Don't know what to do, I really need advice Watch

Jimbolimbo2
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Hi - for context, a girl I've been crushing on for a few months now revealed to me, the day I was going to tell her I liked her, that she met a guy that she really likes. Despite this, I decided to tell her after a day out and over dinner how I felt about her, and she did the same. She initiated and said that she's thought about a relationship between us but didn't think it would work due to her past experiences with guys - the conversation on the topic ended with me telling her that if this guy she met on Tinder turns out to be bad news/crazy, then I'll ask her out. She seemed okay with that, and was glad that I told her but didn't say anything else on the matter. I kinda wish we talked about it more.

We're still going on a 2-week holiday together, and we're still really close friends. I can tell she's worried that her crush might be worried she's going on a holiday with another guy, and I know for a fact this is going to cause problems with our friendship or her relationship with this guy later on down the line. We also see lots of movies and plan to have dinner with each other more.

My biggest issue is... I don't know what to do. I keep seeing her saying she's really happy ever since she's met this guy, and I just can't bare watching her fall in love with someone else. I'm hoping that they'll eventually drift apart / get bored and I'll get another shot... But it's driving me crazy. I was happy once I told her how I felt, it was a load off my chest and I thought I'd be okay, but I'm not. I just feel like I need to tell her in more detail what she means to me or something like that, but I don't want to lose her as a friend either. I realised too that I don't really want to pursue any other relationships right now, I worked hard on this one and it just feels like any drive I once had for a relationship (with anyone else) is just... Gone. Can someone give me some honest advice? Should I continue pursuing her or just treat her like a close friend still? Should I go for it again sometime, maybe if I ever notice her complaining about him or something? I know someone will put 'move on' but it ain't that easy... And she's all I've wanted in a friend, too. I wanna be more than that.
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BitMel
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I think you should tell her because your just going to regret it if you dont. I also dont think you should be friends with her if you have that many feelings.
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Dunnig Kruger
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How many billions of women are there in the world?

Why make your treehouse in one tree in the jungle when there's already a gorilla up it?
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Anonymous #1
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I think you should just accept for now that she is dating someone and leave them be.

She may get upset if you seem actively against her relationship. If they do split up, don't act happy. While it may be a Godsend for you, she may actually be upset about it. If she is with him long term you may want to consider what is more important, her friendship or going out with her.

This happened to one of my friends, who liked another one of our friends and she was building up to tell her on Valentine's Day, but this friend that she liked had a girlfriend by then. She just had to get over her and act like nothing happened.

Whatever you do just consider how she will react first.
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Jimbolimbo2
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
How many billions of women are there in the world?

Why make your treehouse in one tree in the jungle when there's already a gorilla up it?
because i wanna be the bigger gorilla man ooga-chaka

Jokes/metaphors aside, I'm just not sure I'm ready to move on from this girl. I'm sure it won't last forever but right now my drive to date is just completely gone. I think losing her as a friend is out of the question here, we're way too close for that at this point imo. Equally, it's going to suck watching her go for someone else. Just secretly hoping it turns out differently.
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agrew
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"She initiated and said that she's thought about a relationship between us but didn't think it would work due to her past experiences with guys - the conversation on the topic ended with me telling her that if this guy she met on Tinder turns out to be bad news/crazy, then I'll ask her out."

That's where you failed, my man.
First of all girls always keep coming with excuses for not dating a person they don't feel attractive to, like here "she's thought about a relationship between us but didn't think it would work due to her past experiences with guys" I call it crap. Bullsht, she just doesn't feel the same as you do, so she is coming with an excuse, quite generic to be honest.

Second, you said "me telling her that if this guy she met on Tinder turns out to be bad news/crazy, then I'll ask her out", not cool man, shows you're not confident in yourself. Should have asked her out instead.
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Jimbolimbo2
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(Original post by agrew)
"She initiated and said that she's thought about a relationship between us but didn't think it would work due to her past experiences with guys - the conversation on the topic ended with me telling her that if this guy she met on Tinder turns out to be bad news/crazy, then I'll ask her out."

That's where you failed, my man.
First of all girls always keep coming with excuses for not dating a person they don't feel attractive to, like here "she's thought about a relationship between us but didn't think it would work due to her past experiences with guys" I call it crap. Bullsht, she just doesn't feel the same as you do, so she is coming with an excuse, quite generic to be honest.

Second, you said "me telling her that if this guy she met on Tinder turns out to be bad news/crazy, then I'll ask her out", not cool man, shows you're not confident in yourself. Should have asked her out instead.
Ain't too late to try again I don't think. Think I should?
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Jimbolimbo2)
Ain't too late to try again I don't think. Think I should?
It aint what you do it's the way that you do it.
By all means try again, preferably in a way that's nice from her point of view and won't sour your relationship in the long term.

You may have to take the long term view on this. Chances are, her relationship with this guy won't last forever.

And in future don't talk about having a relationship where you say you'd like to have one. Just talk and act as if you are in a relationship.
Use the sales technique of the assumptive close.

And you really are too fixated by this one girl. It's an error of judgement that so many young adults make.
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Jimbolimbo2
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It aint what you do it's the way that you do it.
By all means try again, preferably in a way that's nice from her point of view and won't sour your relationship in the long term.

You may have to take the long term view on this. Chances are, her relationship with this guy won't last forever.

And in future don't talk about having a relationship where you say you'd like to have one. Just talk and act as if you are in a relationship.
Use the sales technique of the assumptive close.

And you really are too fixated by this one girl. It's an error of judgement that so many young adults make.
Some real good advice there tbh, thank-you.
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