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I really dislike my life
I'm really not happy at the moment. I seem to get depressed a lot, and am ultra-sensitive and get hurt WAY too easily. But to be honest, I think I have problems anyway.
I am currently at uni. I am 22 years old, and am only in my first year. I do a Psychology degree and to be honest I don't know if I want to do it anymore. I really dislike certain aspects of it. I just cannot handle the biology-based aspects to the course (not good at science, got dd at gcse!) I got an A in A-Level Psychology and I thought the degree would be like that, but really, it isn't. It's just bloody Biology and Maths, with a tiny bit of Psychology and stupid stats programmes on the pc. I passed my first semester exams ok (two 2.1's and one 2.2), but I am really finding things difficult, and I just don't know if I want to do it anymore. I have no idea what career I want. And I never have known. But I can't quit. I just cannot quit because it was my life-long dream to go to uni, plus I am 22... I've wasted too many years already. My GCSE's were really crap (1 B, 3 C's, 5 D's, 1 E)... I resat maths later, which brought it from a D to a C.... also took extras... psychology, sociology, law.... much better, A, A*, and B.... Then did my A-Levels.... Psychology, Sociology, Media, got AAB - excellent.... but then people at my uni criticise those three subjects to be mickey mouse subjects. Talk about a confidence boost.
My main hobby, and only real passion, is playing the guitar and writing songs. I have written and recorded 60 of my own songs. My uni friends have only listened to about 5/6ish of them, 2 good ones, and some stupid, joke ones, which are no way near my best. Apart from the 2 good ones, the other 3 makes me look bad, and I have SO MANY other decent songs, but they are just NOT WILLING to listen to any more so it seems.... and all they ever seem to do is put me down. Say that my songs are ****. Say that I'm ****. My friends don't seem proud of me. I just want friends (especially girls) to be proud of me. To think I'm good etc. I think it's less hurtful when boys make fun of me.... but when girls do aswell, I really hate it and get really, really hurt. May sound arrogant, but I love my songs, and know that theyre good. But my friends, who have heard some of my lesser ones (and a few good ones also) just take the piss all the time. They proper put me down. This is a subject that REALLY gets to me. I simply can't handle it when people put me down about my music.
I am so lonely in the gf department. Nobody seems to like me. I just wish I had a gf that would love me for who I am, and be proud of my achievements. I want somebody to share my music with and be proud of me for it. Not somebody who just takes the piss. A lot of my friends call me ugly all the time. I don't think I'm ugly... but they seem to.
To make matters worse though, I don't know what I want sexually. Sex itself disgusts me. The only thing that arouses me sexually is women farting (there, I friggin said it, and you all probably think I am nuts). That is right. I am a sexual freak because women farting is the only thing that turns me on sexually. Whenever I masturbate, it is because of that. I have never gone to a doctor about this... would be way too embarrassed for a start. The only sexual relationships I have had have not worked properly because sex itself does not turn me on. I have technically had sex, and hated it every time, and probably didn't even do it right anyway. Couldn't even stay hard. BTW I know this may be a bit 'adult' for a forum, but I really needed to get this off my chest. Be disgusted if you must. But I cannot help it. It's the way I was made and I have no control over it.
My Dad is 82 years old (almost 83), and my friends just take the piss out of that. My mum is 49 (33 years younger than my dad). My relationship with both of them is crap, I cannot talk to either of them. My relationship with my mum is stronger than that of my dad though.
Vast majority of my part-time jobs I have been dismissed from. They all think I'm really crap at what I do, so sack me, yet I really, REALLY tried in all of them. I was also too quiet. I can't help but be quiet in the workplace for some weird reason.
I just feel that I have nothing going for me whatsoever. I don't see the point in anything anymore. Guitar and songwriting is the only thing I am good at, but I have even lost confidence with that now. And living with two other AMAZING guitarists doesn't exactly help either, as it makes me look worse. People at home love my guitar playing.... but ever since uni, because there is so much talent around me, I go kind of un-noticed.... And my songs go un-noticed too, because there are so many of them - the only ones that stand out are the crap/joke ones as they are so different.
I just want my music to go noticed and people to think I'm a talented songwriter/guitar player. I just want my friends to be proud of me. I just want my course and career path to be good and succesful. I just want female friends that I'm real close too, and are proud of me, and I just want a really nice gf that is proud of me. And I also want a normal sex-drive. Is this all too much to ask for?
