Why does everyone hate me? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
I'm trying to analyse why it seems that everyone who comes into contact with me ends up disliking me, but I can't work it out. I was always bullied in school and have so far made no friends whatsoever at university, even attracting criticism and mockery from strangers here.

I'm a pretty shy sort of person and people have told me before than on first impressions I can seem aloof, rude even, when really I'm just being shy. However this shyness goes once I know people so that can't be a reason. I'm also quick to anger, probably due to the years of being picked on, but then other people are also quick to anger yet they seem able to make and keep friends. I'd say I'm relatively intelligent, yet other intelligent people have friends.

So I put it to TSR to see if any of you can think up reasons why I fail at social interaction.
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dh00001
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#2
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#2
im sue people do like you. to me it sounds like youre too hard on yourself. convince yourself they dont like you and so withdraw as a result.
you need to show yourself people do like you. star conversations with people. make an effort to interact. and dont think about them not liking you
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20083
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trying to analyse why it seems that everyone who comes into contact with me ends up disliking me, but I can't work it out. I was always bullied in school and have so far made no friends whatsoever at university, even attracting criticism and mockery from strangers here.

I'm a pretty shy sort of person and people have told me before than on first impressions I can seem aloof, rude even, when really I'm just being shy. However this shyness goes once I know people so that can't be a reason. I'm also quick to anger, probably due to the years of being picked on, but then other people are also quick to anger yet they seem able to make and keep friends. I'd say I'm relatively intelligent, yet other intelligent people have friends.

So I put it to TSR to see if any of you can think up reasons why I fail at social interaction.
Shy does often come across as rude. Unfortunate, but true. Take it in small steps, work on talking to people, smiling at them, etc. Shy people will often walk with their head down and completely blank someone who passes them and smiles or says hello, or when standing at a bus stop completely avoid conversation with the person next to them. When this happens you are left feeling a bit peeved that an attempt to be nice has just been thrown back at you (although in reality, this is not what has happened).
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brightredstar
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#4
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#4
Essentially you have isolated yourself and are therefore in a difficult position to reverse that. Try approaching other people rather than waiting for them to make the first move, and smiling helps! Obvious but so true. (I have been in a similar position, not suffering from bullying but pushing people away - almost subconsciously - as a result of my own lack of confidence). All you can do is try, people like you for making an effort.
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Harrison88
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#5
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#5
Go to clubs at your uni which you're interested in. E.g. if you like rock climbing go to the climbing club. You're bound to make friends with people who share the same interests.
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ph9
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#6
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#6
how could we possibly think of why people may hate you. seriously, we don't even know you.
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Lara C.
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#7
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#7
a little about your personality would help.
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HereWithMe89
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#8
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#8
Don't be so judgemental on urself, just cos u dont think ur good enough, doesnt mean u arent.

I bet ur a real nice person.
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L i b
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#9
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#9
(Original post by SillyFencer)
Shy does often come across as rude. Unfortunate, but true
I'd contend that shyness is rudeness.
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decoy
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#10
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#10
:hugs: :hugs:

I know exactly how you feel. I was bullied through school, abandoned by friends at college and university. I'm also very quiet and shy, but once I know people I open up. The few friends I have and my boyfriend tell me i'm too hard on myself and that i'm a nice person. It doesn't stop me dispising myself so much though. Also, I have hearing trouble, so when I don't hear people they think i'm being rude. I've also had 'friends' in the past who have had a go at me because i've had to ask them to repeat themselves on several occasions, usually getting "are you deaf or something". It's not a fun time to say the least.

All I can suggest is trying to make a few friends. When people smile at you, smile back. If someone says hello, say hello back. If somebody starts talking to you, don't shy away and be all hostile (i still sometimes do that), be polite and make slight conversation. It doesn't sound like much but it'll slowly build your confidence.

If you need anyone to talk to, PM me. I know how it feels to be alone and feel like nobody cares. And as for people on TSR being mean to you, ignore them. They're probably just bored and passing the time online. Not that it's right, but they probably don't think anything of it and probably don't expect you to get upset over what they say.

I hope you feel better soon x
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brightredstar
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#11
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#11
(Original post by L i b)
I'd contend that shyness is rudeness.
- how exactly do you justify that?
I'm quite underconfident and feel inferior in many situations, but I do try to talk to people and smile at them etc.! So I do not think I am rude as such... yet I am shy - one does not necessarily equal the other in my opinion.
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20083
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#12
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#12
(Original post by L i b)
I'd contend that shyness is rudeness.
Hmm, not sure I would agree (unless you can expand on that). I see rudeness as a deliberate act, whereas shyness is part of someone's personality. There's possibly a thin line there, I think depends on whether or not the person would rather not be shy.
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naivesincerity
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trying to analyse why it seems that everyone who comes into contact with me ends up disliking me, but I can't work it out. I was always bullied in school and have so far made no friends whatsoever at university, even attracting criticism and mockery from strangers here.

I'm a pretty shy sort of person and people have told me before than on first impressions I can seem aloof, rude even, when really I'm just being shy. However this shyness goes once I know people so that can't be a reason. I'm also quick to anger, probably due to the years of being picked on, but then other people are also quick to anger yet they seem able to make and keep friends. I'd say I'm relatively intelligent, yet other intelligent people have friends.

So I put it to TSR to see if any of you can think up reasons why I fail at social interaction.
Maybe it's that you have the confidence to go it alone or be aloof, and that scares them,they think it's arrogant-people are judgemental about those who don't fit in.
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Lady_Darkness
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trying to analyse why it seems that everyone who comes into contact with me ends up disliking me, but I can't work it out. I was always bullied in school and have so far made no friends whatsoever at university, even attracting criticism and mockery from strangers here.

I'm a pretty shy sort of person and people have told me before than on first impressions I can seem aloof, rude even, when really I'm just being shy. However this shyness goes once I know people so that can't be a reason. I'm also quick to anger, probably due to the years of being picked on, but then other people are also quick to anger yet they seem able to make and keep friends. I'd say I'm relatively intelligent, yet other intelligent people have friends.

So I put it to TSR to see if any of you can think up reasons why I fail at social interaction.
I'm the same, although I don't seem to have the same extent of problem as you

I often struggle to make conversation, or to sound interesting when talking to someone. I don't know whether it's all in my head - I too was the victim of bullying at school, and it has completely shattered my self esteem and driven me even further back into my shell (I was quite shy before). As I never think I have anything worthwhile to say, then I find it best to say nothing at times, which makes me appear completely socially inept and rule sometimes. Which in turn means people don't speak to me and I feel an even more boring person.
I'm just not the type to feel comfortable making random conversation... and I'm seriously awful in group situations... one-on-one is ok, but in a group I'll always sit on the edge, feeling more and more awkward.

I have made friends at uni and consider myself to be happy enough, although there are only a tiny, tiny number of people who I can feel I can be myself around without fearing that they're going to tease me or make me feel silly.

All in all, if I had any decent advice for you, OP, then I would be happier myself (sorry!) though feel free to PM if you want to talk to a like mind.
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epafdxcrl
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#15
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#15
they dont... i loves ya!
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Dark Enigma
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#16
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#16
It sounds like you think no one likes you because you're shy. I would agree with a lot of the advice from the other members, take small steps towards rebuilding your confidence. This should help you make new friends and realise how many friends you already have.
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