need advice - kissed a guy for a bet

I know it's awkward and difficult, but if you are genuinely concerned about him and care about his well-being then I think it is worth trying to arrange a meeting to properly address any issues.

You're right, I asked him to meet up. He seemed a bit hesitant at first but finally agreed to come to my place later today.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys what happened, in case anyone still cares. This is gonna be long but I'm actually properly worried about him so any advice is more than welcome.

So, he came over after dinner and we talked. It was awkward at first, he tried telling me that nothing was wrong - then being all like "oh but I shouldn't bother you with this" which was kinda annoying! Like the whole thing was so awkward, we were sitting on my bed (that we've literally had sex on) acting like we were strangers - also not what I wanted at all, I wanted us to be friends...

Anyway, after some time he suddenly started crying. Like, proper crying. Out of nowhere. Took me off guard a bit so I instinctively went and hugged him, in a much more intimate way than normal friends (or at least male friends) would, like I was holding him and stroking his hair. I don't know, it felt right I guess - I'm kinda unsure where we stand now anyway, the boundaries are weird kinda thing - I'll elaborate on that later. We talked for a good while, he told me how he feels really ****ing lonely. He's having troubles at home, he's had a huge falling out with his best friend (and consequently things are awkward in the whole friend group), he ****ed up with me - "the love of his life", and he feels really bad for "destroying everything we had by making such a stupid mistake". That all sounds dramatic, I know, but I know what he's like - he feels things very intensely.

Moreover, he said some things that I found quite concerning. He clearly feels very, very low in himself. We're in the middle of exams, he's sitting on a conditional offer to go to bloody Oxford and he's done absolutely **** all. He worked so so so hard for that, and to give up here, the last couple of papers, it's just... such a waste... I wish I'd done something sooner to help him, because its too late now - he's sat two of his subjects already and the last one is this Tuesday. I tried asking him why he'd handled things this way but he just went "I don't know".

He said some things about how he's been feeling lately and while I didn't fully understand I felt so so so sorry for him. I don't want to get into that too much but it left me feeling worried. One of the things that I liked about him was this optimistic energy he seemed to have, the way he was always down to do something, the way he saw the world as a place full of beauty in little things, and how he could see the good in everything and everyone. Now he seemed to be the complete opposite, having lost his faith in perhaps maybe not the world but more himself in relation to it? He told me he felt so insignificant and inadequate and lonely... and how he just wanted a way out of those feelings (I asked him if he wanted to kill himself, that's how worried I got when he said all that, but luckily he doesn't - he said he's been drinking a fair amount ever since he turned 18 last month though and sometimes he wants to smash his head into a wall just to feel something other than all of this).

It was getting kinda late so I told him to stay, because I was (and still kinda am) genuinely so worried! We shared the bed but nothing happened. I don’t know where we stand, honestly. I think he wants to get back together with me, and part of me wants that, too. He genuinely feels bad about what happened, I’m convinced he wouldn’t cheat on me again, we clearly still have feelings for each other - the main thing that’s holding me back is that we’re gonna go our separate ways after the summer and I’m not sure if we can make that work. Right now we’re friends, I guess/hope, but kinda in a weird way? Like I held him, we slept in the same bed, we both said “I love you” to each other (and meant it, or at least I did), we got changed in front of each other (cause it’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked anyway), at one point we almost kissed... But in the moment I wasn’t paying all this much mind, I was mostly concerned with his well being.

Speaking of, the first half of this post was mega dramatic, he told me today that he doesn’t feel bad constantly, luckily. He still enjoys things like reading, music, walking his dogs and all. We hung out quite normally today, he seemed to feel a lot better than he did yesterday, so that’s good. I made him laugh properly and that made my day - for a moment his eyes were sparkling like they used to again, and he looked so beautiful. He left just before dinner and promised me to get in touch whenever he needs anything (so far he's been sending me memes, which is good). All I want right now is to be there for him. Because I really do love him, and he doesn’t deserve to feel like this at all! He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met so it hurts to see him the way he was yesterday.

Of course there’s only so much I can do though, I don’t know if just being there is going to help him significantly -he did say he hasn’t spoken to anyone else about all this, so I imagine it must be a weight off his shoulders- so what should I do? How can I help him? Maybe he needs to see like a professional?

(Also, you should’ve seen the “Ah ****, here we go again” look on my dad’s face when my ex and I came downstairs together for breakfast, lol.)

