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Abusive mother...I want a relationship but idk how...Help me?

So my mother was and as abusive and I don't want to make excuses but it messed up my self-confidence so much that I don't know how to approach people romantically.

I'm really sick of her being able to ruin everything in my life directly or indirectly so I want to build my confidence so I can have the confidence to try and start a relationship with someone.

Can anyone offer advice on how to build up my confidence bit by bit? I don't think "just going for it" would work well with me because of my ~issues~

Reply 1

Hopefully1

Well.... first of all I hope you have access to proper counseling. If you've lived in an abusive relationship you need more help than what anyone on the TSR can provide even with regards on how to build you self-confidence so I encourage you to find a counselor.

As far as building up confidence it is about finding something you are good at and focusing on that. Some people are obviously talented and they focus on those gifts such as being artistic, musical, academically successful, athletic, etc. I am the person who has never figured out "what I'm good at" for me it is more subtle. I think I am capable of being a good friend, I enjoy volunteering and handle that well, I'm good at my job etc. so I try to focus on being a genuinely good friend (I try to be light and cheerful, someone my friends would like to be around and also someone they can trust their secrets with), I enjoy volunteering and making a positive difference in people's lives even if it has relatively small impact - people are appreciative and it makes me feel good! I also try hard while I'm working. I give it my best and try to be respectful and professional yet friendly. Doing well in those areas help me to feel better in general and then helps me to feel better about myself in general. I hold my head up higher. Also, be willing to accept and appreciate genuine compliments.... don't be you own worst critic. When you are doing something you enjoy you tend to relax and 'be yourself' and when that happens you're more likely to be able to strike up a friendly conversation and hopefully that is the beginning of a friendship but perhaps more.

Go seek counseling you deserve to have a wonderful adult life away from the influence of your mom!