Im fed up of being the freak geek who everyone laughs at Watch

fat_hobbit
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#61
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And tried contacts but cant afford them for 1 and 2 dont like touching my eyes.

2 other problems is I have bad BO, plus no fashion sense im happy with jeans and a t shirt/shirt with messy hair as I have no idea how to style.

And id rather sit at home with a take away and a can of coke with some friends than boozing.

I am confident sometimes when I go clubbing but as I say women just give me the loser sign or maybe try to wind me up by standing in front of me and if I try anything they then push my hands away and laugh.
I can so relate to you mate.

Like you, I am a "geek" - I study Computer Science (...well deferred for the year, but never the less, I am now working within IT at the moment), skinny and my style was sensationally ****.

I became popular at university during my first and second year, like REALLY REALLY popular, if you were in my year group and didn't know who I was - or at least knew of me....you must have been a recluse. I was at every party, knew all the 'IT' people, and made a few good friends along the way.

Unfortunantly for me, although I made really good friends, at the same time I found I had very little social influence with people. On the most part, this wasn't really apparent on the surface (...only with group decisions, it was noticable), but it became really apparent with girls I was hitting on. A lot when sober were very uncomfortable that a 'geeky' guy was hitting on them (due to the stigma attached to it...which is what you have found), and a lot just ended up going with the popular guys (who are popular for the right reason). Often, I would be cockblocked by her mates, or if she was interested in me (like genuinely interested) and started seriously hitting on me, my 'friends' would try to steal her away from me, because they saw me as an easy target.

On top of that, there were a lot of girls that did fancy me, but didn't make it obvious because of what other people would think...as it may ruin their rep and make them uncool to their friends. Ironically, more often than not, a lot of these girls that secretly fancy me would hit on me (try kissing me etc) when they are drunk out of their head, on some occasions three times on one night.

I became fed up of the above, like you. So I worked on my style. I got rid of the glasses, went to the hairdressers and got them to sort my hair out (which is now like seth cohen,:

http://www.123posters.com/images/movie/f-oc3.jpg

I got my clothes tailored (in particular my coat), and basically for half a year (and still counting), searched for a style that suits me. If not looking traditionally geeky, with contacts on - I look like an intellect. So I played on that, with my style. In addition, I ask really close friends now, to style me - of whom I know are stylish themselves, and I am learning a lot from them.

Now, on my year out I am hitting the gym like hardcore in preperation for my return to university, there is only so much you can do with your style - and if you really want to look good, you need to look physically fit as well. It is the final piece of the jigsaw.

Anyway, since my style revamp...I met many girls since, all I ever get now are compliments - very strange experience - as I am so not used to them. My perception with my old group of friends will never change, they will still see me as the old fat_hobbit (it is too ingrained into them & they can't handle the change.), but with new people...They percieve me very differently, and what you describe, is slowly disappearing. I get told that I look like al-pacino these days. :rolleyes: (rather then Bill Gates)

I suggest that you do the same; fix up. With the people that are negative towards you, cut them off your life, and just hang out with people that percieve you as your 'new self'. You will definently notice the difference.
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Anonymous #1
#62
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#62
BTW wrote that before I saw your post CB.

I do like drinking milk btw, and pure orange but I like to drink a lot each day and if I have more than a glass of either I feel really sick and want to puke lol.

Been thinking of MA lessions for a few years now, but a lot of times theres either none in area, on the 1 day of the week I finish late, and/or miles out of town.

There is a proper dedicated building in my town but it looks expensive!

Do they do 1 on 1 teachings as Id be paranoid in a class with others.
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Captain Biggles
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#63
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(Original post by Anonymous)
BTW wrote that before I saw your post CB.

I do like drinking milk btw, and pure orange but I like to drink a lot each day and if I have more than a glass of either I feel really sick and want to puke lol.

Been thinking of MA lessions for a few years now, but a lot of times theres either none in area, on the 1 day of the week I finish late, and/or miles out of town.