I am currently at uni. I am 22 years old, and am only in my first year. I do a Psychology degree and to be honest I don't know if I want to do it anymore. I really dislike certain aspects of it. I just cannot handle the biology-based aspects to the course (not good at science, got dd at gcse!) I got an A in A-Level Psychology and I thought the degree would be like that, but really, it isn't. It's just bloody Biology and Maths, with a tiny bit of Psychology and stupid stats programmes on the pc. I passed my first semester exams ok (two 2.1's and one 2.2), but I am really finding things difficult, and I just don't know if I want to do it anymore. I have no idea what career I want. And I never have known. But I can't quit. I just cannot quit because it was my life-long dream to go to uni, plus I am 22... I've wasted too many years already. My GCSE's were really crap (1 B, 3 C's, 5 D's, 1 E)... I resat maths later, which brought it from a D to a C.... also took extras... psychology, sociology, law.... much better, A, A*, and B.... Then did my A-Levels.... Psychology, Sociology, Media, got AAB - excellent.... but then people at my uni criticise those three subjects to be mickey mouse subjects. Talk about a confidence boost.
My main hobby, and only real passion, is playing the guitar and writing songs. I have written and recorded 60 of my own songs. My uni friends have only listened to about 5/6ish of them, 2 good ones, and some stupid, joke ones, which are no way near my best. Apart from the 2 good ones, the other 3 makes me look bad, and I have SO MANY other decent songs, but they are just NOT WILLING to listen to any more so it seems.... and all they ever seem to do is put me down. Say that my songs are ****. Say that I'm ****. My friends don't seem proud of me. I just want friends (especially girls) to be proud of me. To think I'm good etc. I think it's less hurtful when boys make fun of me.... but when girls do aswell, I really hate it and get really, really hurt. May sound arrogant, but I love my songs, and know that theyre good. But my friends, who have heard some of my lesser ones (and a few good ones also) just take the piss all the time. They proper put me down. This is a subject that REALLY gets to me. I simply can't handle it when people put me down about my music.
I am so lonely in the gf department. Nobody seems to like me. I just wish I had a gf that would love me for who I am, and be proud of my achievements. I want somebody to share my music with and be proud of me for it. Not somebody who just takes the piss. A lot of my friends call me ugly all the time. I don't think I'm ugly... but they seem to.
To make matters worse though, I don't know what I want sexually. Sex itself disgusts me. The only thing that arouses me sexually is women farting (there, I friggin said it, and you all probably think I am nuts). That is right. I am a sexual freak because women farting is the only thing that turns me on sexually. Whenever I masturbate, it is because of that. I have never gone to a doctor about this... would be way too embarrassed for a start. The only sexual relationships I have had have not worked properly because sex itself does not turn me on. I have technically had sex, and hated it every time, and probably didn't even do it right anyway. Couldn't even stay hard. BTW I know this may be a bit 'adult' for a forum, but I really needed to get this off my chest. Be disgusted if you must. But I cannot help it. It's the way I was made and I have no control over it.
My Dad is 82 years old (almost 83), and my friends just take the piss out of that. My mum is 49 (33 years younger than my dad). My relationship with both of them is crap, I cannot talk to either of them. My relationship with my mum is stronger than that of my dad though.
Vast majority of my part-time jobs I have been dismissed from. They all think I'm really crap at what I do, so sack me, yet I really, REALLY tried in all of them. I was also too quiet. I can't help but be quiet in the workplace for some weird reason.
I just feel that I have nothing going for me whatsoever. I don't see the point in anything anymore. Guitar and songwriting is the only thing I am good at, but I have even lost confidence with that now. And living with two other AMAZING guitarists doesn't exactly help either, as it makes me look worse. People at home love my guitar playing.... but ever since uni, because there is so much talent around me, I go kind of un-noticed.... And my songs go un-noticed too, because there are so many of them - the only ones that stand out are the crap/joke ones as they are so different.
I just want my music to go noticed and people to think I'm a talented songwriter/guitar player. I just want my friends to be proud of me. I just want my course and career path to be good and succesful. I just want female friends that I'm real close too, and are proud of me, and I just want a really nice gf that is proud of me. And I also want a normal sex-drive. Is this all too much to ask for?
Reply 1
10
Take some deep breaths and calm down...
Look, things will be ok. You sound so anxious! You need to learn to accept yourself more, and once you focus on doing the things you love like your music, people will find you a more attractive prospect as a friend or a boyfriend, because someone who is doing the thing they were born to do is generally much more interesting than someone who is painfully worried about what others think
Look, things will be ok. You sound so anxious! You need to learn to accept yourself more, and once you focus on doing the things you love like your music, people will find you a more attractive prospect as a friend or a boyfriend, because someone who is doing the thing they were born to do is generally much more interesting than someone who is painfully worried about what others think
Reply 2
I think you really need to take control here. Wouldn't you be wasting more time continuing a degree in a subject your not happy with? Plenty of people go to university in their twenties, even if you started another course you wouldn't be much different from everyone else. I also think you seem to be focusing too much on what others think of you. Of course, everyone wants friends to be proud of them etc, but for that to happen you need to be proud of yourself first, THAT should be your number one priority. As for the sex issues, I'm really not sure what to suggest. Different people get turned on my different things I guess, perhaps it's something you need to keep experimenting with until you discover what works for you.
