I am living in a flat with two other girls, (lets call them Kate and Gemma), and have had problems living together since we moved in. Ever since we moved in to the flat Gemma and i have been doing all of the housework, buying communal items like toilet rolls and washing up liquid, sorting out bills and problems with the landlord etc, while Kate doesn't lift a finger. We have spoken to her several times about contributing to the cleaning and other work around the flat, but she seems to ignore anything we say and is oblivious to how much work we have to do to clean up after her, and the amount of time and money we have to spend buying cleaning products etc, none of which she contributes to.
To my knowledge she has NEVER cleaned the bathroom, hoovered, mopped the floors, or taken out the rubbish, in the year we have been living together.
Gemma and I have been getting more and more annoyed by this, and Gemma in particular began to feel that Kate was taking advantage of us and had no respect for us, and even considered moving out because the situation got so bad. So all in all we were feeling pretty angry at Kate, and after many attempts to resolve this peacefully by gently hinting or asking her to help out, it all errupted last week in the mother of all rows.
We told Kate exactly how we felt about her behaviour, and it got heated and very unfriendly. So, now the atmosphere in the flat couldn't be colder, we avoid each other and take it in turns to use the kitchen so we don't have to see each other, and haven't spoken since the fight.
Kate seemed so upset that i am now considering appologising to her, even thought it was her behaviour that triggered this all off, i don't feel that Gemma and I have done anything wrong by confronting her, but i feel guilty that she seems so upset by all of this.
I really, really want things to improve, but i don't know if that will be possible, particularly as Gemma is still so angry at kate that she refuses to talk to her. has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do? should i appologise to Kate just to smooth things over? I have to live in this flat for another 5 months and that seems like a very long time right now
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Nightmare flatmate situation watch
- Thread Starter
- 12-03-2008 19:39
- 12-03-2008 19:46
if you really want to
spolagise for the row
not for the situation
- 12-03-2008 20:01
Sounds like good advice to me - Patch things up that got disrupted by the argument (or try to at least, probably sounds easier than it is), but also be quick to note that you're not apologising for why it started in the first place. She has to learn responsibility one way or another.
- 12-03-2008 20:04
follow it..... now!
- 12-03-2008 21:13
I dont think you should appologise atall.
You and the other girl have done nothing wrong, and frankly if 'Kate' is upset its tough, as its her lack of consideration for others that has caused this situation nothing else. As mentioned if you feel you must appologise to ease your conscience, appologise for the row, but still make it clear that things need to change.
If you just outright appologise (and she isnt the type to to hold grudges) things may well just go back to how they were.
- PS Reviewer
- 12-03-2008 21:58
It might be a good idea to sit down with them both and have an open discussion about the situation - say that you aren't happy about her lack of contribution and ask her if there is any reason. A good idea would be to make a rota of what cleaning etc everyone does a particular week. Maybe arrange a certain time when you are all in so you can do it at the same time - put some music on and make it into something fun so it doesn't feel like as much of a chore.
Alternatively, do what I did last year and keep your toilet roll in your room - she will soon complain when there isn't any!
- 13-03-2008 15:19
i agree with Mandy; you shouldn't have to apologise but i think it would be a good idea to talk to them, ask how they are feeling about the fight etc. it sounds a bit therapist-y but i think it would work
- 13-03-2008 18:04
Rotas are the way forward. Anything that can be comfortably done once a week (floors, recyclables if you have them, bathroom) should be on one. Just saves hassle. I've noticed 'clean up dishes when they're dirty' and 'take the bin out when it's full' seems to just result in dish-chicken and bin-chicken.
Seconding the above advice. Apologise for the row, but stand by what you were rowing about in the first place. Flatmate Kate is going to have to grow up sooner or later.
- 13-03-2008 23:52
Don't apologise. The lazy **** got what she deserved.