need advice - kissed a guy for a bet
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I did and he said yes!! 
So he's coming to my house tomorrow! I'm way too excited lol, what should I wear?
So he's coming to my house tomorrow! I'm way too excited lol, what should I wear?
That was a story worth reading, OP it sounds like you're working out your own feelings and that's okay. When I figured out I liked guys, I did a fairly similar thing you did and then I kind of worked things out. But you like this dude and I would see how things pan out 
Regarding what you should wear tomorrow, wear whatever makes you comfortable (but if I have a rule of smart trousers and a shirt when I invite guests over). Please keep us updated
100% this totally! The number of times I've heard accusations like that really do irritate me. The worst is when we get told we don't exist in the LGBT+ community
Regarding what you should wear tomorrow, wear whatever makes you comfortable (but if I have a rule of smart trousers and a shirt when I invite guests over). Please keep us updated
Original post by jadey.tw
Okay whoa whoa whoa, being bisexual does not mean you're unfaithful there is literally no correlation. When you're dating a girl, do you have to suppress shagging every other girl you see? No, because if you're dating someone we're assuming you love them. If I settled down with someone of either gender, its because I actually care about them and want to have a relationship with them. I'm not going to cheat on them because I find other people attractive. Having that mindset not only undermines bisexuals as being the "cheaters" but would also mean ANYONE who settles down would also cheat because they're attracted to other people. Attraction does not equal promiscuous.
100% this totally! The number of times I've heard accusations like that really do irritate me. The worst is when we get told we don't exist in the LGBT+ community
speak to him and see what his like
I can't be bothered to read the whole thread but this is what I think based on the original post.
Implies the OP feels contempt/disgust towards LGBTQ people who don't 'blend in', suggesting he is experiencing internalised homophobia.
Most guys are unlikely to admit that they can look at another guy and find him attractive. These types of men are typically insecure with their own sexuality and so they refrain from admitting to any of it. However, OP thinks he's smart and does the complete opposite to hide his homosexuality.
The original bet was only to kiss; OP took it further because he chose to as he is sexually attracted to men.
So it's clear from the start of the thread the OP is gay and in denial.
Original post by Anonymous
One of them then said that I'm apparently so scared of not being straight
Implies the OP feels contempt/disgust towards LGBTQ people who don't 'blend in', suggesting he is experiencing internalised homophobia.
Original post by Anonymous
I approached this bloke who's pretty good looking
Most guys are unlikely to admit that they can look at another guy and find him attractive. These types of men are typically insecure with their own sexuality and so they refrain from admitting to any of it. However, OP thinks he's smart and does the complete opposite to hide his homosexuality.
Original post by Anonymous
then snogged him
The original bet was only to kiss; OP took it further because he chose to as he is sexually attracted to men.
So it's clear from the start of the thread the OP is gay and in denial.
Original post by Slowbro93
100% this totally! The number of times I've heard accusations like that really do irritate me. The worst is when we get told we don't exist in the LGBT+ community
100% this totally! The number of times I've heard accusations like that really do irritate me. The worst is when we get told we don't exist in the LGBT+ community
I feel a bit hard done by that I may have inadvertedly perpetuated a stereotype, and done so without any intention of causing any upset.... but have got quite a lot of stick from several bi females for doing so, despite clearly not having a problem with LGBT people... on a thread full of comments like these:
Original post by Y11_Maths
Change name move country
Original post by Hmcvey20
You can’t go back to being straight you’re gay
Original post by jsk800
u r greasy gay
Do you ever stop to wonder whether people feeling like that are treading on egg shells all the time due to the professional outrage mob / regressive left is why they start talking about "political correctness gone mad" and start moving towards the right?
The equivalent would be me skipping past holocaust denial posts and calling out the person who just writes a misguided stereotype like... "Jews are good with money", haven't the LGBT community got more pressing issues to contend with? If I was your biggest problem today, then clearly it has been a good day with little to worry about.
Original post by ryan85
I feel a bit hard done by that I may have inadvertedly perpetuated a stereotype, and done so without any intention of causing any upset.... but have got quite a lot of stick from several bi females for doing so, despite clearly not having a problem with LGBT people... on a thread full of comments like these:
Do you ever stop to wonder whether people feeling like that are treading on egg shells all the time due to the professional outrage mob / regressive left is why they start talking about "political correctness gone mad" and start moving towards the right?
