building my life around my gf Watch

verse
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#1
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#1
long story short:
my gf will be going overseas to germany to further her studies.

i have the option of going over. i've found a course i like, and i don't mind living in europe. furthermore we would be able to save on accomodation costs if we rented an appartment together or something.

but the thing is i'm not comfortable with the idea of studying in a new language. furthermore i will be studying a humanities subject which is more language based than science or engineering.

plus the idea of building my life around my gf is biting at me. plus i'd have to choose a uni near hers so we can stay together. i reflected and i'd say that if she wasn't there, i wouldn't be considering studying there. part of me just tells me that as a man i shouldn't be doing that. yet at the same time i can't imagine being with anybody else.

opinions?
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supernova2
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#2
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could be fun, but sounds a bit kinda boring I suppose. Most people go overseas so they can do their own thing and explore a new place on their own. It can be a very character building type of thing. Doing it together will mean you can always have the safety net of dependence on each other which makes it a little futile.
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Mousickle
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#3
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Personaly I wouldn't do it, I mean what if you got there and then broke up? I know its a bad thought, but possible. And its your future you are building, and you shouldnt compramise that for someone else.
I dont know, I guess it depends on the relationship you have, I mean if you dont live together now that thats a whole other big gamble as the whether you could deal with that.
To me uni is time to grow yourself as a person, no just do whatever becasue it fits with who someone else wants to be.
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*pitseleh*
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#4
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Hm.. I don't know how long you've been together, but have you thought about having a long-distance relationship? My boyfriend (of several years) and I have long since agreed that it's silly to sacrifice our own degree/career plans for one another, because one of us may end up resenting the other for it. As a result, we're moving away from each other in October: he is going to London, hopefully to start his police training, and I am moving to Oxford to study an English degree. We both feel it's the most sensible thing to do to ensure that we each have the future (career-wise) that we both want.

I know the Oxford/London gap is nothing like the UK/Germany gap, but our plan would have remained the same wherever I had gone to university (he was always going to go to London, regardless of where I go). We'll visit each other as often as possible in the meantime, and we'll hopefully be able to move closer to each other again after my degree. It obviously won't be easy - but we both feel that the relationship is worth pursuing and that we'd both be miserable if we had to split up.

Do you think you and your girlfriend could manage something like that? If it's a good relationship, and you both see a future together, there's no reason it can't work - hard as it might be in the meantime.
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wtid
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First and foremost if you don't speak German you aren't going to be able to study at a German university, so it would be pointless going.

Even if you can speak german I would say it's not a great idea to go if you don't want to. You could still be together if she goes over there, my girlfriend and I have a long distance relationship with me in England, her in Germany and we've done that for a year and a half. HLX are a godsend for cheap flights!
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WokSz
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#6
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I personally think that no matter how difficult it is, don't build your life around someone else. If you two do break up, then you're in trouble! Just try and make it work long-term. It's not like Germany is world's apart and I'm sure you guys can manage seeing each other every few weeks or so.
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ashy
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#7
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Don't do it don't do it don't do it. Just imagine the worst case scenario - you break up. Suddenly you find yourself in a place you don't want to be, in a country you don't know, with a languae you don't speak.

Long Distance Relationship is the way to go.
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Ink
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#8
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It has nothing to do with you being a man. If you were a woman, I'd still say it'd be stupid to shape your future plans (especially in something as important as your degree and career) on your bf/gf.

However, the fact that her being there prompted you to consider Germany isn't neccesarily a bad thing. There will always be some trigger that causes us to consider the majority of our actions. The question is whether you like the idea now that you have begun to consider it, or whether you are going despite your concerns just because she is there. From your post, it sounds like the latter situation is the case, in which case, I don't think it's a good idea. Studying in another country can be eye-opening and fun, but it *is* a lot harder, especially when there is a language gap! Unless you are fully committed to this idea, I really wouldn't recommend it. What do your friends/family have to say about all this?
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jaw
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#9
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arranging your life around someone, especially a partner is never a good idea imo.
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suek
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#10
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There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with your gf forever and living a life together etc in the future, but at the same time, the age you're at, you need to make sure that you don't sacrifice your own individual life plans, and so that you get yourself in the best position you can for that future life with her.

If it's meant to be, your relationship will survive this sorta thing - look at wtid
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verse
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#11
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hey girls and guys...thanks for all the input. and thanks well_well for the much needed does of light heartedness.

one thing though...i'm not from the uk. i'm from singapore...and that's in south east asia for the uninitiated. i might be heading to the uk myself though. the time difference between here and germany is 7 hours. and flights will take an age and cost a bomb.

my head tells me that what you guys say is right. i am taking once a week german classes at the moment and i do enjoy it honestly though i'm still not comfortable with the idea of using it at university level.

my parents are supportive, but they are stressing that i must be sure its what i really want for myself as well.

as for long distance relationship...i'm very confused regarding this. sometimes i'd think about it and shudder...it sends chills down my spine...but other times i feel more optimistic. i've already got webcams and started researching on ways to keep in contact. we'll only see each other once every 6 months once she starts uni. and there are many more complications...like when we're worlds apart and begin to drift etc.
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wtid
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#12
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(Original post by verse)
hey girls and guys...thanks for all the input. and thanks well_well for the much needed does of light heartedness.

one thing though...i'm not from the uk. i'm from singapore...and that's in south east asia for the uninitiated. i might be heading to the uk myself though. the time difference between here and germany is 7 hours. and flights will take an age and cost a bomb.

my head tells me that what you guys say is right. i am taking once a week german classes at the moment and i do enjoy it honestly though i'm still not comfortable with the idea of using it at university level.

my parents are supportive, but they are stressing that i must be sure its what i really want for myself as well.

as for long distance relationship...i'm very confused regarding this. sometimes i'd think about it and shudder...it sends chills down my spine...but other times i feel more optimistic. i've already got webcams and started researching on ways to keep in contact. we'll only see each other once every 6 months once she starts uni. and there are many more complications...like when we're worlds apart and begin to drift etc.
Aha that's a different thing then. Try speaking on the German Learners Society here on TSR, see if you can hold a conversation with the people on there, to see if you're able to speak at the right level.

As for the distance, you're right that is a bit far, if you're only going to see every 6 months it does cause a problem, however someone from the Long Distance Relationship society is doing an LDR seeing her bf only every 6 months, so she may be able to offer some advice.
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verse
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#13
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(Original post by wtid)
Aha that's a different thing then. Try speaking on the German Learners Society here on TSR, see if you can hold a conversation with the people on there, to see if you're able to speak at the right level.

As for the distance, you're right that is a bit far, if you're only going to see every 6 months it does cause a problem, however someone from the Long Distance Relationship society is doing an LDR seeing her bf only every 6 months, so she may be able to offer some advice.
yeah and it'll be for 3-4 years at least. even more if she does her masters over there as well. unless i go there for a holiday everytime its term break here in singapore it's really gonna be a problem.
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