Love, Marriage and Monogamy. Watch

Bluelight
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
I don't quite know how to express this as a quantifiable fact, but I seem to get the overwhelming impression that a lot of people think that getting married and staying faithful to one person is unrealisable and basically a load of tripe. Iv'e heard so many people say nowadays they don't believe in marriage or humans aren't "meant" to be monogamous, whatever that they mean.

A lot of people ultimately see sleeping around to be the answer, something that is apparently unavoidable, and something which is the most pleasurable outcome. There are also those ofcourse those who sleep around now and think they will magically and suddenly become able to function in a monogamous relationship after an age of pologamy. I get the feeling there is almost record levels of apathy for marriage and the idea of faithfulness, casually glancing at the problem pages of tabloids they're filled with stories of cheating bed hopping and lies.

What I have a problem with ultimately is the fact that the idea that two people can stay faithful and be happy with each other is so often being disregarded as some kind of joke in modern britain today. Promiscuity is becoming seen as some kind of solution to everything and an inevitability. I will agree that this kind of arrangement is definitely the best option for a lot of people, I don't think the traditional option is as hopeless as people make out. I have observed for example families of other cultures the epic problems of infidelity are somewhat reduced the antidote being not sleeping around, but a different approach to relationships and less of an emphasis on sex. It makes me wonder in which direction this society is heading, note im not criticizing sleeping around a bit, we've all done it, the question is more about what implications the apathy about polygamy has. Do you think it will make people happier or unhappier in the long run?
0
quote
reply
Fluent in Lies
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 10 years ago
#2
We will see increasing sexual dimorphism and male testis size.
0
quote
reply
britishseapower
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#3
Report 10 years ago
#3
I'm 21 and I'm a virgin, partly because I'm Catholic and partly because I can't pull seriously though, it's up to people what they want to do. If they want to sleep around, fine, if they want to save it until marriage, fine. Who are we to tell people how they should start to live. I know that kinda defies my faith but regardless of what I believe, I can't change the attitude of every single person on this earth unless they desire to change it themselves.
0
quote
reply
Rubix
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#4
Report 10 years ago
#4
Polygamy is where its at

0
quote
reply
Bluelight
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#5
Im not telling other people what to do, im asking what does this change in mood implicate?
0
quote
reply
louisedotcom
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#6
Report 10 years ago
#6
I agree with you really. Although I dont really think Marriage is the answer or all its cracked up to be, as far as im concerned its a piece of paper and you can achieve the same thing in a non married, committed Long term relationship. I believe in Love, and manogomy, but not that that necessarily equates to marriage.

But, I really hate the idea of sleeping around/ 1 night stands- have never done it, would never do it and frankly dont see the appeal. Unfortunatly, this sees me labled as some kind of prude, which is really not the case at all. I just have very high standards, and am very fussy about who I choose to be intimate with. (As yet only 1 person has ever managed it, and ive been with him for over 4 years)

I do kind of think its a shame thats its something that alot of people dont take more seriously, but thats just how society is these days. Im quite content knowing that Im not part of that scene and never will be.
0
quote
reply
britishseapower
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#7
Report 10 years ago
#7
(Original post by Bluelight)
Im not telling other people what to do, im asking what does this change in mood implicate?
time will tell, I don't think planet earth is suddenly going to go on a downward spirall just because people are a bit more willing to be promiscuous but what this thread is asking, and other threads, is basically for us to predict the future. Apprently Notre Damus was quite good at that but we are all still here. People seem to be quite sceptical about marriage these days and see it as just being a piece of paper but the way I see it (other than being a union of God according to my beliefs) is that, if you love someone so much, why would you even hesitate in getting married to them or deciding whether to get a pre-nuptial agreement e.t.c. If you have those sort of doubts in your mind, why get married in the first place? If I can't trust someone enough and think that I need to get a legal contract to make sure my 'wealth' is intact or that they might do one on me and we need to get divorced in the future, I wouldn't even marry them anyway!
0
quote
reply
an_end_has_a_start
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#8
Report 10 years ago
#8
i think it depends on the sort of person you are. i think that sleeping around is a very unmoralistic thing to do but if thats what flicks your switch then get on with it, at the end of the day the people who have the same mentality as them will ultimately end up with them. and those who are all for marriage and commitment (i am one of these people) will end up together. its just a shame when people can't be faithful. it disgusts me. also i dont get the point of mistresses, if my husband insisted on having a mistress i'd tell him where to stick his marriage vows!
0
quote
reply
cerise
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#9
Report 10 years ago
#9
Marriage is a great burden for two people to carry. It sometimes needs a third to lighten the load. Tee-hee, Wilde. :p:

But in all seriousness, there is an increased apathy in marriage because people are realising that the basis for marriage is often nothing more than a mutual misunderstanding. It's the deluded expectations one has upon entering marriages that are utter tripe (i.e, 'completing one another'), not the conceivability of fidelity. Fidelity certainly is possible for those who desire it.
0
quote
reply
theinternetneverlies
Badges: 0
#10
Report 10 years ago
#10
(Original post by Fluent in Lies)
We will see increasing sexual dimorphism and male testis size.
In all primates the females select the males, not the other way around.

Women tend to select the traditional masculine male male for casual sex and the more soft effeminate male for marriage. At least that's what I've read.

The supposed logic behind this is that a more effeminate male will stick around when the child is born - hence bestowing upon the child an evolutionary advantage.

In a society where there is less stigma attached to men sleeping around or divorcing their partners when somebody younger comes along, perhaps women will seek to hedge their bets by selecting even more effeminate males for long term relationships.

This means that only the 'effeminate' genes will be passed on, so over time, the more 'liberal' a society is on this issue, the more effeminate its men will become.

If you type 'penis size' into wikipedia, it says the French (traditionally Catholic) are pretty big, whereas the S. Koreans (no religion that I know of) are pretty small. Coincidence? I think not!

Anyway, I think the only thing we have really established here is that I have waaaaaay too much time on my hands.
0
quote
reply
theinternetneverlies
Badges: 0
#11
Report 10 years ago
#11
(Original post by cerise)
But in all seriousness, there is an increased apathy in marriage because people are realising that the basis for marriage is often nothing more than a mutual misunderstanding. It's the deluded expectations one has upon entering marriages that are utter tripe (i.e, 'completing one another'), not the conceivability of fidelity. Fidelity certainly is possible for those who desire it.
On a more serious note, I actually agree with this. I don't have much life experience (20 y.o.) but it is my observation that good marriages don't lead to happy people; happy people lead to good marriages.
0
quote
reply
Jelkin
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#12
Report 10 years ago
#12
I definitely plan to get married one day, if I find the right person - marriage to me is not just a piece of paper, but a pledge of commitment. (If we want to take a horribly pragmatic stance, it also means your other half is more likely to stick around, and makes it more difficult to leave you with an armful of babies. )

It really saddens me how many marriages dissolve these days. I'm fortunate in that my parents have stayed together, but they're not in this idyllic relationship of permanent mutual adoration - they're perfectly willing to admit that marriage takes work, but they're so willing to work for it that they're content together (mostly!). The way I see it, you have to be realistic and sensible with your choices (e.g. picking someone who will be a good spouse, and realise that the love of the marriage will become less exciting with time), so as to maximise your future happiness and minimise the chances of divorce. Of course, many people can't be bothered with this. I reckon that a good proportion of them may regret it in future it they keep up that attitude (or at least until it's what everyone is doing!) ...

Brave New World, anyone?
0
quote
reply
Fluent in Lies
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report 10 years ago
#13
(Original post by theinternetneverlies)
In all primates the females select the males, not the other way around.
So what? Why've you quoted me?
0
quote
reply
theinternetneverlies
Badges: 0
#14
Report 10 years ago
#14
(Original post by Fluent in Lies)
So what? Why've you quoted me?
But more importantly, why have you quoted me?
0
quote
reply
Henry G
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report 10 years ago
#15
(Original post by an_end_has_a_start)
i think it depends on the sort of person you are. i think that sleeping around is a very unmoralistic thing to do but if thats what flicks your switch then get on with it, at the end of the day the people who have the same mentality as them will ultimately end up with them. and those who are all for marriage and commitment (i am one of these people) will end up together. its just a shame when people can't be faithful. it disgusts me. also i dont get the point of mistresses, if my husband insisted on having a mistress i'd tell him where to stick his marriage vows!
I wouldn't cheat "physically" whilst married or in a relationship, buit a tad of eflirting etc on say this site for example could be cool.
Although many would say that even eflirting whilst you are in a relationship is morally unsound, depends on your personal moral code I suppose?
Nah, on second thoughts eflirting whilst in a relationship is dodgy because the intent is there, even if you don't act on the signals/interest being given out by the other person.
0
quote
reply
Freud
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#16
Report 10 years ago
#16
(Original post by Jelkin)
Brave New World, anyone?
Exactly. Brave new world sums up exactly why marriage is important. Personally I find the idea of polygamy revolting. Ok, alot of marriages don't last forever and if the people are unhappy maybe they shouldn't, but I think it's human nature to be monogamous, ignoring this instinct leads to jealousy and unhappy people.