The equivalent would be me skipping past holocaust denial posts and calling out the person who just writes a misguided stereotype like... "Jews are good with money", haven't the LGBT community got more pressing issues to contend with? If I was your biggest problem today, then clearly it has been a good day with little to worry about.
Do you ever stop to wonder whether people feeling like that are treading on egg shells all the time due to the professional outrage mob / regressive left is why they start talking about "political correctness gone mad" and start moving towards the right?
The equivalent would be me skipping past holocaust denial posts and calling out the person who just writes a misguided stereotype like... "Jews are good with money", haven't the LGBT community got more pressing issues to contend with? If I was your biggest problem today, then clearly it has been a good day with little to worry about.
Firstly, if you feel that you have been hard done by by myself, I can only apologise. As you can see, I've only gotten into a discussion and this was the point that I've had recently presented to me in person and so hence I felt I needed to get involved.
Regarding the points that you've quoted, I find that from my own personal experience getting involved with comments that I can't see there being any change of opinion is frankly exhausting and hence why I don't entertain it. Whereas I feel that although what I may have said is harsh, it could at least lead to a discussion and hopefully see where I was coming from.
Original post by Slowbro93
it could at least lead to a discussion and hopefully see where I was coming from.
I do see where you are coming from. But I find that its extremely easy to 'trigger' somebody these days, and the older the get the less I can be bothered to triple think everything I write. No wonder facebook is so dead, twitter is dying and internet forums are becoming extinct, people are fed up with the conflicts. Reddit is the only place left.
I also believe that people have the right to be offended by anything, but shouldn't have the automatic right to not be offended. Every sentence has the potential to offend somebody. I lost all remaining faith in this society when Nazi Pug guy was convicted of a hate crime because 1 individual was offended and the judge stated that "context is irrelevant", and now Nazi Pug guy has been pushed into hanging around with the right wing because the left has become so regressive that it didn't think to rally around him in the name of simple common sense. I'm a Jewish pug owner, by the way.
If I find it so easy to offend everybody all the time then I may as well just try and be as offensive as I can all of the time, especially if that means people will just see me as being beyond help and leave me alone. Perhaps I should re-read all of the religious texts to find the things which are most incompatible with modern society and then use them to inflame as many situations as possible with total impunity.
If people have a million and one things that they have to be careful when talking about then is it any wonder that kids today are all introverted and have crippling social anxiety? Perhaps we could have an annual 'lighten up' day.
Anyway, I hope the OP finds happiness and manages to work out where on the wide sexuality spectrum he falls. My cousin is a fat gay jew who is randomly completely straight when on MDMA, I don't think they have a word to describe his weird sexuality yet. Any ideas?
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Slowbro93
That was a story worth reading, OP it sounds like you're working out your own feelings and that's okay. When I figured out I liked guys, I did a fairly similar thing you did and then I kind of worked things out. But you like this dude and I would see how things pan out
Regarding what you should wear tomorrow, wear whatever makes you comfortable (but if I have a rule of smart trousers and a shirt when I invite guests over). Please keep us updated
Regarding what you should wear tomorrow, wear whatever makes you comfortable (but if I have a rule of smart trousers and a shirt when I invite guests over). Please keep us updated
Thank you! I guess I'll just dress like I normally do, make sure my hair's nice (and thoroughly brush my teeth
). I'm feeling nervous already, hope I'll be able to sleep tonight. I don't understand why he makes me feel this way, with my previous girlfriends I felt much more relaxed... it's annoying. Will keep you updated! tell him that you EAT ASS
Original post by mehhh1234
I ship you 2. You are my new OTP
Original post by mehhh1234
So when is tomorrow coming? How long should we wait till you update? Update asap please
Had to look up what OTP stands for, thanks... I guess? He'll be coming round at 2, I'll update as soon as he leaves, which hopefully won't be too early.
Original post by Anonymous
Had to look up what OTP stands for, thanks... I guess? He'll be coming round at 2, I'll update as soon as he leaves, which hopefully won't be too early.
yaaayyyy im so excited for you!!!!!
