You notice your girlfriend putting on weight.. what do you do? Watch

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PygmyShrew
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#181
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#181
(Original post by missygeorgia)
The girl isn't 'neglecting' part of the relationship; if the OP isn't finding his slim girlfriend attractive then that is about HIM, not about the girlfriend. It's not up to the girlfriend to change her appearance according to every whim and I think it's disgusting that you're implying that; as long as the girlfriend isn't overweight or underweight and doesn't have any unacceptable habits with her appearance then the problem lies almost completely with the boyfriend. The girlfriend is neglecting nothing.
I agree with missygeorgia.

(Original post by only nihilism)
Modern feminism has moved beyond the laudable idea of equal opportunities.
How?
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Sephiroth
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#182
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I get the impression you don't like her at all but haven't accepted/realised it yet so you blame it on the bit of weight gain. It's sad that you put that much emphasis on appearance. You need to stop otherwise you'll never maintain a long-term relationship. As other have mentioned, people's weight does fluctuate throughout their life and people do get less attractive as they get older.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sephiroth)
I get the impression you don't like her at all but haven't accepted/realised it yet so you blame it on the bit of weight gain. It's sad that you put that much emphasis on appearance. You need to stop otherwise you'll never maintain a long-term relationship. As other have mentioned, people's weight does fluctuate throughout their life and people do get less attractive as they get older.
Read my previous posts...........
evil groove
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Anonymous because she uses TSR.

So I've been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year, and I've noticed she's started to let herself go a bit. I don't really understand how as she's a vegetarian.
I love her and I wouldn't split up with her just because she's putting on weight, but how do I get her to loose some without being rude? As I'm finding it a bit of a turn off.

What would you do? Especially if you yourself workout and keep yourself fit for your girlfriend.. Its a bit off putting when she weighs the same as me.
(She's a size 10 but used to be an 8 when we met)
If this is the main problem in your life at the moment then be grateful for that.
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missygeorgia
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#185
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So lets switch the roles around a second.
Lets say I was a girl, and I'm complaining that my boyfriend has stopped shaving and is growing a beard.. but he really likes it and it makes him feel all masculine.

If I posted this here, everyone would be saying "just tell him that you don't like kissing a big beard."

Now, surely that would get his tits as he's growing it for a reason, but would shave it off and be happier for it because his girlfriend is happy.

Now, roles switched back. A guy says that he doesn't like love handles or podge because it wobbles when we have sex and doesn't feel firm when I'm running my hands down you, which makes me not enjoy sex as much. Now, I post it here, I get flamed to ****.

If I get the right advice and she looses weight she'll be happier as a result for getting her figure back that she always goes on about ("remember how slim I was when we first met, I wish I could be like that") and also happier because I'm happier.
But if I don't get the right advice, and I mess it up when I tell her, she'll probably become anorexic or something.. that's why I'm asking for advice.
And I am not being insensitive at all.
I get your point, but the reason putting on weight is different to growing a beard is that the issue of weight, especially for girls, is soooo sensitive. As a guy I don't expect you to fully understand just how much pressure girls feel from themselves, the media and boyfriends like you to be thin. For most girls I know it's a huge part of their lives and SUCH a sensitive issue, if anyone said anything to me about how I need to lose weight it would have a huge impact, and I'm sure it's the same with most girls including your girlfriend.

Whereas if a guy grows a beard it's not really a big deal in the way that a girl's body image is to her. Also a guy can easily shave a beard off whereas it's often very difficult for people to motivate themselves to lose weight.

To be honest, when your girlfriend *****es to you about her weight, it's likely she's fishing for compliments and that she wants you to tell you that you love her body, you think she's beautiful as she is etc. I don't think she's looking for you to agree with her at all.
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Angrybanana
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#186
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(Original post by only nihilism)
I feel sorry for the OP getting 9 pages of fat chicks and feminists (and the most popular, fat feminists) ranting at him for wanting to have a relationship with a girl he finds physically attractive.
I'm not a feminist, nor am I overweight and I still think you're being offensive.
I sympathise with what the OP is trying to say and weight is an incredibly delicate issue with girls. As long as it is dealt with in a way as sensitive as possible there shouldn't be a problem. But you coming on here and insulting everyone who disagrees with you rather than making a valid point it just ****-stirring. I'd neg you if I hadn't used up my rep today. :mad:
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PaperMoon
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#187
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So lets switch the roles around a second.
Lets say I was a girl, and I'm complaining that my boyfriend has stopped shaving and is growing a beard.. but he really likes it and it makes him feel all masculine.

If I posted this here, everyone would be saying "just tell him that you don't like kissing a big beard."

Now, surely that would get his tits as he's growing it for a reason, but would shave it off and be happier for it because his girlfriend is happy.

Now, roles switched back. A guy says that he doesn't like love handles or podge because it wobbles when we have sex and doesn't feel firm when I'm running my hands down you, which makes me not enjoy sex as much. Now, I post it here, I get flamed to ****.

If I get the right advice and she looses weight she'll be happier as a result for getting her figure back that she always goes on about ("remember how slim I was when we first met, I wish I could be like that") and also happier because I'm happier.
But if I don't get the right advice, and I mess it up when I tell her, she'll probably become anorexic or something.. that's why I'm asking for advice.
And I am not being insensitive at all.

Well,I still don't agree with your very stringent beauty standards, but I'll tell you what worked for me.

