and I've basically just assumed that I'm straight my whole life. But now that I think about it I'm not so sure anymore. See, I've never actually had a crush on a girl before, but I feel like it could be possible. Sometimes I look at some girls and think wow she's so beautiful but I don't necessarily feel attracted (or at least I think I don't). My friends sometimes say that they'd think I was lesbian if they didn't know me, and that never really bothers me. I still feel attracted to males, but I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to females too. Any advice?
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    Hi there.

    Sounds to me, like you're simply open-minded to the idea of being bisexual; which is a good thing! Not sure how old you are, but if you're early teens, then I'd suggest that you just continue, well, living. Don't feel obliged to label yourself. Let your feelings and attractions develop naturally, rather than pressuring yourself to make a decision asap. Just in case you feel like this is hollow advice; I'm a bisexual male so I've been through this haha.

    Hope this helped. If you need anything clarified on what I've said, then just quote/ask in here, or send me a message!
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    In relation to what your friends tell you, keep in mind that there is no 'gaydar' and lesbians cannot be put into a box in terms of appearance; yes, plenty of tomboys, butch women - et cetera, your favourite gay stereotype here - are gay or bi, but all the same, plenty of them are straight! I've known a plethora of straight girls that fit lesbian stereotypes, as well as plenty of 'straight-looking' lesbians. Disregard this point, only you can truly know if you're gay!

    Moving on from that point, I'd point out that it's perfectly possible to appreciate somebody of the same sex's appearance without actually being attracted to them. What is the nature of your appreciation? Do you feel an attraction, sexually, or is it just passive admiration?

    I suppose the only other contribution I could make is that some studies - not all, this isn't fact by and stretch of the imagination - do suggest that women have a rather unique sexuality relative to men; that is, an emotional attraction - that women may well be more bi more often than men as their sexual attraction is primarily linked to emotional attraction. If anybody is more adept on this subject than I am, please do go ahead and correct me.

    If you do think you're bi, don't sweat it. Your friends and family will accept you, no matter their views on homosexuality, they're there for you because they care about you!

    - Luke
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    #2

    It’s okay to have these feelings. It’s very normal for a woman or a girl to experience/recognise these feelings in their lifetime and if you are a teenager then this is very normal as well. Just be you, okay? Also, I have felt this way before too, and I’m straight, pretty sure I am. Haha! Seriously, though, don’t be so worried about it! It’s normal.
    Wish you the best.
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    Don't feel rushed to find out. If the possibility doesn't bother you, then don't overthink it. It's something you'll likely figure out through experience later.
    • #2
    #2

    It is totally normal to feel this way. Many woman/girls at least feel like this once in their lifetime. You usually start to recognise these feelings in your early teens. It does not mean you are a lesbian or a bisexual. It is normal for many teenagers to experience these feelings (usually a phase). I have gone through this myself, so you are not alone. Even though I had these feeling I am, in fact, straight. I’m pretty sure I am. Haha!
    Good luck!
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    i feel the exact same, maybe we could talk?
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    IMO, Those labels are artificial, old-fashioned and were never fit for purpose. I wouldn't over think it or fence yourself into other peoples' terms.

    Be you, fancy who you fancy and do what you like to do.
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    You might be bi and that’s not a bad thing! You do you.
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    I’m a girl too and I have had a crush on some girls. To me it’s all about infatuation and admiration. When I see a girl I have a crush on I just think wow oh my gosh, like you’re so pretty it’s insane and so attractive. It’s a combination of face, body and voice, it’s not one specific thing. It’s sometimes not the same in guys tho like I can appreciate if a guy is hot but when people are like “oh my gosh I would totally f*ck this person or whatever“ I sometimes can’t relate but I feel that way about girls. So yeah I’m probably bi or gay. Sexuality is complex so you shouldn’t expect to know what you identify as, but eventually you’ll figure it out! Good luck x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm a girl and I've basically just assumed that I'm straight my whole life. But now that I think about it I'm not so sure anymore. See, I've never actually had a crush on a girl before, but I feel like it could be possible. Sometimes I look at some girls and think wow she's so beautiful but I don't necessarily feel attracted (or at least I think I don't). My friends sometimes say that they'd think I was lesbian if they didn't know me, and that never really bothers me. I still feel attracted to males, but I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to females too. Any advice?
    It's possible to find women beautiful without being bisexual. There's plenty of women I think are beautiful but I'm not attracted to them/want a relationship with them and I know I'm definitely straight. Don't be in a rush to say you're bisexual, just be yourself and if you find you start to have feelings for women as well as men then maybe consider that you are actually bisexual.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i feel the exact same, maybe we could talk?
    That would actually be really great thanks 😊
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    (Original post by Bnaca)
    Hi there.

    Sounds to me, like you're simply open-minded to the idea of being bisexual; which is a good thing! Not sure how old you are, but if you're early teens, then I'd suggest that you just continue, well, living. Don't feel obliged to label yourself. Let your feelings and attractions develop naturally, rather than pressuring yourself to make a decision asap. Just in case you feel like this is hollow advice; I'm a bisexual male so I've been through this haha.

