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You notice your girlfriend putting on weight.. what do you do? watch

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    I didn't realise size 10 was so small... The way you make it sound, its like your gf is a whale when all she is a slightly over fed meer-cat. I'd stop complaining. If you give it a go, you may find that its quite delightful...

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    Attitudes like this are the reasons girls go on stupid diets and get eating disorders.

    I mean we get told every day that nobody cares about our weight, it's personality that counts, guys don't notice if our weight fluctuates a little, if anything they like it.

    Obviously all bull right? God, I'd hate to have a boyfriend that thought like you.
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    How is a size ten letting go of yourself? Is she two inches tall or something? Maybe it's because she's getting older, older girls/woman weigh a bit more or just look larger.
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    Well, mention she's eating a few too many chocolate bars or something. Don't be surprised if she isn't very impressed, a size 10 is NOT huge.
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    just encourage her to do some exercise and eat healthily when you are with her, before long she'll be a 12....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes I would, but if I'm being honest we wouldn't have sex as often. But I don't mind that.. she does

    Are you for real? It's bad enough that you wouldn't was as much sex with her in the first place, but the fact that you wouldn't mind this is kind of worrying.Do you even like her at all?

    It seems to me like she's just your "trophy" girlfriend, that you must show her off and for this she has to be in peak condition.

    I would suggest you grow up, for your sake. I won't go into all this size talk, that's highly subjective, but women go through many weight fluctuations through their life,during/after pregnancy etc. If you can't handle this now, imagine what you'd be like then. It's quite sad your attraction to her can't withstand a couple of extra pounds.
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    (Original post by HarleyQuinn)
    Well, mention she's eating a few too many chocolate bars or something. Don't be surprised if she isn't very impressed, a size 10 is NOT huge.
    The OP never once said that his girlfriend is now "huge", he simply said that she has lost some muslce tone and gained some "podge" which is perfectly believable for someone going from a size 8 to a size 10. I do not see a problem with him prefering her how she was before and actually he seems like a nice guy in that he's asking how to go about it in a sensitive way.
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    I feel sorry for the OP getting 9 pages of fat chicks and feminists (and the most popular, fat feminists) ranting at him for wanting to have a relationship with a girl he finds physically attractive.

    Tbh mate if she was sound and really liked you then you could just (nicely) tell her how it is, and she'd probably make an effort to change. Girls (and relationships) like this are ****ing rare though. I'm guessing that in reality, however you dress it up or are subtle she'll get the message and be hugely offended. Your choice is do you like her enough in her present chunky state that you don't want to endanger your relationship and will go with the status quo, do you think she can take the news well and change (doubtful) or do you just move on.

    It's not your fault and you're not in the wrong, when you go out with someone and they subsequently change it's always gonna be hard. Stopping taking care of themselves because they think you'll just put up is a really ****ty thing for a girl to do, it's basically an abuse of trust.

    Bring on the neg.

    Edit: if you choose option 2, to let her know somehow, then I'd just deliberately exacerbate your drop in sexual interest and she'll probably get the message without you having to say or do anything, she'll be offended (inevitable) but she can't put you in the wrong.
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    (Original post by only nihilism)
    I feel sorry for the OP getting 9 pages of fat chicks and feminists (and the most popular, fat feminists) ranting at him for wanting to have a relationship with a girl he finds physically attractive.
    You use feminist like an insult. You ask any female if she wants equality of the sexes and if she says no, she has some issues.

    Your attitude really disgusts me.

    (Original post by only nihilism)
    It's not your fault and you're not in the wrong, when you go out with someone and they subsequently change it's always gonna be hard. Stopping taking care of themselves because they think you'll just put up is a really ****ty thing for a girl to do, it's basically an abuse of trust.

    Bring on the neg.
    Guys go out with someone assuming they won't change, girls go out with someone assuming they will, apparently. They both tend to be wrong. It's nothing to do with an abuse of trust for someone to change, that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. If you care about someone you should want them to develop as a person and be happy, you shouldn't bo so shallow that literally a few pounds will make any difference.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous because she uses TSR.

    So I've been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year, and I've noticed she's started to let herself go a bit. I don't really understand how as she's a vegetarian.
    I love her and I wouldn't split up with her just because she's putting on weight, but how do I get her to loose some without being rude? As I'm finding it a bit of a turn off.