Best of luck
Best of luck
Reply 3
10
As for the sex thing...meh, I'm sure you will find someone who will share the fetish. Google it. Join fetish community boards and chat about your kink. Talking with people about their kinks will hopefully help you to chill out about that stuff
Reply 4
Your a musician cool, a lot of musicians are a bit strange lol a lot of the time thats what makes them so great! Ive been sacked from jobs so I know how you feel im also quiet but to be honest you are probably too creative for a lot of jobs, do they bore you 
I think that you just need to find a niche (sp) in life and with being young like many people our age you have still not found this. Don't worry about your sex drive just because you might be in the minority does not mean its not normal everyone unique, im even weirder!
Btw Id love to listen to your recordings.. post them here.
I think that you just need to find a niche (sp) in life and with being young like many people our age you have still not found this. Don't worry about your sex drive just because you might be in the minority does not mean its not normal everyone unique, im even weirder! Btw Id love to listen to your recordings.. post them here.
Reply 5
you only have yourself to blame for your disappointment with your course. if it is so unlike whatever it was you expected, surely you could, with a little bit of research, have realised this before you began?
Reply 6
There is some good advice here. Even though you may not think it, you have lots going for you. It could be that your path is towards doing something that you love (ie music). Many bands started in uni and so I suggest that you look at the local ads and join a band or write for a band.
You need to change the way you look at other singer/songwriters/players - they can teach you a lot, so use your time to learn from them, not becoming envious of them. You are unique and your music/songs will be unique too. Concentrate on your course but use music as a relaxation time.
Maybe look at how you can use your music as part of your course, think of a way that music can be used in psychology, I dont know... get creative in that area too. Music is a powerful medium and can get through to people where talking and analysis fails - maybe on a different level.
Sex - well most people have fantasies/fetishes and as the saying goes "There's nowt so queer(strange) as folk" and as you get older you will realise that it makes all kinds to make a world. No-one is as 'normal' as they seem on the outside. As long as it doesn't become dangerous to yourself or others, pretty much anything goes. Yes, the internet has it all.
Good luck.
You need to change the way you look at other singer/songwriters/players - they can teach you a lot, so use your time to learn from them, not becoming envious of them. You are unique and your music/songs will be unique too. Concentrate on your course but use music as a relaxation time.
Maybe look at how you can use your music as part of your course, think of a way that music can be used in psychology, I dont know... get creative in that area too. Music is a powerful medium and can get through to people where talking and analysis fails - maybe on a different level.
Sex - well most people have fantasies/fetishes and as the saying goes "There's nowt so queer(strange) as folk" and as you get older you will realise that it makes all kinds to make a world. No-one is as 'normal' as they seem on the outside. As long as it doesn't become dangerous to yourself or others, pretty much anything goes. Yes, the internet has it all.
Good luck.
Reply 7
i'm quite farty today 
(not trying to take the piss )
i bet your songs are good, try not to listen t people at uni, they sound cruel and childish. tbh if you live with 1st years, they have only just left home, and sometimes when people get in a group they get carried away and forget how their actions affect people...
(not trying to take the piss
)i bet your songs are good, try not to listen t people at uni, they sound cruel and childish. tbh if you live with 1st years, they have only just left home, and sometimes when people get in a group they get carried away and forget how their actions affect people...
Reply 8
Ok wow, sometimes it really does seem that all you can do it turn to TSR, what would people do without it?
I guess to easiest thing to tackle here is the sex part. Sounds to me like you've never been in a serious relationship? Not everyone enjoys sex, not everyone wants sex unless they're in love. That's normal. Now you'll probably say you wouldn't want sex even if you were in love however it may be different. Just explain your low sex drive to any partner and they should understand.
As for the fetish... I'm familiar with it. I know somebody else who is into it actually! Personally it isn't my thing but I don't judge because I have a fetish of my own probably equal in terms of... weirdness? In fact I think fetishes are great, they're really self indulgent to fulfil. See it as a blessing.
Course stuff now... are you SURE another year out isn't an option? So you'd be 23 instead of 22... does that really make a world of difference? I did well at sociology A-level and slightly worse in history so I chose sociology at uni instead of history/archaeology etc which I'm more interested in. I quickly realised staying in a course you dislike it NOT worth it, and changed to archaeology.
