What shall/can i do??? Watch

veeej
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Started chatting to this girl September last year, over the internet, talked for months , eventually progressed to chatting over the phone. We clicked from the word go, really get on.

Furthermore she is from same background as me (indian, punjabi and same caste) massive bonus!! as not many of our type in the UK.

Finally met up in Janurary had a nice day, decided we would start seeing each other. Fantastic!!

We live very far away however me in Southampton and her Bedford.

I am final year uni she has completed and works full time in retail, so arranging time is difficult. Was gonna meet up Valentines but she had her tonsils taken out and was out for 2 weeks. Since she has returned to work but had a pre planned holiday to birmingham lol , but im gettin pissed off, i wanna see her so bad, am i being unreasonable ???

Her parents are very strict - village mentality she is under constant lockdown, not allowed out in the evening weekends. nota allowed bf's etc contact with guys. has to be straight home from work else there is trouble. Her brothers are similar to her parents and they back from uni break for easter so phone convo is almost impossible now.

Should i be more undertanding of her situation and be patient or start demanding we meet. I d be happy to see her for 20 mins u kno but dont wanna just turn up at her workplace and look desperate. I feel as if i am being the woman in the relationship - craving more attention, it doesnt seem to affect her as much - maybe she is used to this scenario or simply doesnt express it. As a result i have decided i might be a bit distant let her do the running after me when she got time, it messy

I consider myself to be approaching my 'peak' years and im afraid of wasting them but i really fond of her . making me depressed and been binge drinking hard.
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MSB
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I think you should try and make it work. Meet her parents, maybe?
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veeej
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Haha! No way cant meet parents b4 marriage either of us, total no go!
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Jonah Ramone
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Tough, tough.

Basically you need to decicde whether this girl is right for you. These things seem ideal in concept but making them work is very different. Like you say, if you consider these to be your main years and don't want to waste them with a girl who you'll rarely see, then it's probably a good idea to call it off. If you really like her, then maybe trying a bit harder to make it work is a good idea. Being demanding isn't going to help but obviously your frustrations are going to be pretty high if you can't see her, thats only natural (and I'm not talking physical, sexual desires, just wanting to be with the other person counts). Finances of meeting up every time will inevitably come into play.
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veeej
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I just want to see her, if i cant then regular contact via text is enuff to keep me going but its not happening. when we do speak its great, if not i miss her soo much, i think i like her more than she does me.

I have entertained thoughts of leaving it and moving on with life but half of me says to give her a chance wait be patient coz i know she is sooo right. *** knos im pissed off and im drinking
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Speedbird2008
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(Original post by veeej)
had a pre planned holiday to birmingham
Nice.

Can I come to?
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veeej
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(Original post by Speedbird2008)
Nice.

Can I come to?
yeh go for it mate!
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Speedbird2008
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(Original post by veeej)
yeh go for it mate!
Lol!
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Irrelevance
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You've found somebody who has the same interests, same background and you really get on with.

It's gotta be worth the wait, be it weeks or months.
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veeej
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(Original post by Jonah Ramone)
Tough, tough.

Basically you need to decicde whether this girl is right for you. These things seem ideal in concept but making them work is very different. Like you say, if you consider these to be your main years and don't want to waste them with a girl who you'll rarely see, then it's probably a good idea to call it off. If you really like her, then maybe trying a bit harder to make it work is a good idea. Being demanding isn't going to help but obviously your frustrations are going to be pretty high if you can't see her, thats only natural (and I'm not talking physical, sexual desires, just wanting to be with the other person counts). Finances of meeting up every time will inevitably come into play.

Thanks for the reply!!!

Im the type of guy who has waited untill i find the right girl! im attractive no issues there jus want to have serious relationships rather than putting it about. I just wish i could know how she felt about the situation coz at the moment i am waiting BUT i dont want 2 to get hurt , i think im too much of a nice guy. It ****
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GemmyMonster
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Errm, are her parents planning on her NEVER getting married?! If she's not allowed to meet guys.. are they hoping to arrange a marriage, do you know?

If she's been to uni - I'll presume for 3 years - that puts her in her early 20s.

Now I don't know about yours or her religon or culture, but.. if she's over 18, her parents have absolutely NO SAY in what she does, by this country's laws. Meaning she can do what she wants!

Perhaps you need to talk with her about what she can do to get out of this situation?

Sorry if I'm being niave on this.
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T.K.B
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If you think that you like her more than she likes you- then I guess its not worth waiting mate. Do you ever think shes not taking this relationship seriously?
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veeej
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(Original post by GemmyMonster)
Errm, are her parents planning on her NEVER getting married?! If she's not allowed to meet guys.. are they hoping to arrange a marriage, do you know?

If she's been to uni - I'll presume for 3 years - that puts her in her early 20s.

Now I don't know about yours or her religon or culture, but.. if she's over 18, her parents have absolutely NO SAY in what she does, by this country's laws. Meaning she can do what she wants!

Perhaps you need to talk with her about what she can do to get out of this situation?

Sorry if I'm being niave on this.

Yeh our culture provides our parents will find both of us ' a suitable partner' . WE are both 22. Yes that is the law but why be an outcast with your family for the sake of a relationship that may not even work its not as if we have been dating years and want to forge a future together. So there is no need to bring parents into anything
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veeej
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(Original post by T.K.B)
If you think that you like her more than she likes you- then I guess its not worth waiting mate. Do you ever think shes not taking this relationship seriously?

I do think that , especially recently, she doesnt know what she is missing out on! lol But this is only during when we cant speak - i gues sim a bit insecure in that respect. But when we do get to communicate - those feelings go away.
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fleur_de_haine
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(Original post by veeej)
Started chatting to this girl September last year, over the internet, talked for months , eventually progressed to chatting over the phone. We clicked from the word go, really get on.

Furthermore she is from same background as me (indian, punjabi and same caste) massive bonus!! as not many of our type in the UK.

Finally met up in Janurary had a nice day, decided we would start seeing each other. Fantastic!!

We live very far away however me in Southampton and her Bedford.

I am final year uni she has completed and works full time in retail, so arranging time is difficult. Was gonna meet up Valentines but she had her tonsils taken out and was out for 2 weeks. Since she has returned to work but had a pre planned holiday to birmingham lol , but im gettin pissed off, i wanna see her so bad, am i being unreasonable ???

Her parents are very strict - village mentality she is under constant lockdown, not allowed out in the evening weekends. nota allowed bf's etc contact with guys. has to be straight home from work else there is trouble. Her brothers are similar to her parents and they back from uni break for easter so phone convo is almost impossible now.

Should i be more undertanding of her situation and be patient or start demanding we meet. I d be happy to see her for 20 mins u kno but dont wanna just turn up at her workplace and look desperate. I feel as if i am being the woman in the relationship - craving more attention, it doesnt seem to affect her as much - maybe she is used to this scenario or simply doesnt express it. As a result i have decided i might be a bit distant let her do the running after me when she got time, it messy

I consider myself to be approaching my 'peak' years and im afraid of wasting them but i really fond of her . making me depressed and been binge drinking hard.
Forcing distance between yourself and her is hardly going to make the situation any easier, rather, it may lead her into thinking that you're not worth the effort of struggling against her familly. This is such an unfortunate, yet oh-so-common, situation! The only thing I can think of suggesting would be to let her know that you're keen to meet up, but you understand that it isn't practical at the moment; that aside it's a waiting game.

Think of it this way, you can have contact that's irregular, or regular contact that her familly catches wind of, and then she'll be packed off to India or Pak before you can say izzat.

Other than that pra ji, try not to hit the bottle too hard, it won't help!

Raz
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