I'm rooting for you two, and I am not into same-sex pairings for the most part. If you two have kids one day, you can tell them about your love story and how it started with a bet like a film or TV show. It's also kind of funny how technically your laddish friends set you up. Perhaps, they knew all along that you were into guys. Also, it is so cute how you were blushing and getting excited and nervous because of this guy. I also noticed how you didn't like that he was taking ages to message you back before, which is always a sign that you like someone. LOL. I've felt all these things with people I've considered friends too and didn't think I had a romantic interest in, so it is relatable. I hope your meeting goes well.
I get that you're kind of past deciding whether you want to hang out with him again or not. But I want to point out that even if this is something that is one day come-out-able you shouldn't let other people's opinions stop you from doing something that makes you happy. Especially because if/when the time comes people can surprise you. When I came out as bi to my 74 year old grandma she was literally the best person ever.
Also plenty of masculine men are LGBT; Tom Daley, Russell Tovey. (Although I am personally wounded that anyone would dislike Eurovision.)
Also plenty of masculine men are LGBT; Tom Daley, Russell Tovey. (Although I am personally wounded that anyone would dislike Eurovision.)
Update time!
(This turned out longer than I intended for it to be, sorry about that. I just feel so warm and happy thinking about today, and you guys asked for updates so no regrets)
Alright, when he first arrived things were incredibly awkward. I was so nervous (and maybe he was as well) and I just had no idea what to say or do. Offered him a drink and then just got to the point, said I had to talk to him. We went up to my room and I explained that I've been having doubts regarding my sexuality, and that even though I like him, I'm struggling with the fact that he's a boy. I'm literally the worst at talking about my feelings and nothing came out the way I wanted it to.
He was so understanding though. Said it was alright, that even though he hadn't been through the same (apparently he'd always kind of known he was bisexual and never felt ashamed of it?) I could always talk to him. Then he said he liked me, too. Then we kissed.
The rest of the day was so lovely. We spent most of it just talking, learning everything about each others' lives. He has a sister living in Paris, who he's gonna visit next month. I said I'd always wanted to go there. He said I should come with him, but immediately after he apologised and said that was too soon. I agreed with him but kinda wish I hadn't. I told him I play guitar, he asked me to play him something. I played him a song that I've written myself, which I'd never played anyone before. He said he liked it. We both made a list of our favourite books and exchanged lists, so I'm gonna drop by the library tomorrow.
Then my mum came in, she asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner. He accepted and I was scared of my parents somehow knowing that we're together (I think we are?), or of them simply not liking him. It went very well though.
After dinner we watched his favourite film together (it wasn't really my cup of tea, but we cuddled while watching so it's all good).
After he left my mum said she "liked my new friend a lot better than my other friends" which was honestly so great to hear! I think I might tell her we're more than friends, I think she'd take it alright.
Also, he sent me a message later on the evening, that he'd had a lovely day and couldn't wait to see me again. With a heart emoji. Just wow.
(This turned out longer than I intended for it to be, sorry about that. I just feel so warm and happy thinking about today, and you guys asked for updates so no regrets)
Alright, when he first arrived things were incredibly awkward. I was so nervous (and maybe he was as well) and I just had no idea what to say or do. Offered him a drink and then just got to the point, said I had to talk to him. We went up to my room and I explained that I've been having doubts regarding my sexuality, and that even though I like him, I'm struggling with the fact that he's a boy. I'm literally the worst at talking about my feelings and nothing came out the way I wanted it to.
He was so understanding though. Said it was alright, that even though he hadn't been through the same (apparently he'd always kind of known he was bisexual and never felt ashamed of it?) I could always talk to him. Then he said he liked me, too. Then we kissed.
The rest of the day was so lovely. We spent most of it just talking, learning everything about each others' lives. He has a sister living in Paris, who he's gonna visit next month. I said I'd always wanted to go there. He said I should come with him, but immediately after he apologised and said that was too soon. I agreed with him but kinda wish I hadn't. I told him I play guitar, he asked me to play him something. I played him a song that I've written myself, which I'd never played anyone before. He said he liked it. We both made a list of our favourite books and exchanged lists, so I'm gonna drop by the library tomorrow
. Then my mum came in, she asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner. He accepted and I was scared of my parents somehow knowing that we're together (I think we are?), or of them simply not liking him. It went very well though.
After dinner we watched his favourite film together (it wasn't really my cup of tea, but we cuddled while watching so it's all good).
