I don't quite know how to express this as a quantifiable fact, but I seem to get the overwhelming impression that a lot of people think that getting married and staying faithful to one person is unrealisable and basically a load of tripe. Iv'e heard so many people say nowadays they don't believe in marriage or humans aren't "meant" to be monogamous, whatever that they mean.
A lot of people ultimately see sleeping around to be the answer, something that is apparently unavoidable, and something which is the most pleasurable outcome. There are also those ofcourse those who sleep around now and think they will magically and suddenly become able to function in a monogamous relationship after an age of pologamy. I get the feeling there is almost record levels of apathy for marriage and the idea of faithfulness, casually glancing at the problem pages of tabloids they're filled with stories of cheating bed hopping and lies.
What I have a problem with ultimately is the fact that the idea that two people can stay faithful and be happy with each other is so often being disregarded as some kind of joke in modern britain today. Promiscuity is becoming seen as some kind of solution to everything and an inevitability. I will agree that this kind of arrangement is definitely the best option for a lot of people, I don't think the traditional option is as hopeless as people make out. I have observed for example families of other cultures the epic problems of infidelity are somewhat reduced the antidote being not sleeping around, but a different approach to relationships and less of an emphasis on sex. It makes me wonder in which direction this society is heading, note im not criticizing sleeping around a bit, we've all done it, the question is more about what implications the apathy about polygamy has. Do you think it will make people happier or unhappier in the long run?
We will see increasing sexual dimorphism and male testis size.
Im not telling other people what to do, im asking what does this change in mood implicate?
I agree with you really. Although I dont really think Marriage is the answer or all its cracked up to be, as far as im concerned its a piece of paper and you can achieve the same thing in a non married, committed Long term relationship. I believe in Love, and manogomy, but not that that necessarily equates to marriage.
But, I really hate the idea of sleeping around/ 1 night stands- have never done it, would never do it and frankly dont see the appeal. Unfortunatly, this sees me labled as some kind of prude, which is really not the case at all. I just have very high standards, and am very fussy about who I choose to be intimate with. (As yet only 1 person has ever managed it, and ive been with him for over 4 years)
I do kind of think its a shame thats its something that alot of people dont take more seriously, but thats just how society is these days. Im quite content knowing that Im not part of that scene and never will be.
i think it depends on the sort of person you are. i think that sleeping around is a very unmoralistic thing to do but if thats what flicks your switch then get on with it, at the end of the day the people who have the same mentality as them will ultimately end up with them. and those who are all for marriage and commitment (i am one of these people) will end up together. its just a shame when people can't be faithful. it disgusts me. also i dont get the point of mistresses, if my husband insisted on having a mistress i'd tell him where to stick his marriage vows!
I don't think people should be pressured into being in monogamous relationships if they aren't interested in them. But I think there will always be people that want a meaningful monogamous relationship.
It seems that in the 50's and 60's - there was this romantic disney image of monogamy always working, there being a perfect person for you etc etc, and when you first meet somebody it often does feel perfect and like you could never love anyone else.
So they all went "ah great, I've found the one" and got married. Then they realised after many years that there were problems, and it just seems like the attitude just became "well then obviously they're not the one. Let's try again!" So they get divorced, find someone else, think they're perfect now and get married a second time.
This is why divorce is so common, because marriage has now been built around something that is unattainable. When will people realise that NOBODY IS PERFECT FOR ANYBODY. I don't care who you are, if I am with you for more than a year I will start to be able to list a bunch of things I dislike about you, and I'm sure people would do the same to me (probably a lot sooner.)
But what really baffles me is that people see this imperfection as a reason to leave people because "maybe I'm happier with somebody else."
Sure if there is domestic abuse, or if your partner is unfaithful, or if he just shows no emotion etc then yes, go and find someone else. But when the problems you have with somebody really boil down to "I've heard most of their stories... and when I talked to this new guy last week we had LOADS to talk about" I start to get miffed. Of course you have more to talk about with people you've talked to for the first time instead of for a year. That's just a simple fact that will always apply to every relationship. What are you going to do? Keep leaving people after being with them for two years because this new guy makes slightly better conversation - you're only going to get bored of him as well.
The time comes when you just need to be realistic. Say that quite frankly you don't care if your partner isnt perfect. You don't care if other people are technically better for you. Unless you are desperatly unhappy it's better to just stick with somebody who loves you, and who is reliable, than to hop around searching for something you could never find. To think someone is better than your partner of many years just because they seem more exciting makes a mockery of relationships. For this is happen in a marriage is even worse, a marriage with kids and well is downright immoral in my eyes.
Sometimes you do get fed up with whom your with. When you're young then yes experiment a little bit. But don't throw away a good thing 'just in case it could be better' - when things get a bit stale thats when you hang around your friends, you go and get some hobbies, you live life more as if you're single for a while although you're technically not - and then you'll gain more to talk about.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is stupid to say you should be with somebody even if you're starting to get bored. But all I'm saying is that there is a point where you just need to stop and say, the grass is NOT always greener. The same thing just happens over and over again so lets just stick to one person for a while. People are prepared to do this with their careers I dont see why a relationship needs to be an entirely different concept.