I feel i need to note down how i feel it'd be nice if some people would comment if they have been through the same.
Basically, my 3 best mates went away around last September to go Uni or Traveling, now a few more have gone away too. Since then my life has become one horrible routine. All i do is go to college, dont ever do the work as i have no motivation as much as i try to make myself do it i cant. OR i will see my boyfriend. My relationship with my bf has gotten unhealthy, all we do is argue, and all he does is sit in on his computer in dark room, he's 23 next month and he doesnt find this depressing, i have tried thousands of times to help him get motivation to go find work but he wont, his computer addiction really effects the realtionship as everything we do revolves around it even our sex life! He promises he wont go on it when im there but he'll make little excuses like "im just checking it for a minute, im not going on the comp" then he'll sit on it for a while and ill just have to wait for him. I feel really let down and disapointed all the time, I cant talk to him about anything as he doesnt understand or doesnt try to.
Another thing and this i will take SOME blame for is that the way my mind works makes things worse, i over think everything and it leads to being majorly paranoid to the point i get the worse anxiety i will start shaking and have an attack. There are some things i shouldnt know about woth my bfs past sex life and things he has done in this relationship, small things that have built up, but i shouldnt know them.Another thing that bothers me is that when ever i go to touch him "there" he often tells me to stop it, we have sex sometimes but he tells me hes not in the mood and then he masterbates to porn i cant come to terms with this as he tells me hes not in the mood, i have confonted him about it and it leads to major arguements to the point we nearly split, i find it hurtful as it makes me feel like he doesnt like me, but he tells me he does all the time, im sick of feeling let down.
Finally i have to decide on weather to go to uni this year and i really dont know if im ready, i only wanna go to get away but then i think im not mentally ready for that amount of change im sorting out getting a counciler, dont suppose anyone knows of any tablets (herbal) that promote a healthy mind?
Sorry this is really long.
Your boyfriend is clearly useless: get rid of him.
I'd definitely break up with him if I were you.
Im not sure what you mean by little things about his past relationships. I mean...I know a large amount about my boyfriends previous relationships and sexual history and it really does not bother me at all, Im never really sure why it does bother people. So unless you mean your boyfriend previously being abusive then I cannot really offer any advice there.
Definitely go to your GP. Maybe your tutor at college about lack of motivation and possibly ask to see the college counsellor?
Have you tried making friends with people in your classes and going out with them or calling up older friends or becoming closer to acquaintances? Maybe if you get your social life sorted out you will be happier and want to work at college.
Running away to uni isn't really the best idea, facing your issues head on is. Although Im not saying don't go as long as its for the right reasons. If you don't feel ready, maybe work for a year? There are lots of jobs where the work force is largely young people and you could make friends that way. Or you could plan to travel?
Herbal tablets arn't really going to sort this all out. Just stick to a healthy diet. See your doctor and talk your problems out.
Ditch your boyfriend, maybe he will sort his priorities out!
Sounds like your bf is in a relationship with a computer. And any who who gets defensive or cannot have a proper conversation clearly he has something to hide or something is up with them.