The Student Room Group

How do I go about telling my parents I've dropped out?

Answers on the back of a post-card please.

Well, I should elaborate really. It's coming up to easter and I have successfully convinced my parents my university education is going well, however I can't lie to them forever and I have set the week I go home (next week) as the week to tell them, but I just can't think of any way to do it which a) they would understand and b) wouldn't make them think of me as a total failure. As a family we have convincingly hidden all emotion from each other for so many years that I think if I were to tell them how I'm feeling their heads might explode.

So any advice from the wonderful h&r folks?

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mum, dad i dropped out due to X reason

make sure your very far away if this is a postcard
Reply 2
On the back of a postcard.
Reply 3
Thats the thing, I don't have any reason I can comfortably explain to them... and if I resort to the old 'I don't like it anymore' they will be most unimpressed and tell me to stop whinging and get on with it.
Reply 4
They won't be happy until they get a reason, which I'm sure you have, even if it is uncomfortable.
Reply 5
Why do you want to drop out? Not to be harsh, but I think if I was someone's parent I'd want a decent reason...
Just say I dont like the course and will start uni again next year in a course you really like (lie if its not the case)
Reply 7
what do you study? and where?
Reply 8
Bubblebee
Thats the thing, I don't have any reason I can comfortably explain to them... and if I resort to the old 'I don't like it anymore' they will be most unimpressed and tell me to stop whinging and get on with it.

you dropped out cause you dont like it anymore??

you must have had an actualy reason for dropping out surely?? so what was it?
Reply 9
Don't do what I did and say nothing until they ask "When are your exams?" to which I replied ... "errr I haven't done them" ..!
Reply 10
If I succeeded in telling my parents, the most irrational, misunderstanding people in the world, I'm sure you will be okay. I told my father first, and he told my mother. She ignored me for a week, then when got around to ringing me seemed okay-ish. She said she didn't understand but they've come to terms with it, especially since I am working my ass off in 2 jobs. Just be frank. Make sure you have a backup plan.
Reply 11
You could not tell them. So long as you're out of the house at term time and home during the holidays, they'll never know. Go travelling, rent a house, get a job, do what you like.
Just never mention graduation.
Reply 12
Just say something like 'uni isn't for me' or something like that. I would just get straight to the point and not ramble on for ages.
Reply 13
Ad-Alta
Why do you want to drop out? Not to be harsh, but I think if I was someone's parent I'd want a decent reason...

I don't want to study English, I don't like studying a subject which has made me so bored I can hardly bear to pick up any of my favourite books, I hate the thought of being stuck in such a backwater town, I detest and despise the people, I loath my flatmates, I wake up in tears most mornings and do nothing but lie in bed in the evenings and above all I hate being poor. I hate it. I hate it so much you have no idea. I'm making myself poor for something I don't love in the slightest.
Reply 14
Ahh, i had to do this last year- having a similar i-can-deal-with-stuff-on-my-own, don't-talk-to-parents-about-it kind of complex.. Parents generally know more than you think they do.. that said, i did tell my mum (the most amazing mother ever) over the phone. It worked out well, i got to explain everything, without the pressure etc, and everyone knew what was happening when i got back.. I'd tell them sooner rather than later, otherwise the temptation of leaving it until a conversation going 'so, what time do you need a lift to the station tomorrow?' 'errrm, aactually... i don't' occurs!
Don't worry about them thinking you're a failure. What matters is that you're happy with your choice and with your life. Surely its more of a failure to pursue something you're unhappy with just to please someone else, than to take charge of your own life?
Loads of people drop out of university. This doesn't lower their chances of success in life- should you decide to go back to university, then Admissions tutors will look favourably on this- (they know you can't afford to piss about :wink: )if not, you've lived independantly, and are still young enough to do whatever the hell you want with your life!
Good luck, and don't worry!
Bubblebee, have you decided what you are going to do next? If you have, it would make it a lot easier to explain (e.g - I am transferring on to this course...)
Reply 16
ismaithliomstair
If I succeeded in telling my parents, the most irrational, misunderstanding people in the world, I'm sure you will be okay. I told my father first, and he told my mother. She ignored me for a week, then when got around to ringing me seemed okay-ish. She said she didn't understand but they've come to terms with it, especially since I am working my ass off in 2 jobs. Just be frank. Make sure you have a backup plan.

See I'd be glad if they ignored it but I have a horrible feeling they will try and be all 'parental' about it, which will be uncomfortable all round.

Infact I think my mother suspects it. She was on the phone to me the other day telling me about a friend of hers, who just found out her daughter has been living in Paris for the last 6 months instead of at uni... then she asked me where I was, lol.
Reply 17
Bubblebee
Answers on the back of a post-card please.
Well, I should elaborate really. It's coming up to easter and I have successfully convinced my parents my university education is going well, however I can't lie to them forever and I have set the week I go home (next week) as the week to tell them, but I just can't think of any way to do it which a) they would understand and b) wouldn't make them think of me as a total failure. As a family we have convincingly hidden all emotion from each other for so many years that I think if I were to tell them how I'm feeling their heads might explode.
So any advice from the wonderful h&r folks?


I had a similar situation with my parents and worried massively about how to tell them when I had decided to drop out. Do you have plans as to what you are going to do after dropping out - like job, travelling, or another uni? You can then include that when you're telling them you're dropping out, so it's not completely negative. When I told my parents I explained that I had talked it through with tutors, spoken to the department etc - essentially just reassured them that it wasn't a spontaenous thing I was doing (because I knew that they knew I tend to act on spontaneous decisions).

I dunno really - it's difficult to give advice on what to say because only you know what your parents are like. Try not to make it sound like it's an absolutely massive thing- some parents, like some teenagers, seem to think you have to go to school, then go get a degree for three years, then land a graduate job, then work in it until you retire, then do some light gardening, then die. But there are millions of variations on that, so dropping out of university isn't actually the massive deal that it might feel like at the moment.
Reply 18
You don't have to bring emotions into it. You can just tell them that academia isn't for you. I'd really make sure you have a plan before you tell them of what you actually do want to do. Like, getting a job or going traveling and working a random job just to save. They're not going to ever like "I've dropped out and... and I'm doing nothing" because they just want you to be okay is all.
Reply 19
At the risk of stating the blindingly obvious, that sounds reason enough to me. If you don't feel you'd get through the remainder of the course given how you feel about it at present, don't torture yourself - it won't do your health or happiness any good. And if you see it as making yourself poor, then it's a damage limitation exercise - if you did stay, but didn't have the motivation to put the effort in to get the marks you feel reflect your abilities as a person, you'd be both poorer and disappointed.