Going to university as a poor student, worried about social exclusion?
I really hope this does not come across as self-loathing: I really dislike people knowing about my family's financial situation in circumstances that would perhaps intentionally cause people to feel sorry for me -that's not what I'm about. I have always been confident in my own ability, gained confidence in myself as a person through my year of customer service alongside my studies, and I pride myself on being determined to do well. I take pride in the fact that I am independent and I know exactly what I want (this sounds like a personal statement! haha)
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
To be honest, at uni you will have more money than the students from well-off families.
Students whose parents earn combined say 45k (which would be two parents earning roughly the UK average wage) would get £6,204 in loans and probably wouldn't be eligible for any bursaries or grants. And their parents probably wouldn't be able to give them another nearly £5000 per year to give them the same total amount as you.
Obviously there will also be some super rich kids whose parents give them a crazy amount of money, but I'm sure at most unis they're few and far between.
You might still find differences in your childhood experiences, e.g. some people will have been abroad a lot or whatever, but I don't think this should really stop you making friends. And you won't be the only person from a working class background at your uni, even if you feel a bit outnumbered.
(Also mental health problems can affect posh people too!)
Students whose parents earn combined say 45k (which would be two parents earning roughly the UK average wage) would get £6,204 in loans and probably wouldn't be eligible for any bursaries or grants. And their parents probably wouldn't be able to give them another nearly £5000 per year to give them the same total amount as you.
Obviously there will also be some super rich kids whose parents give them a crazy amount of money, but I'm sure at most unis they're few and far between.
You might still find differences in your childhood experiences, e.g. some people will have been abroad a lot or whatever, but I don't think this should really stop you making friends. And you won't be the only person from a working class background at your uni, even if you feel a bit outnumbered.
(Also mental health problems can affect posh people too!)
Original post by ajaynex
I really hope this does not come across as self-loathing: I really dislike people knowing about my family's financial situation in circumstances that would perhaps intentionally cause people to feel sorry for me -that's not what I'm about. I have always been confident in my own ability, gained confidence in myself as a person through my year of customer service alongside my studies, and I pride myself on being determined to do well. I take pride in the fact that I am independent and I know exactly what I want (this sounds like a personal statement! haha)
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
Which RG university? You should have enough money to enjoy life a little with the grant which helps a lot. Any large university will have people similar to yourself. Its good to get to know them, as well as a large range of other people.
I doubt you wil find anyone who will judge you - if anything people will be very impressed at what you have achieved.
I don't think that your struggle with money when growing up will prevent you from making friends.
1. I never really talk about my childhood with my university friends. And if i do, it's never really about anything that has to do with money.
2. I don't think everybody will be hella rich there. And the rich guys won't be bragging about cars all the time.
See it as a new beginning. You're just a guy like everybody else, no need to feel different. Everybody is new.
And overall in uni there is a lot less judging than in school. And you can choose your own friends, since there are a lot more people with different backgrounds. And if you don't like someone you don't have to see him. You're not stuck in a classroom with him like in school.
1. I never really talk about my childhood with my university friends. And if i do, it's never really about anything that has to do with money.
2. I don't think everybody will be hella rich there. And the rich guys won't be bragging about cars all the time.
See it as a new beginning. You're just a guy like everybody else, no need to feel different. Everybody is new.
And overall in uni there is a lot less judging than in school. And you can choose your own friends, since there are a lot more people with different backgrounds. And if you don't like someone you don't have to see him. You're not stuck in a classroom with him like in school.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by ajaynex
I really hope this does not come across as self-loathing: I really dislike people knowing about my family's financial situation in circumstances that would perhaps intentionally cause people to feel sorry for me -that's not what I'm about. I have always been confident in my own ability, gained confidence in myself as a person through my year of customer service alongside my studies, and I pride myself on being determined to do well. I take pride in the fact that I am independent and I know exactly what I want (this sounds like a personal statement! haha)
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
If I weren't known to someone personally, I doubt you would tell that I have been stuck in hardship (relative poverty is the circumstance I was born into, though this was not a problem I was really aware of due to the area I was living in which was a poor neighbourhood anyway so I knew no different). I'm 18 now- when I was 13 my dad left my mom and my sisters as well as myself. This was devastating in terms of finance for my family, as my dad was the worker- my mom was (is) a housewife- he was working a menial minimum wage job anyway , so the circumstances were not great to support five people- but this forced my mom to live on child tax to support all of us.She became depressed, and as soon as I turned 16 I felt like I needed a part time job to have a bit of normality.
So, skip to 17-18.. I've done well in my AS examinations alongside my part time job. I score a conditional offer for a Russell group university which I felt grateful to be offered and, naturally I firmed. I'm aware that, If I gain the entry requirements, as well as being entitled to the maximum maintenance loan, I will be entitled to 3,000 pounds a year in bursary/scholarships which will be extremely helpful. I wouldn't even have to work part time.
My life seems to be going in the right direction, but I am aware of the high influx of privileged students that generally , or stereotypically come to Russell group universities. I have no prejudice towards privileged people, but, after going to a sixth form in a much wealthier area I felt like I didn't fit in much and lacked confidence around these people because I couldn't relate to their life experience. Whilst they nonchalantly spoke about what they would name their car, I worried about base stuff and my mom's mental health. My mind was always elsewhere. I guess I was worried they were judging me for not being born into wealthy families like them.
