The Student Room Group

Business Studies w/ Spanish Personal Statement - Guidance Please

"Ever since my childhood, I have had a great interest in travelling, and this is where my interest in languages stems from. For the past three years, I have spent a few weeks of my holidays at a language school in the Costa del Sol region, broadening my interest in the Hispanic culture as well as the Spanish language. I enjoyed the ten week total that I spent in Spain because of the cultural visits which we took. Sights such as The Mihrab Mosque in Cordoba and La Alhambra in Granada were sights which I could never see in England. Studying Federico García Lorca's "La Casa De Bernada Alba" in school led to a further interest in Spanish literature, and following from that have enjoyed reading short stories by authors such as Miguel de Cervantes and Horacio Quiroga.
My interest with the Business Studies subject however only began when I started to study it for A-Level, having no previous experience. It was researching for coursework that my interest skyrocketed. I found exploring how the figures, which previously meant nothing, very interesting and how small aspects of daily life can radically change the future of a business and the way it acts. During February 2004, I travelled to Moscow and St. Petersburg with my school to visit several real-life businesses. The trip was a real eye-opener, not only educationally but culturally as well. Having gone behind the scenes at several factories, our views on how production and marketing works completely changed. Also, this trip granted us the chance to see several art museums which house works by some of Russia's most famous painters.
Included in my Business Studies A-Level course were several real life case studies including the plight of Coca-Cola's Dasani product and it was this aspect of how a business reacts to errors and makes decisions that has led me to decide on the degree that I have.
In my final year at my present school, I will be undertaking several extra-curricular activities. These include being a prefect for the new first years, where I will be able to offer a student perspective on any problems they may encounter, and also as an editor of the school annual newsletter. I have also participated in another journalistic activity, where I was an assistant editor of the student newspaper, The Vibe. Aside from the previously listed activities, I will be furthering my involvement in Social Services, where for the past two years I have worked at two different primary schools. My jobs at these schools included helping the children with their general class work, and taking individual children and helping them individually with set work.
For work experience, I spent a six month period working at a local Barnardo's Charity Shop. The workplace was very demanding, where you have to communicate strongly with the general public and offer an excellent service at the same time. During the time at Barnardo's, I gained several new friends and gained links to other charity events. One of these events was in London, when I participated in Ben & Jerry's Community Action Day where I worked on preparing a small garden for several local apartment complexes.
During the course of my Gap Year, my main aim is to travel to Honduras and teach English as a foreign language for a period of twelve weeks. This trip appealed to me as it not only offers me the chance to explore new cultures but to put my Spanish skills to use. Currently, schools in Honduras are in desperate need for teachers and I find this a perfect placement. After spending twelve weeks in Honduras, I would like to backpack around Nicaragua and El Salvador, two neighbouring countries to further explore South America.
With regards to the future, I feel that the degree that I have chosen fully compliments my intended career in the public relations field."

:smile:

Thanks
Reply 1
Initial pointers:

1) The rest of your UCAS form tells them you got an A in French and Spanish. They won't miss this, because if you pick them out in your statement, they will look at the grade you got. Don't waste your statement repeating the rest of the form.

2) "Doing things for myself has become almost second nature" :eek:
-> Don't say that, even if it's true! It should go without saying that you do things of your own accord!

3) Don't start a sentence with "And". Some people (especially uni tutors :biggrin:) get fussy about this. You don't want to irritate them!

4) "I was a cashier, and learnt how to use a cash till and scan credit cards and cheques from customers" Oh, wow!
That is the most unimpressive part of working in a charity shop; any shop gives you that. Make something of the charitable aspect.

5) Link in your language skills to the South America trip more, and also link it to charity.
Reply 2
- Overall, the sequencing is not great - it's like you just put it down as it came to you, which is fair enough, for a first draft, but needs to be looked at.

- Also, the proportion of the statement talking about your subject, why you want to study it, and why it is right for you, is not big enough.

- I think you've done plenty of interesting stuff, and it's all pretty relevant, but forget the bit about prospective parents - we've all done that!

Hope this all helps.
personally i do not think u have written enough about the skills you have gained from ur subjects and work experience, what have u learnt? i.e. team work?? communication skills?? all v important in business degrees. i agree with what everyone else has said too,u done a lot of amazing stuff! more than i have and im sure a lot of ppl have done at tha age x :biggrin:
Reply 4
"Sights such as The Mihrab Mosque in Cordoba and La Alhambra in Granada were sights which I could never see in England"

Legend.
Reply 5
I have updated it, and hopefully it is a lot better standard. It looks like that to me, so all I need now is the order and wording.