Social anxiety?

Hi everyone...

I've found a really good link to a blog written by a male college student about overcoming shyness and social anxiety. Some parts are aimed specifically at males (how to talk to girls) but I think there's something for everyone:

http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/index.html

I've been having problems overcoming my shyness at college. I'm trying to get rid of it so I can start again at uni but it seems to be getting worse. I have to build myself up answering a question. And then after I've said something, my heart starts beating like mad, I get sweaty palms etc... I don't go clubbing or anything like that because I look too young (I am too young! lol) but I'm mostly sick of getting comments about my size (5ft 0.5in and size 6/8) so maybe that's gradually eroding my confidence. I don't know what the cause is actually, just trying to get rid of it. Anyone else...?

Reply 1

gee_shakedown

Thanks for posting that
I'm extremely introverted and have zero self confidence, it's really helpful :smile:

Reply 2

AsphyxiateD

My confidence improved at university, I was really bad at school but got gradually better at college. You just need to psyche yourself up, and take everything gradually. Small talk is the best way to start, really, find out little bits about people or whatever. It's easier in group situations since you don't have to say so much, just contribute every now and then and try and relax.

University will give you a shock at first but you just need to adjust to the environment as soon as possible. Think of it in these terms, everyone is in the same boat as you, most there have probably only just moved away from home also and deep down, although they may not show it, are scared and nervous and all that. You can relate to people instantly because of that, and everyone wants to make friends at the start. Take it gradually, and don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. It sounds hard but you'll feel great once your confidence is higher.

Oh, and about comments or whatever about how you look... try not to be self-conscious. Everyone looks different, ignore comments from other people. What right do they have to say anything about you? None. Be comfortable with who you are and confidence will come from there.

I may be a little bit of a hypocrite saying all of this, but a lot of it is drawn from personal experience (if not all of it). Good luck!

Reply 3

xJessx

Thanks alot for your replies although AsphyxiateD, I'm not moving away from home. I was too scared to! Lol, I didn't have the confidence to make the jump and now I'm thinking that I've made it harder for myelf because it won't be as easy to break the friendship groups and stuff when I get there. I suppose that's part of the reason why I'm starting to think about it now - I'll have to work harder to make friends. Maybe that's a good thing though? X x

Reply 4

AsphyxiateD

I think you really should reconsider your living arrangements and stay in halls. If you're close enough to stay at home at least you can switch between the two.

Reply 5

pr0n

When your in halls, invite them around to play on your xbox or nintendo, its the best way to get to know people I found without feeling too uncomfortable... its also fun and they will like you...

Reply 6

xJessx

AsphyxiateD

I think you really should reconsider your living arrangements and stay in halls. If you're close enough to stay at home at least you can switch between the two.

Yeah, I thought I'd see how I feel when I get there. I can always apply for it in second year if I want - I just didn't think there was any point in spending an extra £3000 for something I didn't even know if I wanted yet when I was close enough to commute. So it's an option but I think the problem is that I'm quite spoilt at home! Lol

Reply 7

Cherry Kisses

Good thread Jess :smile:

the guy who wrote the article sounds very similar to my boyfriend (apart fom the chatting to girls thing lol) but like what he was going through and putting the past behind you etc.. reading through it has hlped me to understand my bf a bit better, i might actually show him the article see if it can help him

Reply 8

Soulman87

It's odd I like public speaking and can chat to people easily if they initiate the conversation, but for some reason I find it really awkard starting a conversation.

Thanks for the rep x

That's a very good blog.

I'll show you one site that's helped me a lot:
http://www.succeedsocially.com/

The big difference between this and a lot of other sites is it is precise. It tells you exactly what to do, it doesn't say "Hey, be confident" and then expect you to work it out. Also it's pretty honest, so if you want to avoid some of the troubles in your life then it might not be for you.

Reply 11

-Exo-

THANK YOU so much for that blog. Was a very good read.

Reply 12

dontcaretoomuchformoney

Thanks a lot OP that things is great!

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

I have social anxiety, I have to recommend seeing a doctor. I was referred to a NHS clinic and I am currently attending an anxiety workshop. A good book to look at is "Mind over Mood".

It isn't really helping me as I avoid almost all social situations I can, make up excuses or say I'm ill.

I'm having real trouble with it as all the techniques and tricks they tell you are just that, I have to constantly do them and they don't always work.

Reply 14

MancBoy

Yeah i have severe SA, im currently undergoing CBT...it seems to be helping a bit but not that much i guess. SA has really killed my social life and life up to now. Thanx for this OP.