Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey guys, I've never had much self confidence, mainly because I'm your stereotypical geek (The most exciting thing to happen to me this week was figuring out why the integral of cot(x) = ln(sin(x)) ). Having low self confidence has never really bothered me, but recent events have made it so much worse.
    First of all, my girlfriend left me a while back, now she was the first girlfriend I've had and the only person who's ever made me feel ok about myself. But when she left me she told me she'd only been with me for the sake of being with somebody, which really damaged my self confidence.
    Then a week ago, my friends decided to give me a confidence boost, by taking me out on the pull. So we went to the local nightclub and well... it was a disaster. Every girl I tried to talk to (I was perfectly pleasant, just a casual "Hey, I'm Bill") told me that I was a freak and told me where to go. One person I'd understand, but this was a good half-dozen different people.
    That just pushed me over the edge and I'm feeling completely worthless, I've really got it into my head that I'm never going to find anybody who likes me and I'm going to be one of those loner scientists for the rest of my life, I know that's being silly, but I can't stop thinking it.
    I really need to boost my self confidence but I have no idea how. Do you guys have any idea?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Go and do more things beside algebra? I mean, if algebra is what you like to do and are good at, don't stop it and be proud of what you can do, but it's not something that will give you confidence with the ladies.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I do other things, but its not particularly exciting stuff, I grow, roast and grind coffee beans, swim, go the the gym, read alot and the usual going out drinking and such. I don't see how any of it could really increase my confidence though
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    the integral of cot(x) = ln(sin(x)) ).
    Skanked im using that as a chat up line :p:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Then take on activities that mean you're in contact with other people, although swimming, going to the gym and going out sounds pretty good.
    I think you will feel better when you find someone else, even if that seems like a distant prospect at present.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MSB)
    I think you will feel better when you find someone else, even if that seems like a distant prospect at present.
    The thing I'm worried about is, my low self confidence is going to stop me being able to find anybody, which is the only real way I can think of to improve my confidence. Bit of a downwards spiral
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Only if you base your idea of self worth on whether you have a girlfriend or not, which is an entirely distorted perspective.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You missed out your constant of integration. Tsk tsk.

    And integration is Calculus MSB, not Algebra !

    But, all that aside. Being a stereotypical geek does not make you a future loner scientist. Maths is your interest, among other academic things, but it does NOT make it uncool or unnattractive. The fact that maths interest you is not apparent by your physical appearence, and women aren't necessarily all disgusted by it.

    Going on the pull for a confidence boost will be a disaster 9 times out of 10, unless you're ****ing gorgeous.

    You have plenty of time to find someone. Look at all the morons and uggos out there who have perfectly decent girlfriends... if they can do it, then there's nothing stopping a bright lad like yourself. You have more going for you than most.

    As for the low confidence. Well there's not much you can do about that except change your mind. Underconfidence is not attractive. I realise that one way to feel confident is to get a few women under your belt, but you can't do that without confidence, so it's a vicious circle. The only way to get out of that circle is to just miraculously be(or convincingly ACT) confident! It's hard, but there are things you can do to make yourself feel confident. Go work out, sort out your appearence, learn to dance, generally just PRACTICE talking to women. You'll get somewhere.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mush)
    And integration is Calculus MSB, not Algebra !
    Bugger!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Its more of basing what I think my chances of finding somebody is on my past record. Every time I get rejected I feel like I'm more likely to be rejected next time, so I don't try as hard. I don't know how to get out of that spiral
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Its more of basing what I think my chances of finding somebody is on my past record. Every time I get rejected I feel like I'm more likely to be rejected next time, so I don't try as hard. I don't know how to get out of that spiral
    Read my edit on the spiralling ^^^.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Mush)
    Read my edit on the spiralling ^^^.
    Thanks, I've started working out, going to the gym two to three times a week, not sure how I'd practice talking to women though.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I've started working out, going to the gym two to three times a week, not sure how I'd practice talking to women though.
    By talking to women. Do practice runs.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    I like guys that are good at maths.
    Just fake confidence if you don't have any, it'll seem real.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    The problem is, I honestly can't seem to get past hello without being told where to go. I don't know what's wrong.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem is, I honestly can't seem to get past hello without being told where to go. I don't know what's wrong.
    Yeah, it's hard. You just need to not care how well the conversation goes.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Are you being confident when you approach girls though? If you don't appear confident most girls won't even look at you, honestly just try and muster some confidence somewhere. Keep working out too, that'll definitely draw attention and make you feel better about yourself.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Geeks Are Tasty.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I've started working out, going to the gym two to three times a week, not sure how I'd practice talking to women though.
    Try going somewhere a bit less "bold" than a club. If you go to a club and approach a woman, it's a bit obvious what you want, so they'll make their judgement pretty much immediately and give you an answer there and then.

    Find a more neutral environment where you can talk to them without necessarily being on the pull. Try to keep the conversation going, avoid long awkward gaps, keep them interested, keep them laughing and make it your goal to turn yourself into a more SOCIAL hit with the ladies.

    You might not be able to change how you look, but your confidence and ability to talk to woman counts for a lot more than that.

    Even start with the internet if you have to. Find a girl on the net and just be chatty, slightly flirty. It's not much, but it's a step in the right direction, and gets you in the frame of mind for 'chatting up'.

    Approach random women on the bus, on the train, at uni/school, etc etc. Just start conversation somehow. I know it can be a REALLY bold step. But a little random social adventure could work wonders for your confidence if it'll help you realise that you're just as decent at approaching lasses as anyone who pulls 5 a night. Today I seen a massive fat long haired greasy middle aged man on the train. A 19/20 year old, slim, blonde beautiful female sat across from him on the train, and as soon as her ass hit the seat he initiated conversation! He realised she was a student, since she had an Ethics book, and he used it to strike conversation! "Ohh ethics, what' subect is that from?". The guy was **** ugly, but it turned out he had a degree in philosphy and sociology, and so he kept her talking for about 50 minutes I was on the train... had her giggling at their weird jokes that only an arts student would understand:P. Total geek, total babe... and somehow, social success :O?! The man was an inspiration haha.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm in a bit of a small town, so there aren't many places to socialise, but I'll give it a go, thanks. And that story is an inspiration
 
 
 
Poll
Brexit: Given the chance now, would you vote leave or remain?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.