I've basically only read the first page of this thread, and the above post. I can't really give advice. All I can say is, I hugely admire how much you really seem to care about this guy, and how far you've come from that first kiss. I hope he, or both of you, figure out your problems, and I wish you all the best.

Alright so I was at this pretty big party last night and was just joking around with some of my mates about sexuality n stuff. One of them then said that I'm apparently so scared of not being straight that I wouldn't kiss a guy for twenty quid. I, slightly drunk and incredibly skint, decided to prove him wrong.

So I approached this bloke who's pretty good looking and openly bisexual. Talked/flirted for a bit then snogged him. Dashed off with a lame excuse and got my money.

But now he's sent me a message on facebook, saying that he had a good time last night and asking me to meet up for coffee. I could've seen this coming honestly because we had a nice chat (and also a pretty nice kiss) and I'm just not sure what to do? I feel a bit bad about "using" him like this, so what should I say?

Thank you so much! Maybe I care a little too much though...

I don't think it's possible to have too much compassion. It's reasonable to distance yourself from someone who's repeatedly hurt you - that's a little different. In this case I don't think he really has, though?

I've read the rest of the thread now. Still not sure what advice to give you, but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably take him back. It seems like the two of you have something really special, and you both feel that. It's important to keep in mind that this is the first real relationship either of you have ever had. You guys are still in a process of trial and error - you should try to be understanding and forgiving with each other. It's easy to underestimate the amount of effort and communication that's needed to keep a relationship healthy, but I think now you've had a taste of what happens when a person doesn't communicate well enough, neither of you will make that mistake again...

Hope everything goes well at any rate.

Thank you so much for reading this whole thing, I was a bit embarrassing last summer haha. I've obviously been thinking about taking him back quite a lot and I produced the following list of pros and cons:

+ I love him
+ I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me like that again, he really really regrets it
+ Ever since we've split up my feelings for him haven't died at all - I can't imagine being with anyone else
+ He's going through a rough patch right now but I could help him, and I want to help him
+ I don't think we could be just friends - we're both in love with each other and we both know it so that's bound to get messy, but I do miss being friends with him
+ I also miss a lot of other things, just him in general
- Maybe we didn't actually have something special. We're naive teenagers, what do we know?
- If things go downhill again it could result in both of us getting even more hurt, and I feel like he's pretty fragile already so I don't want to hurt him!
- After the summer it's going to be long distance and I don't know if we can do that

What do you think? I really don't know, there's nothing I want more than to be with him, but I feel like it's a bad idea.

there's nothing I want more than to be with him.

I don't want to tell you what to do, especially as I really ship you guys! Whatever you decide, I want you guys to decide it. It seems like you've thought all of this through very well. I recommend going and talking about all of it with him.

feels like you answered your own question there

Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys what happened, in case anyone still cares. This is gonna be long but I'm actually properly worried about him so any advice is more than welcome.

So, he came over after dinner and we talked. It was awkward at first, he tried telling me that nothing was wrong - then being all like "oh but I shouldn't bother you with this" which was kinda annoying! Like the whole thing was so awkward, we were sitting on my bed (that we've literally had sex on) acting like we were strangers - also not what I wanted at all, I wanted us to be friends...

Anyway, after some time he suddenly started crying. Like, proper crying. Out of nowhere. Took me off guard a bit so I instinctively went and hugged him, in a much more intimate way than normal friends (or at least male friends) would, like I was holding him and stroking his hair. I don't know, it felt right I guess - I'm kinda unsure where we stand now anyway, the boundaries are weird kinda thing - I'll elaborate on that later. We talked for a good while, he told me how he feels really ****ing lonely. He's having troubles at home, he's had a huge falling out with his best friend (and consequently things are awkward in the whole friend group), he ****ed up with me - "the love of his life", and he feels really bad for "destroying everything we had by making such a stupid mistake". That all sounds dramatic, I know, but I know what he's like - he feels things very intensely.

Moreover, he said some things that I found quite concerning. He clearly feels very, very low in himself. We're in the middle of exams, he's sitting on a conditional offer to go to bloody Oxford and he's done absolutely **** all. He worked so so so hard for that, and to give up here, the last couple of papers, it's just... such a waste... I wish I'd done something sooner to help him, because its too late now - he's sat two of his subjects already and the last one is this Tuesday. I tried asking him why he'd handled things this way but he just went "I don't know".

