The Student Room Group

getting bored of my boyfriend / no longer find him attractive

We have been together for nearly 4 years, ever since we were around 14 - we are now 18. everything used to be so nice and fun, we got on really well and I felt really loved, cared about and in love.
I definitely love him and would find it so lonely if we broke up, but I don't think I am happy in the relationship any more. the smallest things he does annoy me, it feels like I am competing with him in everything like school and achievements. I find him attractive to an extent, but don't look at him and think wow.
He is the only real boyfriend I have ever had and I just don't know if we are only together because we have been together so long and I am just used to him.
I want to feel loved and appreciated and cared about, but I don't always feel like that with him, he never seems interested in how I am or making me happy - he gets annoyed at me easily and has been especially snappy or irritable recently.
I definitely love him, but I look at other relationships and wish that was me, I worry that I have settled down too young and that I want to get to know more guys, have other boyfriends- but I can't face a break up.
I am starting uni in September and will meet loads of new people there and would love to experience and meet new people - but I am scared of breaking up and being lonely. I want to be in a relationship but I don't know if I want to be in it with him.
I don't know what to do - to sum it up, I love him but I don't know if I am in love any more, what should I do?
Have you talked to him?
You leave before the good times turn bad and you're left with bad memories. You know you have to, just can't bring yourself to do it.
If you're both irritable it might be because of exam stress. Either way if you need to break up there's no point excusing it. Perhaps if you grave a conversation with him you'll realise it's mutual (he doesn't sound as though he's deeply committed).
I don't think a conversation will fix this. He probably feels the same if he is irritable. Don't stay in a bad relationship because you just want to be in a relationship. This relationship will probably end in September anyway. If you are going to talk to him, ask him how he sees your relationship in September, maybe you'll decide together that it's best to break up.
Most pre-uni relationships end when one or both of them go off to uni.

It's a natural part of growing up. Doesn't mean to say there's anything wrong with either person.

You will have plenty of golden opportunities to start new romantic relationships at uni. Take them.

When you look back at your current boyfriend in a few years time, you will probably feel so glad that you moved on, because you will probably have found other men that are much more compatible with you. Also, at the age of 18 very few people have the maturity to make long term relationships work. Getting annoyed over petty things is an example of what immature people do in relationships. But that's fine you're both 18 and are both learning important life skills. It's unfair to expect you to have the wisdom of Confucius at that age.
Life is too short to feel that way. You should always feel cared for by your boyfriend even after 4 years and should feel that he is still the same as he was when you were 14 - people remain happily married for way longer times than that!
Either way, your relationship will probably end due to starting uni.
You need to talk to him in person, vent your feelings, and he will have chance to vent his, he might feel the same.
Right now, you will feel like the only person ever who feels this way, but realistically all year 13 students across the country who have "school relationships" and have been together for ages are feeling the exact same way, entrapped.
You have a next chapter of life ahead of you, it may not feel like it, but you do.
And at uni you are going to feel far from lonely!
Just rememeber the good times of your relationship and accept that maybe you have grown apart.
When you are 70 in your rocking chair thinking back to this relationship, it will just be a bittersweet memory :')
Saying you want to experience something simply because you haven't experienced it is a common reason people give themselves to do something different when they aren't content with their current life but don't know why. It doesn't really make much sense. If you go down this road it's not likely you'll be satisfied in the long term. Maybe you just aren't capable of being satisfied atleast with your current outlook on life. That's the real problem. If you actually love him and he's not hurting you in any way, you should find a way to make your self satisfied with your life that's healthy (something not materialistic). I reccomend studying something you find interesting or find a hobby that you can practice your whole life. What I'm getting at here is if you go out looking for new boyfriends you are probably just going to repeat this cycle. If you don't love him or he's hurting you, then go ahead and look for someone you can see yourself being in a sustainable relationship with.
its natural, and entirely unavoidable. The spark in every relationship fades eventually. There are no exceptions, only liars.

What happens is that most poeple have relationships, then they end them when the romance fades, and seek that new romantic feeling again...

that is until they reach a certain age. Its the age when worries start to kick in, and they start to ask questions: Am I to old to find a partner better then who I have now? Will dating in my 30s/40s be a nightmare? If I take time to find a new partner, will I have time to have children?(for girls) Will everyone think I am pathetic for being a single 30/40 something? Do I have the energy to be dating again? Will the next guy really be better then him? etc. etc.

At that point, when they start to loose the romantic feeling - they don't seek to find someone new, instead they commit further to whoever they are with. They marry them, have kids with them, and start a family with them. Bits of spark will come back over time, and then go again.. but it will never be like a new relationship. Instead it will be replaced by a different kind of love - a longstanding family kind of love, where you can't even imagine not being with them, and they become as irreplaceable as your mum or your sister.

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Your 18. You don't have these worries yet. Why not start a new relationship? You have 10 years at until most people start to feel the pressure that this one, must be The One..

So why not end it? Enjoy the romance now while you can - make it so that by the time you eventually do settle down forever, you have the comforting thought of 'yeah, I had some exciting romance filled days, and now its time for something different'

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