There is a proper dedicated building in my town but it looks expensive!

Do they do 1 on 1 teachings as Id be paranoid in a class with others.
You'll never know until you go along and enquire about their prices. Find the nearest MA centre and, if its within a reasonable distance (say 2 - 3 miles from your house), how about walking/jogging to it?? Or you could see if there's a private MA teacher who would be willing to work with you on a 1-2-1 basis - you might be able to rent out a small room in a leisure complex quite cheaply. :confused:

Scout out the opportunities for a healthy lifestyle and you'll be amazed at what you can find! :cool:
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Anonymous #1
#64
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I have no idea how to style or learn how to, honestly my friends say push yourn hands through your hair and such, but when I do it just messes it up lol.

Im so used to wearing say Shirts that cost £5-£10 or T shirts that cost the same from Primark or Peacocks or Tesco or Asda just cant pull it off.

When I was slim I did actually pull quite a few women(but was shy) but at the same time my brother used to style my hair and I wore smart shirts(which I got in a closing down sale reduced from £50 to £5 and were VERY smart)

Used to have a designer shirt too which I got for my 21st but my ex landlord nicked it.

BTW before I even wrote this thread I planned to go back to gym but not till after easter as im going away with parents for 10 days(which I paid for) and need to edit a video for a few hours tommorow so wont get back till around 7.30pm so wont get a chance to go.

Oh and btw to everyone I dont see myself as the victim as such but a middle man, not either way in a group, Im interested in so much that people see me as not part of their clique

Countless times people think im the sort of guy looking at porn all the time, playing geeky rpgs like WOW(which isnt geeky but still a stereotype)

Like people are shocked when they hear I go to gym, or that I dont eat take aways(often) that im not stuffing my face every moment, that im boring as people get VERY shocked when they hear I smoke pot etc.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Captain Biggles)
You'll never know until you go along and enquire about their prices. Find the nearest MA centre and, if its within a reasonable distance (say 2 - 3 miles from your house), how about walking/jogging to it?? Or you could see if there's a private MA teacher who would be willing to work with you on a 1-2-1 basis - you might be able to rent out a small room in a leisure complex quite cheaply. :confused:

Scout out the opportunities for a healthy lifestyle and you'll be amazed at what you can find! :cool:
Have to be VERY cheap as I cant even afford to pay rent had to get an overdraft which is now maxed out, my loan is about 2/3 what the rent inc bills and meals is.

I had £2500 saved in November, now im £1500 overdrawn as I paid for a holiday for my family(and me to relax) books for uni, a few nights out, a new pc(as I need a high spec one for my course)
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hertfordshireman
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#66
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EVERY time I go clubbing, if I look at many girls, even the plain ones they either laugh and/or give me the loser sign with their fingers.



These girls have the guts to act like shallow idoits who go for looks not perosonality, they should want to with a nice man, not make fun of him. The girls will probably pcik up a random and be treated like crap, then feel sorry for themselves and be surprised, some girls don't deserve that but .....
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Anonymous #1
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btw hobbit I have similar with the girls things, I see some gorgeous girls do eye me up but as soon as they notice I can see them they turn head away quickly and/or shout "what are you looking at" then as soon as I look away they look me up and down with a non agressive look on their face.

Just like at school every girl called me ugly then found out years later quite a few fancied me and they just knew I wasnt popular and the reason why they would say nasty things to me was to make me speak to them as I was so quiet I wouldnt speak unless someone was rude to me.

When I was 17 and left home I was confident for the first month I felt grown up and pulled a VERY stunning blonde, blue eyed she looked like a model and I was very confident, I had a "buzz" in my head a thump in my chest all the time, was very energetic all the time, made loads of friends then one day I had no sleep and got depressed then lost the buzz and never regained it!

Still to this day never understood how I got that buzz or how to regain it, I was just happy and thought """" it Im going to be confident and I was.