I'm just worried that I won't fit in , though I will have bursaries supporting me, will the fact I am from a very underprivileged background prevent me from sustaining a nice social circle? Any advice?
I can totally understand why you are worried (I did my undergrad at Oxford, coming from a poor family, so was on the maximum grants/bursaries) but would like to reassure you that you don't need to be. The vast majority of Russell Group uni people won't make you feel bad about your background, or mind about it at all. Sure, there might be some noticeable differences between you but I don't think that would matter to most people
As has been said, your bursary will put you in a better position than many middle-class people, because of the way the loans and bursaries system works. I'm glad you won't have the added pressure of having to find part-time work during your studies - that will hopefully be a weight off your mind
In the unlikely event that you *do* encounter deliberate prejudice (as opposed to ignorance), then the best thing to do is to report it to your uni. Discrimination tends to be taken seriously - at least it was at Oxford
EDIT: Sorry, forgot to give advice. Just be yourself and be proud of who you are and the hardships you've overcome. You are sure to find nice people to be friends with, regardless of whether their social background is similar to yours or not. Be honest with people if they ask questions, and don't be afraid to be yourself. Report any discrimination if you encounter any, but I think the likeliness is you won't encounter deliberate discrimination
(edited 6 years ago)
I relate. I come from a poor family and hate when the topic of background/ finances comes up because I hate being asked things that could implicate how I am different to them. I go to a RG uni too and literally everybody I seem to befriend is upper middle class. I feel uncomfortable when certain topics about family and childhood come up because I can't relate to their stories/ lives/ experiences at all.
They nonchalantly throw around things like 'I'm going to St Lucia for Christmas', or 'When I was skiing in Val Thorens', or 'During my gap year in insert exotic location*'. Or they talk about how their parents give them hundreds of pounds of pocket money or pay their rent entirely. I don't resent them, I am glad that they have no true financial worries, but I just feel so out of place and uncomfortable around it.
I cant seem to find any lower class/ working class friends who I would be similar to and compatible with. Of course I can still (and do) get along with the more privileged students, but I just really wish I had a circle of some people who were more similar to me so I wouldn't feel so different/ out of place or uncomfortable around certain topics being brought up.
Also I have nobody from my pre-uni (or current) life to relate to as my working class friends didn't go to uni, and my middle/ upper class friends can't relate to my issues of feeling like the odd one out, or the poor man in the rich man's world. I am the first in my family to go to university so my family wouldn't even be able to understand half the terminology surrounding uni or concepts of social/class divide, so I feel really alone in it all.
I am not trying to seem like I'm whining & hating everything, but just wanted to express my experience and say you're not alone if you did feel like this. I wish it were easier to find working class friends at RG unis. I have one working class friend who also went to university, but she went to a non RG uni, and doesn't experience any of these feelings as most of her coursemates are also working class or lower middle class.
It's not that I'm totally ashamed of who I am, but I just feel like I should hide certain elements of my background so that I don't seem like the odd one out. I know nobody would openly ridicule me for being poor or working class, but I just don't WANT to be seen as the scholarship kid or the poor man in a rich man's world. Sometimes I feel I am playing pretend when I sit in on their discussions about rich people things. I go to skiing socials and feel like an imposter because I don't know anything about such an activity due to my lower class/ poor background.
Anyways... just wanted to get it off my chest, glad I found at least 1 person who can understand my situation on here lol
They nonchalantly throw around things like 'I'm going to St Lucia for Christmas', or 'When I was skiing in Val Thorens', or 'During my gap year in insert exotic location*'. Or they talk about how their parents give them hundreds of pounds of pocket money or pay their rent entirely. I don't resent them, I am glad that they have no true financial worries, but I just feel so out of place and uncomfortable around it.
I cant seem to find any lower class/ working class friends who I would be similar to and compatible with. Of course I can still (and do) get along with the more privileged students, but I just really wish I had a circle of some people who were more similar to me so I wouldn't feel so different/ out of place or uncomfortable around certain topics being brought up.
Also I have nobody from my pre-uni (or current) life to relate to as my working class friends didn't go to uni, and my middle/ upper class friends can't relate to my issues of feeling like the odd one out, or the poor man in the rich man's world. I am the first in my family to go to university so my family wouldn't even be able to understand half the terminology surrounding uni or concepts of social/class divide, so I feel really alone in it all.
I am not trying to seem like I'm whining & hating everything, but just wanted to express my experience and say you're not alone if you did feel like this. I wish it were easier to find working class friends at RG unis. I have one working class friend who also went to university, but she went to a non RG uni, and doesn't experience any of these feelings as most of her coursemates are also working class or lower middle class.
It's not that I'm totally ashamed of who I am, but I just feel like I should hide certain elements of my background so that I don't seem like the odd one out. I know nobody would openly ridicule me for being poor or working class, but I just don't WANT to be seen as the scholarship kid or the poor man in a rich man's world. Sometimes I feel I am playing pretend when I sit in on their discussions about rich people things. I go to skiing socials and feel like an imposter because I don't know anything about such an activity due to my lower class/ poor background.
Anyways... just wanted to get it off my chest, glad I found at least 1 person who can understand my situation on here lol
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