I was a size 8 when I met my now ex boyfriend, and I kind of went up to 10-12. I still think I looked good by the way, and so did he, at least he said so. But I just wouldn't shut up about wanting my old self back, and this can get pretty tiring for the guy.

So, we went to play tennis 3 times a week, joined a martial arts class and sometimes went jogging together at weekends. This was also fun for both of us. He never ever "told me" I looked fat, quite the opposite. So I don't think you should have the talk and just tell her.

Instead, do something about it. Don't just make it her job to become slim. Consciously avoid buying unhealthy food or picking bad choices when eating out, and she will follow suit. Often my boyfriend would say that I would feel so guilty after I ate chips/ice cream. Usually he was right, so I think he was also just looking out for me and my happiness.
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layla_1234
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#188
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(Original post by cutandpasteandtwisty)
And you know that from a couple of posts?! Grow up.
I think if i was going out with a guy and read this, he would get dumped straight away!
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Anonymous #1
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#189
(Original post by PaperMoon)
Instead, do something about it. Don't just make it her job to become slim. Consciously avoid buying unhealthy food or picking bad choices when eating out, and she will follow suit. Often my boyfriend would say that I would feel so guilty after I ate chips/ice cream. Usually he was right, so I think he was also just looking out for me and my happiness.
I'm on a body-building diet though, so that's quite hard.

And I keep saying we should go to the gym together, have fun in the pool and steam room etc.. but she never wants too - this is what is annoying me.
ghey_101
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm on a body-building diet though, so that's quite hard.

And I keep saying we should go to the gym together, have fun in the pool and steam room etc.. but she never wants too - this is what is annoying me.
maybe she's just insecure about her body shape?!?!
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PaperMoon
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#191
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm on a body-building diet though, so that's quite hard.

And I keep saying we should go to the gym together, have fun in the pool and steam room etc.. but she never wants too - this is what is annoying me.
Is she happy with her weight? If she thinks she's fine as she is, there's not really much you can do.
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glaucon
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#192
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If she's talking to you about her weight and saying she used to be thin - does she say she prefered it like that? I mean if she actually raises the issue herself you might be able to work with that. DON'T SAY yeah I think you're fat too and it turns me off. Tell her you like her, but if she'd be happy thinner how would she go about making changes and say that you'll help her with any ideas she comes up with?

:P I guess that's just the sly trick let her think she came up with the idea and help her through with it.
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Anonymous #1
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#193
(Original post by ghey_101)
maybe she's just insecure about her body shape?!?!
Then why wouldn't she want to do something about it?
I was once insecure with myself, so I started working out and now I'm happy with my body. Same situation.

(Original post by PaperMoon)
Is she happy with her weight? If she thinks she's fine as she is, there's not really much you can do.
Not if she keeps complaining about it
ghey_101
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Because it's simply not that easy to change. If you're pear shaped, for example, it's how you're meant to be - and shrinking down to a size six in that case is just unnatural.

It's not only weight, you know - it's boobs, length of legs....everything.
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missygeorgia
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#195
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Then why wouldn't she want to do something about it?
I was once insecure with myself, so I started working out and now I'm happy with my body. Same situation.


Not if she keeps complaining about it

Like I said, one of the main reasons she *****es about it to you is probably because she wants your reassurance that she's fine as she is, not because she wants advice on how to lose weight. She doesn't need the motivation to lose weight, she needs to feel good about her body whatever her shape.
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34253
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Let her continue down her path til shes a bit more blimpish then she will realise herself, at which point you can drag her down the gym with you. Things might have to get worse before they can get better. Or I guess you could buy her a really nice size 8 top and when it doesn't fit say 'O i thought you were size 8' as if you haven't noticed. Then she'll want to wear it and maybe do something to fit in it?
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la fille danse
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(Original post by ghey_101)
Because it's simply not that easy to change. If you're pear shaped, for example, it's how you're meant to be - and shrinking down to a size six in that case is just unnatural.
You realise that pear shaped is a shape, not a size, don't you? Why can't pear-shaped people lose weight?
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manderlay in flames
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(Original post by missygeorgia)
I get your point, but the reason putting on weight is different to growing a beard is that the issue of weight, especially for girls, is soooo sensitive. As a guy I don't expect you to fully understand just how much pressure girls feel from themselves, the media and boyfriends like you to be thin. For most girls I know it's a huge part of their lives and SUCH a sensitive issue, if anyone said anything to me about how I need to lose weight it would have a huge impact, and I'm sure it's the same with most girls including your girlfriend.

Whereas if a guy grows a beard it's not really a big deal in the way that a girl's body image is to her. Also a guy can easily shave a beard off whereas it's often very difficult for people to motivate themselves to lose weight.

To be honest, when your girlfriend *****es to you about her weight, it's likely she's fishing for compliments and that she wants you to tell you that you love her body, you think she's beautiful as she is etc. I don't think she's looking for you to agree with her at all.
I'm pretty sensitive about my beard actually, it's a bit patchy
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tootsies
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I'd dump her if I was you, over a size 8 - SICK!
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FoeGeddaBowDeet
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(Original post by loopy_lou_lou)
You ****ing build a bridge and get over it, mate.

This is absolutely disgusting - women are not sex objects.

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Actually, that's exactly what they are. The more attractive a woman, the more likely she is to find a mate, natural selection in action etc etc.
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