After he left my mum said she "liked my new friend a lot better than my other friends" which was honestly so great to hear! I think I might tell her we're more than friends, I think she'd take it alright
. Also, he sent me a message later on the evening, that he'd had a lovely day and couldn't wait to see me again. With a heart emoji. Just wow.
Original post by Anonymous
Update time!
(This turned out longer than I intended for it to be, sorry about that. I just feel so warm and happy thinking about today, and you guys asked for updates so no regrets)
Alright, when he first arrived things were incredibly awkward. I was so nervous (and maybe he was as well) and I just had no idea what to say or do. Offered him a drink and then just got to the point, said I had to talk to him. We went up to my room and I explained that I've been having doubts regarding my sexuality, and that even though I like him, I'm struggling with the fact that he's a boy. I'm literally the worst at talking about my feelings and nothing came out the way I wanted it to.
He was so understanding though. Said it was alright, that even though he hadn't been through the same (apparently he'd always kind of known he was bisexual and never felt ashamed of it?) I could always talk to him. Then he said he liked me, too. Then we kissed.
The rest of the day was so lovely. We spent most of it just talking, learning everything about each others' lives. He has a sister living in Paris, who he's gonna visit next month. I said I'd always wanted to go there. He said I should come with him, but immediately after he apologised and said that was too soon. I agreed with him but kinda wish I hadn't. I told him I play guitar, he asked me to play him something. I played him a song that I've written myself, which I'd never played anyone before. He said he liked it. We both made a list of our favourite books and exchanged lists, so I'm gonna drop by the library tomorrow.
Then my mum came in, she asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner. He accepted and I was scared of my parents somehow knowing that we're together (I think we are?), or of them simply not liking him. It went very well though.
After dinner we watched his favourite film together (it wasn't really my cup of tea, but we cuddled while watching so it's all good).
After he left my mum said she "liked my new friend a lot better than my other friends" which was honestly so great to hear! I think I might tell her we're more than friends, I think she'd take it alright.
Also, he sent me a message later on the evening, that he'd had a lovely day and couldn't wait to see me again. With a heart emoji. Just wow.
(This turned out longer than I intended for it to be, sorry about that. I just feel so warm and happy thinking about today, and you guys asked for updates so no regrets)
Alright, when he first arrived things were incredibly awkward. I was so nervous (and maybe he was as well) and I just had no idea what to say or do. Offered him a drink and then just got to the point, said I had to talk to him. We went up to my room and I explained that I've been having doubts regarding my sexuality, and that even though I like him, I'm struggling with the fact that he's a boy. I'm literally the worst at talking about my feelings and nothing came out the way I wanted it to.
He was so understanding though. Said it was alright, that even though he hadn't been through the same (apparently he'd always kind of known he was bisexual and never felt ashamed of it?) I could always talk to him. Then he said he liked me, too. Then we kissed.
The rest of the day was so lovely. We spent most of it just talking, learning everything about each others' lives. He has a sister living in Paris, who he's gonna visit next month. I said I'd always wanted to go there. He said I should come with him, but immediately after he apologised and said that was too soon. I agreed with him but kinda wish I hadn't. I told him I play guitar, he asked me to play him something. I played him a song that I've written myself, which I'd never played anyone before. He said he liked it. We both made a list of our favourite books and exchanged lists, so I'm gonna drop by the library tomorrow
. Then my mum came in, she asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner. He accepted and I was scared of my parents somehow knowing that we're together (I think we are?), or of them simply not liking him. It went very well though.
After dinner we watched his favourite film together (it wasn't really my cup of tea, but we cuddled while watching so it's all good).
After he left my mum said she "liked my new friend a lot better than my other friends" which was honestly so great to hear! I think I might tell her we're more than friends, I think she'd take it alright
. Also, he sent me a message later on the evening, that he'd had a lovely day and couldn't wait to see me again. With a heart emoji. Just wow.
Thank you for sharing. I like that it's detailed. I am happy that it went well. As for going to Paris together, if you're both officially together by then and feel close/comfortable enough to go together, then I don't see why not?
I hope telling your mother goes well and that things between you and your guy continue to blossom nicely over time. I don't blame her for preferring him to them. Your other friends don't seem too nice asking you to kiss a guy as a bet, but the joke is on them considering you now like this guy and vice versa. So, essentially you have a nice friend now, who is a potential boyfriend.
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