Gay crush to a straight guy Watch

c.hatton
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Self-explanatory with the title. I developed a crus to this guy when we started hanging out several weeks ago. He's a good guy and I think he's straight because 1. He talked about his ex-girlfriend 2. his reaction to gay stuff are quite profound. 3. If he wanted something to happen between us, it would have happened by now because we got really drunk last week and he could have just confessed it to me.
However, some stuff makes me think he's gay e.g. always trying to be close to me. I'm probably just being paranoid because I have a crush on him.
I think he's a really good guy and I think we could be good friends. I just want to know how to get rid of my crush.

P.S. i'm not out
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Segat1
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Well, if you're not out then I suggest you concetrate on being a mate and see if something happens.
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trm90
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The problem with these sorts of crushes are that the only way you can really recover from them is to give it some time. It's good to see you're not getting too obsessed with the whole concept of 'is he gay? is he straight?' though, as that's really the killer for us homosexuals.

Think about the things that define your friendship rather than any lustful thoughts you may have towards him. It might also help to devise a way to come out to some people so perhaps you can start getting an idea of the gay scene?
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randdom
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If you are sure that he is straight then I would say leave it because the chances of things happening are remote at best. If however you think that there is a chance that he might be bisexual why not ask him subtly?
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qubog
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It must be so hard to be gay. The majority of your market simply won't be interested must be so much unrequited love out there
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RyanT
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Does he know you're gay? If he doesn't i'd be really careful! I'm not homophobic but this guy keeps staring at me in one of my tutorials and I don't want to go to them anymore...don't be that guy to your friend! If he knows you're gay then he would probably say he likes you if he does? If he doesn't know you're gay then I guess its complicated
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x.Fluffy.x
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I was in the other guy's situation - I'd prefer it if I was told about this crush. It wouldn't make me think any less of you.

But that's me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by c.hatton)
Self-explanatory with the title. I developed a crus to this guy when we started hanging out several weeks ago. He's a good guy and I think he's straight because 1. He talked about his ex-girlfriend 2. his reaction to gay stuff are quite profound. 3. If he wanted something to happen between us, it would have happened by now because we got really drunk last week and he could have just confessed it to me.
However, some stuff makes me think he's gay e.g. always trying to be close to me. I'm probably just being paranoid because I have a crush on him.
I think he's a really good guy and I think we could be good friends. I just want to know how to get rid of my crush.

P.S. i'm not out
Try and rationalise the situation. If you actually allow yourself to fall for him, you may not be able to get over it properly for years.

Trust me, i know this because it happened to me in school. I fell in love with my best friend (probably the oldest cliches in the books right?!). I didn't realise what the feeling was at first so I took my confusion out on with my acerbic tongue and tried to separate myself from him, my feelings were too strong and scary for me to understand until we had fallen out, and I admitted it to myself. We effectively became class enemies and almost got into a bif=g fight when it all come to a head. Prior to all that, I think he wanted to experiment sexually with me one time we went to his house and he made sure nobody else was there (but i think it was just because he was a horny teenager lol- nothing ever happened). Even as school 'enemies' (haha) I would think about him all the time, and I just wanted it to stop so i could move on. But it did take a few years, the feeling gradually subsiding until i didn't stare at him and go all weak kneed when he caught my gaze. I could tell we both wanted to talk to each other a few years later, but by that time too much water had passed under the bridge. Plus I was too shy to make the first move haha. He tried a couple times, tentatively, but I just froze up and the situation passed. On our last day of school, he waited for me at the gates, tried to make eye contact and i guess to speak to me, but i was too shy and emotionally disjointed by then, so i held my breath, averted my gaze and just walked out the gate.

I've regretted not making amends with him as we were good friends once. Two peas in a pod. But glad I no longer am obsessed/in love with him as my heart hurt for so long. Don't allow yourself to fall this guy if possible, do what you need to get over him, i.e. a new crush with somebody you aren't friends with? Your friendship will only suffer if you allow yourself to be ruled by these feelings, one way or another. Whether he is really gay or straight is irrelevant, he doesn't want to be seen as gay.

Good Luck
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Anonymous #2
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unfortunately crushes are just a sick form of obsessive love sometimes. The only way to get over it (it sounds like he's not gay) is to distance yourself from him. trust me the more time you spend with him the more infatuated you will become, which will just corrode your insides ;( Try to distance yourself a bit, it will only help you.
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xxxchrisxxx
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its just wishful thinking. better concentrate on people who you know for sure are gay.
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Cowz
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(Original post by c.hatton)
If he wanted something to happen between us, it would have happened by now because we got really drunk last week and he could have just confessed it to me.
You don't seem to rate your friend too highly. If he has anything serious worth saying, he's not gonn blurt it out in a drunken slur is he?

Anyway, speaking from the experience of once being the best friend of a gay guy (both before and after he was out), I'd say you're probably seriously confusing him. I'd guess he's pretty certain you're gay and it's going to bring all sorts of confusing emotions up in him. I may get shot down for saying this, but that guy may actually pity you; he's aware of how happy he could make you and afterall you are good mates. What could be wrong with any of it? If you were best mates and you were female he wouldn't have a problem etc. He may want to experiment sexually, but then he is probably also a horny teenager to boot.

My advice is simple really. Come out to him for the simple fact that he is one of the few guys who will understand and appreciate that you have come out to him personally, by the sounds of things anyway. In all honesty, you probably don't actually need to come out to him anyway, but it would set everything out on the table and it will make you feel a lot better about in yourself. But WHATEVER you do, don't just come out to him because you fancy him-and make sure he knows that! Then once he knows you're gay, back off and give him time to think (if he needs it) about the whole situation. He may be gay, but then equally, he may have to get over his own homophobia.

I would add a word of warning though. You're confident in your sexuality, he may not be. He may be homophobic as a result, or he could be bisexual to the point of wanting sexual relations with men but not full blown relationships. YOU have to take the leading role and guide the situations. [PS-now I am not speaking from experience :P] If he gets drunk and then suddenly wants to sleep with anyone, regardless of looks (and by extension gender), and so he aproaches you because he knows you fancy him then just then take the moral high ground and refuse and wait until he is sober. Likewise, if you get drunk then realise that he probably really doesn't appreciate you pouring your soul out to him.
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