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    Im just stuck in a situation and everyone is gradually finding out the truth about me and what im like. I have anxiety like a few people on here (from what ive seen) and quit uni and basically don't work but this has been going on for years and im ashamed I have a job and did a few weeks training but then left but have got another one just I don't start yet though. I have been trying to get help for this anxiety but everytime I book a doctors appointment my dad shakes his head and says is pathetic how someone of my age keeps going to the doctors.
    Seriously for years I have done nothing except sleep and go to my swimming club (once - twice a week). I have lied to everyone there and they think I have a job when they ask how its going Ive been making stuf up how sad is this!!!
    The main thing that concerns me though is that my dad works with a girl who goes to the swimming club but she attends on different days but still they all meet up most weekends. Anyway my dad has been telling her over these last few years what im like and he told me she thought it was ridiculous and that she thinks I should be working, which I should. Ive not seen this girl for about a year but even worse is when I first met this girl (through a friend) when we first spoke she said 'I work with your dad' I said 'I know hes a **** head isn't he', she just laughed and said 'nah he's alright'. I don't know why I said this it was meant to be some sort of joke but she musn't have told my dad as he says that she said im really quiet, which I am. Anyway with this incident plus what my dad has told her she will think im a right nasty idiot. Plus she might have told people at swimming about me and ive been telling everyone lies. I just hate myself and this whole anxiety thing im so pathetic. It serves me right but really swimming is the only thing I have left and everyone will know the truth about me.
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    I had a similar problem a few years ago, all my friends parents worked with my parents, so everything I said and did got back to them, which simply led me to being frightened to say anything. After a while, I distanced myself from them, made new friends, and try to keep my home life, work life and personal life separate (although before I came to uni, the last two were pretty much one in the same).

    But, to the point. First thing's first. Your Dad. You said that he disparages any attempt of your to go to the doctor's? He shouldn't really be doing this, the doctor is supposed to be there to help you and give you impartial advice, but the system doesn't work if you are afraid to book an appointment. Next time you book, don't tell your dad. If it turns out to be nothing, then, good, you have reassurance of it. If it turns out to be a problem, then you managed to catch it. The only person who should be telling you not to go and see the doctor is the doctor (and if they say it, it's normally a good idea to listen).

    Now, concerning this other job, without much more information, I can't offer much advice, other than to try your best, if it is in a different area to where your dad works, and the swimming club, then see it as a chance to start afresh, to break out from the expectations placed upon you. One thing I would say, though, is that take a long hard look at what the job entails. If it is just paperwork, requiring little actual contact with people, I would question the help that it would be. To try and change who you are (which, I am guessing, is the point of the post), you need to move out of your comfort zone, and the best way to do that is to get a job where you are expected to interact with people. It provides an incentive to actually get out, and improve your social skills.

    As far as the swimming club goes, you say that you have told lies to them. If they are small lies, I wouldn't worry about it too much, you would be surprised what sort of explanations people's minds are perfectly happy to invent to make everything they are told tally up. If there are more/bigger lies, then the only way around it is to face the music and own up, before "she" tells everyone behind your back. People will think better of you, if they hear it from you, rather than from someone else.

    Other than that, the only advice I can offer to you is to take any opportunities that you see to improve you social skills (I can attest to the effectiveness of amatuer dramatics), and to think positive. If you need any more advice, or just someone to talk to, PM me.

    And, I shall leave you with the wisdom of the Pythons:
    "You'll see it's all a show,
    Keep 'em laughin' as you go,
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you!
    Aaaand, Always look on the bright side of life!"
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    Thats the problem with lying but I can understand why you did, I was ashamed when I didn't work.
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    Sorry, how do you quote individual sentances lol? Did you lie to people or tell the truth even though your parents worked with friends parents? I have a job now so will be telling the truth at leats when i start
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    You use the ["quote"] and [/"quote"] (without the quote marks).

    I tended to get into the habit of just telling the truth, of a sort. I would omit some facts, and embelish others, but never to a particularly high degree. I still don't lie very well, but I cope, it also gives me a slight edge when I actually decide to leie to someone.

    [side note] The edit button is your friend
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    (Original post by BibbleJW)
    I had a similar problem a few years ago, all my friends parents worked with my parents, so everything I said and did got back to them, which simply led me to being frightened to say anything. After a while, I distanced myself from them, made new friends, and try to keep my home life, work life and personal life separate (although before I came to uni, the last two were pretty much one in the same).

    But, to the point. First thing's first. Your Dad. You said that he disparages any attempt of your to go to the doctor's? He shouldn't really be doing this, the doctor is supposed to be there to help you and give you impartial advice, but the system doesn't work if you are afraid to book an appointment. Next time you book, don't tell your dad. If it turns out to be nothing, then, good, you have reassurance of it. If it turns out to be a problem, then you managed to catch it. The only person who should be telling you not to go and see the doctor is the doctor (and if they say it, it's normally a good idea to listen). !"
    Yea I know what you mean its hard to keep my personal life seperate from my social life without joining a new club though, or waiting till my dad retires lol. Having said that I shouldn't really be lying anyway, were you found lying etc?

    About the doctors I don't tell my dad he just seems to find out like when I come back my mum tells him where Ive been, guess I shouldn't tell her either.


    (Original post by BibbleJW)
    As far as the swimming club goes, you say that you have told lies to them. If they are small lies, I wouldn't worry about it too much, you would be surprised what sort of explanations people's minds are perfectly happy to invent to make everything they are told tally up. If there are more/bigger lies, then the only way around it is to face the music and own up, before "she" tells everyone behind your back. People will think better of you, if they hear it from you, rather than from someone else.

    Other than that, the only advice I can offer to you is to take any opportunities that you see to improve you social skills (I can attest to the effectiveness of amatuer dramatics), and to think positive. If you need any more advice, or just someone to talk to, PM me.

    And, I shall leave you with the wisdom of the Pythons:
    "You'll see it's all a show,
    Keep 'em laughin' as you go,
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you!
    Aaaand, Always look on the bright side of life!"
    lol thanks, the only lie Ive told is that Ive been working for the past few years lol and have constantly been making up how things have been going on, guess its quite big. Thanks for the advice.
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    I don't think people think badly of those who don't work do they? Certainly not as badly as you seem to think, its just those thugs who claim benefits or who have kids and claim all the benefits they can.
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    maybe you should just...go to the doctor, like you said?

    you're an adult, you don't necessarily need to do as he says, especially as he seems to be a bit of an ******* (sorry, but he really does.)
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    If it helps, not working is no big deal. I know lots of people who are unemployed when they should be employed and they don't seem to hide it . Its really not that embarassing, if someoen told me they ain't got a job, not for a second do I think in my head badly of them (is it just me for being nice?). Maybe being honest will help you in life, really don't be scared.
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    If someone doesn't have a job for years you would wonder why and might think they are lazy. Iys hard to admit to anxiety too expecially to people who don't understand so the op was in a no win situation really.
 
 
 
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