He said some things about how he's been feeling lately and while I didn't fully understand I felt so so so sorry for him. I don't want to get into that too much but it left me feeling worried. One of the things that I liked about him was this optimistic energy he seemed to have, the way he was always down to do something, the way he saw the world as a place full of beauty in little things, and how he could see the good in everything and everyone. Now he seemed to be the complete opposite, having lost his faith in perhaps maybe not the world but more himself in relation to it? He told me he felt so insignificant and inadequate and lonely... and how he just wanted a way out of those feelings (I asked him if he wanted to kill himself, that's how worried I got when he said all that, but luckily he doesn't - he said he's been drinking a fair amount ever since he turned 18 last month though and sometimes he wants to smash his head into a wall just to feel something other than all of this).

It was getting kinda late so I told him to stay, because I was (and still kinda am) genuinely so worried! We shared the bed but nothing happened. I don’t know where we stand, honestly. I think he wants to get back together with me, and part of me wants that, too. He genuinely feels bad about what happened, I’m convinced he wouldn’t cheat on me again, we clearly still have feelings for each other - the main thing that’s holding me back is that we’re gonna go our separate ways after the summer and I’m not sure if we can make that work. Right now we’re friends, I guess/hope, but kinda in a weird way? Like I held him, we slept in the same bed, we both said “I love you” to each other (and meant it, or at least I did), we got changed in front of each other (cause it’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked anyway), at one point we almost kissed... But in the moment I wasn’t paying all this much mind, I was mostly concerned with his well being.

Speaking of, the first half of this post was mega dramatic, he told me today that he doesn’t feel bad constantly, luckily. He still enjoys things like reading, music, walking his dogs and all. We hung out quite normally today, he seemed to feel a lot better than he did yesterday, so that’s good. I made him laugh properly and that made my day - for a moment his eyes were sparkling like they used to again, and he looked so beautiful. He left just before dinner and promised me to get in touch whenever he needs anything (so far he's been sending me memes, which is good). All I want right now is to be there for him. Because I really do love him, and he doesn’t deserve to feel like this at all! He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met so it hurts to see him the way he was yesterday.

Of course there’s only so much I can do though, I don’t know if just being there is going to help him significantly -he did say he hasn’t spoken to anyone else about all this, so I imagine it must be a weight off his shoulders- so what should I do? How can I help him? Maybe he needs to see like a professional?

(Also, you should’ve seen the “Ah ****, here we go again” look on my dad’s face when my ex and I came downstairs together for breakfast, lol.)

Thank you so much for reading this whole thing, I was a bit embarrassing last summer haha. I've obviously been thinking about taking him back quite a lot and I produced the following list of pros and cons:

+ I love him
+ I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me like that again, he really really regrets it
+ Ever since we've split up my feelings for him haven't died at all - I can't imagine being with anyone else
+ He's going through a rough patch right now but I could help him, and I want to help him
+ I don't think we could be just friends - we're both in love with each other and we both know it so that's bound to get messy, but I do miss being friends with him
+ I also miss a lot of other things, just him in general
- Maybe we didn't actually have something special. We're naive teenagers, what do we know?
- If things go downhill again it could result in both of us getting even more hurt, and I feel like he's pretty fragile already so I don't want to hurt him!
- After the summer it's going to be long distance and I don't know if we can do that

What do you think? I really don't know, there's nothing I want more than to be with him, but I feel like it's a bad idea.

He said he was free and up for a chat so I went to see him. He already seemed to be doing better than he was the other day, still very very tired but more lively I guess. I was really nervous for some reason, maybe because I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do lol. We ended up playing the guitar for a good while (because I used to teach him but he's improved a lot since the last time we hung out!) - it was a lot of fun, it felt so good to spend time with him again, truly felt like coming home I guess - and that convinced me to talk to him.

I essentially told him everything I've told you guys, and then when I was done he was like "I don't think we should get back together". I asked him why and he said that he still likes me but feels like he doesn't deserve me, that he's been a **** to me, that he's not in a good place mentally at the moment. So I told him how much I've changed for the better because of him (like honestly if it weren't for him I wouldn't have been able to have a conversation like this at all, so many feelings lol) and how much he's meant to me, because he was there for me when **** was bad with my dad and he's listened to me rant about all sorts of petty troubles for hours and also remember how all this started? I kissed him and then I was like "ha lol I did it because I wanted money" - if anyones been a **** at any point it was me!
That seemed to convince him a wee bit, as in he looked at me all hopeful and asked me "do you really want to be with me?" and I was like "of course" and then there was this build up of tension I suppose, where we both leaned in slowly and then we finally kissed again! Afterwards we hugged for a long time and he fell asleep on me lol, he looked so peaceful and I think he really needed the rest, I couldn't get him to wake up again so I tucked him into bed and left a little note saying good night, I love you, can I take you out sometime? kinda thing.