    What would you do? Especially if you yourself workout and keep yourself fit for your girlfriend.. Its a bit off putting when she weighs the same as me.
    (She's a size 10 but used to be an 8 when we met)

    size 10 is less than an average dress size. If shes happy then you should do nothing, if she miserable that she's putting on wieght then you could help but for now take advantage of the bigger boobs and get over it.
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    (Original post by only nihilism)
    Stopping taking care of themselves because they think you'll just put up is a really ****ty thing for a girl to do, it's basically an abuse of trust.

    Why do you assume that just because she's moved up a clothes size a) she's not taking care of herself, b) she has control over her weight, c) she even sees her extra weight as a problem. Your comment would be more acceptable if the girl's weight had skyrocketed or if she was being lazy about her appearances but Jesus, she's only gone up from being very slim to moderately slim! I find that comment absolutely appalling in this context.

    If the girl in question is at all like most girls she's probably hyper aware of the weight she's put on and is feeling crappy about it. She's probably also hyper sensitive to her boyfriend's awareness of it, and is consoling herself by saying that he probably doesn't notice it/doesn't care. Saying that in this situation the girl putting on a few pounds is a '****ty thing to do' and an 'abuse of trust' is absolutely ludicrous.
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    (Original post by suicidal_dream)
    Unless she directly says that she isn't happy with her weight gain, don't say anything.
    She says she doesn't like weighing over 9 stone, but the actual weight doesn't bother me, its the podge and love handles.
    She complains she's putting on weight, yet still eats a tub of ice cream and doesn't exercise.

    (Original post by fuglyduckling)
    Take her on a romantic trip to the gym and limit her food intake ...
    I think, if it got to a point where I thought she was letting herself go and not making an effort, that would bug me ... not sure what I'd do.
    I've tried.
    And it is the effort aspect that is bugging me more.

    (Original post by Lizbut)
    But OP, have you tried talking to her about this? Although it does seem a bit unreasonable to be fair...
    Well that's why I'm posting here for advice, although I'm getting more flame than advice.

    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    Are you for real? It's bad enough that you wouldn't was as much sex with her in the first place, but the fact that you wouldn't mind this is kind of worrying.Do you even like her at all?

    It seems to me like she's just your "trophy" girlfriend, that you must show her off and for this she has to be in peak condition.
    Oh come on, if she was just my 'trophy' girlfriend I would have either split up with her by now, or I would not be happy with less sex. Sex isn't everything that makes up a relationship and I love just hanging out with her..

    (Original post by Rosie18)
    The OP never once said that his girlfriend is now "huge", he simply said that she has lost some muslce tone and gained some "podge" which is perfectly believable for someone going from a size 8 to a size 10. I do not see a problem with him prefering her how she was before and actually he seems like a nice guy in that he's asking how to go about it in a sensitive way.
    (Original post by only nihilism)
    I feel sorry for the OP getting 9 pages of fat chicks and feminists (and the most popular, fat feminists) ranting at him for wanting to have a relationship with a girl he finds physically attractive.
    Thanks!
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    (Original post by PygmyShrew)
    You use feminist like an insult. You ask any female if she wants equality of the sexes and if she says no, she has some issues.

    Your attitude really disgusts me.
    Modern feminism has moved beyond the laudable idea of equal opportunities.

    (Original post by PygmyShrew)
    Guys go out with someone assuming they won't change, girls go out with someone assuming they will, apparently. They both tend to be wrong. It's nothing to do with an abuse of trust for someone to change, that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. If you care about someone you should want them to develop as a person and be happy, you shouldn't bo so shallow that literally a few pounds will make any difference.
    If you care about someone, and your relationship with them, you'll want them to find you physically attractive because that's a big part of your relationship. If this was a girl complaining that her boyfriend never made the effort to go out with her you'd be raging against him I'm guessing, this is just the same- someone neglecting part of their relationship.
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    Why do you assume that just because she's moved up a clothes size a) she's not taking care of herself, b) she has control over her weight, c) she even sees her extra weight as a problem. Your comment would be more acceptable if the girl's weight had skyrocketed or if she was being lazy about her appearances but Jesus, she's only gone up from being very slim to moderately slim! I find that comment absolutely appalling in this context.
    Because the OP specifically said she'd given up keeping herself trim or even trying to exercise. Read the thread before you reply to people in future, thanks.
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    I can see why many are offended by the OP and as a female myself it feels somehow worrying that men DO notice fluctuations like this.

