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    Hi,
    Ive never written on a forum before which i guess means im pretty worried.
    Ive been seeing my boyfriend for a few months and i feel very happy in our relationship. We decided to start having sex a few weeks ago but have been having problems. He cant seem to get fully hard. He does initially but when it comes to the "crunch" he loses it.
    At first he said it was due to nerves of being with someone new for the first time but its now happened 7 or 8 times. He obviously finds it upsetting and embarassing and ive tried to be as supportive as i can. However it is also affecting me as i now feel he doesnt find me attractive. The last time we tried he suggested he tried it from behind but i wasnt really comfortable and it didnt do much for my self esteem. Ive told him that its knocking my self confidence, but in doing so i think it stresses him out evenmore do i havent really said anything else! Were just in this viscious circle and its becoming an issue. He is a few years older than me and more experienced but i dont really want to ask if its happened to him with other girls as im worried what the response might be. I like him a lot and the sex would just be an addition onto the relationship but i just worry that its going to drive us apart
    I really could do with some advice with this one......hoep
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    its nerves yea. really all you can do is keep trying until it stops. dont make a big thing of it.
    when it next happens go back to kissing etc until hes ready to try again
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    Now, I know this may not be it, but my bf began losing his erection a couple of months after we started having sex. He thought it was because of the condoms, and indeed when we stopped using condoms and I went onto the pill, he was fine. You don't think it might be something like this do you?
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    i think it sounds like nerves too. don't make sex such a big deal. when it happens go back to kissing etc dh0001 said.
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    Agree with above. Its 100% nerves and the fact its happened before makes him even more anxious everytime you try. You just have to reassure him, and dont make a big thing of it when it does happen, pretend you havent noticed even, and carry on kissing, whatever else to try and help him.

    remember that it isnt you, and its nothing to do with how he thinks of you, how you look or anything else like that. Take it, in a way, as a compliment, that he so badly wants to make a good impression that he's overcome by nerves!
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    (Original post by Meep!)
    Now, I know this may not be it, but my bf began losing his erection a couple of months after we started having sex. He thought it was because of the condoms, and indeed when we stopped using condoms and I went onto the pill, he was fine. You don't think it might be something like this do you?

    ditto, same thing with me and my bf.
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    Hmm, tricky one.

    I suggest that when you are trying to ahem, get it in, you don't make a big deal of it. And if he fails to maintain an erection try not to turn it round on you as this will make him feel worse. As fairycakes said, if he loses his erection, don't just let it kill the mood. Continue with foreplay or whatever.

    Just reassure him but don't make a big deal of it. If he's never had this problem before (I think you should ask tbh) then it is probably just nerves. As it happened once he's now expecting it to happen again.

    Have you tried using a thinner condom or whatever? If you are both clean and you're on the pill, no condom?

    Good luck, it'll happen eventually
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    Condoms really do ruin the flow of things, if you can safely then try without.
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    Hi thanks for all the advice.
    Thing is about the condoms, we havent even got the the condom stage....
    And im on the pill anyway so we wouldnt be using them.
    I think the thing thats worrying me the most was when he suggested doing it from behind. I asked him why he thought that would help he said he had to mentally separate images or something......i
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    Try giving him some alcohol to calm him down. And lots and lots of foreplay!
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    (Original post by Susan54321)
    Hi thanks for all the advice.
    Thing is about the condoms, we havent even got the the condom stage....
    And im on the pill anyway so we wouldnt be using them.
    I think the thing thats worrying me the most was when he suggested doing it from behind. I asked him why he thought that would help he said he had to mentally separate images or something......

    Well at least he's honest. Have you tried paper bags to further that end?
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    Hahaha,

    If you are nearly of drinking age then help him relax with a beer or 3. Helps every bit of confidence.
    • #2
    #2

    This has been happening to me lately with my girlfriend and it's definitely nothing to do with her. It's the condoms; whenever we've tried without it's fine and I have no issues. They just reduce the sensation loads and now each time we use one I'm already paranoid about it, which doesn't help. So it's not you!
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    As everyone else has said, it's probably nerves. If it's a recurring problem, he's probably thinking and worrying about it so much that he's not giving his body a chance to relax and just let it happen.

    Also, don't worry that this is because he doesn't find you attractive. Would he really continue putting himself under this much pressure if he didn't want to solve this problem with you? Tell him that you're certain it's the stress that's preventing it from happening, and maybe stop trying for a few days (or even weeks) just to let both of you relax a little again. Good luck with it.
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    (Original post by smellielli)
    Try giving him some alcohol to calm him down. And lots and lots of foreplay!
    Yeah, whisky-**** is just what the guy needs. :p:
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    It happens to lots of people. Just keep spending time together, fooling around etc. It'll happen eventually, just don't put pressure on yourselves. Go with the flow!
 
 
 
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