So I guess that's us back together haha. We haven't spoken about what's gonna happen after summer though, I was a bit reluctant to bring it up because it's a sensitive topic for him in general - he probably didn't get the grades for both his firm and his insurance offer. But we can discuss that later. I'm also gonna need to tell my parents again, which absolutely sucks! Things between me and my dad have been so much better ever since I've "left my gay phase" and by extension things between him and my mum are better also, which is nice - also my mum advised me to break up with him so I'm not sure how she's gonna feel about this. She'll probably say I'm a naive teenager, and maybe I am, but tonight was the best night I've had in months so I must be doing something right, I hope?

He said he was free and up for a chat so I went to see him. He already seemed to be doing better than he was the other day, still very very tired but more lively I guess. I was really nervous for some reason, maybe because I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do lol. We ended up playing the guitar for a good while (because I used to teach him but he's improved a lot since the last time we hung out!) - it was a lot of fun, it felt so good to spend time with him again, truly felt like coming home I guess - and that convinced me to talk to him.

I essentially told him everything I've told you guys, and then when I was done he was like "I don't think we should get back together". I asked him why and he said that he still likes me but feels like he doesn't deserve me, that he's been a **** to me, that he's not in a good place mentally at the moment. So I told him how much I've changed for the better because of him (like honestly if it weren't for him I wouldn't have been able to have a conversation like this at all, so many feelings lol) and how much he's meant to me, because he was there for me when **** was bad with my dad and he's listened to me rant about all sorts of petty troubles for hours and also remember how all this started? I kissed him and then I was like "ha lol I did it because I wanted money" - if anyones been a **** at any point it was me!
That seemed to convince him a wee bit, as in he looked at me all hopeful and asked me "do you really want to be with me?" and I was like "of course" and then there was this build up of tension I suppose, where we both leaned in slowly and then we finally kissed again! Afterwards we hugged for a long time and he fell asleep on me lol, he looked so peaceful and I think he really needed the rest, I couldn't get him to wake up again so I tucked him into bed and left a little note saying good night, I love you, can I take you out sometime? kinda thing.

So I guess that's us back together haha. We haven't spoken about what's gonna happen after summer though, I was a bit reluctant to bring it up because it's a sensitive topic for him in general - he probably didn't get the grades for both his firm and his insurance offer. But we can discuss that later. I'm also gonna need to tell my parents again, which absolutely sucks! Things between me and my dad have been so much better ever since I've "left my gay phase" and by extension things between him and my mum are better also, which is nice - also my mum advised me to break up with him so I'm not sure how she's gonna feel about this. She'll probably say I'm a naive teenager, and maybe I am, but tonight was the best night I've had in months so I must be doing something right, I hope?

I am really glad you met up with him and decided to get back together, even though I usually am of the mind of not taking back anyone who cheats. In this case, he truly seems remorseful and unlikely to do that again and the positives outweigh the negatives by far. As for the LDR situation, I wouldn't worry about that because it will work out in the end if it's supposed to. Communication, trust and respect are vital for any relationship to succeed, and it seems to be getting off on the right foot. Also, don't worry about your parents, prioritise your own happiness first and if they truly care about you they will support you in your decision regardless of their personal opinion. If not, then it's just a case of agreeing to disagree. Let us know what happens next.

your dad's gonna go ape sh*t..... :P

Exactly - I'm very sure he won't cheat on me again and I think its clear that if he does it's over for good. Before we went through all this **** I was convinced we could make long distance work, but now I'm not that sure anymore. Guess we'll just have to wait and see though, I'm willing to try at least. He sent me such a cute message earlier that made my ****ing day and we're going on a date tomorrow that I'm literally buzzing for - I think I've made the right decision.

Literally... he still thinks I'm a straight guy who went through a weird delusional phase. He also thinks that phase is now over and I'm gonna date girls from now on lol. Feels like coming out all over again, **** this ****.

omg being straight is now a sin? wow i honestly hate some people who do this with every sexuality.