Im just used to years of harassment and so used to it that if I didnt have it I would be confused.
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Anonymous #1
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Doesnt help I dance like a hyperactive kid whos had too many E numbers and sugar lol

I have a big grin on my face and wave arms about and try and its like that Stewie animation where he dances except I also move sideways and left to right
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Vincent_Valentine
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Right here goes-

1) Stop eating so late and get to bed earlier.
2) By eating only 1 or 2 meals you are doing more damage than good, you want to be eating 5 o 6 times a day, sounds counter productive but believe me it's better because you're not storing the food as fat but you're metabolism is being kept at a higher level if you eat more frequently
3) when you buy you're food buy decent stuff, if you drink alot of pop, stop buying it then! There's plenty of tastier and healthier stuff.
4) go to the gym- you may not like it but just go! check out the fitness section and they'll give you some tips. Not going because they don't have the machines you like is a lame excuse, i'm sorry to break it to you but it is. I don't like doing some exerises but I do it because I know it's beneficial. Try and do three weights workouts 3 times a week and cardio on 3 aswell.
5) find a new hobby, past time or sport and stick to it. You can make new friends with a common interest.
6) Try getting contacts, I know you said you don't like touching your eyes but give it a try and see how it goes.
7) Buy some new clothes, go out with your mates (the ones you can trust) and ask them to see what they think would suit you. Take a few guys and girls and get a good mixture of opinion.
8) You're spots will clear up if you're eating properly and exercising well enough.

Have some pride in yourself and your achievements and finally...MAKE YOURSELF!
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fat_hobbit
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have no idea how to style or learn how to, honestly my friends say push yourn hands through your hair and such, but when I do it just messes it up lol.
Yeah it's hard, I wont deny it. In which case, 'trial and error' is your best friend, buddy. Even though I get told that I am a 'good dresser', I am still finding my style despite it.

Hair - go to a professonal hair salon. If your in London, check out Bellingtons, Toni and Guys, and give them creative freedom with your hair. Before you go, it is also a good idea to check out pictures of guys with hair-styles you like, to get a rough idea of what will suit you.

Im so used to wearing say Shirts that cost £5-£10 or T shirts that cost the same from Primark or Peacocks or Tesco or Asda just cant pull it off.

When I was slim I did actually pull quite a few women(but was shy) but at the same time my brother used to style my hair and I wore smart shirts(which I got in a closing down sale reduced from £50 to £5 and were VERY smart)

Used to have a designer shirt too which I got for my 21st but my ex landlord nicked it.
Well there you go, you have found that works for you.

One thing I do, that helps me a lot, is to look at celebrities that are stylish. That way, and then again through the use of trial and error, to find what works for me.

Another thing, you have to take into account when styling yourself, is to know how you want people to percieve you, and dress accordingly to that.

Once you start receiving compliments for your dress sense, it means you are doing something 'right'. Use that as a benchmark.

BTW before I even wrote this thread I planned to go back to gym but not till after easter as im going away with parents for 10 days(which I paid for) and need to edit a video for a few hours tommorow so wont get back till around 7.30pm so wont get a chance to go.
Good luck. I am working out intensively with a personal trainer, being naturally skinny and trying to bulk up - it is ****ing hard and requires dedication and commitment with both my diet and training.

Oh and btw to everyone I dont see myself as the victim as such but a middle man, not either way in a group, Im interested in so much that people see me as not part of their clique
Yeah, I was like that...The 'middle man', where 'your there, but your not there' if you get me. It is ****, because if anything your just a friend filler for other people, and have zero influence with group decisions.

Countless times people think im the sort of guy looking at porn all the time, playing geeky rpgs like WOW(which isnt geeky but still a stereotype)
...Probably stems from how you present yourself. Don't underestimate first impressions.