    Hope this helped. If you need anything clarified on what I've said, then just quote/ask in here, or send me a message!
    Thanks so much for the advice xxx
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    (Original post by lukequ)
    In relation to what your friends tell you, keep in mind that there is no 'gaydar' and lesbians cannot be put into a box in terms of appearance; yes, plenty of tomboys, butch women - et cetera, your favourite gay stereotype here - are gay or bi, but all the same, plenty of them are straight! I've known a plethora of straight girls that fit lesbian stereotypes, as well as plenty of 'straight-looking' lesbians. Disregard this point, only you can truly know if you're gay!

    Moving on from that point, I'd point out that it's perfectly possible to appreciate somebody of the same sex's appearance without actually being attracted to them. What is the nature of your appreciation? Do you feel an attraction, sexually, or is it just passive admiration?

    I suppose the only other contribution I could make is that some studies - not all, this isn't fact by and stretch of the imagination - do suggest that women have a rather unique sexuality relative to men; that is, an emotional attraction - that women may well be more bi more often than men as their sexual attraction is primarily linked to emotional attraction. If anybody is more adept on this subject than I am, please do go ahead and correct me.

    If you do think you're bi, don't sweat it. Your friends and family will accept you, no matter their views on homosexuality, they're there for you because they care about you!

    - Luke
    This was an amazing reply thank you so much. Sometimes I think I feel attraction but it's only begun recently. Before I used to see guys who I'd think we're so gorgeous but now it's like I find women on the whole more attractive. I find it easier to find a girl prettier than a guy. But like you said I guess time will tell. Right now i guess I'll have to put the debate of sexuality on the whole cos I have a bunch of exams that I haven't revised for. But thank you so much for the advice xxx
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    (Original post by Bnaca)
    Hi there.

    Sounds to me, like you're simply open-minded to the idea of being bisexual; which is a good thing! Not sure how old you are, but if you're early teens, then I'd suggest that you just continue, well, living. Don't feel obliged to label yourself. Let your feelings and attractions develop naturally, rather than pressuring yourself to make a decision asap. Just in case you feel like this is hollow advice; I'm a bisexual male so I've been through this haha.

    Hope this helped. If you need anything clarified on what I've said, then just quote/ask in here, or send me a message!
    And like you said, I dont think I want to swell to deeply about this. I think I'll just let it happen. But thank you for your advice xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I’m a girl too and I have had a crush on some girls. To me it’s all about infatuation and admiration. When I see a girl I have a crush on I just think wow oh my gosh, like you’re so pretty it’s insane and so attractive. It’s a combination of face, body and voice, it’s not one specific thing. It’s sometimes not the same in guys tho like I can appreciate if a guy is hot but when people are like “oh my gosh I would totally f*ck this person or whatever“ I sometimes can’t relate but I feel that way about girls. So yeah I’m probably bi or gay. Sexuality is complex so you shouldn’t expect to know what you identify as, but eventually you’ll figure it out! Good luck x
    Thank you for this. I get how you feel. For me it's usually the face that I'm attracted to in males and I feel that the face is typically what I find attractive, with not much focus on the body. Oh well I guess I'll just wait and see. Anyway thanks again xxx
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    (Original post by JTfoxlove)
    IMO, Those labels are artificial, old-fashioned and were never fit for purpose. I wouldn't over think it or fence yourself into other peoples' terms.

    Be you, fancy who you fancy and do what you like to do.
    Thanks for this- it's great advice and I think I'll follow it xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm a girl and I've basically just assumed that I'm straight my whole life. But now that I think about it I'm not so sure anymore. See, I've never actually had a crush on a girl before, but I feel like it could be possible. Sometimes I look at some girls and think wow she's so beautiful but I don't necessarily feel attracted (or at least I think I don't). My friends sometimes say that they'd think I was lesbian if they didn't know me, and that never really bothers me. I still feel attracted to males, but I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to females too. Any advice?
    Sounds like asexual to me you dont know your orientation yet and thats completely fine did u know theres 26 different types of sexuality dw it takes time. idk much since i am straight and well yeah but if at any point ur forcing ur self not to be who u are pls dont everyone in this world respects ur choice
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is totally normal to feel this way. Many woman/girls at least feel like this once in their lifetime. You usually start to recognise these feelings in your early teens. It does not mean you are a lesbian or a bisexual. It is normal for many teenagers to experience these feelings (usually a phase). I have gone through this myself, so you are not alone. Even though I had these feeling I am, in fact, straight. I’m pretty sure I am. Haha!
    Good luck!
    Glad to know that I'm not the only ones. Thank you so much for the support xxx
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    Heya, I'm bi! As everyone else said, don't feel like you have to know everything now. You might be bi, or you might be straight - there's no shame in not knowing and there's no shame in later realising that your previous label wasn't right for you!

    What worked for me was trying to imagine a future spouse. Would I be happy with a husband or a wife? As it turns out, the answer is either would be stellar. Sexual fantasies work as well, but eh, I'm a romantic at heart. Just want someone to come home to and cuddle, y'know?

    Don't feel pressured to take on any labels as well! You could just leave it open as 'questioning' or just answer with a plain ol shrug. What matters is just being kind and doing things that make you feel happy and comfortable, because life's too short to do much else.
 
 
 
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