I sorta have this belief that although divorce rates are through the roof recently, I think that the next generation (i.e. the children who were caught up in these divorces) will try to avoid doing the same to their own children and will work harder at the marriages. Well, I hope so anyway. For myself if I ever get married divorce won't be an option unless we're both miserable.
0
quote
reply
Psyk
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#17
Report 10 years ago
#17
I don't think people should be pressured into being in monogamous relationships if they aren't interested in them. But I think there will always be people that want a meaningful monogamous relationship.
0
quote
reply
tis_me_lord
Badges: 14
#18
Report 10 years ago
#18
It seems that in the 50's and 60's - there was this romantic disney image of monogamy always working, there being a perfect person for you etc etc, and when you first meet somebody it often does feel perfect and like you could never love anyone else.

So they all went "ah great, I've found the one" and got married. Then they realised after many years that there were problems, and it just seems like the attitude just became "well then obviously they're not the one. Let's try again!" So they get divorced, find someone else, think they're perfect now and get married a second time.

This is why divorce is so common, because marriage has now been built around something that is unattainable. When will people realise that NOBODY IS PERFECT FOR ANYBODY. I don't care who you are, if I am with you for more than a year I will start to be able to list a bunch of things I dislike about you, and I'm sure people would do the same to me (probably a lot sooner.)

But what really baffles me is that people see this imperfection as a reason to leave people because "maybe I'm happier with somebody else."

Sure if there is domestic abuse, or if your partner is unfaithful, or if he just shows no emotion etc then yes, go and find someone else. But when the problems you have with somebody really boil down to "I've heard most of their stories... and when I talked to this new guy last week we had LOADS to talk about" I start to get miffed. Of course you have more to talk about with people you've talked to for the first time instead of for a year. That's just a simple fact that will always apply to every relationship. What are you going to do? Keep leaving people after being with them for two years because this new guy makes slightly better conversation - you're only going to get bored of him as well.

The time comes when you just need to be realistic. Say that quite frankly you don't care if your partner isnt perfect. You don't care if other people are technically better for you. Unless you are desperatly unhappy it's better to just stick with somebody who loves you, and who is reliable, than to hop around searching for something you could never find. To think someone is better than your partner of many years just because they seem more exciting makes a mockery of relationships. For this is happen in a marriage is even worse, a marriage with kids and well is downright immoral in my eyes.

Sometimes you do get fed up with whom your with. When you're young then yes experiment a little bit. But don't throw away a good thing 'just in case it could be better' - when things get a bit stale thats when you hang around your friends, you go and get some hobbies, you live life more as if you're single for a while although you're technically not - and then you'll gain more to talk about.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is stupid to say you should be with somebody even if you're starting to get bored. But all I'm saying is that there is a point where you just need to stop and say, the grass is NOT always greener. The same thing just happens over and over again so lets just stick to one person for a while. People are prepared to do this with their careers I dont see why a relationship needs to be an entirely different concept.
quote
reply
an_end_has_a_start
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#19
Report 10 years ago
#19
(Original post by Henry OE)
I wouldn't cheat "physically" whilst married or in a relationship, buit a tad of eflirting etc on say this site for example could be cool.
Although many would say that even eflirting whilst you are in a relationship is morally unsound, depends on your personal moral code I suppose?
Nah, on second thoughts eflirting whilst in a relationship is dodgy because the intent is there, even if you don't act on the signals/interest being given out by the other person.

yeah i think its the prospect of it in a lot of ways, i would think well if he does it online whats to stop him doing it face to face?
0
quote
reply
Henry G
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#20
Report 10 years ago
#20
(Original post by an_end_has_a_start)
yeah i think its the prospect of it in a lot of ways, i would think well if he does it online whats to stop him doing it face to face?
Well, it's not just a guy thing, a girl I know at Uni started eflirting and ended up in a really bad situation, had long term boy friend, at home but was playing away with her e lover!
Boy friend was :mad: when he found out, she was "seen" in a Restaurant with her elover.
0
quote
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Did you get less than your required grades and still get into university?

Yes (52)
28.89%
No - I got the required grades (105)
58.33%
No - I missed the required grades and didn't get in (23)
12.78%

Watched Threads

View All