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Is verbal consent needed?

I've been reading and watching a few rape cases and realised that a lot of the times the judge asks whether the woman/man said yes to having sex, verbally. If she didn't, this is taken to be a very significant part of the story, potentially the only evidence to prove that is wasn't consensual.

Thing is, I don't agree with this. I've had sex multiple times and not once has the girl said 'yes, have sex with me'. It's unnatural and just wouldn't be something that gets said. Yet, I know i'm not a rapist and I know it was consensual but this means little to nothing in court .

So if I give you this scenario, explain how you, yourself would A. show that it's consensual and then B. show that you don't want it.

Scenario: You and partner just get back to your room and sit down on your bed as you to start making out. Your partner then starts to touch you to engage in sexual activity. So how do you do A & B

Edit: Thought I should make it clear that no one here is trying to justify rape. I just want to see people's opinions on this topic since it's become very vague these days 'what is considered consent'.
(edited 5 years ago)

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A- do the same back
B- say no, I'm not interested in doing that now
Original post by AzureCeleste
A- do the same back
B- say no, I'm not interested in doing that now


Do you agree or disagree that there needs to be verbal consent?
Original post by Cxm
Do you agree or disagree that there needs to be verbal consent?


I don't think there needs to be verbal consent because if you don't want someone to do something you'd say no and push their hand away to make it clear you don't want to engage in sexual activity.
If you did want to engage in it, you'd do the same back so you are essentially giving consent without saying it
A- Be sexual
B- Say no, or gently push them away.
The idea is that if the alleged rapist could not have reasonably believed that the person had consented, then it is rape. So if your partner doesn't specifically verbally say ''yes, sex me'', but seems happy about it and actively takes part, then of course you can reasonably believe that they want to have sex. But quite often in a rape, the victim just sort of freezes up - an understandable response to shocking behaviour from someone they might be scared of - and doesn't specifically say yes or no, but also doesn't really participate in what happens. In such a situation it's really important to make sure that the other person genuinely wants to have sex, or you might be raping them.

To respond to your scenario: in that case, it's completely obvious that they have consented because they have initiated sex, so I have no worries on that front. If I wanted to show that I consented, I would simply have sex with the person, actively, and that would be a form of nonverbal consent. If I didn't want to have sex, I would break contact, move away from them, and say clearly something like ''Sorry, I don't want to have sex'' or simply ''No thanks''.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 6
maybe the judge was just going through the preliminaries, i.e. rule out express consent first then you go for implied.

anyway, consent isn't generally hard to figure out. if the other person is going along with it eagerly, you know it's consensual. if s/he's fighting back or saying no, or too blasted out of his/her mind it's not consensual.
(edited 5 years ago)
If a person inappropriately touches you in a sexual way without your permission its sexual assault.
I've been involved with multiple partners. I've been raped and I've had consensual sex. And I include "dumb drunk sex" under consensual sex because honestly a lot of sexually active adults have had drunken sex and we've all thought it was a great idea at the time with our equally drunken partners. And, as a woman, I won't blame a drunk man for the fact I made the drunken decision to go to bed with him.

I don't feel you need to give verbal consent to sex. Rape is when you actively fight it and the other person doesn't let up. It's when you tell them no, or physically try to fight them off, and they don't stop. I've unfortunately faced that with multiple partners: where I know I've made very clear I don't want to be with them and physically tried to get away from them that they've over-powered me. I hate when I see (especially on here) people justifying that rape is changing your mind partway through or after the fact.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
The idea is that if the alleged rapist could not have reasonably believed that the person had consented, then it is rape. So if your partner doesn't specifically verbally say ''yes, sex me'', but seems happy about it and actively takes part, then of course you can reasonably believe that they want to have sex. But quite often in a rape, the victim just sort of freezes up - an understandable response to shocking behaviour from someone they might be scared of - and doesn't specifically say yes or no, but also doesn't really participate in what happens. In such a situation it's really important to make sure that the other person genuinely wants to have sex, or you might be raping them.

To respond to your scenario: in that case, it's completely obvious that they have consented because they have initiated sex, so I have no worries on that front. If I wanted to show that I consented, I would simply have sex with the person, actively, and that would be a form of nonverbal consent. If I didn't want to have sex, I would break contact, move away from them, and say clearly something like ''Sorry, I don't want to have sex'' or simply ''No thanks''.


You see, there have been cases which have only gone to incriminate the alleged rapist because there was no verbal consent even though the woman acted happy and willing to go on with it. (Mostly in cases that they had a relationship). So basically you could be in a relationship for 3 months and have sex regularly and she may not want it one of the times but then carries on as though she did for the sake of her boyfriend but then when the relationship ends. She says she's been raped because she didn't actually want it and didn't literally say the words 'I want to have sex'.
how do they prove that a rape happened? is it just her/his word against hers/his?
Reply 12
You have to establish boundaries and know the boundaries of others. If you don't establish boundaries e.g. it would be hard to do with a person you've just met, then don't do anything unless it's verbally given consent.
Original post by ساره
If a person inappropriately touches you in a sexual way without your permission its sexual assault.


Wouldn't it be sexual assault if they carry on touching you once you've said no. For anyone who's hooked up with someone or been in a relationship, you've surely been touched without giving consent (over clothes). I don't believe this is sexual assault since the person is just trying to go with the flow. But if they carry on, only then it is sexual assault...or if it was made super obvious beforehand.
Original post by jamesgillian123
how do they prove that a rape happened? is it just her/his word against hers/his?


Most of the times, yes.
i think unless a girl/guy says "no" or "stop" or is unconscious and unable to communicate, then its not rape
Original post by sinfonietta
I've been involved with multiple partners. I've been raped and I've had consensual sex. And I include "dumb drunk sex" under consensual sex because honestly a lot of sexually active adults have had drunken sex and we've all thought it was a great idea at the time with our equally drunken partners. And, as a woman, I won't blame a drunk man for the fact I made the drunken decision to go to bed with him.

I don't feel you need to give verbal consent to sex. Rape is when you actively fight it and the other person doesn't let up. It's when you tell them no, or physically try to fight them off, and they don't stop. I've unfortunately faced that with multiple partners: where I know I've made very clear I don't want to be with them and physically tried to get away from them that they've over-powered me. I hate when I see (especially on here) people justifying that rape is changing your mind partway through or after the fact.


Would you feel different if the person you had sex with wasn't drunk at all but you were?
But sorry that it's personally happened to you.
Implied consent is clearly what happens a lot of the time.

I'd say it's pretty obvious there doesn't need to be a verbal "yes". The sort of people who think the girl specifically has to say the word "yes" tend to be "loud feminists".
Original post by jamesgillian123
i think unless a girl/guy says "no" or "stop" or is unconscious and unable to communicate, then its not rape


I agree with this 100%. Which is why I don't understand why these judges always act like they haven't had sex in 20 years that women are supposed to say "yes you can penetrate" and then carry on giving consent to each individual sexual act. Since there's also been cases in which they say that they consented to one thing but not the thing after.
Original post by Cxm
Wouldn't it be sexual assault if they carry on touching you once you've said no. For anyone who's hooked up with someone or been in a relationship, you've surely been touched without giving consent (over clothes). I don't believe this is sexual assault since the person is just trying to go with the flow. But if they carry on, only then it is sexual assault...or if it was made super obvious beforehand.


No for example at school some random guy told me to go upstairs with him because a teacher was looking for me. It was a complete lie. He literally did something inappropriate behind me. I could feel him grabbing onto my school blazer at 14 years old. Anyways the police dealt with it. Do you not consider this sexual assault?

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