Like people are shocked when they hear I go to gym, or that I dont eat take aways(often) that im not stuffing my face every moment, that im boring as people get VERY shocked when they hear I smoke pot etc.
Again, first impressions. The way you look is not congruent with your liftestyle. Boils down to stereotypes and how people think x group of people look like.
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smooth3k
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Have you had a look to see if there are clubs at your university? They'll probably be very cheap, and a good laugh.

What are you paranoid about? Everybody is there for the same reason, to get fit and to have fun. Discipline and respect is a crucial part of every martial art that I know of, which is why it's one of the best things to do once you've been out for a long while. You don't have to worry about letting the team down (like I do in football etc), and others will encourage you.

I'm not just saying this for the sake of it - I used to be a bit of a loner, but joining a taekwondo class developed my confidence, got me into great shape and helped me make some of the closest friendships I have today. There's no bonding experience quite like sweating your tits off together but pushing each other through the pain, believe me!

As for other people's views of you... those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
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Custer
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Gastric banding/bypass, laser eye surgery, cognitive training in social communication and a bottle of clearasil.

You'll need a few thousand, start saving up your pennies.
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Trigger
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#73
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All im reading is blah blah blah whine whine whine excuse excuse excuse. If you dont give a crap about the advice given dont bother making a thread.
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manderton
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(Original post by Invocation)
Stop caring.
:dito:

Since i've started not caring everything has been better.

Less stressed, so spots have cleard up considerabley, and i speak to people I wouldn't normally speak to & have a laugh.

As for the weight, let's not even go there!

I've started cycling daily (god my legs are aching ), and enjoy it (even if it is as windy as it has been recently).

Haven't shaved or had my haircut in i don't know how long tho - so i look kinda like a hobo but I don't care & i have noticed not many people actually do - you get the odd comment like "you going for the gorilla act?" but just laugh it off & the convo normally moves swiftly on.

Just learn to be happy with yourself & have a good time whilst trying to implement subtle changes over a period of time to change your routine.

Don't try changing everything at once as it will never work & you will feel worse as you realise it isn't working- do it weekly, monthly & do one thing at a time and you will start to feel different.
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Anonymous #1
#75
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(Original post by Vincent_Valentine)
Right here goes-

2) By eating only 1 or 2 meals you are doing more damage than good, you want to be eating 5 o 6 times a day, sounds counter productive but believe me it's better because you're not storing the food as fat but you're metabolism is being kept at a higher level if you eat more frequently
This is what I was getting at before, when I go to parents and have set meals at set times I eat more but lose weight
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Federer Rulz
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I wouldnt mind being a geek, who probaly gets A stars all the times and goes to Oxford uni and than post grad at Harvard, then become some manager. And drive a Ferrari to work

awesome!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trigger)
All im reading is blah blah blah whine whine whine excuse excuse excuse. If you dont give a crap about the advice given dont bother making a thread.
Blah blah blah whine whine whine.

Hello there, I have seen you on other threads.

Why is it when someone disagrees its seen as whinging and excuses.

Cant you get it through your head that life isnt simple as you make it.

How is saying I eat next to no junk food and too busy to go to gym for a while an excuse.

Didnt do much difference btw when I did go

Go back to bed little boy its past your bedtime
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smooth3k
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(Original post by Federer Rulz)
I wouldnt mind being a geek, who probaly gets A stars all the times and goes to Oxford uni and than post grad at Harvard, then become some manager. And drive a Ferrari to work

awesome!
It's easier to drive an old banger to a job you love than a Ferrari to one you hate...

(I imagine)

(I realise this isn't really relevant, I just quite liked the quote)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trigger)
All im reading is blah blah blah whine whine whine excuse excuse excuse. If you dont give a crap about the advice given dont bother making a thread.
No offense btw just hate robotic responses.
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Giga Flare
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Blah blah blah whine whine whine.
I think, perhaps, Trigger was trying to get at the fact that you've been given a lot of good advice in this thread, but you haven't once thanked anyone for taking the time to help you.
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