Now for other reasons I've dropped out anyway. But it made me realise how important really enjoying your course is. This time do some better research, really find out what is right for you. Or maybe this is bad advise? If you really feel you need to stick at your subject even though you don't really like it then maybe that could work too. In the second and third years you always get more choice so avoid maths/science modules. Just survive this year!
Now its hard to tell with your friends whether its banter being taken too seriously, or if they really are as cruel as it sounds. To me it reads like you live with some horrible people if they ALWAYS put you down, and mate your self-esteem sounds lower than mine, that is bloody worrying. Maybe they don't mean it so badly though, you sure it's not just jokes being taken the wrong way?
Now you keep saying you want people to be proud. Maybe your music is great, I wouldn't know, haven't heard it. But one thing I think is more important isto do YOURSELF proud and keep your chin up more. Get some confidence, be proactive about your problems, look at the up side of things rather than the negative (eg the fetish) ... become less of a target for all your friends really. If you show them that you're actually a great guy they'll try and get to know you more, then they'll appreciate your talent more and compliment you.
Just my two cents anyways!
I guess to easiest thing to tackle here is the sex part. Sounds to me like you've never been in a serious relationship? Not everyone enjoys sex, not everyone wants sex unless they're in love. That's normal. Now you'll probably say you wouldn't want sex even if you were in love however it may be different. Just explain your low sex drive to any partner and they should understand.
As for the fetish... I'm familiar with it. I know somebody else who is into it actually! Personally it isn't my thing but I don't judge because I have a fetish of my own probably equal in terms of... weirdness? In fact I think fetishes are great, they're really self indulgent to fulfil. See it as a blessing.
Course stuff now... are you SURE another year out isn't an option? So you'd be 23 instead of 22... does that really make a world of difference? I did well at sociology A-level and slightly worse in history so I chose sociology at uni instead of history/archaeology etc which I'm more interested in. I quickly realised staying in a course you dislike it NOT worth it, and changed to archaeology.
Now for other reasons I've dropped out anyway. But it made me realise how important really enjoying your course is. This time do some better research, really find out what is right for you. Or maybe this is bad advise? If you really feel you need to stick at your subject even though you don't really like it then maybe that could work too. In the second and third years you always get more choice so avoid maths/science modules. Just survive this year!
Now its hard to tell with your friends whether its banter being taken too seriously, or if they really are as cruel as it sounds. To me it reads like you live with some horrible people if they ALWAYS put you down, and mate your self-esteem sounds lower than mine, that is bloody worrying. Maybe they don't mean it so badly though, you sure it's not just jokes being taken the wrong way?
Now you keep saying you want people to be proud. Maybe your music is great, I wouldn't know, haven't heard it. But one thing I think is more important isto do YOURSELF proud and keep your chin up more. Get some confidence, be proactive about your problems, look at the up side of things rather than the negative (eg the fetish) ... become less of a target for all your friends really. If you show them that you're actually a great guy they'll try and get to know you more, then they'll appreciate your talent more and compliment you.
Just my two cents anyways!
Reply 9
there's a few positives there - you've got friends, decent grades a mum and dad and you've managed to record 60 songs(!) which you like too
psychology can be a bit mathsy and rubbish, but you're obviously not that bad at it so don't stress probably most people on your course feel the same
about sex, also don't worry about that. Women farting sounds weird but isn't - it's your standard women debasement sort of thing. It's not like it is paedophilia and is not a cause for concern, it will more likely than not morph into a healthy sex life.
anyway I'm not saying that to belittle your problems, but I think you might benefit from a little perspective something which slightly insensitive comments by friends don't help with (also don't worry about that, although it looks like you don;t mind that much - they're just mucking about).
the key to getting a girl is confidence, and the key to that is taking ownership of yourself and also letting go a bit screw what other people think!
psychology can be a bit mathsy and rubbish, but you're obviously not that bad at it so don't stress
probably most people on your course feel the sameabout sex, also don't worry about that. Women farting sounds weird but isn't - it's your standard women debasement sort of thing. It's not like it is paedophilia and is not a cause for concern, it will more likely than not morph into a healthy sex life.
anyway I'm not saying that to belittle your problems, but I think you might benefit from a little perspective something which slightly insensitive comments by friends don't help with (also don't worry about that, although it looks like you don;t mind that much - they're just mucking about).
the key to getting a girl is confidence, and the key to that is taking ownership of yourself and also letting go a bit screw what other people think!
Reply 10
life really sucks what is the easiest way of suiciding
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