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Would you ever be in a relationship with a woman/man who didn't want to have coitus? watch

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    That is before marriage

    Coitus: everything from oral coitus to actual coitus.
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    Coitus...

    I don't want to get married but I wouldn't be immediately put off by someone who didn't want to have sex.
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    Depends how you define coitus I guess. I'd be perfectly happy in a relationship with someone who was okay doing other sexual things but not conventional penis-in-vagina sex.

    I think my main problem would probably be ideological - I have never understood how God could take umbrage at people having consensual, happy, safe sex before marriage - it just seems so harmless. As I've said elsewhere, I consider a thing sinful if it causes harm to a sentient creature, and there just doesn't seem to be a victim here. I'd be more put off by the fact that the other person doesn't seem to have examined and questioned their own beliefs, than that they weren't comfortable with sex.
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    (Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
    Depends how you define coitus I guess. I'd be perfectly happy in a relationship with someone who was okay doing other sexual things but not conventional penis-in-vagina sex.

    I think my main problem would probably be ideological - I have never understood how God could take umbrage at people having consensual, happy, safe sex before marriage - it just seems so harmless. As I've said elsewhere, I consider a thing sinful if it causes harm to a sentient creature, and there just doesn't seem to be a victim here. I'd be more put off by the fact that the other person doesn't seem to have examined and questioned their own beliefs, than that they weren't comfortable with sex.
    I edited my original post and I mean everything from oral coitus to actual coitus.

    It doesn't mean that they are uncomfortable with sex or their body its just something they avoid before marriage.
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    No. I think it's important to know you're sexually compatible with the other person before entering into a marriage.
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    (Original post by sinfonietta)
    No. I think it's important to know you're sexually compatible with the other person before entering into a marriage.
    Why marry a person you are not in love with?

    I don't believe in this sexually compatible crap.
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    Why marry a person you are not in love with?

    I don't believe in this sexually compatible crap.
    I'm not sure how you got not loving someone from sexual [in]compatibility. Maybe you don't agree with it but bad sex is a complete a deal breaker for me.
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    Why marry a person you are not in love with?

    I don't believe in this sexually compatible crap.
    People have sex drives, and fulfilment in that part of a person's life is important to overall happiness in the long-term. There are marriages in which the two people can't have happy, fulfilling sex together, and those marriages generally don't end well if they can't resolve the issue.

    Being ''in love'' with someone is nice, but long-term understanding and personal compatibility and love for the other person is a different thing from being ''in love'', and for the health of the marriage, it's more important.
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    (Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
    People have sex drives, and fulfilment in that part of a person's life is important to overall happiness in the long-term. There are marriages in which the two people can't have happy, fulfilling sex together, and those marriages generally don't end well if they can't resolve the issue.

    Being ''in love'' with someone is nice, but long-term understanding and personal compatibility and love for the other person is a different thing from being ''in love'', and for the health of the marriage, it's more important.
    So sex is more important than true love? how sad.
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    I wouldn't have as because even though you love someone if you aren't compatible sexually that could cause a few problems in the relationship.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I wouldn't have as because even though you love someone if you aren't compatible sexually that could cause a few problems in the relationship.
    I just find this sad. How does it cause major problems? why do people care about coitus so much.
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    So sex is more important than true love? how sad.
    The idea of love is misunderstood by our society. Being in love with someone is not actually the same as true love. Generally when a person meets someone and falls head-over-heels in love with them, what has actually happened is that they have quickly formed a simple internal idea of what that person is like, often including a good amount of wishful thinking, and fallen in love with that version of the person. That isn't true love, because that version of the person probably isn't even true. The honeymoon period ends when it becomes clear to someone that the person they are in a relationship with is not actually the person they fell in love with.

    Don't worry, though. If you spend enough time with a person and make the effort to communicate profoundly with them, and really get to understand them inside and out, then you won't be able to help but love them truly and for who they are. That is true love, and it does not happen in a week; it can take years to develop.

    People who are in that kind of true love built on real, mutual trust and understanding don't tend to have any trouble having fulfilling sex, because they put each other before themselves; their goal is to give the other person the best experience possible; people with such a mindset will find a way.
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    Well if you aren't on similar sex drives it can cause resentment in the relationship and of course having children is tricky if you can't comfortably have sex with each other. Having done so and lived together before marriage, I m so glad we did so as we work brilliantly together in all aspects of married life now.

    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    I just find this sad. How does it cause major problems? why do people care about coitus so much.
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    (Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
    The idea of love is misunderstood by our society. Being in love with someone is not actually the same as true love. Generally when a person meets someone and falls head-over-heels in love with them, what has actually happened is that they have quickly formed a simple internal idea of what that person is like, often including a good amount of wishful thinking, and fallen in love with that version of the person. That isn't true love, because that version of the person probably isn't even true. The honeymoon period ends when it becomes clear to someone that the person they are in a relationship with is not actually the person they fell in love with.

    Don't worry, though. If you spend enough time with a person and make the effort to communicate profoundly with them, and really get to understand them inside and out, then you won't be able to help but love them truly and for who they are. That is true love, and it does not happen in a week; it can take years to develop.

    People who are in that kind of true love built on real, mutual trust and understanding don't tend to have any trouble having fulfilling sex, because they put each other before themselves; their goal is to give the other person the best experience possible; people with such a mindset will find a way.
    You've just explained a simple crush. True love takes years to build.

    I don't know why people say the "Honeymoon period" ends surely its because you are were never truly in love in the first place.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Well if you aren't on similar sex drives it can cause resentment in the relationship and of course having children is tricky if you can't comfortably have sex with each other. Having done so and lived together before marriage, I m so glad we did so as we work brilliantly together in all aspects of married life now.
    Resentment???? How can you hate each other just because one person doesn't want coitus on a particular night or doesn't enjoy a specific thing in bed. My god this is so sad.
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    Resentment???? How can you hate each other just because a one person doesn't want coitus on a particular night or doesn't enjoy a specific thing in bed. My god this is so sad.
    The point is that some people place sex as more of an importance in a relationship than other people. Just because you don't, doesn't mean you should get so defensive when people suggest otherwise.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    The point is that some people place sex more of an importance in a relationship than other people. Just because you don't, doesn't mean you should get so defensive when people suggest otherwise.
    How on earth am I being defensive? I am merely struggling to understand.

    If they do place such great importance on sex they shouldn't speak about true love then.
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    How on earth am I being defensive? I am merely struggling to understand.

    If they do place such great importance on sex they shouldn't speak about true love then.
    You find it "sad" that other people find sex to be important in a relationship.

    I don't think anyone claims that true love encompasses a good sex life. Some people have higher sex drives than others, that's all part of being compatible.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    You find it "sad" that other people find sex to be important in a relationship.

    I don't think anyone claims that true love encompasses a good sex life. Some people have higher sex drives than others, that's all part of being compatible.
    Am I not allowed to have an opinion?
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    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    Resentment???? My god this is so sad.
    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    So sex is more important than true love? how sad.
    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    I don't believe in this sexually compatible crap.
    (Original post by Take thy guess)
    How on earth am I being defensive?
    Listen to yourself.
 
 
 
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