    Admittedly a size 10 is still "slim" in the eyes of many. I can see why you don't want your GF to just get bigger and bigger and bigger. From a health point of view that wouldn't be good either.

    However on balance, if she isn;t gaining any more weight and seems happy as she is and has a reasonably healthy lifestyle it would probably be best not to say anything to her. A few pounds isn't a big deal especially if she's on the smaller side compared to msot people anyway.

    The psychological impact of her boyfriend commenting on her weight/size could be quite severe. Even an offhand comment meant without much deep thought could be felt very hard by the recipient.

    Maybe she's already aware of the change in weight? Maybe she is happy with it? Maybe there has been a biological change of sorts e.g. ageing, hormones etc?

    So, I'd say don't tell her for now. Maybe consider bringing it up if she puts of weight very fast/starts becoming overweight.

    For now you could do more sporty things together and eat fewer calories but without telling her the reason. It's a bit tricky really.

    OP I don't think you're being horrible and it is good you seek advice before telling her.
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    (Original post by only nihilism)
    Modern feminism has moved beyond the laudable idea of equal opportunities.


    If you care about someone, and your relationship with them, you'll want them to find you physically attractive because that's a big part of your relationship. If this was a girl complaining that her boyfriend never made the effort to go out with her you'd be raging against him I'm guessing, this is just the same- someone neglecting part of their relationship.
    The girl isn't 'neglecting' part of the relationship; if the OP isn't finding his slim girlfriend attractive then that is about HIM, not about the girlfriend. It's not up to the girlfriend to change her appearance according to every whim and I think it's disgusting that you're implying that; as long as the girlfriend isn't overweight or underweight and doesn't have any unacceptable habits with her appearance then the problem lies almost completely with the boyfriend. The girlfriend is neglecting nothing.
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    (Original post by only nihilism)
    Because the OP specifically said she'd given up keeping herself trim or even trying to exercise. Read the thread before you reply to people in future, thanks.
    So what if she's given up exercising etc? That would only be a problem if she was overweight. It's up to her if she exercises or tries to lose weight and unless she's of a big size then she has no responsibility towards her boyfriend to try and keep her weight down.
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    Say you want to improve your health
    Go for runs together, eat at healthy places

    Be nice, dont let her think you arent attracted to her any more
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    (Original post by only nihilism)
    Modern feminism has moved beyond the laudable idea of equal opportunities.


    If you care about someone, and your relationship with them, you'll want them to find you physically attractive because that's a big part of your relationship. If this was a girl complaining that her boyfriend never made the effort to go out with her you'd be raging against him I'm guessing, this is just the same- someone neglecting part of their relationship.

    I think the issue many people are having a problem with is the OP's very limited ideas of beauty and attractiveness. It's not like she has become huge, if that was what she looked like before, I'm guessing by most people's standards even now she will be considered quite good looking.

    It's not her fault her boyfriend only finds a certain look/size attractive. Your argument would make more sense if she ballooned, but a little extra body fat is not something that should endanger a relationship to this point.
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    The girl isn't 'neglecting' part of the relationship; if the OP isn't finding his slim girlfriend attractive then that is about HIM, not about the girlfriend. It's not up to the girlfriend to change her appearance according to every whim and I think it's disgusting that you're implying that; as long as the girlfriend isn't overweight or underweight and doesn't have any unacceptable habits with her appearance then the problem lies almost completely with the boyfriend. The girlfriend is neglecting nothing.
    So lets switch the roles around a second.
    Lets say I was a girl, and I'm complaining that my boyfriend has stopped shaving and is growing a beard.. but he really likes it and it makes him feel all masculine.

    If I posted this here, everyone would be saying "just tell him that you don't like kissing a big beard."

    Now, surely that would get his tits as he's growing it for a reason, but would shave it off and be happier for it because his girlfriend is happy.

    Now, roles switched back. A guy says that he doesn't like love handles or podge because it wobbles when we have sex and doesn't feel firm when I'm running my hands down you, which makes me not enjoy sex as much. Now, I post it here, I get flamed to ****.

    If I get the right advice and she looses weight she'll be happier as a result for getting her figure back that she always goes on about ("remember how slim I was when we first met, I wish I could be like that") and also happier because I'm happier.
    But if I don't get the right advice, and I mess it up when I tell her, she'll probably become anorexic or something.. that's why I'm asking for advice.
    And I am not being insensitive at all.
 
 
 
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