(Original post by Jennybean)
I don't think I'm ugly but I still don't have the confidence to be really flirty with guys I don't know really well, because I'm absolutely terrified of being that girl who appears totally deluded and whom people whisper nasty things about and laugh at because they can't believe how forward she's being when she looks like that... But equally I don't get paranoid working down the street that people might be laughing at me for the way I look. If someone really looks and smiles at me I generally assume it's because they find me attractive rather than the opposite.
I know this feeling totally! Except I know
that I'm ugly. All the many, many people that have told me so since the age of four, whether they be total strangers or supposed friends, can't be wrong.
I feel very guilty despising myself- I am relatively healthy and have no disabilities. Despite this, I want to cry every time I look in the mirror, and hate the way that my friends don't tell me the truth.
The biggest issue is my weight; I have been struggling with an eating disorder for a year or two now, and have gained over two stone over the course of Year 13 (against my will, I've had all my meals supervised)... Although I feel healthier, I feel worse than ever before mentally, as all I see is a huge, bloated belly, a wobbling set of chins, thunder thighs, bingo wings, big bum... And now I'm stuck between loving food and having the energy to function, and being the shape I choose
and want to be!
I have a huge nose, bushy eyebrows, big hair, no boobs etc etc. The only things I can stand are my wrists and ankles, which are actually fairly slim. I am by far the worst looking out of my group of friends; I am the only one without a boyfriend.
Sometimes I just want to claw my way out of my own body, just to have a break from feeling so s***ty about myself.